Dark night of the soul ending

[28 cm unbuffed]

Hey guys. My dark night of the soul event, that started like 8 months ago is finally going to an end, or at least that's what I feel like. 

I did tons of shadow work, changed a lot of behaviours, beliefs about myself, basically, I'm a new person, like a boy died for a man to be born.

I know what I want to go after right now in life, in short - money and women. But I still feel a lot of pain in my heart area, in my chest. I feel like the Universe is pushing me towards self-love activities, self-care, etc. And I'm not that sure and convinced about that. There is a lot of pragmatic, down to earth things, that I should be working on right now, and "I don't feel like it" seems like an escape mechanism to me. 

My question here would be - how to heal the heart, fully? How to get rid of the past, from my emotional body, my thoughts, forever? How to forgive fully, kill the old self, forget about what happened, leave behind what was and be here and now, focused on my dreams?

I'm sick and tired of it, it's been 8 months of shadow work, healing, a lot of rest, a lot of meditation. I just want to end this chapter and move on, to the next one.

[ivankiss]

@28 cm unbuffed

That's awesome. Happy for ya!

21 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

My question here would be - how to heal the heart, fully? How to get rid of the past, from my emotional body, my thoughts, forever? How to forgive fully, kill the old self, forget about what happened, leave behind what was and be here and now, focused on my dreams?

Allow time to do its job. Do not try rushing things. Do not try dragging things. Let everything unfold naturally and effortlessly; smoothly. Rest in the knowing of who you are now. Everything will shortly realign, rearrange and readjust for you. 

Breathe. Let all things do themselves.

21 minutes ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I'm sick and tired of it, it's been 8 months of shadow work, healing, a lot of rest, a lot of meditation. I just want to end this chapter and move on, to the next one.

Try several years of it ? 

I feel ya tho. It's not a pleasant spot to be in. But it's oh so worth it. I know you can already sense that. Be patient, have compassion and understanding towards the one who's going through a transformation. It knows its time.

Edited July 19, 2020 by ivankiss

[28 cm unbuffed]

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, ivankiss said:

Try several years of it ? 

I feel ya tho. It's not a pleasant spot to be in. But it's oh so worth it. I know you can already sense that. Be patient, have compassion and understanding towards the one who's going through a transformation. It knows its time.

@ivankiss

Yeah, I heard that people worked on that stuff for years, even the Youtuber that I watch passionately, Aaron Abke, said it was a process that lasted a year for him, so I'm actually pretty proud of myself. It's fucked up, that I know all of that stuff, that I'm really killing it and doing an amazing job, yet, it's never enough, and I always want to be better, reach higher, and accomplish goals faster. 

Maybe that is my main issue, I remember that in my teenage years, fuck, even in my early twenties, I didn't give a fuck about my life, and now it's like - "Dude, get to work already, you're wasting your life, every second matter!".  And the more space and freedom I give to myself, the more I am able to accomplish, paradoxically. 

[28 cm unbuffed]

I think I got it. Every time, I get a thought about what I should be doing, I get another one after - "dude, why the hell you are not doing it?" = aka guilt.

How to go about it and get rid of this annoying shit? 

[ivankiss]

@28 cm unbuffed Guilt and shame are just an invitation for more self-love and less self-judgement.

It will no longer annoy you when you let it be as it is and show it Love.

Love is the ultimate transformer. It's the only tool you've got in your toolbox.

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@ivankiss

Ok, so I was not mistaken about it after all. Let's do it, 30 days challenge, choo-choo:

 

[Member]

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

I know what I want to go after right now in life, in short - money and women. But I still feel a lot of pain in my heart area, in my chest. I feel like the Universe is pushing me towards self-love activities, self-care, etc. And I'm not that sure and convinced about that. There is a lot of pragmatic, down to earth things, that I should be working on right now, and "I don't feel like it" seems like an escape mechanism to me.

Making the effort towards achieving your goals will develop a sense of purpose which is necessary to climb the evolutionary ladder. Once you will find that there's more than it meets the eye (money and women), you should work towards the self-love activities so that you can complete the circle. Till then, work for what brings you pleasure and provide the body the food it needs. Don't deprive yourself of anything that helps you learn the self-love.

[Visionary]

A huge healing trap is when healing is subconsciously viewed as a way of bettering stuff that needs bettering or solving. We are not here to solve anything. Were just here to see all the patterns play out and respect the process. You said 8 months. I think there are a lot of dark nights still to come. Its about enjoying the process of these cycles and dont be too result oriented.

Have a clear intention that comes from a vulnerable and honest place. And try to realize that you are already at unity consciousness. It is not distant from you. And enjoy and honour the show from a compassionate heart. 

Edit: when you really think about it, whats life really about? Its about honouring every second of it and loving every second of it. Thats why these dark nights occur. To let go of our control of all the ups and downs and see every second as the most miraculous moment. Not as a way of achieving, but as something thats already here. You just need to lose your old eyes (let go of the mind) and let everything be seen as the Beloved.

 

Edited July 19, 2020 by Visionary

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Visionary

I feel it energetically in my body, and I was similar to the process of Transformation Mastery by Julien. I went through all of the shit that he mentions in his course, and it was being manifested in my thoughts, and once I got, why they are occurring and what they really represent - puff - pattern got broken. I understand what you mean by "many dark nights" (I think I do) because of the amount of the shit I went through.

But how do I truly know - "Ok, cool, the process is over, I'm done with healing and shadow work, let's get going with the purpose stuff right now"?

[allislove]

@28 cm unbuffed

What about the basics? Good diet, sport activities, cold shower, Wim Hof breathing, good sleep, etc.
If you really handled all of this well what about hobbies? I like biking, woodworking, singing, etc. What do you like?
I would focus on the basics. Make a little step towards good feeling thought  

[Artsu]

Also known as darkmoor, coming through to 5th circuit, the circuit of actualisation.

Yet right now you pursue money and women? Tsk tsk, low consciousness. Seek love, employment, sure. But focus higher and higher.

[Visionary]

4 minutes ago, Artsu said:

Also known as darkmoor, coming through to 5th circuit, the circuit of actualisation.

Yet right now you pursue money and women? Tsk tsk, low consciousness. Seek love, employment, sure. But focus higher and higher.

You can't say low consciousness like you can't judge the lower stairs of a ladder once you've climbed up. It's all one thing and all necessary. This is exactly needed in his process. Its not about being an imposter trying to mimic high consciousness preferences.

[Preety_India]

@28 cm unbuffed  I'm also in the same boat as you. 

I'll be focusing on healing for the next 6 months. 

You work so hard lol. Kinda inspires me. 

I hope you come around and feel better and get what you are looking for. 

 

[28 cm unbuffed]

@Preety_India  Thank you :3 Hope you will get through it as soon as possible

@allislove  Yeah, maybe you're right, that I'm not connected with the higher purpose yet, I am not sure if I really am that kind of person though. What I mean is that when I did a lot of shadow work and healed parts of my old self, I came to a conclusion, that I am a very practical guy, I'm not airy-fairy, there is a mission, we have to change the world, whatever, person. 

I would not say, that it's low consciousness when it goes to a woman, I also want her to be my best friend. When it comes to money, I want it to be a business, that will change the world and serve the people. So - still higher consciousness, but yeah, I am aware of the fact, that my lower consciousness needs are keeping me on the lower spectrum of the spiral.

Yet - I kinda feel what you mean by that, I lack a soul in my pursuits somehow. I became really pragmatic and practical and lost it in the way. And that's something I can't just "work on", huh

Edited July 20, 2020 by 28 cm unbuffed

[allislove]

@28 cm unbuffed

Nothing is wrong with you.
For the God sake believe in yourself!
Nothing wrong with having the desire to have money and girlfriend.
I was just suggesting to put your focus on simple things - basics, no need for enlightenment, dark night of the soul, or whatever.

Just find what you enjoy and do it, be easy on yourself, give yourself a bit of self-love.
I wish you all the best.

[flume]

What do you really need right now? (First answer that comes up)

[Nahm]

On 7/19/2020 at 1:42 PM, 28 cm unbuffed said:

My question here would be - how to heal the heart, fully? How to get rid of the past, from my emotional body, my thoughts, forever?

Letting go of the habit of identifying with the past, which means recognizing, understanding & realizing the actuality that there never was or is a past, which means recognizing you are pretending there is in each occurrence of suffering. In recognition of the truth, the full burden is felt. In feeling without avoidance, the burden delivers the healing. 

Quote

How to forgive fully, kill the old self, forget about what happened, leave behind what was and be here and now, focused on my dreams?

‘How to beat the heart, fully’?  It is already so. ‘How to rid the past’?  It is already so. How to forgive fully as to allow the letting go of thoughts and the emotional releases from the body?  Without identifying, this world is you and is well known in kind in and of itself to be for giving. It is the essential nature of apparent experience. Without condition or exception, to know yourself, the world, is to want the best for everyone. Genuine desire for the healing of all, is the truth, and as & of the source of that activity, even if only in mind, you are healed. It is already so. It is already within you to do so. In kind understanding arises. Abundantly. Infinitely. 

There is more love in you than water in the ocean. To think anything to the contrary would cause a tension in the heart, or chest area. Every dam inevitably breaks.