I regret giving people advice or telling them to actualize

[Arcangelo]

Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs, neither throw

your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample

them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

[Zak]

40 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

Don’t give that which is holy to the dogs, neither throw

your pearls before the pigs, lest perhaps they trample

them under their feet, and turn and tear you to pieces.

What is it's context and placement here?

[bejapuskas]

1 hour ago, Zak said:

Nope. Not seeing myself as highly regarded from the other person.

To me regard is nothing. I never wished for it. If I help someone, I do it for good. 

2 hours ago, Zak said:

Yes.

It is very narcissistic, I know.

But only if I am the cause of their success. Because of my charitable advice or help. (I am talking about unsolicited advice/help)

@Zak  This seems to me like a cognitive dissonance, I wonder if you are telling us the whole truth or not. Maybe you are still unconscious of it and that's ok, just keep noticing things, as you are already doing. 

Do you do personal development to feel happy, to find the truth or to feel superior to others? Imagine there was nobody there to perceive you as superior, not a single being, would you still be meditating and doing yoga etc..? Try asking yourself that.

Also, what exactly do you mean by the people succeeding, what actually changes in them? It rarely happens that someone's life changes so much where you would call it success, when they have been given an unsolicited piece of advice.

 

[Zak]

50 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Zak  This seems to me like a cognitive dissonance, I wonder if you are telling us the whole truth or not. Maybe you are still unconscious.

 

Yeah. This is one of the reasons why I shared this on here. I wanted multiple perspectives figure it out.

52 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Zak  Also, what exactly do you mean by the people succeeding, what actually changes in them? It rarely happens that someone's life changes so much where you would call it success, when they have been given an unsolicited piece of advice.

 

Basically I gave too much advices to multiple people around me. (My friend and members of my family).

For example I told my friend to read books. I literally gave a lecture about the importance of books.

And I told him to use some software, and he is finding it cool. Same again, I gave a lecture about this software.

 

The other day I thought... that the whole time I was with him. I was his life coach not his friend. I wasted too much energy. When I came back home the night I regret giving all these advices.

Now Everytime he talks about those books and software. I am like, I shouldn't have gave those advices.

We should be talking about funny stuff now and all we talk is advice+motivation. it's boring.

And everyone I advised, when they meet me they talk about those things. Not what a normal friends should be talking about. 

I just don't want to be someone who gives advices. And when they need me I will be there. Nah. 

Hope you got it.

[Arcangelo]

1 hour ago, Zak said:

What is it's context and placement here?

For example if I tell my mom or my dad to try some LSD or that I have benefited immensely from using LSD.

They will think that I am drug addict and feel sorry for me. They are the pigs.

[Zak]

3 minutes ago, Arcangelo said:

For example if I tell my mom or my dad to try some LSD or that I have benefited immensely from using LSD.

They will think that I am drug addict and feel sorry for me. They are the pigs.

Ahh yeah.

Let me tell my mom she doesn't exist. Or she is me and I am her. 

[bejapuskas]

@Zak Yes I think i got it  Maybe apologize to your friends and family, have a deep, vulnerable talk with them. If you've noticed your mistakes, learn from them. You are really brave to have noticed this stuff and been honest to yourself. Don't do personal development to impress others, to be turquoise or an advanced being or whatever you are trying to achieve, just don't. The juiciest stuff is in humility, selfless serving and present moment, no need to say anything to anyone. Just when you see that others are ready and you feel qualified enough to help, then you aren't pushing anything, but actually cooperating with the other person - that is when positive change happens. Good luck!

10 hours ago, Arcangelo said:

For example if I tell my mom or my dad to try some LSD or that I have benefited immensely from using LSD.

They will think that I am drug addict and feel sorry for me. They are the pigs.

@Arcangelo  Watch out for projections and judgements. Are your parents really that bad?

[Zak]

@bejapuskas Thanks. This is what I am trying to do. To actualize. I appreciate your advice.

[electroBeam]

@Zak Also it sounds like you're finally realising, doing the work is better than telling others to do the work. And your feeling bad about your friends doing the work but you arent. This would be especially bad if you've built a spiritual ego around being superior than everyone about personal development.

[The Don]

Hi.

You don't have to regret telling people to self-actualize. You did a great thing doing that.

If the person you talked to rejected your advice, fine, no need to worry.

On the other hand, in time you'll realize that advice is only for the people who want it and need it.

At some point, you'll understand that just a small percentage of people are interested in self-actualization.

I used to give people advice on eating healthy. Many of them are not interested and that's OK.

Don't go and try telling people what they should do. Give them advice only if they want it.

When you strike up a conversation with somebody, don't force your ideas on the person. Just let him or her know that is possible to achieve almost anything in life, and if he or she is starting to be curious about the subject, you can hammer him with advice.

Otherwise, it's useless.

[bejapuskas]

@Zak  I am super glad I was able to help. Sometimes no force is stronger than any force. Also, even if you try to make someone thirsty for understanding, it will most likely not last very long. By pushing too much you might also make potential seekers uninterested. These are mostly speculations, but hopefully you see where I am coming from. 

Wu wei

[Nahm]

On 7/29/2020 at 5:30 AM, Zak said:

Does some here feel the same way or is it just me? I want to know how to gid rid of this awful feeling.

Focus on something else that you like, that feels good. Receive that message of feeling. Listen to it as swiftly as possible. 

This is suffering. Like if you stubbed you toe and felt the pain...one direction from there is moving on. Another direction (suffering) is continuing to focus on it, finding other people who are also focused on what doesn’t feel good to them, seeing if there is maybe a foundation for this toe stubbing situation, etc. 

 

On 7/29/2020 at 11:10 AM, JosephKnecht said:

You succeed when we ALL succeed. 

[Arcangelo]

17 hours ago, bejapuskas said:

Watch out for projections and judgements. Are your parents really that bad?

No, they are the best parents in the world, but they are close minded when it comes to drugs.

 

[AlphaAbundance]

@Zak What thoughts are occuring surrounding, before, during or after this emotion?

[kag101]

On 7/29/2020 at 6:30 PM, Zak said:

Basically I gave too much advices to multiple people around me. (My friend and members of my family).

For example I told my friend to read books. I literally gave a lecture about the importance of books.

And I told him to use some software, and he is finding it cool. Same again, I gave a lecture about this software.

 

The other day I thought... that the whole time I was with him. I was his life coach not his friend. I wasted too much energy. When I came back home the night I regret giving all these advices.

Now Everytime he talks about those books and software. I am like, I shouldn't have gave those advices.

We should be talking about funny stuff now and all we talk is advice+motivation. it's boring.

And everyone I advised, when they meet me they talk about those things. Not what a normal friends should be talking about. 

I just don't want to be someone who gives advices. And when they need me I will be there. Nah. 

Hope you got it.

So you're not a preacher kinda guy, are you? I have fallen in this trap. I would only talk about deep existential stuff with people, family, friends, etc. But honestly, that becomes very annoying for the other person. Talking about enlightenment, no self, or that "life is just a game/dream" is something I  rarely talk about nowadays. For example, if I were to say to everybody around me: "HEY LIFE IS A DREAM. IT'S JUST A GAME." all the time is like if you were playing a board game and you were telling all the time "HEY GUYS THIS IS JUST A GAME. DONT YOU REALIZE THAT???" Haha... Im not saying that you do that. 

Anyways... 

Have you ever considered majoring in psychology, or something related to that? If you were able to get your friend excited about something, and if you give good advice, then... you can profit from that. $$$

Just don't tell your friends that you're majoring in psychology, because then they'll wanna make you their "therapist". But obviously that does not work, after all, you have emotional bond with them. 

One thing I didn't really understand: why does the fact that the person talk about, for example, a software that you recommended bother you? You also mentioned that you get irritated when someone succeed after following your advice, right? Would that be envy? Or maybe you have the impostor syndrome (which is that you're good at something, but deep down you think that you're a fraud)? 

And my advice for you in the case of this friend of yours who seems like you're his coach now lol is that you do not mention this subject. Talk about other stuff. Chances are, he'll stop it as well. It's like not watering a certain seed. This way, it won't grow. If he insists on talking about it, then you can distance yourself from him for a while.