How do you find your place?

[Beeflamb]

At times I feel like I'm a genius. At other times I feel like I'm an idiot. 

At times I feel ambitious. At other times I feel lazy.

At times I feel bliss. At other times I feel depressed and lonely. 

 

When I talk to people I feel like I just become a reflection of them. I feel like there is very little of "me" aka the ego. Every interaction I take part in I become a different person. I feel like my whole psyche changes depending on who I'm talking to or what I'm watching.

 

Watching Youtube videos I feel like they are all just me talking. (e.g. watching a Leo video, watching Joe Rogan, Jordan Peterson, stand-up comedians, politicians)

 

I feel these dialogues fill my head, I understand them, I become them. But when it's just me alone I feel like I am nothing. I wouldn't be able to recreate those ideas on my own but when I watch them I feel like I have a full understanding of it. I often feel like there is nothing to say, just bathe in my own existence and the beauty of whatever this is. 

 

I do enjoy creativity though, This is something I have enjoyed since I was a child. I often produce absurdism or surrealist works of art because nothing in this world makes sense to me anyway. The best I can do is just let it flow out of me, which normally results in utter absurdity. I guess this is my calling? I've matured a great deal and experience a lot in my life so far despite still being in my 20s yet when I do what comes most naturally to me it's often just making silly little absurd artwork like when I was a child. 

 

Anyway sorry for the little ramble. I'm not even really sure what I'm trying to ask here. Maybe someone can try to give a shot at trying to analyze me. Or tell me if this makes any sense. 

Anyway, just love to you all. Everything is too beautiful

 

[Arcangelo]

25 minutes ago, Beeflamb said:

At times I feel like I'm a genius. At other times I feel like I'm an idiot. 

At times I feel ambitious. At other times I feel lazy.

At times I feel bliss. At other times I feel depressed and lonely. 

 

When I talk to people I feel like I just become a reflection of them. I feel like there is very little of "me" aka the ego. Every interaction I take part in I become a different person. I feel like my whole psyche changes depending on who I'm talking to or what I'm watching.

Me too!

[Zigzag Idiot]

2 hours ago, Beeflamb said:

 

At times I feel like I'm a genius. At other times I feel like I'm an idiot. 

At times I feel ambitious. At other times I feel lazy.

At times I feel bliss. At other times I feel depressed and lonely. 

 

In the Science of Idiotism, cumulative integration can eventually tip the scales. One can become an enlightened Idiot as a permanent station instead of just a temporary state. The interconnectedness of all and everything is then on permanent display.

To be an Idiot, one must be striving for transformation or awakening. One reason also that an egotist cannot be an Idiot is that they don't strive for transformation which helps God, who everyday, puffs and moans to keep the Universe going.

An Idiot strives as well at developing the capacity for directing one's own attention in being present and alert. With the pendulum of personality on the path of knowledge and the yo yo of up and down on the ladder of Reason and the path of Being, the capacity for directing one's attention is crucial. The Idiot finds him or herself in a landscape of many moving parts. An egoist has dispersed attention and is often blinded by their own sense of clarity. They will eventually become consumed as food by Great Nature. It's so sad that they don't even know. They are asleep and don't realize it. A few of them are living the American dream. Some of them are lost in wet dreams. Some are lost in nightmares. It takes courage to be an Idiot.

In addition to striving and courage, an Idiot is able to be lighthearted.

[Artsu]

The Self as opposed to the ego is often described in paradoxical statements like you mentioned. You are describing the rise of Self over ego. Self transcends by see through the eyes of others so you become the human collective.

You are wondering where to go now? Study spirits and spirituality, ecology, spiral dynamics, 8 circuits of consciousness. Work on developing your spiritual senses. Psychic abilities, transformations. 

The absurd will come to life when your self experiences calamity.

[JosephKnecht]

8 hours ago, Beeflamb said:

I do enjoy creativity though, This is something I have enjoyed since I was a child. I often produce absurdism or surrealist works of art because nothing in this world makes sense to me anyway. The best I can do is just let it flow out of me, which normally results in utter absurdity. I guess this is my calling?

You must understand your personality traits. All of us are the best in the world at doing something, but the hardest part is realizing what is that thing.

Your intuition should propel you in some direction in life. Maybe its creating art, maybe it is creating absurdity. You must learn what you want to create.

Once you learn your direction and realize the things you want to create, you should strive in that direction.

While striving in that direction, you should aim to push beyond your limits all the time.

For example. If we suppose that you want to create surrealist art and you have some expertise in this area already, always try to push the boundary on what you think you are able to do. 

When you work on your passion and on the boundary of what is possible, you will enter a FLOW state. 

The FLOW is your place. Passion + pushing boundaries of possibilities take you to the FLOW. Once you are there, you just GO WITH THE FLOW.