ADD is my biggest obstacle

[Evoke]

So i was diagnosed with ADD when i was 15, now I'm 33.

Started medication at 23, had to quit last year because of side effects and escalated abuse of the medications.

It's impossible for me to continue rely on stimulants for the rest of my life.

I want to finish my college education but i have so low self esteem and believe i can't focus on anything because of my condition.

Earlier this year i did a cognitive test which went pretty well and that surprised me.

I'm also into spirituality but i feel it doesn't help me in this particular area of my life.

Any advice for me? ? 

 

[soos_mite_ah]

Yeah, I had ADD since I was a kid. I was never put on medication so for better and for worse I ended in this position where I simply had to cope with it. One big thing that helped was not seeing ADD as a bad thing and rather seeing it as something that can give you a lot of advantages. Odds are, if you have ADD/ADHD you're not dumb, you have a different way of thinking about things and that isn't always compatible with the systems at hand such as sitting in class room and listening for 2 hours straight. I can see being in a system like that, a system that does not work to your advantage can make you feel like a mess up or like there is something terribly wrong with you. And i want to say there is nothing wrong with you. Here are some positives that I try to focus on with my ADD:

Heightened creativity: it doesn't take that long for me to jump from one topic to another and have an entire network of thought created. It can enable one to find a lot of different connections between subjects 

Hyper focus: A lot of people with ADD can do this thing call hyper focus when they find something they are really passionate about and get into the flow state. Growing up, even at the age of 10, I could paint for like 4 hours straight and not feel a thing because I was so into what I was doing. The trick is to find things that you're passionate about and things that you will naturally pay attention to instead of forcing it. I get it isn't always possible, but a little can go along way. 

Ability to see patterns: This kind of goes with jumping to one subject to another quickly. If you focus on parallels between subjects when doing that, the things you realize can be pretty profound. 

In school, I would suggest developing a good system of note taking and taking notes on all of your readings whether that be in a separate journal or in the margins of the texts. That helped me immensely to focus on my course work and actually retain what was being taught. Time management can also be a struggle so a planner or similar system is always helpful. I personally just keep a to-do list. Also, during the times when I feel like I am in a better place to focus, I try to knockout as much work as I possibly can so when time comes and I can't focus at all, I have that extra time to deal with my ADD.

Spiritually helped me a little with my ADD, but I wouldn't say immensely.  And I think that's partially because there was nothing wrong, nothing that really needed to be healed in the first place. It's perfectly natural and it was a mechanism that helped humans survive, especially in nomadic tribes. The only thing different is that now we are in a system/ environment that makes it a disease. Sometimes our weaknesses can be the source of our greatest strengths. 

[Austin Actualizing]

Try modafinil. I have ADD and it really helps for focus. There aren't many side effects and there is no withdrawal/addiction. Also, check out the book Finally Focused by James Greenblatt. The book lists a lot of different things that can help ADD. @Evoke