Strange Behaviour From Therapist

[Artsu]

It certainly doesn't sound like this person is good for you. Trust your intuition on this one, imo.

The description you gave of the person sounds like the sort of behaviour people get medicated for, and it doesn't sound good to me either.

[Mu_]

@Seed I'd just find a new therapist, don't worry what it means about you or him.  If its not connecting in the first 3 sessions just find a new one even if it feels inconvenient and is something you desperately want to happen.  

If you rush this process or just want to find someone so it can be done, your selling yourself and the process of what can come out short.

[kag101]

On 19/07/2020 at 5:52 PM, Seed said:

What is ridiculous? I know he is very unorthordox, but does that make him ridiculous or is that our own projection?

Having weird silence pauses in order for him to "feel what's going on with his body" doesn't look like a decent behavior. As you said, it cuts the flow of the conversation. He sounds way too woo-woo imo.

I've tried many different types of therapists, and the type that fit me best was my very last choice -- the traditional.

A good traditional therapy is so freaking powerful. It is the most important self-development investment you can make! The amount of wisdom you can get with books, seminars, meditation, psychedelics, etc is like 5-10% of what true psychotherapy can give you. I say that based on my personal experience.

Btw, healers or psychics cannot be compared to real psychotherapy. They have their value, but more as an entertainment sort of thing.

When you find a good psychotherapist, you'll look forward to going to the session, because you know that you will get out of there feeling more peaceful, centered, and relieved. And you'll have lots of golden nuggets insights. The big results come in the long term, but within 1-4 session, you will start to feel much more aligned and on the right track for actualizing an amazing life!

[Farnaby]

It's tough to say if it's a red flag or if it's a good opportunity for you. 

I'm a therapist and IMO meeting the patient where he/she is is essential.

So, even if for example I think they would benefit from learning to be silent, if it gets overwhelming I wouldn't let them go through that overwhelm alone, without any connection or explanation from my side. 

Therapy shouldn't feel like a torture lol.

It shouldn't make you doubt your intuition either. If something feels off, it's true for you and it's important to listen to it and talk about it.

Also, "normal" relationships don't look like that so even if the therapeutic relationship can't be exactly like a regular relationship, it doesn't need to be too "weird" either IMO. 

This is just my approach and I know psychoanalists have a different one and both have their pro's and con's. 

If I were you I would keep openly and honestly communicating how you're feeling in these sessions and give it a little more time. If it still feels awkward and like it's not helpful or even hurting you, there's nothing wrong with changing therapist. 

Good luck! 

Edited July 21, 2020 by Farnaby

[Seed]

Thank you everyone for the brilliant and thought provoking responses! Wow! This pace really is a hive of wisdom. I've taken all on board and feel much better about it all. I thought I was the mad one!?

Anyway, funnily enough, which ties in seamlessly with @Leo Gura suggestion...

 I used to do transmformational breathwork and I had a chat with the facilitator yesterday and she actually suggested a brilliant pychic / energy healer who lives in France and does the work via whatsapp vid, she is very well known in the circle of healers. I had a chat with her too and she pickedup on me straight away and as Leo said, knew exactly what I needed. She said I am very sensitive soul with chinks in my armour due to childhood trauma, so she is going to teach me how to take care and protect myself from aborbing too much negative energies from others. As those who are so senstive, I are left very exposed. And that whilst being sensitive is a wonderful skill, not being taught to take care of it will wreak havoc on the energy system. 

I feel right with her, 

Thanks for all the help! Happy actualizing. :-) 

[Toby]

7 minutes ago, Seed said:

She said I am very sensitive soul with chinks in my armour due to childhood trauma, so she is going to teach me how to take care and protect myself from aborbing too much negative energies from others. As those who are so senstive, I are left very exposed. And that whilst being sensitive is a wonderful skill, not being taught to take care of it will wreak havoc on the energy system.

sounds textbook cold reading. Sorry had to laugh a bit while reading because it sounded so generic. Not to say she has no skills that are useful to you.

[Seed]

8 minutes ago, Toby said:

sounds textbook cold reading. Sorry had to laugh a bit while reading because it sounded so generic. Not to say she has no skills that are useful to you.

Could be rubbish, I agree. But I guess it’s all a process of trial and error til I get the right fit. Best to be open minded isn’t it?

[Seed]

So having taken on board your comments and spoken to other therapists, as well as my own gut instinct. I’ve called off the rest of the sessions.... his response -

Hello Natalie, I’m sorry to her this. It’s not a good idea to stop psychotherapy suddenly. I suggest we keep the sessions we have arranged prior to my break and I won’t charge you for these. I’ll invoice you for sessions to date, let me know if you need time to pay this. 
James 

Is it a good idea to have the final three sessions for free? Again, is it odd that he is offering me for free? He usually charges £80 an hour?

Atm, I am so lost, so please don’t say ‘go with your heart’ as the recent year has eroding my self trust, which is the reason I am in therapy.

Thoughts on continuing to tie up loose ends?

sorry. I know I am pathetic to ask such basic questions to a forum. But this is where I am at. The only way is up ? 

[Toby]

What kind of professional therapist does sessions for free? Seems very weird.

Although, yes... sometimes people stop therapy because of some stuff coming up and would be better to continue. But if he is not doing his behavior to slow you down or looking away because he notices too much attention is disregulating for you... his approach / behavior / personality is not ideal for you.

[Seed]

7 minutes ago, Toby said:

What kind of professional therapist does sessions for free? Seems very weird.

Although, yes... sometimes people stop therapy because of some stuff coming up and would be better to continue. But if he is not doing his behavior to slow you down or looking away because he notices too much attention is disregulating for you... his approach / behavior / personality is not ideal for you.

Now I really don’t know what to do. I guess it was all part of a bigger plan and we were not seeing the bigger picture. I guess he was in the middle of a process. I feel for him to be honest... always frustrating when you can’t finish a project ?

[Farnaby]

The problem if we tell you what you should do is that it will be another proof to yourself that you can't trust yourself and you need other people to decide for yourself. 

I can relate to what you're feeling and from personal experience I can tell you it's better to trust your gut, even if it turns out to be the "wrong" decision. At least you get experience in listening to your emotions. 

What you can do is consider the different options you're facing and sit with the feelings that arise when you imagine yourself choosing each option. 

What could be the worst outcome? How do you feel about making "mistakes"?

Why did he offer sessions for free? Sorry if you said it in another comment and I haven't seen it. 

 

Edited July 22, 2020 by Farnaby