I regret giving people advice or telling them to actualize

[supremeyingyang]

@Zak

well it seems to me that you have to grow yourself until you are comfortable to share it and that's okay. When you are starved you want to eat and then enough for tomorrow. Then for next Week. Until you realize you are save and let that need for hard control go.

that seems to be the case with you in personal growth. so eat my friend and when you are fat you can train with giving mental nutrition away

[Mu_]

@Zak Aside from wether or not you think they get anything out of it.  Is your life better or at least influenced you because they were available or out in the world because they took an initiative to put something out there that you learned from? 

Could you have this conversation if it were not for the support of others teaching you, supporting you with shelter, a system of exchange which allows for the easy transfer and availability of food and work. 

[Zak]

33 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Zak

well it seems to me that you have to grow yourself until you are comfortable to share it and that's okay. When you are starved you want to eat and then enough for tomorrow. Then for next Week. Until you realize you are save and let that need for hard control go.

that seems to be the case with you in personal growth. so eat my friend and when you are fat you can train with giving mental nutrition away

This. is. it. I couldn't agree more. A very good metaphorical answer. Thanks. 

[supremeyingyang]

@Zak

Thank you. It's appreciated

[integral]

@Zak Millions of years of human evolution is responsible for your intellect. All the knowledge man has accumulated up to today was build by the minds before us. Your standing on the hard works of billions of people and coveting it all for yourself. Your intellect was forged by various systems and people before us, you are not responsible for any of it . If measured on a full scale, you did nothing at all. Born and fell down a specific hole by chance and now your hear, claiming it all for yourself, jealous of does that also discover "your" treasures. 

 

[Mu_]

4 minutes ago, integral said:

@Zak Millions of years of human evolution is responsible for your intellect. All the knowledge man has accumulated up to today was build by the minds before us. Your standing on the hard works of billions of people and coveting it all for yourself. Your intellect was forged by various systems and people before us, you are not responsible for any of it . If measured on a full scale, you did nothing at all. Born and fell down a specific hole by chance and now your hear, claiming it all for yourself, jealous of does that also discover "your" treasures. 

 

Well said, more of the forum would benefit from letting this in.  But not only "minds" before us, but systems that allowed for minds and organisms to be possible.

[supremeyingyang]

First of all.. Mu, you have long hair? Gotta update that Profile Pic so that everyone see that without going to your Yotube Channel

I play a lil devils advocate for whatever it's worth: What if one knows all of this but nonetheless feels jealous? Is that useful advice to be just not jealous? I mean you can go to a drug addict who can't stop and say: It's easy, the drugs are bad for ya. Just stop. Would you? Yes? No? Is that a good tactic?

greeting my friends^^

[Zak]

@integral

12 minutes ago, integral said:

@Zak Millions of years of human evolution is responsible for your intellect. All the knowledge man has accumulated up to today was build by the minds before us. Your standing on the hard works of billions of people and coveting it all for yourself. Your intellect was forged by various systems and people before us, you are not responsible for any of it . If measured on a full scale, you did nothing at all. Born and fell down a specific hole by chance and now your hear, claiming it all for yourself, jealous of does that also discover "your" treasures. 

 

I see your point and I do agree totally with what you saying.

Everyone's been accumulating the free wisdom available. It is available for all, not just me.

Just I wouldn't like the job of telling someone if he hasn't accumulated enough. Not my job. 

This scenario is just for my friends/family.

Try to give unsolicited advice to your family or friends and then sit there and see why you shouldn't have done that. It's ugly.

(sorry for this unorganized reply, I couldn't delete the other paragraph.)

12 minutes ago, integral said:

@Zak Millions of years of human evolution is responsible for your intellect. All the knowledge man has accumulated up to today was build by the minds before us. Your standing on the hard works of billions of people and coveting it all for yourself. Your intellect was forged by various systems and people before us, you are not responsible for any of it . If measured on a full scale, you did nothing at all. Born and fell down a specific hole by chance and now your hear, claiming it all for yourself, jealous of does that also discover "your" treasures. 

 

1 hour ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Zak

Edited July 29, 2020 by Zak

[Mu_]

6 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

First of all.. Mu, you have long hair? Gotta update that Profile Pic so that everyone see that without going to your Yotube Channel

I play a lil devils advocate for whatever it's worth: What if one knows all of this but nonetheless feels jealous? Is that useful advice to be just not jealous? I mean you can go to a drug addict who can't stop and say: It's easy, the drugs are bad for ya. Just stop. Would you? Yes? No? Is that a good tactic?

greeting my friends^^

I have short hair again  

I'm not clear on what your asking about.  What advice did I give where you feel like your example of someone feeling jealous wouldn't be a good answer?

[supremeyingyang]

@Mu_

It's right what you wrote, i wrote some similar before, but I just thought that i was mislead myself to think that would help.  the answer is not as important as the process to come to that answer

Edited July 29, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[soos_mite_ah]

@Zak  I have encountered a similar problem to where I was like *hey i'm not getting anything in return, why should I give advice. They aren't listening or taking anything in anyway* For me, it was coming from a place of a lack of reciprocity where I wasn't getting my needs met. Reciprocity and creating balanced  relationships are important and it's important to integrate that by giving oneself some boundaries. But I think that this integration in this case can also be taken to it's pinnacle to where one can start seeing excesses, particularly when there is a hoarding of information as many people in this thread have pointed out. 

It's also important to acknowledge where someone is at in their journey and whether or not they developmentally in the position for your advice. In some cases they are and sharing can help yall both create a closer bond and grow. In other cases, they aren't there yet and sharing can feel like the advice is falling on deaf ears and you get nothing from that interaction, leaving you feeling regretful and unfulfilled.  

Whether you share your insights or withhold them from people is on you and where you are in your journey.

[Mu_]

8 minutes ago, supremeyingyang said:

@Mu_

It's right what you wrote, i wrote some similar before, but I just thought that i was mislead myself to think that would help.  the answer is not as important as the process to come to that answer

Very true.

[integral]

@supremeyingyang Fully agree, i basically scolded him, counter productive. 

[supremeyingyang]

@integral  like everyone at some point, nice thread so far. i learned something.

buuuut still I'm curious why @Mu_ would hide this hair in plain sight and just as I discover it cut it off - and all of this while corona is there and its hard to go to the hairdresser^^

Edited July 29, 2020 by supremeyingyang

[bejapuskas]

@Zak  I am just wondering, do you feel jealous for their success? Do you feel good about how your own life is progressing?

[Zak]

6 minutes ago, bejapuskas said:

@Zak  I am just wondering, do you feel jealous for their success? Do you feel good about how your own life is progressing?

Yes.

It is very narcissistic, I know.

But only if I am the cause of their success. Because of my charitable advice or help. (I am talking about unsolicited advice/help)

[integral]

@Zak If it helps, does that succeed from your advice see you in high regard. 

[Zak]

41 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@Zak  I have encountered a similar problem to where I was like *hey i'm not getting anything in return, why should I give advice. They aren't listening or taking anything in anyway* For me, it was coming from a place of a lack of reciprocity where I wasn't getting my needs met. Reciprocity and creating balanced  relationships are important and it's important to integrate that by giving oneself some boundaries. But I think that this integration in this case can also be taken to it's pinnacle to where one can start seeing excesses, particularly when there is a hoarding of information as many people in this thread have pointed out. 

It's also important to acknowledge where someone is at in their journey and whether or not they developmentally in the position for your advice. In some cases they are and sharing can help yall both create a closer bond and grow. In other cases, they aren't there yet and sharing can feel like the advice is falling on deaf ears and you get nothing from that interaction, leaving you feeling regretful and unfulfilled.  

Whether you share your insights or withhold them from people is on you and where you are in your journey.

Yeah that all make sense.

And it also depends on how charitable a person is. I recently decided not to be unnecessary charitable. I give when some ask for it. 

Your right when you said, " sharing can help yall both create a closer bond and grow.  ". But I tend not to share it that much based on my experience and what I heard from people when it comes to specifically giving advice.

Edited July 29, 2020 by Zak

[Zak]

6 minutes ago, integral said:

@Zak If it helps, does that succeed from your advice see you in high regard. 

Nope. Not seeing myself as highly regarded from the other person.

To me regard is nothing. I never wished for it. If I help someone, I do it for good. 

Edited July 29, 2020 by Zak

[soos_mite_ah]

@Zak

31 minutes ago, Zak said:

Yeah that all make sense.

And it also depends on how charitable a person is. I recently decided not to be unnecessary charitable. I give when some ask for it. 

Your right when you said, " sharing can help yall both create a closer bond and grow.  ". But I tend not to share it that much based on my experience and what I heard from people when it comes to specifically giving advice.

I think it's good to not be unnecessarily charitable especially when it comes to advice. I used to often fall into the trap of being the "therapist friend." While it was all fun and insightful in the beginning, it started taking a toll on me because of how one sided it was. Giving advice when not called for can sometimes come across as preachy which is not always conducive to creating a bond. Telling people what to do is not the same as empathizing with them. 

Also a big part of it not being one sided has to do with how receptive the person is, whether that be where they are in their journey or if they asked in the first place. I try to refrain from giving advice in my regular day to day life offline because I saw that it wasn't working for me. But on the other hand,  I find it much easier to express myself in certain places like this forum where people are more receptive to some of my ideas and therefore there is more of a back and forth conversation regarding what i have to say. Because of that, i think it's reasonable to refrain, but i would also encourage taking a case by case approach with each person you encounter and the circumstances/setting you're in.  

If you want to have a bond or conversation, you can't be the only one who is open and receptive. That isn't the healthiest position imo. The receptivity needs to be from their end too in order for the dynamic to be balanced.