Feel like I have no reason to continue living

[kindayellow]

I just feel like my life is so hollow. And I've been living this life where I've isolated myself from others and been trying to grow as a person but right now I've just hit this low point. The job I'm in is pointless, all the job opportunities around me don't speak to me, I have no friends, don't feel like anyone truly cares about me, I just feel like I exist and I have no plans on how to build a life for myself, I know that all this means I have lots of room for improvement, real improvement, but I don't know how to make any real improvement in a way that will help me and right now I just don't want to do anything other than escape this mindset, but I also don't want to continue distracting myself with social media for dopamine, id appreciate any of your guys' wisdom, there's lots on this website I know that much

[Gladius]

I hit rock bottom a few years ago and thought of killing myself. However, my next thought was death eventually gets us all, so why not having fun, bet on myself and see where life would take me next until it's time to go. Nothing to lose. Just do whatever crazy shit you want. Not sure that helps, I hope so. Take care and enjoy the ride.

[Fadl]

Man, do you have an addiction problem? if YES then fix this first. if NO then you have a really really deep issues.

[mandyjw]

@kindayellow Strange advice that I find really helps, especially since you mentioned the social media distraction problem. Make a list of things that inspire you. Not big things, but not excluding them but this is really to think small. Comic strips you loved as a kid. That youtube video that made you laugh so hard you haven't forgotten it that you haven't seen in years. A game. A favorite book. A favorite song you haven't listened to. A small easily completed project you could do. Just brainstorm all those things and write them down. When you feel like it, pick one and do it. Try to do two or three everyday. It's amazing how the inspiration for really big life changing inspiration can come from such little things. 

Inspiration is inspiration. 

You're wasting time on social media because you don't have the momentum to do big stuff, so the idea is to do little stuff intentionally so it will grow in momentum. 

Good luck, hope you're feeling better. 

[kagaria]

@kindayellow you are not alive enough.

[Mu_]

On 7/26/2020 at 1:11 PM, kindayellow said:

I just feel like my life is so hollow. And I've been living this life where I've isolated myself from others and been trying to grow as a person but right now I've just hit this low point. The job I'm in is pointless, all the job opportunities around me don't speak to me, I have no friends, don't feel like anyone truly cares about me, I just feel like I exist and I have no plans on how to build a life for myself, I know that all this means I have lots of room for improvement, real improvement, but I don't know how to make any real improvement in a way that will help me and right now I just don't want to do anything other than escape this mindset, but I also don't want to continue distracting myself with social media for dopamine, id appreciate any of your guys' wisdom, there's lots on this website I know that much

It sounds like you want a point or a purpose that is fulfilling or is supposed to be meaningful and purposeful. 

And if this is so, what does that look like to You?  There isn't a one size fits all.  Life isn't like a defined dictionary in which meaning = 1 and purpose = 2, because not everyone likes the same job, or the same environment or the same food.

If your looking for whats supposed to be meaningful or purposeful based on idea's given to you from society, or family, you may not connect with any of them and find yourself wondering why you can't find these things and whats wrong with you and your life.

Really dig deep.  What do you want?  And if you honestly dug and still don't know, well there you go, you don't need to want anything or have a exact desire or purpose, and you know what if you can deeply just accept this, it can feel pretty good, its just spiritual rubbish that you have to find a/your purpose and if you don't you will be unfulfilled.  Maybe at a later date something will arise in you out of the mystery called life and you'll have a desire to go help the forests or the whales or something and you'll go and do that.

Sometimes periods of life, are doing just what your doing (actually this is always true). I will say it can't hurt to try some new things once or twice a month even if you have no idea if you will like them or not.  But at least you'll find out if you do or don't and it could awaken a interest you never knew you had.

[Nahm]

On 7/26/2020 at 1:11 PM, kindayellow said:

I just don't want to do anything other than escape this mindset

I know it’s a direct way to say it...but you’re focusing on escaping is focusing on what you actually don’t want. A double negative in terms of mindset doesn’t end up creating a positive. The positive, as in good feeling, comes from you. What’s the opposite mindset, what mindset do you want? 

[kindayellow]

Hey this is just an update for anyone reading

I'm feeling a lot better right now, and not that I've arrived at some absolute truth, but I think I've found some type of truth. I felt low because I felt useless to the world, which tells me I'd like to be of use to the world. And as I said I spent all this time on personal development, and it's only ever involved me, and without having any type of social life, over time my self esteem has gone way down and I hadn't really realised. I understand there's other ways to think about this but right now what I want to be doing is fulfilling the desire I have to add value to other people's lives so that's what I've been focusing on this week. I just have the desire to be useful to others and I may find that's not the whole truth and there's a deeper truth which I'm open to.

[kagaria]

@kindayellow this is great! Don't let your mind take you for a ride once again 

[bejapuskas]

@kindayellow  Glad to hear that! Your nickname on this forum might give us a clue - you might be identified with some concepts, one of them being that you are stage yellow. Don't be concepts man, come on. If what you mean by self-development work is achieving some conceptual status, that's just not what you want and you can feel it. Start from ground zero, you may not know who you are and that's ok, just don't waste this life that has been given to you. Do the things you like. After all, good feeling is what you want, even if you think it's hidden behind a color, don't you think?

[Mu_]

10 hours ago, kindayellow said:

Hey this is just an update for anyone reading

I'm feeling a lot better right now, and not that I've arrived at some absolute truth, but I think I've found some type of truth. I felt low because I felt useless to the world, which tells me I'd like to be of use to the world. And as I said I spent all this time on personal development, and it's only ever involved me, and without having any type of social life, over time my self esteem has gone way down and I hadn't really realised. I understand there's other ways to think about this but right now what I want to be doing is fulfilling the desire I have to add value to other people's lives so that's what I've been focusing on this week. I just have the desire to be useful to others and I may find that's not the whole truth and there's a deeper truth which I'm open to.

Ya sometimes our calling from within is to just offer the help we can to the outside world.  And once we do, things line up so to say.

[RiverFlower]

Hi darling, I hear you that you think your life isn't worth continuing with right now. I've felt like that at times as well but I've been around enough years to realize that life usually does come back around to being fun again. And then sucks again and rinse repeat... Now when I feel crappy I remember that - this too shall pass.

Being in service - karma yoga - can make one feel really good and useful. Volunteer for something really interesting to you if you have some time. A sense of purpose is important.

Udemy (.com) has courses for around US$12 when there's a promotion (frequently) in all sorts of interesting subjects.

It's hard to motivate when you feel depressed (you may have depression as well, so if you can therapy and or the docs may help for that). I've been able to push past low motivation at times - fake it til you make it. Made myself do stuff and eventually it does become enjoyable.

I think one aspect of having a happy life is self-discipline. Doing healthy, positive, good for you life stuff even when you don't want to. Fast walks every day (if you can). Eating healthy. Volunteering. Learning something new. Getting a pet.

Tough to get out of a hole but who knows what or who is around the corner. Big love to you sweetheart.

 

[RiverFlower]

Just saw your update - great. I've found with self-improvement work it's not linear - that is, do this course and you feel 2% better, etc. The feeling better can just pop up one day when you least expect it. Personally, I find if I keep doing self-improvement work my life does get better and better just not when I expect/want it to happen

[Nahm]

@kindayellow

You have so much to offer.

 

”It’s a lie to think you’re not good enough...it’s a lie to think you’re not worth anything!!!” 

[Samuel Garcia]

@kindayellow I feel you man. Really hope things turn around for you.