The Joy Journal

[soos_mite_ah]

Self Development Won't Make You a Better Person 

 I often find myself falling into the trap of assuming that self development will make me a better person. Sometimes I catch myself falling into a pit of self deprecation when doing self-development work as I keep searching for more and more things I need to improve and heal. During those times, I normally take a break from the work I'm doing and shift from self growth and towards self acceptance. I find that this is a balance that most who are willing to take self development seriously eventually encounters

But after watching this video, I tried to reconsider this balancing act of self growth and self acceptance. Why do these two have to be in the opposite ends of a spectrum?  I think one of the many reasons why this spectrum appears in the first place is the notion that self development makes you a better person and therefore gives you more worth. 

This notion of being a better person making you more worthy of love and acceptance is the root of the toxic reason why I got into self improvement. While I did get into self improvement for a variety of healthy reasons such as wanting to have a better quality of life, being happier, having more fulfilling relationships etc. one of the less healthy reasons include feeling like there is something wrong with me which meant that I had to change. 

Since I have found this aspect to my desire for self improvement, I have been trying to do shadow work to become more accepting of myself. This video was a game changer for the way I viewed this issue.  

[soos_mite_ah]

Interrupting Cynicism 

My hope has been waning over the last few months since the pandemic hit. The U.S. hasn't been handling it well. There are rising cases, people dying, the worst recession since the Great Depression back in the 30s, and a president that is adding fuel to the fire as he opens up the economy and makes people go back to school, risking their lives all for the sake of corporate greed. I know intellectually deep down that disasters such as these do come to an end and that after the darkest of moments do we make the greatest programs. But my heart, well she is slow to get with the program. Until then I'm going to be hanging on.  

But today, I went to go get my college textbooks from the book store. Afterwards, I went to the ice cream shop right next to the bookstore. The man at the ice cream shop greeted me with an enthusiastic welcome. I knew he was smiling from ear to ear behind this mask and I couldn't help but do the same. He was super excited to have a customer, I'd assume since people refrain from doing anything in public unless it is a necessity due to the fear of the virus. I was thrilled to be interacting with another person and having a whole conversation after so long. I've essentially been cooped up in my house for the last few months with no one to talk to other than my parents and thoughts that keep rushing through my head. "We've gotta have some hope in these uncertain and dark times" the man exclaimed as I walked out of the door. I nodded in agreement and told him to have a good rest of the day.

And for a moment I felt that things will turn out okay. Not thought but actually felt. I know that my cynicism that was born in 2016 after the election stuck around and grew stronger with all of the events in 2020 is nothing more than a coping mechanism, a coping mechanism that eats away at any sense of optimism in the fear of disappointment, in the protection against disappointment because of a traumatic moment in the emotional body. This is a coping mechanism, I remind myself continuously. This is not a world view nor a personality trait. Things don't simply have to be this way. There are other possibilities waiting to be explored. This passing mood is passing, it isn't who I am. And for a moment, I feel healed. 

[soos_mite_ah]

Two Parts to Self-Esteem 

As I have been doing some shadow work, I have noticed that I am not as confident as I thought I was. Today I began thinking of what consists to self esteem as a whole and I came up with two parts. 

The first is self respect. Self respect is more inwardly driven. I would characterize this as more defense rather than offense. Self respect is more on establishing boundaries and sticking with them. Its about avoiding people and places that no longer serve you and could potentially harm you. Its about being strong enough to walk away or stand your ground when threatened because your sense of self does not come from the external rather it is something you decide for yourself. 

The second is self confidence. Self confidence is more externally driven. This is more like playing offense. It's about being able to advocate for yourself, go after what you do want, and feeling comfortable with taking up space. It's about being strong enough to make your presence known and being secure in who you are because you are comfortable with your strengths and limits meaning neither of them detract from your sense of worth. 

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I know some people who have a lot of self confidence but little self respect. I know a group of people who are amazing at advocating for themselves when it comes to their career and try get the highest positions possible because they know that they are up to the job. However, they won't establish boundaries or leave a job if their employer treats them horribly because of things such as status and money etc.   Another example of people who have a lot of self confidence but little self respect are this group of girls I know. They are beautiful, smart, talented and they know that and they know that they can get any guy they want. But then they end up choosing a guy with too many red flags who treat them like trash and/or cheat on them but they still insist on staying. 

Personally, I have discovered that I'm the opposite. I have a lot of self respect but I don't always have confidence. I have been pretty shy with anxiety for a large portion of my life, but, I have never been a push over. I can stand up for myself when needed and I don't have a history of sticking around with people and situations that could potentially be toxic. I also had a lot of friends tell me I am a good judge of character and have a good taste in men since I tend to choose guys who have it together and will treat me right. Because of this, a lot of people, including myself, have characterized me as someone who has a quiet sense of confidence an a good sense of self worth with a large dose of humility. 

However, upon more inspection with shadow work, I realized that I don't have much confidence. I'm terrible at advocating for myself in opportunities. Job interviews, writing resumes, and sending in applications give me anxiety because of this notion that I have to "sell myself." This lack of confidence is often mislabeled as humility because people see my potential but don't see me gloating about them. But honestly, even with all of my qualifications and achievements, I still don't feel like I'm enough. I often feel like an impostor. A lot of this comes from my perfectionist tendencies that were drilled into my by my parents when it come to academics from preschool all the way to senior year of high school.   

Another area where my lack of confidence manifests is in social situations. I see myself as this weird, socially awkward person who is not worthy of connection. I'm also pretty judgmental towards socially awkward people but that's because I don't accept myself. Even though nobody nowadays thinks I'm weird and socially awkward, I carried this label from my childhood when I was bullied and ostracized pretty badly. I'm hyper vigilant on how I carry myself and because of that I carry myself pretty well but it is at the cost of seeming authentic to some people. I also tend to isolate myself and stay quiet until I feel that I can be accepted by people. It takes me a while to really warm up to people. This is because it's easier for me to take a default rejection from myself through isolation than to take a potential rejection from other people. That way, I have more control in the situation.

In other words, even though I know I deserve the good things in life, sometimes I don't think I'm good enough.  

Edited August 22, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Giving All the Fucks in All the Wrong Places...

I began and finished listening The Subtle Art of Not Giving A Fuck via audio book. I feel very personally attacked and mind fucked but I am living for it. I think I'm going to actually take notes and run through it a few times because it feels painful in a very good and cleansing way. 

I know normally my entries in this journal or hell my comments in other threads on this forum tend to be much more lengthy and comprehensive, but this is one of those things where I think I need to process and really take in before forming my actual thoughts and applications. 

I think this is the first time in a long time where I felt that a piece of advice resonated with me so much. All I can say is damn....... 

I'm being dragged through the dirt and rightfully so. 

Edited August 22, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Increasing My Level of Well Being

Here are somethings that I will be focusing on for the next few months. Every few months or so I check in with myself and re-calibrate my goals to fit what I need and to fit where I am based on how I handled the last few months. I like to do this type of reflection in the beginning of the new year (end of December-early January), beginning of summer (mid May), beginning of the new school year (late August), and around my birthday (end of October) to see how far I've come and how much further I need to go. By no means do I put the pressure to address everything but it's a good list to see where I'm headed and what obstacles are currently here that I'm dealing with. 

Things I need to work on/ am working (inner world)

• Shadow work (independently and in therapy):
  • dismantle the limiting belief that you are unlovable and weird
  • Feeling like the trauma aged me and working through/ processing that in therapy
  • Deal with social anxiety: the problem is somewhat back since I have had to isolate myself due to COVID and I have very limited face to face interactions
    • This issue is more minor. I feel like when I get out of quarantine I'm going to be fine but it doesn't hurt to check in and make sure everything is okay
  • Imposter syndrome especially in school/ career
    • Discuss this in therapy during end of this semester since your issues regarding imposter syndrome are usually the strongest/ most relevant during that time
• Issues with COVID
  • Deal with my lack of independence: I had to move back home and now part of me feels like I’m 14 again
  • also overlaps with the social anxiety piece
• School/ Learning
  • Build my resume and start applying to jobs/ internships / gain work experience and credentials
  • Getting straight A's in school with all 19 credit hours this semester
  • Start taking notes on self-development content and revisit lessons to see what I see with my new level of awareness

Desired end result:

• Get rid of manifestation blockages that have to do with building relationships (platonic and romantic) and my career
• Create more self-confidence so that I can go after what I want
• Work towards being a more independent adult financially/ logistically (moving, living on my own, supporting myself, cutting off family etc.)
• Have a more integrated orange since I have a few hang ups in that stage and tend to rely on green coping mechanisms too heavily
• Expand my understanding of the world and my sense of self

Habits I need to build/ solidify (outer world) 

• Defeating procrastination (being on top of school work, staying at least 2 weeks ahead of course schedule)
• Waking up at 5 am
• Working out regularly (at least 3x a week if not every day)
• Meditating seriously (2 hours daily)

Desired end results

• Calmer mind due to increased efficiency (not freaking out about assignments last minute, working with a decent sleep schedule, quieting monkey mind)
• Healthier body, hopefully losing weight
• A sense of structure: moving back home and not leaving the house has disrupted this and I often feel as though I am living the same day since March

oh. god. I have my work cut out for me don't I    Hey, I dealt with harder things before, I can handle this 

[soos_mite_ah]

Starting Classes Again

Tomorrow I'm going back to my classes. Thankfully they are all online. Normally I'm excited to start school every semester but this semester, I find myself rather nervous.

I had some difficulty pin pointing exactly what. I think it has to do with everything online. I have taken online classes before. This summer I took two. I also did the rest of spring semester online after spring break as well. But I guess it's because I'm taking a full course load, not just two classes. I guess it's also because this time I had the process of coming to terms with online classes whereas with spring semester, I was thrusted into it while I was still in the shock phase of dealing with the pandemic. 

I also really miss being able to walk to class, go from building to building, seeing everyone in person. Being at home all the time almost feels like a never ending summer. Part of me doesn't even feel like the summer is ending.  Its a strange feeling really.

Whatever it is, I'm going to have to deal with it and this semester is still going to be coming at me tomorrow. 

We'll see what happens... 

[soos_mite_ah]

@Cykaaaa Thank you sooo much!!! This honestly made my day ?☺️

I'm so glad you're getting value from this for your own journey as well ??

Also tbh, I was a little hesitant to do long posts like this at first and as a result starting off I saw this journal as me yelling into the void lmao. And because of that, this comment is all the more sweeter ❤

Here's to continuing to grow and integrating more lessons in the future  ?

[soos_mite_ah]

First Day of Classes

I was rather nervous of starting classes a couple days ago. After a couple of meditation sessions, I felt as though I calmed down by a solid 90%. 

So I finished my first day of classes and here is how things went. 

Woke up at 5: Surprisingly I got my sleep schedule on track rather quickly. I woke up, meditated, worked out, took a shower, and then started my day. Really proud of myself for getting up early and working out again though it felt like a pain at the moment. That satisfaction lasted me for the whole day. I felt super energized despite my lack of sleep. Then, I started classes at 8. 

International Finance: Pretty excited for this class. Seems like a lot of work considering its only my second finance class and prerequisite knowledge is helpful thought not required to enroll. Because of this, I'm a little nervous but I'm still pretty sure I can figure things out if I'm on top of it. It does seem pretty interesting and up until now, my morning has gone well. 

Business Law: This class was super stressful. I have yet to get my textbook in the mail so I'm actually behind. The professor spoke really fast and expected students to have it together. I think I was trying to keep up with her and even though I wasn't talking I felt pretty out of breath. I think it's the whole thing about when someone speaks to you, you tend to breath in the same pattern as they do. I was on edge for the entire hour and a half because I didn't know wtf I was doing. The whole class felt very fast paced and afterwards I felt as though I came back from running a mile. I'm still pretty excited for this class because I think it will keep me accountable for not procrastinating. I definitely don't want to have that type of experience again where class rushed passed me without me really retaining anything (though this was because of logistic issues rather than procrastination but still. I felt like a bundle of nerves afterwards...... 

Religion: I'm taking this class called Understanding the Self: Eastern and Western Perspectives.  It combines perspectives from religion and psychology in regards to what consciousness is. The class felt like the opposite of my law class. The professor was super calm and incredibly joyous. Apparently he as been studying into human consciousness for the last 25 years now. So far , I have a paper that I need to write about my concept of who I am (shouldn't be a problem since I have been doing actualization work for a couple of years lol), start meditating (like he is giving us time IN CLASS to meditate towards the middle of the semester), and keep a dream journal. It felt like a breath of fresh air. I'm thinking of making a second journal on this forum dedicated to this class since I find the contents of this class to align well with this forum. Stay Tuned. 

Investment Analysis: Not sure how to feel about this class. I haven't taken the lab portion yet so I'm not going to get a full feel til Friday. It doesn't seem too bad but I need to brush up on some prior concepts. 

All in all, today felt like a long day. I mean, I had 4 of my 6 classes today with little breaks. I still need to prepare from my accounting class tomorrow and get ahead on some work assigned today. 

I still have yet to get through my accounting class and my international relations seminar. We'll see what happens tomorrow. 

[soos_mite_ah]

New Journal 

On 8/25/2020 at 7:18 PM, soos_mite_ah said:

Religion: I'm taking this class called Understanding the Self: Eastern and Western Perspectives.  It combines perspectives from religion and psychology in regards to what consciousness is. The class felt like the opposite of my law class. The professor was super calm and incredibly joyous. Apparently he as been studying into human consciousness for the last 25 years now. So far , I have a paper that I need to write about my concept of who I am (shouldn't be a problem since I have been doing actualization work for a couple of years lol), start meditating (like he is giving us time IN CLASS to meditate towards the middle of the semester), and keep a dream journal. It felt like a breath of fresh air. I'm thinking of making a second journal on this forum dedicated to this class since I find the contents of this class to align well with this forum. Stay Tuned. 

I forgot to link my new journal that relates to my religion class here yesterday. So here it is :

 

[soos_mite_ah]

God is Consciousness, You are God

I had my first religion class today. The previous class was just an overview along with the syllabus so I don't really count it like that. My professor really started this course with the following claims: 

• "Your consciousness is located in your reality and it creates your reality."
• "There is a deep part of us we aren't aware of even though it is part of awareness itself."  (THIS ONE HIT ME THE HARDEST! I had to stop taking notes and take a minute. I don't know why but I find this statement so beautiful)
• "What is God? God is consciousness."
• Materialism is not sufficient for understanding consciousness. Here is what is wrong with materialism 
• If you're your experiences, then who is the one experiencing? 
• (Distinguishing between what you know and who you are, known vs the knower) How do you know the knower? Without the knower we don't know anything 
• Without consciousness, we don't know anything if the knower is consciousness itself
• "Consciousness is the purest form of the knower. The knower is the purest form of consciousness" (alludes to the idea that you are the knower, therefore you are consciousness and therefore you are god) 

I have been introduced to these topics through Leo's videos (so I have some type of mental preparation and these aren't exactly new seeds being planted) but it still felt hard hitting in class. I can't imagine what my classmates were going through internally. But I do know that everyone looked like they were having an existential crisis. My professor knew this too and in the middle of the lecture when we seemed absolutely mind fucked, he would laugh like an evil genius. That's honestly my favorite part . 

I know this is just the surface. I can't wait to see how deep he goes with his content this semester. Most importantly, I can't wait to embody all of this down the line. I know I haven't fully grasped these concepts. I have a long way to go. But the first level is having the intellectual framework and that's what I'm doing right now.  

If this is my first class, I can't wait to see what's the rest of the semester will be like. 

Edited August 28, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

First Day of Classes Part 2 

Ok, so I finally got around to all of my classes this week. There are some classes that I'm excited for and one that I'm not too psyched about. Regardless I managed to wake up early all this week so I'm pretty proud of myself for that. Wasn't able to work out because of how sore I was after the first one (I was sore for 3 days straight to where it really hurt to walk) but I think I'll get used to it hahaha. 

Accounting: I'm not surprised that I don't enjoy this class. I don't enjoy accounting in general. This class in particular seems like it's going to be a handful because I apparently need to get certified in excel. I'm a little concerned about that since I haven't had to do anything in regards to excel since I was in middle school so that's another thing that I have on my plate. And I need to do this in a set time period or else it will count off from my final grade

On the bright side, I think this class is going to be good for my growth instead. I tend to skate by when it comes to my classes with passion and joy alone. I learned to do this ever since I realized I had ADHD and have difficulty in focusing on things that don't spark my interest. Instead I focused on things that I genuinely enjoy or find something I do enjoy in something I don't like. A lot of people who have ADHD can tap into this thing called hyper focus where when they are into something, they can put hours of undivided attention to it. I always tried to use my ADHD to my advantage. But the shadow aspect of this is that I'm still not good at dealing with things that don't spark some type of interest in my, in this case accounting. I think this class this can help me develop and grow into stage blue a little more so that I can integrate a sense of duty, discipline, and hard work. 

International Relations: This is my senior level course for International Relations. I need to take this course in order to graduate and they only offer it in the fall semester. The nature of this course is that we are given 5 articles per week and we discuss them as a class for 3 hours once a week when we meet. There is no lecture, it's just purely discussion. Because of this the class was not online and I had to drive myself to campus. Luckily I live near by and driving back to college once a week doesn't seem too problematic. However, I am concerned about the virus and exposing my family to it. I went to my first class to check things out and everything looks fine. My college is taking good precautions for handling the pandemic. Plus this is the only on campus class I have and it only meets once a week. Because of that I'm not too concerned. If anything, I'm happy that I can get out of the house once a week and interact with other people in person and actually have a conversation. Also because this class forces me to talk, I think I can deal with some of the minor social anxiety issues I have been experiencing due to a lack of human interaction.

Investment Analysis Lab: I finally took the lab portion. I was a little intimidated by it since my professor assigned an assignment before our official first day of class and expected us to understand the concept. Luckily, it wasn't too hard. But just to make sure I went to his office hours and checked with him to make sure I actually understand the concept. The rest of lab went by smoothly. The class was 1.5 hours long but I expected it was going to be 3 hours. I'm pleasantly surprised but I wouldn't be alarmed if this was something that only for the first class. Also we only meet once every other week so that's nice. I had another lecture for investment analysis and I feel that as long as I keep up with the reading I'm going to be ok. If anything this class reminded my why I liked to manipulate numbers so much. 

All in all, this week felt really long but I think a lot of it had to do with me not being used to my schedule yet. I've been trying to work out a system for time management as well so I haven't been super on top of things. Additionally, I wasn't doing much with lock downs happening so I feel like I was just thrown into something randomly even though I did take summer classes. Hopefully I'll be more adjusted to the flow next week. 

[Artsu]

It can be hard having this love. Being more giving than others so that things are one-sided. Not advocating for opportunities for oneself, while others push their way ahead.

But it is the best way to be. It means you have life. Most people don't, so it's about being patient with those who are learning, and knowing when to cut off those who are frustratingly negative...

...while remembering that all people are worthy of love, even the greatest evil doers. But the demons are treated differently than the angels, because while the latter embrace love, and love of a higher kind, the former reject even the love that is natural.

Know that you are worthy of great honours and praise. It is also true, however, that there is still much to be improve.

In one sense, the presence of this love means you are already whole and complete, but in a way you are not wholly whole (yet).

But you are holy, from what I can see.

[soos_mite_ah]

@Artsu i agree. It's good to have a lot of love and empathy but there needs to be a balance  with healthy sense self preservation. A healthy sense of self preservation is also a great act of love. The advice on which way one needs to lean towards relies on where one is in the spectrum and what one needs to do to return to an equilibrium.  

[Artsu]

7 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

@Artsu i agree. It's good to have a lot of love and empathy but there needs to be a balance  with healthy sense self preservation. A healthy sense of self preservation is also a great act of love. The advice on which way one needs to lean towards relies on where one is in the spectrum and what one needs to do to return to an equilibrium.  

Yes for me, accepting that i am allowed to be happy is a big thing lately. I guess i am taking a break from my hard work.

For most people, they don't yet have the higher love, the divine love. So with the exception of things like pride based self sacrifice, which is a false way of being moral, most people need more love, and no one needs less love but a few need to allow good things for themselves as well.

Probably i can allow myself to be happier now that i am secure in my moral grounding. I could have done it earlier but i didnt know which acts of self focus were good to engage in and which weren't. 

--

Wow youre doing a lot of subjects. I was doing one subject recently and unenrolled because i got overwhelmed by the nature of the assessments.

Doing a class on religion must be pretty good. The rest isnt that interesting to me but is in the ballpark of what i was planning on studying, which is social science and policy.

I hope your studies continue to do well and that the job that you end up getting allows you to give benefit to the world through your love.

Edited August 31, 2020 by Artsu

[soos_mite_ah]

14 hours ago, Artsu said:

Yes for me, accepting that i am allowed to be happy is a big thing lately. I guess i am taking a break from my hard work.

For most people, they don't yet have the higher love, the divine love. So with the exception of things like pride based self sacrifice, which is a false way of being moral, most people need more love, and no one needs less love but a few need to allow good things for themselves as well.

Probably i can allow myself to be happier now that i am secure in my moral grounding. I could have done it earlier but i didnt know which acts of self focus were good to engage in and which weren't. 

--

Wow youre doing a lot of subjects. I was doing one subject recently and unenrolled because i got overwhelmed by the nature of the assessments.

Doing a class on religion must be pretty good. The rest isnt that interesting to me but is in the ballpark of what i was planning on studying, which is social science and policy.

I hope your studies continue to do well and that the job that you end up getting allows you to give benefit to the world through your love.

I'm glad that you are also trying to allow yourself to be happy lately. Also what consists of more love will depend on a person and their circumstance but yes in general, everyone needs more love. I think you are always allowed to have good things for yourself and let yourself be happy regardless of moral grounding. However, when you don't have a moral grounding, it's easier to grasp on to things that you think you'll make you happy (like exploitation etc) rather than things that will actually make you happy. Developing a solid moral grounding is an act of love to increase your levels of happiness. That's how I see it. 

I'm majoring in finance and international relations with a minor in human rights.  I already did a lot of my social science courses. I enjoyed all them immensely. If you ever want to talk about social sciences and policy let me know. I'm more than enthusiastic to discuss 

[Artsu]

4 hours ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I'm glad that you are also trying to allow yourself to be happy lately. Also what consists of more love will depend on a person and their circumstance but yes in general, everyone needs more love. I think you are always allowed to have good things for yourself and let yourself be happy regardless of moral grounding. However, when you don't have a moral grounding, it's easier to grasp on to things that you think you'll make you happy (like exploitation etc) rather than things that will actually make you happy. Developing a solid moral grounding is an act of love to increase your levels of happiness. That's how I see it. 

I'm majoring in finance and international relations with a minor in human rights.  I already did a lot of my social science courses. I enjoyed all them immensely. If you ever want to talk about social sciences and policy let me know. I'm more than enthusiastic to discuss 

Thanks. I might be trying a different subject next semester. If i decide to have another go at it, i will definitely want to talk to you about it. Once i have the basic idea of something, i learn best through discussion.

Yes i feel that my moral grounding is going to lead to me being very, very happy, but it won't happen until after i die. I can learn to be happier in this life, but i will be always suffering, until i cross over. Still, i have no intention on going anywhere for a while, there is much i can do while on earth and things have gotten so much better recently.

Major sinners are often very happy, perhaps most of the time they are. But ultimately, they are the ones who suffer for their sins. Their victims will be repaid for their suffering. So ultimately the evil doer is doing evil to themself, but others are hurt in the meantime.

If only people would change their ways, and learn to follow the law of love, even so much as the divine love.

[soos_mite_ah]

3 hours ago, Artsu said:

Major sinners are often very happy, perhaps most of the time they are. But ultimately, they are the ones who suffer for their sins.

I beg to differ. Major sinners are often very unhappy which is why they are compelled to commit those sins in the first place. Instead of having the courage to look inside themselves to heal, they desensitize their pain by projecting outwardly as they manipulate and hurt others. Their sins are an expression of their unhappiness. 

As Elle woods from Legally Blonde  said "Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't." lmao

That's just one example but that's my over all take on it haha

[Artsu]

2 minutes ago, soos_mite_ah said:

I beg to differ. Major sinners are often very unhappy which is why they are compelled to commit those sins in the first place. Instead of having the courage to look inside themselves to heal, they desensitize their pain by projecting outwardly as they manipulate and hurt others. Their sins are an expression of their unhappiness. 

As Elle woods from Legally Blonde  said "Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy, and happy people don't shoot their husbands. They just don't." lmao

That's just one example but that's my over all take on it haha

The thing is though, that a big reason why people sin is to make themselves happy. They are making themselves happy often at the expense of others.

People who have little sin in them and much love are often less happy because they sacrifice more of themselves for the sake of others. They also take less part in the world than do the sinners, who are getting their fill now.

The thing is though, that after a sinner sins, they will suffer from remorse at some point afterwards, when they repent. So someone in a loop of sin and repentance would likely be suffering a lot, but essentially feel addicted to something that sin is giving them.

Those with much love have a special kind of happiness that comes from love, and the sinner will not know much about this, or else they would love more. Although some have much sin and much love, and alternate between them.

Because I don't know how else to take the quote, I'll take it literally. I don't see too much of what exercise has to do with sin, but people who exercise a lot are often very worldly and status oriented. There could be other reasons, such as dedication and responsibility.

Sinners don't have to be sinning in a way which is obvious to others. Take for example the Pharisees of the bible. They were huge sinners who tried to make themselves out to be low in sin, but really it was just a way of making themselves feel better, stronger, more holy etc. By contrast another person may be lead to sin by demonic possession, and could be healed through their faith and go to a life of less sin.

Don't judge by appearances, but by the truth which cannot be seen.

However, yes, you are close in what you say. The courage to heal would be a path of misery due to the remorse they would feel. The unhappiness they feel is the results of their sin, and some particularly evil spirits will go a long time, increasing their sinfulness and not repenting. They may have great power in hell and be enjoying great things, because they will not feel the hell that is meant for them.

So the sins are not the expression of their unhappiness, but rather the unhappiness is an expression of their sin.

Now, on the other hand, sin can also be driven by things like fear. So there, if we call fear a form of unhappiness or pain, the pain is fueling the sin. There are many reasons that people sin, some being more evil than others.

[soos_mite_ah]

33 minutes ago, Artsu said:

The thing is though, that a big reason why people sin is to make themselves happy. They are making themselves happy often at the expense of others.

People who have little sin in them and much love are often less happy because they sacrifice more of themselves for the sake of others. They also take less part in the world than do the sinners, who are getting their fill now.

The thing is though, that after a sinner sins, they will suffer from remorse at some point afterwards, when they repent. So someone in a loop of sin and repentance would likely be suffering a lot, but essentially feel addicted to something that sin is giving them.

Those with much love have a special kind of happiness that comes from love, and the sinner will not know much about this, or else they would love more. Although some have much sin and much love, and alternate between them.

Because I don't know how else to take the quote, I'll take it literally. I don't see too much of what exercise has to do with sin, but people who exercise a lot are often very worldly and status oriented. There could be other reasons, such as dedication and responsibility.

Yeah people sin to make themselves happy but think about it this way, you have to make yourself happy because you weren't happy in the first place. Happiness isn't an on and off switch. You can't simply make yourself happy. It's a state of being that needs to be work towards. The exercise part of the quote isn't the most important part lmao (it was just a comedic effect in the scene of the movie). The message is that happy people don't go out of their way to make other people miserable because they are secure in themselves. 

Sure there is a type of happiness sinners experience. Often times these are lower levels of happiness that are often very fleeting and can lead to things like guilt, repentance, and more problems in their lives

As far as sacrifice goes, yeah that happens to people in a certain stage when they are still in the process of integrating a moral framework (usually stage blue) and that comes with a lot of repression. But if it is coming from a more genuine place such as concern for others, the sacrifice doesn't feel nearly as painful because you actually want to lay down something you identify with for the sake of others. I don't feel like I'm sacrificing my desire to murder, I simply don't want to because nothing is upsetting me to the point where I would think of hurting someone. 

33 minutes ago, Artsu said:

Sinners don't have to be sinning in a way which is obvious to others. Take for example the Pharisees of the bible. They were huge sinners who tried to make themselves out to be low in sin, but really it was just a way of making themselves feel better, stronger, more holy etc. By contrast another person may be lead to sin by demonic possession, and could be healed through their faith and go to a life of less sin.

Don't judge by appearances, but by the truth which cannot be seen.

Often times the greatest sins / acts lacking in love we commit to ourselves aren't obvious to others. When we deny our own feelings, experiences etc. or when we sell our souls/ genuine desires for something like money or status because we were too afraid of going after what we wanted and instead craved something that will affirm our worth, we are in a state of pain and sin. That sin is an act of self betrayal for our egoic desires. 

33 minutes ago, Artsu said:

So the sins are not the expression of their unhappiness, but rather the unhappiness is an expression of their sin.

It can be both and can feed into a never ending cycle. You aren't happy so you go manipulate someone and mess them up. Then you repent and feel guilty. You feel worse because of what you have done. To alleviate that, you do more messed up shit to try to make yourself happy but it never works. 

Edited September 1, 2020 by soos_mite_ah

[soos_mite_ah]

Human Interaction

I forgot to post this yesterday but I had a 3 hour long international relations course that was mainly discussion based. I will say that I was a little nervous since I have never taken a course like this and that I felt a little awkward because I was talking to actual people (with the exception of my parents) for the first time in like months. But I was also really excited. We had to read 5 articles on globalization and discuss in class. The topic was really interesting to me so it wasn't too hard for me to prepare and eventually participate. I'm just really happy I got to talk to people about things that I'm really interested in outside of the internet. 

I can't wait to do this again next week.