Is it possible for an enfp and esfp to date?

[ginger28]

Bit of a weird question. Im an ENFP and I met a cool ESFP chick online (both early 20s) and it was fun texting with her(I have known 3 ESFP girls and they all love texting more than average & blame me when I dont text more often lol), but when we went on a date, I felt really distant from her, like Im talking to an alien. There was no chemistry. She was a bit cold and careful, didnt show any attraction, I guess cuz shes has high standarts, she was beautiful. But she was respectful and she was interested in me. I couldn't really establish a man to woman conversation, I was even having a difficult time to establish a friend to friend conversation so I just started explaining my interests - self-actualization, happiness spectrum, meditation, viewing the world thru models, how math solves real world problems, how MMA works and why I like it. She was curious and tried to philosophize with me, which surprised me. But it was a cold intelectual talk. She liked fashion and travelling. And since it was such a cold interaction I couldnt really be that spontaneous or flirty and make jokes. I felt a bit under pressure. When we parted ways she said she never discussed such topics on a date(meaning they are not date topics) and that it was interesting nonetheless, I told her she shoudlnt discuss such things on a date and she agreed.  

My question is, if its true that ESFP and ENFP can't date, what is making us so distant? And whether it was actually not related to types, but rather she was shit testing me by being cold and I had to do some bold move? which I dont know how. I mean I dont know whats possible in this situation. Its not like im afraid of rejection, I dont know what can be done. Thanks.    

[ginger28]

Just for contrast: A few days ago I went out with an ENFP girl (like me). She studies acting and directing, I study Computer Science. We had no interests in common. But she was so warm and spontanous that we talked for 3 hours and we laughed a lot, had a great time. I wasnt enough physically attracted to her so we're just friends. But the contrast between the two interactions is huge.

[Roy]

Anyone can date and have a relationship with anyone else regardless of Myers Briggs types or Spiral Dynamics stages.

Of course you should screen to some degree for basic compatibility, but don't form limiting beliefs about some crap written on the internet.

Love transcends all.

[Preety_India]

7 minutes ago, Roy said:

Love transcends all.

That can have so many different meanings and all meanings will be good. 

 

 

[Username]

Each combination of MBTI types has a certain dynamic. I would be wary of some combinations.

This one should be rather sustainable but may cause laziness because of shared weaknesses.

[Artsu]

Man, you're describing these relstionships to a T.

ENFP have poor chemistry. Generally there needs to be some other factor over riding type factors for this to be a viable match.

However, as an INFJ i have had several male ISFJ friends, so i know these types can connect. Maybe your cognitive functions make the pairing less workable though.

Same type relationships are great, however more for relating than complementing. Thus friendship rather than dating makes sense.

Don't rule out any type, but as a general rule you should look for INFJ and anyone resembling INFJ.

Some say ENFP pairs with ISTJ though. Thats not how it works for me, but maybe its different for different people. Your descriptions work under both compatibility models.

[ginger28]

1 hour ago, Artsu said:

Man, you're describing these relstionships to a T.

ENFP have poor chemistry. Generally there needs to be some other factor over riding type factors for this to be a viable match.

However, as an INFJ i have had several male ISFJ friends, so i know these types can connect. Maybe your cognitive functions make the pairing less workable though.

Same type relationships are great, however more for relating than complementing. Thus friendship rather than dating makes sense.

Don't rule out any type, but as a general rule you should look for INFJ and anyone resembling INFJ.

Some say ENFP pairs with ISTJ though. Thats not how it works for me, but maybe its different for different people. Your descriptions work under both compatibility models.

yes, I agree, ENFPs maybe shouldnt date, cuz they're both crazy and there is no one to balance the other

But what I meant is that I cant relate to Sensing people. I do have a few good _S__ friends, but generally I dont like travelling, hiking, beaches, outdoor sports, practical things. For example I like the sport of mma, because its like chess and it is very interesting from a psychological viewpoint, but I have no interest in surfing or mountain biking. I dont know my cognitive functions(do different enfps have different functions?) but Im obssessed with ideas and philosophy(thats why I resonate a lot with Leo's content)  and with social harmony and meeting new people and having fun warm emotional conversations with them. So when I go out with S girls I feel disconnected. I feel a lack of depth. And I understand that they are just different. 

So my question was whether I can work around that or I should just search for iNtuitive girls? Maybe I havent met enough esfp girls to reach conclusions. Only 2 in person. But they have a lot in common. 

[Username]

In my opinion male ENFP and female INTJ/ENTJ should be best match if you can make it work. I guess INFJs are easier to start with but you can't really align because of using completely different set of cognitive functions.

You should definitely avoid INTPs and ISTPs as romantic partners. It might be tempting, but you will get overstimulated in a wrong way.

It's best to read forums like personality cafe.

[bejapuskas]

Maybe the lack of connection has a different root cause - too much time spent online together, only a few real life interactions, not listening deeply to the other one and trying to present mostly your own ideas, being decenteralized with confusion about the other because of the before mentioned assumptions... I don't know you, so these might be just speculations, but consider.