Question regarding attraction

[ColeMC01]

Greetings, i would like to you guys something. I noticed that whenever i meet girls on normal settings and don't try to approach them in a romantic way, it never happens that they start liking me. Normal setting i mean a girl in class, social circle, student building, social clubs etc. So people that you interact to some extent but you are not very close with. Normally this is how things are, you have to make moves to get the girl. However, for most of my friends (not chad looking), it happens to them that a girl once in a while starts liking them, so they have a crush thingy for them (i'm kinda young, around 21 in university  so that is still a thing for girls around my age). I have plenty of friends and some of them are good looking females and also plenty of guy friends. All of these people really like my personality and who i am so its not that i don't know how to talk to people. Also i am used to talking to girls even if they are attractive and i never got a vibe from them that i am boring or anything like that. Therefore i do not understand why none of them ever liked me when i do my thing normally. I do not consider myself ugly ( not chad either though), and i agree most girls will not like you  romantically when you don't make moves on them but this never happened to me, not once. It makes me feel a bit insecure about my looks and personality considering that i have interacted with plenty of girls in the last few years but none of them liked me when i just do my thing normally. Thing normally meaning acting normal without the intention to pick them up. I am not saying for them to ask me out or to flirt heavily or to have legit feelings or love or anything like that. More of a crush thingy and some kind of liking. Any reasons why or tips? I live in Brussels currently but i study in an international setting with people from all over the world, my home country is in the Balkans.

Thank you  guys

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Edited July 22, 2020 by ColeMC01
Clarification regarding a small point on the post

[flowboy]

It could be that you are not being dominant, confident or not displaying leadership skills. It's usually about how you position yourself in social settings. Do you naturally take initiatives? Invite people to do some activity? Are you ever the first to get up? Do you have passions/interests that are unique to you and that you like to talk passionately about to anyone who will hear it? Are you confident enough to disagree with people and differentiate yourself, or are you perhaps too focused on being accepted and liked? Are you comfortable enough with girls that you can tease them?

Just some guesses.

But first things first: are you sure? Guys are notoriously bad at reading signals. I know I am. So what data are you working with? Have you asked girls you know about whether they think anyone likes you?

I'd start by collecting some feedback from female friends, if you haven't already.

For guys, it's almost never about looks. It can be about personal hygiene, clothing style and grooming, though.

Edited July 22, 2020 by flowboy

[ColeMC01]

@flowboy I would say i am decently confident, not arrogant, not overly charismatic but still chill and people enjoy the time they spend with me. I would say i am more on the intellectual side, enjoying interesting not basic conversations but i still know how to crack some decent jokes and make people laugh. On group settings i tend to be more funny and not serious while on 1 on 1 i tend to be a bit more intellectual. I disagree with people and i not obsessed with being liked at this point. I am comfortable with personality for the most part but not that much about my looks, especially height (5 8 in Belgium is like 5 5 in USA haha). So yeah i hope this clarifies things a bit more. I cannot read my own body language but i have been called a bit not expressive and serious but that really depends on the person and situation. It is not really universal but it has happened. I promised to myself to be more smiley and expressive once the isolation is over and school starts again. I also take care of myself, i lift on consistent bases, hygiene, clothing,  good haircuts, frames etc. So looks wise i have kinda maxed out so i think personality will make the difference

Edited July 22, 2020 by ColeMC01
adding information

[flowboy]

@ColeMC01 Thanks for giving more information.

Since you didn't answer the parts about leadership, initiatives and personal passions, I bet that's the place to look.

And what about feedback from female friends? They are much better at perceiving these things than guy friends. If you know how to interpret what they say.

[flowboy]

17 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

I would say i am more on the intellectual side, enjoying interesting not basic conversations but i still know how to crack some decent jokes and make people laugh. On group settings i tend to be more funny and not serious while on 1 on 1 i tend to be a bit more intellectual.

These attributes are great to make friends with, but are not key when it comes to attraction. They're nice-to-haves. What's key is being at the cause, not the effect. So taking initiative, getting your group of friends to do something, organising a party, having a cool passion that you are known for and can show and take people along with. Stuff like that. Having a "thing" that you are really good at, and are known for, which makes you a leader of the group in at least some situations. That's gold.

17 minutes ago, ColeMC01 said:

I promised to myself to be more smiley and expressive once the isolation is over and school starts again.

Honestly, I wouldn't start there. Too much smiling and expressiveness makes you seem submissive. Express your emotions as they come to you naturally, but don't be fake. They always know.

However, if people have called you unexpressive and serious, that could be a sign that you're not as emotionally aware of what's going on inside you, or not comfortable expressing your authentic emotions. The more comfortable you are expressing your emotions, the easier it is for girls to trust you, relate to you and feel comfortable around you. Again, not key, but can be important. The more "loose" you are, the more attractive you are. If you want to work on this, I'd recommend improv classes and insight meditation.

Edited July 22, 2020 by flowboy

[ColeMC01]

@flowboy Female friends are kinda clueless about what they want so i do not really trust them. Plus what they think they want is also influenced by their culture, i am in international setting so i deal with lots of different nationalities. Girls back home have told to have more of the qualities that Leo mentions in his "Why woman fall for assholes "video, however i do not want to because i hate being arrogant edgy and overconfident

[ColeMC01]

@flowboy However the thing is not trust or comfort. I am able to do those effortlessly, they are my strongest points especially trust. People tell me shit that would get them in trouble if i spoke out without knowing me even that well. It always baffles me and they say they feel like they can trust me. I never abuse that trust ofc. My problem is girls seeing me as a potential partner, being turned on or having those romantic feelings in any way if i can say it in more black and white manner hahaha. 

[hoodrow trillson]

OP how tall are you?

[ColeMC01]

@hoodrow trillson  170-172 cm or 5 7-5 8 in feet

[Leo Gura]

On 7/22/2020 at 6:20 AM, ColeMC01 said:

Therefore i do not understand why none of them ever liked me when i do my thing normally. I do not consider myself ugly ( not chad either though), and i agree most girls will not like you  romantically when you don't make moves on them but this never happened to me, not once.

Who gives a fuck?

Be a man and go get the girls you want! You are the hunter. Stop sitting around waiting for them to hunt you. You should be the one who's screening girls to find which ones are worthy of your love.

If a girl can't see how awesome you are, that's her stupidity and it is beneath you to try to second-guess yourself by assuming she is somehow right. Own your awesomeness rather than waiting for girls to validate it for you. Adopt the frame of a man who understands his own worth regardless of what the outside world is telling you.

When the outside world tells you that you're not awesome, you need to tell yourself, "They're crazy! I'm even more awesome than I previously realized. How can they be so blind?"

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura Thank you for you reply and you are right about the mindset. It is just that i was wondering what kind of traits i was missing regarding attracting woman that lead to these results. If a guy is attractive to woman then he will not have this problem regardless of whether he is hunting or not. 

Edited July 24, 2020 by ColeMC01
adding information

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, ColeMC01 said:

what kind of traits i was missing regarding attracting woman

The trait of not giving a fuck

[Gidiot]

It isn't any fun if they come to you IMO even though i wouldn't pass it up. 

you do gain a lot of experience by approaching girls even if it doesn't pan out.

and you need to build up your confidence as well, that's a great way.

i used to be very afraid to talk to women, as many guys are when they are younger, now i just do it for fun, to make them laugh or just to express myself, treat it like a game!

[Pugfishpanda]

Totally agree with Leo. When a man owns his man(ness), a woman on a (primal level) can’t help but be attracted to him. 

[ColeMC01]

@Gidiot When you are exposed to a lot of girls like i am and none of them ever give you any signals of attraction it kinda fucks up your self worth and esteem regarding this stuff. I do know my worth as a person regardless of this but when it comes to this it's hard to feel like a boss. It is like taking a homeless person and tell him to feel like a millionare, it does not really work. I may feel confident and awesome at other things but when it comes to attraction i do not feel like that. I have seen all kinds of people get girls, even if they are dumb, quiet, wimps or judgmental af. I do not understand this, according to Leo videos if you want to get a nice gf you have to be confident and charismatic etc but i see quiet chill guys that are introverted af with quite decent gfs so i am really confused. They do not look like chad either or have huge bank accounts or fame

Edited July 24, 2020 by ColeMC01
adding information

[ColeMC01]

@Leo Gura I have seen your videos about attraction and i must say they are some of the best on youtube, especially since i am also a bit analytical and introverted like you used to be/are. However from my life experience i see often introverted, quiet, laid back guys without great charisma or humor get quite good girls. Never understood it