Does our past define us?

[Alex bAlex]

Hello fellow forum members. 

I have a dilemma. As you can read from the title, I am asking myself if our past defines us. 

And so far I believe that, no, our past doesn't define us. We might have done mistakes, or take the wrong action, but we have changed, we learned and improved (at least in theory). Also, from a metaphysical perspective, we are dreaming a new dream every day, thus, a new self. 

So the main question is: Why should I look for red flags when I date someone else regarding their past? Whatever they have done in the past, is just that, past. Isn't it?

Thanks  

Edited July 25, 2020 by Alex bAlex

[Artsu]

Your past is part of you. It can be overcome, or it can exert an undue influence, both in part, and in entirity.

So, you shouldnt look at the past, but rather how the past is influencing the present (and thus the near future).

Edited July 25, 2020 by Artsu

[JosephKnecht]

Only the present defines you. 

The past defined your present.

The present will define your future. 

[Elham]

5 hours ago, Alex bAlex said:

We might have done mistakes, or take the wrong action, but we have changed, we learned and improved (at least in theory).

 

Those mistakes and improvements based on them, has made what you are now. So I guess yes, our past define us.

 

5 hours ago, Alex bAlex said:

So the main question is: Why should I look for red flags when I date someone else regarding their past? Whatever they have done in the past, is just that, past. Isn't it?

Look for red flags. Red flags are unsolved problems and issues that came from the past up to the present! 

[Recursoinominado]

What you IMAGINE to be your past will define you. 

IMAGINATION is a keyword here because your memories and interpretations of what happened in your past are totally flexible, meaning that you can choose to think whatever you want of your past.

REFRAME the shit out of it.

Also, you don't really need to live in the past, you can only build what you want NOW, in the present.

Imagine yourself being and having whatever you want.

[mandyjw]

You cannot accurately summarize your past. You can only pick bits and pieces of it to recall in the moment. You'll never get a grasp on your own past, much less anyone else's. 

However what we think ourselves to be is the bits and pieces of the past that we give power over us, and chose to define ourselves with. So if you see someone stuck on something in their past or actively trying to push it away they will unconsciously create their future to reflect it. Lessons are repeated until they are fully learned. That's why it's not so much about evaluating and judging what someone did in the past itself but being able to sense what kind of things they focus on and think themselves to be. 

[Alex bAlex]

Hey, thank you all for your time to reply. 

Still, I want to push this a bit further and come up with a hypothetical scenario. 

 

Let's say I date this girl, she's 30 and while we talk I understand that she had been in a relationship for 5 years. At one point she found out about her partner cheating on her and she starts cheating on him 3 times and steal some of his money in order to flee him.

However, in the past 3 years, she has done a lot of personal development work as she understands that revenge and stealing is not the way to be in life. Now she wants to get serious and work on herself towards self-development/enlightenment/growth (all that stuff). 

What you'd you say in this situation? Is the person a changed one and working towards higher goals or her history will always have an impact on her position in relationships, cheating, stealing, lying... 

 

Now I drew this case as an intimate relationship but you can talk the same about friendships or work colleagues.

 

Watching 10 minutes of Leo's vid I realise that all that he is talking in this segment is an IDEAL. I don't think that nobody had the perfect life/upgrowing, never cheated on a test and so on.  

 

What do you think, is there such a flawless person as Leo's describe in the above-mentioned vid? 

 

 

4 hours ago, Elham said:

Look for red flags. Red flags are unsolved problems and issues that came from the past up to the present! 

How do we know when someone worked on their red flags? Or is not possible to work them out? 

 

4 hours ago, mandyjw said:

being able to sense what kind of things they focus on and think themselves to be. 

Right, so it's more about their vision, direction, sense, purpose   

 

Cheers  

[Elham]

10 minutes ago, Alex bAlex said:

How do we know when someone worked on their red flags? Or is not possible to work them out?  

You would see signs of it...it requires smart observations 

[Nahm]

On 7/25/2020 at 2:46 AM, Alex bAlex said:

So the main question is: Why should I look for red flags when I date someone else regarding their past? Whatever they have done in the past, is just that, past. Isn't it?

I think your question / consideration is innocently underhanded. I’d stick to the behaviors & actions at present in being aware of potential predictors of future behaviors. Notice it’s always up to you - is there a past or not? Are you recognizing this is up to each one?  Such a fine line between liberation & enabling, given there is no people, past or doer. I would suggest a more important question is how someone is doing with morning meditation, journaling & emotionally expressing, and follow through on ‘sitting with it’, feeling the arising emotions, and not going into a thought story weaving in past, self, other, or future. How someone handles where they’re at, and the extent they are willing to let go, are greater future predictors than the past, so to speak, imo. Oprah is an extreme but true example, if you read her bio a bit. 

18 hours ago, Alex bAlex said:

Is the person a changed one and working towards higher goals or her history will always have an impact on her position in relationships, cheating, stealing, lying... 

That wouldn’t be up to you. Some people let go, most don’t. Some believe they are, but aren’t. 

[Alex bAlex]

Awesome

Thank you guys for helping me understand this issue.

Feel much better, at ease now  

[ApeInTuxedo]

On 7/25/2020 at 6:32 PM, Recursoinominado said:

What you IMAGINE to be your past will define you. 

IMAGINATION is a keyword here because your memories and interpretations of what happened in your past are totally flexible, meaning that you can choose to think whatever you want of your past.

REFRAME the shit out of it.

Beautiful. 

[Danioover9000]

   Yes, the past defines you.

[hyruga]

The word 'define' is too strong but we are constantly shaped by our past. 

For example, what time we wake up and sleep are determined usually by past behaviors. Same for the food we eat regularly, the videos we watch, the websites we visit and people we talk to. Also our beliefs in whether we can do something or not.

We are mostly controlled by our Subconscious. 

Edited July 29, 2020 by hyruga