Strange Behaviour From Therapist

[Seed]

@DIDego yes, I think it is dissociation of some kind. Who’s the protector? Is that me? He seems to be working at my pace and says to respect the resistance. So he’s not rushing me at least. 

[Seed]

@Michael569 And this isn’t anything to do with me projecting my discomfort onto him ? This is what I am paranoid about. I was really upset and frightened in the session but then I’ve been dealing with a lot of that anyway due the year ive had with a very Toxic, manipulative person.  
 

It’s so tricky to trust myself. I don’t want to run away cause the going’s got tough. 

[Michael569]

Just now, Seed said:

And this isn’t anything to do with me projecting my discomfort onto him ? This is what I am paranoid about. I was really upset and frightened in the session but then I’ve been dealing with a lot of that anyway due the year ive had with a very Toxic, manipulative person.  
 

It’s so tricky to trust myself. I don’t want to run away cause the going’s got tough. 

It's all about feeling that you can open up 100% with the person without being judged or rushed. But it's also about agreeing with their style of work and sometimes a client and therapist are just bad match for whatever reason. 

You can always tell him when you don't like his approach. While he is the therapist you are the one who gets to decide what is acceptable and what isn't. 

[DreamScape]

@Seed noo haha. Highly sensitive people, empaths, codependent people, people who suffer from neglect, these are the people who need more of a heart centered approach toward healing and awakening (if that's what you're going for).

This is because your main issue is lack of love, so doing normal, masculine approaches will just lead to more self judgment, lack of love and rejection from yourself, and other such things. Also masculine dominated approaches lack this element. 

If youre able to pin the dots, you can see how your past is creating the same reality over and over again,

You can't heal what you're afraid to fully feel 

P.s. no, its not dangerous, in terms of looking for validation and filling the holes through external means, yes, but also being around people who make you feel empty is just as dangerous. 

[Toby]

@Seed I don't think that EFT or kinesiology are "bad". Rather the opposite; they are quite often too direct, too "powerful" and lack "calibration". That's why unconsciously they do not touch deeper layers when they are not used within the "window of tolerance" (http://www.somatictraumatherapy.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/ANS2.jpg). That is the main thing in any legit trauma therapy that the therapist has to keep you in the window of tolerance and widen that window (meaning the capacity to stay present with more and more situations, sensations, emotions, thoughts...). Only you can judge if that is what's happening or if you are being retraumatized.

[allislove]

28 minutes ago, Seed said:

Even though we’re going into the belly of the beast ?

i thought you were meant to feel worse cause of having to dredge up years of suppressed emotions. And the only way out is through?

I hope i am wrong !! As I find it so difficult. Therapy always makes me feel worse after for two days.

The therapists say that is cause we’re working through my protective mechanisms and it stirs up suppressed emotions and memories. But that they need to be felt to be released ? 

Yes, there is such technique as feeling through the situation in the past and forgiving it, letting it go.
During the exercise you may feel emotional but afterwards you should feel way lighter.
The whole point of such exercise is to let go, so you feel better.

Only Truth/Love heals. You can sense how deluded person is from the first session :))
If you feel worse and worse, what the point of it at all?
Find a hobby which you enjoy, makes more sense to me  

[Nick_98]

No matter what he says ,This sound like a man who doesn't know how to communicate with people. Doesn't take a genius to figure that out. Don't be hard on yourself, just drop him. If he was really good at what he does .. then why we would be having a conversation here ? It's OBVIOUS.

[remember]

@Seed how does what he is saying feel like? you talked about his way of pausing a lot and his working style which is not comfortable for you.

you like to experience flow states, what seems to be in your nature, you say you did not get far with the other therapists...

i think sympathy is important for a connection between you and the therapist. if the feedback beyond the pausing and introspection is also not getting you anywhere, then it really does make no sense. but if the feedback does actually get you somewhere, then why is the pausing disturbing?

i’d try to find out during the next visit what it really is that makes you nervous and unhappy about the situation. if you are not sure yet i‘d try to go on with the therapy until you either really have a break through or you really are sure that it does not fit, if you find out what the problem really is which disturbs you, you‘ll probably also find an answer. could be you are going through some ego backlashing, too. what is you and what is him and is he competent or is he not?

i actually don’t see a therapist as someone who has to adapt to my wishes, if he/she would do that i guess i would also have the feeling the therapist was not really helping me to change anything. i mean deapth psychology means to go into deeper levels at least. don’t know, difficult to say from my  perspective.

also, is the situation, feeling etc. in any way connected to the reason why you are visiting him? (you don’t have to answer to this via text, it’s just to ask yourself)

Edited July 19, 2020 by remember

[Seed]

33 minutes ago, remember said:

@Seed how does what he is saying feel like? you talked about his way of pausing a lot and his working style which is not comfortable for you.

you like to experience flow states, what seems to be in your nature, you say you did not get far with the other therapists...

i think sympathy is important for a connection between you and the therapist. if the feedback beyond the pausing and introspection is also not getting you anywhere, then it really does make no sense. but if the feedback does actually get you somewhere, then why is the pausing disturbing?

i’d try to find out during the next visit what it really is that makes you nervous and unhappy about the situation. if you are not sure yet i‘d try to go on with the therapy until you either really have a break through or you really are sure that it does not fit, if you find out what the problem really is which disturbs you, you‘ll probably also find an answer. could be you are going through some ego backlashing, too. what is you and what is him and is he competent or is he not?

i actually don’t see a therapist as someone who has to adapt to my wishes, if he/she would do that i guess i would also have the feeling the therapist was not really helping me to change anything. i mean deapth psychology means to go into deeper levels at least. don’t know, difficult to say from my   perspective.

I suppose when he goes into himself. It makes me feel like what I’ve said is really weird and he has to think really long and hard to get his head around it. I don’t mind pausing in therapy, I think it’s very effective. It’s just with him, it goes on for minutes and I feel stuff comes up for me that I can’t say because he’s in the middle of his own contemplation. I don’t want to disturb his process.

I usually let this stuff slide but the session In question, where I got particularly upset and even cried (Something I’ve never done before in a therapy session). I got very worked up about it. And that’s what lead to the tears

I had brought some stuff up that were personal and sensitive to me and I said ‘I am not sure if I am overreacting, but.... bla bla’ and he said I was. Quite bluntly. And that upset me.

And another thing was that he lifts his hands up when I am talking to pause me. This makes me feel like I am ‘too much’ for him.

I also mentioned how this ex of mine had emotionally manipulated me. (He was a narcissist) and the therapist just said one finger pointing at him, three fingers back at yourself’ I understand what he was saying but it just hurt me a lot as one of my issues is I blame myself for all the worlds problems. And I felt I was shut down for opening up an avenue I wanted to explore.

its a tricky one to work out how much is him / how much is me. Whether the dynamic holds lots of challenging opportunities for growth or whether we are just a mismatch.

Therapy is so expensive and time consuming and emotionally draining. I really want to make sure I get the right therapist as I have a lot of deep rooted issues to unearth. That have been left to fester for much too long.

 

[remember]

@Seed how did you interpret the three fingers back at yourself?

maybe he’s pulling out some shadow material, usually it’s codependency stuff why we stay in dysfunctional relationships.

if you get emotional at least sth is happening. but you know in the end you have to decide for yourself - i‘m a person who talks like a waterfall sometimes, i‘d also probably not like the pausing. but is this because it is more important for me to get rid of everything on my mind instead of having feedback to some aspects or is this because his technique is weird and he is actually abusing me interfering with my flow of thoughts showing me he also has a will and is present?

i don’t know, it’s difficult to say - you see in the end feelings are feelings and sometimes the ego plays tricks on us because we are scared, you may have some kind of guilt problematic or authority problematic which makes the chemistry that explosive. in the end YOU have to go through this therapy, if it’s worse than the trauma, maybe it’s not the right therapy.

and i must confess i would probably not go to a male therapist... because there is often more dissonance. although it might reveal more authority topics regarding gender than a female female talk.

Edited July 19, 2020 by remember

[Seed]

29 minutes ago, remember said:

@Seed how did you interpret the three fingers back at yourself?

maybe he’s pulling out some shadow material, usually it’s codependency stuff why we stay in dysfunctional relationships.

if you get emotional at least sth is happening. but you know in the end you have to decide for yourself - i‘m a person who talks like a waterfall sometimes, i‘d also probably not like the pausing. but is this because it is more important for me to get rid of everything on my mind instead of having feedback to some aspects or is this because his technique is weird and he is actually abusing me interfering with my flow of thoughts showing me he also has a will and is present?

i don’t know, it’s difficult to say - you see in the end feelings are feelings and sometimes the ego plays tricks on us because we are scared, you may have some kind of guilt problematic or authority problematic which makes the chemistry that explosive. in the end you have to go through this therapy, if it’s worse than the trauma, maybe it’s not the right therapy.

and i must confess i would probably not go to a male therapist... because there is often more dissonance. although it might reveal more authority topics regarding gender than a female female talk.

I interpreted him as my dad saying I am emotionally manipulative and also the abuser saying I was. So it made sense to me. And I said ‘I know that i am emotionally manipulative’ as I suppose as knew jerk reaction and because I want to develop self awareness. I know it takes two to tango. When I said I wished to explore this, he said that this isn’t my primary relationship and wants to know more about that... and he asked me some direct questions. So the avenue was closed. This hurt me a lot as I am still carrying a lot of pain and confusion from that previous relationship. 

I thought it might be good to work with a male to help me build trust in them again. But sadly, the opposite is proving true ☹️ 

[remember]

@Seed mhhh sounds like it. i‘d probably still go there one or two times or until you find another therapist. maybe even just to get a hold of what is really happening there. i‘d probably try to figure out a little bit more. seems like he at least triggers stuff in you. you‘d probably also have the chance to go back to the problematic of the last relationship if you would go on with the therapy. you def have an authority problematic ? (classical one)

i don’t judge you - most women have a little bit. but yeah the three fingers back means: your partner and your parents. so it’s your dad, and you actually even really got directly triggered. maybe he’s better than you think he is... but well, your money, your time, your decision.

wish you good luck!

Edited July 19, 2020 by remember
a therapy without tears is not really a therapy, but did you cry because of the therapist or because of your trauma? how awful if we have to pay for feeling miserable again...

[SgtPepper]

Find another therapist.

I have seen therapy for 7 years and I personally love my therapist, and have excellent rapport.

In addition, I am in the mental health field and the number one factor of client progress is rapport. So if you don't have that rapport, I'd recommend someone else.

[kag101]

That’s a ridiculous behavior!
 

If I were you, I would never have another session with this guy again, and I’d start searching for a new therapist asap. 

Edited July 19, 2020 by kag101

[Leo Gura]

@Seed It is not a waste of money to find a good therapist. The waste of money is sticking with one that doesn't align with you.

[Jacob Morres]

Hey I'm curious about this therapist , may I have more details or be able to see his profile? 

I am looking for a therapist 

[Seed]

@Leo Gura But how do I know this isn't my ego getting defensive? It's so hard to know.... ?! 

[Seed]

2 hours ago, kag101 said:

That’s a ridiculous behavior!
 

If I were you, I would never have another session with this guy again, and I’d start searching for a new therapist asap. 

What is ridiculous? I know he is very unorthordox, but does that make him ridiculous or is that our own projection?

[communitybuilder]

This is a really, really easy one. Find a new therapist, and dont go to another session with this person. Chemistry is super important (it doesnt exist in your dynamic), this isnt normal at all, and the therpaist sounds either very weird or incompetent or both. I would recommend having 1-2 sessions with 10 or so therapists and then choosing the best one. I saw 11 until i stuck with one and am so glad i did. 

[Leo Gura]

16 minutes ago, Seed said:

@Leo Gura But how do I know this isn't my ego getting defensive? It's so hard to know.... ?! 

Girl, there are many amazing therapists out there. Stop settling for mediocrity. You deserve to find one you're excited about working with. It doesn't have to be pulling teeth.

I would recommend you also consider spiritual and psychic healer types. You can find them on Yelp. They will be far more conscious, developed, inuitive, and empathetic than a traditional therapist. And cheaper too.

When I work with a high intuitive spiritual healer/coach, she tells me my problem as soon as walk through her door, before I even sit down.

Healers who know what they are doing don't need 3 minutes to think or process. They give you instant answers.

Go to Yelp and search: "psychic healing counseling coaching"