How much do looks matter

[Bittu]

6 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Leo Gura Btw sorry for all these question but im curious. If a girl thinks im just okay looking or meh, so lets say 4/10. Can i still attract her or do i need to be somewhat appealing on her eyes. I am saying this because i feel like most girls do not even give guys a chance if they do not find them somewhat attractive when they first see them. If you close yourself towards something then its hard for that thing to reach you compared to being open to it and see how it is.

Okay so you think you're a 4/10

What's stopping you from trying to upgrade your self-esteem, humor, looks and confidence so you'd be a 9/10?

[ColeMC01]

@Bittu No i think i am around a 6 but looks are subjective so a girl might percieve me as a 4. Do i still have a chance with her for example, 

[arlin]

it's better to give this guy a honest answer. Otherwise he will waste years of his life.

Have the courage to do that. 

[Leo Gura]

9 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

@Leo Gura Btw sorry for all these question but im curious. If a girl thinks im just okay looking or meh, so lets say 4/10. Can i still attract her or do i need to be somewhat appealing on her eyes. I am saying this because i feel like most girls do not even give guys a chance if they do not find them somewhat attractive when they first see them. If you close yourself towards something then its hard for that thing to reach you compared to being open to it and see how it is.

You need to stop this mental masturbation and second-guessing and simply talk to more girls.

When in doubt, talk to more girls.

Girls are mostly not attracted to you because you're not able to convey your personality properly. You are simply uninteresting and don't subcommunicate the qualities of an awesome man.

You need to make your personality pop. You need to stand out among all the other lame dudes out there who are sitting on forums worrying about their looks.

Just the fact that you even care about your looks already shows how weak of a man you are.

A man is not a doll. That's not what women need from men. Women need men to have balls.

[electroBeam]

5 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

A man is not a doll. That's not what women need from men. Women need men to have balls.

fuck I shouldnt have done that bloody Orchiectomy. The doctors said I would have sex without a condom, but I ended up an incel. 

[WaveInTheOcean]

you need to rest so much in yourself, love yourself so much, that no matter how many girl rejects you, you will not emotionally be impacted of it.

if you can get to such a place, then you will be very attractive for many girls

one of the ways to get to such a place is seeing that every other human being is you.

so you going up to a girl and getting rejected is just yourself rejecting yourself

if you can see it like that, then you will just laugh when a girl rejects you:-)

Oneness ya know. it's all one. seperation is a myth

Leela. Divine play. Dancing with itself. How could a rejection impact you? LOL

Edited July 30, 2020 by WaveInTheOcean

[Preety_India]

Looks are extremely important in dating when it comes to both gender. This is unfortunate but it also shows a side of humanity that we hide as a shadow. 

Humans are shallow as a species. Women invest in their looks to look pretty, if looks weren't important to women, they wouldn't do it. If looks weren't important to men, they wouldn't be discussing about how to get hot girls all the time. This goes to show that both gender place importance and value on looks. 

Because we are shallow but we just don't want to say it. This is unfortunate and probably it shouldn't be this way but then many things in life are unfair. It's how humanity is. Boring people could be good hearted people but nobody wants to date them because most consider them boring. This is the nature of reality 

 

It would be dishonest to say that looks don't matter. It matters to both men and women..

If you create a  profile of a male who looks attractive on a dating site, he will get several responses from females. Now if you create a profile of a male who looks bald and aged and with no attractive features in his face, then he is less likely to get views or approaches from women. This is just facts. 

This is because biologically the face is important. Many people when they think about sex, only think of sexual parts. The face is also sexual if you look at it. There are certain faces and facial expressions that create natural arousal... Because you have oral sex and kissing with the face. You probably don't want to kiss a person who looks ugly. But you would want to kiss a person whose face is attractive to you. 

This is natural biological instinct. Some people might get weirded out or grossed out by certain faces.. 

Beauty is important in both men and women. 

It's important to accept this basic truth. But there is a caveat.. 

You can't simply gloat on your looks and refuse to do anything about your personality.. 

If you are born with great looks, you are quite lucky in the dating circuit. Now here's the caveat. You could easily throw all this luck out the window if your personality is messed up. Nobody likes to deal with that. 

So putting it together, both looks and personality are important. 

So now the other way around is also possible. It's called compromise. Often we come across a person who has a great personality, they are charming and very comfortable and warm. They are nice to be around. They are attractive merely by their presence. They have learned skills to attract people by being funny and warm. So even if they look not so attractive, they have other things going for them and someone who is deeply attracted to their personality will compromise on the looks. 

That's why looks are very important but they are just 1 facet. 1 aspect. They are not everything. Looks are good for a good first impression but as the relationship goes deeper, the personality will also matter. 

The woman won't stick around if the man has a shitty personality. So you can get a woman but can't keep her if you are only banking on your looks and doing nothing to improve your flaws or weaknesses.. 

But to think that looks are never important is actually being a bit dishonest. You wouldn't feel like enjoying sex and romance with a person who looks stereotypically ugly. Of course the words ugly and beautiful differ person to person. But every person, guy or a girl, has a certain image in their mind that they consider beautiful and a certain image that they consider ugly. 

The best is to have an average look combined with a great personality. 

It's okay if you don't have the best looks. You are good enough even as an average. 

Most average looking guys and girls succeed at dating using their personality to charm the opposite sex. We wouldn't have so many kids on planet earth if only the most beautiful people had a fair chance at dating. 

Even the average looking ones stand a fair chance. 

The problem only occurs when you are far below the average. Then you need to put in drastic efforts in attracting a mate.. 

So don't be discouraged if you're average looking, because it's more than enough. 

Complement your looks with a great attitude and personality and you're good to go. 

But always understand that looks are important. 

 

Edited July 30, 2020 by Preety_India

[Raze]

On 7/26/2020 at 11:11 PM, ColeMC01 said:

I have seen Leo videos on attraction and i noticed that he says that looks are completly irrelevant when it comes to attracting girls. So are you saying that if a girl finds you 2/10 you can still attract her? If yes, what level of game do you need? Do you need godly game or just 1000 approach level of game (if you starting from meh level). I do agree that if a girl thinks you are okay looking then you can get her with game. But what if she finds you legit ugly, what about then? What if you are not her type? Also Leo claims that looks offer no reproductive value on evolutionary terms but i think that is just incorrect. A muscular man with wide shoulders is much stronger, he can protect and defend a lot better against threats. Saying physical strenght was not needed in the past is just delusion and normally muscular people are stronger. I would like to know everyone thoughts including you Leo if you see this. I love your videos btw and i wish you all the best.

Looks matter for first impressions, in something like a dating app looks matter a lot. But using in person communication and game, looks do not matter that much. Anyone who has been in pickup long enough will tell you they've seen guys who look better getting their girls taken from them, or losing out to a worse looking guy with better game. Generally girls will tell you looks or all that matter or something, but it isn't true, don't trust it, in fact people will think you look better if you are in state and they get to know your personality, and you can convey a lot in a short interaction. Many guys who are extremely successful with girls look below average. Worrying about looks will cause far more damage than the looks themselves, in general you need to believe looks don't matter, don't be discouraged to learn from people who look good.

 

Edited July 30, 2020 by Raze

[kagaria]

9 hours ago, Keyhole said:

That's how a lot of white men view your women.  They think that they are more attractive than you guys and that they can take your woman from you and manipulate them into being whatever they want, without any care into understanding your culture or traditions.

 It's because women in Asian countries have the stereotype of being able to be molded into whatever housewife the man desires for himself, the individuality of the female is even more corroded than in a normal relationship.  I've spoken to Asian women about this and they absolutely hate it.  Asian fetishists.  Many of them will marry these white men and after a period of time divorce them and take half the money because they know that they're just being used.

I dislike stereotypes so much. I wish everyone had less prejudices. I try to work on mine and man it goes deep! Some of the dark stuff you see outside is also your own projection and internal self-hatred. The ego is ugly. 

And for the record, I'm a girl.

Edited July 31, 2020 by kagaria

[Farnaby]

@Preety_India 99% agree. The 1% missing is because you said the best is to be average looking and have a great personality. Why wouldn't the best be looking great and having a great personality?

But I think you described it pretty well. Let's don't fool ourselves. Even if we are subjective beings and what I find attractive differs from what other people find attractive, there are also certain traits that I would argue are universally considered attractive/unattractive. 

What I consider a 10, could be a 7 for a friend, but I doubt it would be a 1/10 for anybody. The opposite is also very unlikely IMO. What I consider a 1/10 could be a 3/10 or even a 5/10 for someone. But not a 10/10. Not sure how much of this is cultural and how much is just instincts looking for healthy looking people, but that has been my experience so far. 

And while looks aren't the most important factor, especially for a long-term relationship, a good looking person has obviously more chances to attract people. It's actually scientifically proven, even in the workplace. Employers will be more likely to hire a good looking person than a not so good looking person. 

To make it more complicated though (but at the same time more optimistic), don't get obsessed over your looks because confidence, charm, humour can easily compensate for physical appearance. 

I also agree with @Leo Gura that mental masturbation around this topic won't get you anywhere. If you want to attract people, you've got to talk to more people in real life, get in touch with your authenticity and work on letting it manifest as often as you can. 

Edited July 31, 2020 by Farnaby

[Preety_India]

1 minute ago, Farnaby said:

99% agree. The 1% missing is because you said the best is to be average looking and have a great personality. Why wouldn't the best be looking great and having a great personality?

Because most people don't have great looks and if I said that the best should be looking great, then that would be a bad message for those who look average because they would think they have no chance if they don't look the best, so I said that it's the best to look average, what I mean is it's completely okay to be average because nothing to be worried about it, and as long as the person has a charming personality then it's a bonus. 

 

[Farnaby]

@Preety_India Ok, I see. I agree. 

The amount of worry about personal looks is inversely proportional to the degree of confidence. And there's nothing more attractive than confident people. 

So, start working on confidence and you will attract people. 

[Preety_India]

 

12 minutes ago, Farnaby said:

@Preety_India Ok, I see. I agree. 

The amount of worry about personal looks is inversely proportional to the degree of confidence. And there's nothing more attractive than confident people. 

So, start working on confidence and you will attract people. 

I don't have a problem myself because I already have relationship.. 

The advice I gave was meant for people who think average looks aren't good enough. 

And what I wanted to tell them that it's perfectly fine to look average. Not every person has to look great. 

So as long as they are in the bracket of good looks or even average looks they are fine 

People do worry about looks a lot.. It does impact their confidence. At the same time, one cannot give false confidence to someone because look matter. 

It's best to be honest 

 

[Farnaby]

@Preety_India I know, I was talking in general to people who worry a lot about their looks. I used to worry about my height and the fact that I look younger that I am (so to inspire authority it's difficult), so I understand and can relate to

 those worries, but since that can't be changed I think working on accepting it and building up confidence is way more important than those attributes that can't be changed. 

And I completely agree with this:

1 hour ago, Preety_India said:

People do worry about looks a lot.. It does impact their confidence. At the same time, one cannot give false confidence to someone because look matter.

[Toby]

It's a well known fact that most women find Eckhart Tolle way more attractive than Brad Pitt, because of his amazing personality, inner peace, money, success as a speaker.... even though he looks below average.

[Preety_India]

Brad Pitt has an amazing personality, inner peace, money and he seems  to be a good guy. And his looks are a 10.

He can charm any woman. 

So he has looks, charm and a good heart, what else can a woman want. 

Plus Brad Pitt is so calm while being an actor. 

You don't have to be a spiritual guru to be spiritual.. There is a spiritual beauty in common folks too. 

if Brad Pitt is so good while being constantly surrounded by fame, then imagine how spiritual he would be if he practiced like Eckhart Tolle, Pitt would surpass Tolle easily. 

Don't just see what a person has already achieved but also what they can possibly achieve or their hidden potential. 

 

 

Edited July 31, 2020 by Preety_India

[Toby]

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halo_effect

[Preety_India]

There is no halo effect here. Is it so hard to appreciate a person. Just because they are a public figure and a Hollywood actor doesn't automatically make them a bad person. 

Pitt has never been involved in any sort of scam or behavior that can be considered morally wrong. 

Give credit where credit is due and don't judge so quick. 

Just because someone looks good doesn't mean they have to have a bad heart. That's a scarcity mindset. 

 

[kagaria]

@Preety_India agree with you here. Idk but I think that if eckhart tolle was a young beautiful man no one would take him seriously. Especially if he were a beautiful woman.

[Farnaby]

@datamonster I'm not sure if there's really such a thing as more superficial people than others. I think attraction happens beyond rational values. I would even argue that it happens in seconds (or less) and we all are superficial in this sense. 

The most spiritually "developed" person can get attracted to the most "primitive" person, because instincs don't care about spiritual development IMO. 

I agree though that for a long term relationship, most people don't choose their partner based on looks, but on other qualities like the ones you mentioned.