Lack Of Self Love

[mr yoel]

Hi! This is my 1st post so doing this is a big step in my personal development. So recently I have been struggling with self love or the lack of it. I thought I got better at it but I realized there is still more work to be done in that area of my life. Has someone here struggles with that or has struggled with it? If so, how did you get over it? do you have any techniques? tips?

Much appreciated it

[egoeimai]

Yes, me. And I have started a thread for self love. 

I still struggle. I think you have to improve yourself ...thats what I do. Because we tend to not love ourselves for what we are and usually we dont understand what is really like to love youself.or we find it impossible to do.

But you can still be better,you can still feel good of what you have&are and be happy,by improving youself and proving to yourself that you can do better.and that you have value. 

By succeed 

P.s. try to not judge badly if theres no reason. Try to control a bad thought about yourself when its coming from an outer-experience that has nothing to do with your value.

And improve your positivity,good energy etc

[ProblemSolving]

Also struggling with self love. I don't like the way I look.  Don't like the way I behave. But there are two ways out of this misery.

I could accept the way I am and just make this problem vanish. Because the reason why I created this resistence towards myself is simply based on comparing myself with other people. Not liking myself the way I am is nothing but a farce. There is no reason why I should not like myself. Because society defined role models and as long as we are not getting closer to that concept  we are supposed to feel inferior? That is so wrong.

Another way would be to improve in some aspects of your life. But I see that as a rather superficial method, because you basically just escape from the core problem. Depends on what you want to improve in your life. Always ask why you want to improve.

[egoeimai]

Improvement will make your eyes believe that you worth it and you can do it. These are the 2 things we dont have when we are lacking of self love.

Faith & Confidence. We tend to be oversuspicious and we dont believe that we can,until we do.and then we re behinning to accept. Its a process.

[ttm]

14 hours ago, mr yoel said:

Has someone here struggles with that or has struggled with it? If so, how did you get over it? do you have any techniques? tips?

Matt Kahn has really helped me on my path of love revolution. Technique-wise it's basically the title of his book: "Whatever arises, love that". "Healing mantras" really do work, if you just keep saying out loud to yourself all the I love you's and other sentences of caring and compassion, their meaning become your reality. Of course the constant meditation and consciousness work is as important here than in mastering anything.

For example, when a thought "oh shit how shitty dude I am, why the fuck did I do that" arises and one hasn't learnt to separate himself from his thoughts, this would probably lead to a circle where unwanted "bad" feeling is generated, which in turn causes unwanted thoughts to arise, and this ultimately just keeps getting worse until mind is distracted by doing something (else).

When that thought can be observed further in the moment they arise, like "ok, I have these unwanted thoughts appear now in my consciousness", there's still the fact that even when one understands to not to follow them blindly, it's easy to feel something along the lines "i refuse to let myself to sink in the swamp of despair by following those thoughts, but this resisting is hard work and i don't like the fact that these thoughts constantly try to lure me, i really don't like those thoughts and feelings". And there it is, the very source of power from which those - so to speak - constantly reappearing enemies gain their power. The resisting.

Sometime I myself got to the point where I understood that those unwanted thoughts and feelings kept arising only and just because they were unwanted. I refused to love, respect and accept them as a reality as it was happening right then. I realized that there were a whole lot of things arising in my experience to which I had that "I really don't want to be that, I don't want that to be part of me"-attitude... Yeah, "unfortunate for you, here we are." At that point, I started to respond to those thoughts like "woah, it's fucking amazing how powerful you are, awesome! i love you so much for showing me how little control i have on my experience!" etc.

Although this stuff (especially maybe those healing mantras and "talking with emotions/thoughts like they were people") may sound somewhat weird or doings of a whack job as it's not something we are used to, in the end it's just a techniques to change how you feel and respond to your reality. Your reality kind of is what you feel and your responses kind of are your feelings..

[mostly harmless]

Ajahn Brahm has a few other talks at youtube that could give you a useful perspective

 

Edited July 30, 2016 by mostly harmless

[mr yoel]

@popi Thanks for replying.  I agree, confidence and faith are 2 of the more powerful things we have as humans, two things I work on everyday, specially faith, trusting that the Universe is taking care of me somehow!

 

[mr yoel]

Thank you! it is very important to know why you do the things you do, keep playing the WHY's game, it is so powerful. Has that helped you getting better at loving yourself more?@ProblemSolving

[mr yoel]

@ttm Will def check that book, thanks for sharing! yeah, it is all about surrendering to the moment including negative thoughts , it is funny because I know it but when it comes to do the work , it can get hard not to let those emotions, thoughts rule the moment. How often do you repeat those mantras? I totally believe that technique works, it doesn't seem awkward, it is just that we are programmed not to do stuff like that, you know?

Thanks again

[mr yoel]

@mostly harmlessWill check these out for sure! thank you =)

[ProblemSolving]

1 hour ago, mr yoel said:

Thank you! it is very important to know why you do the things you do, keep playing the WHY's game, it is so powerful. Has that helped you getting better at loving yourself more?@ProblemSolving

yeah. i still have a long way to go. my happiness level doesn't really get higher, but my low points basically vanished. appreciation is something that i need to practice on a regular basis.

[ttm]

1 hour ago, mr yoel said:

@ttm How often do you repeat those mantras?

Every time I notice anything arising in my experience that clearly needs compassion and loving. At first it was quite often, my monkey-mind generated a whole bunch of thoughts per day and most of them weren't exactly coming from any good place... Actually, the more you speak those loving sentences, the more you transform your experience and the more the state of just dwelling in bliss becomes accessible without even speaking.

Hmm, it might be something like: learning to integrate something to part of your reality is to learn how something feels. I don't know, my personal experience of this world has changed so radically so rapid that it's hard to put anything in words... I think there might also be connection to what's behind the success with MDMA-treatments on PTSD patients, "forcing the feeling of love in one's experience" can really help to dig deeper and deal with all negative stuff and traumas buried deep inside..

But it's definitely the feeling you're after, words are always just symbols. "I love you" could mean in some other language "This is bullshit"...

[Lynnel]

Well, as the custom goes : There is no self to love - because you are love - even if you are not love , it can be said that its one of "your" "true" "attributes" of who you are.

If you want your form identity to love itself more read Teal Swan's book shadows before dawn. It's the best one I can recommend for that

[ttm]

57 minutes ago, Lynnel said:

Well, as the custom goes : There is no self to love - because you are love - even if you are not love , it can be said that its one of "your" "true" "attributes" of who you are.

Yeah, well, that's an approach that doesn't really help much. Because as long as there's self, albeit illusion, there "is" self to love. It's no use to keep thinking that "my thoughts don't exist"...

[Ayla]

Some or all of the exercises presented in this post might be of help when applied to your out situation and struggles: 

 

[mr yoel]

@ProblemSolving I hear ya, there is always room for improvement, always!

[mr yoel]

@ttm wow, that is powerful! I am very interested in trying MDMA under medical conditions, never done it before, I heard both the good and the bad of it, I want to experience myself. Thx for sharing! Have you read a book called " love yourself like your life depends on it'? I think that is the title

[Beam]

 

You must put in the effort searching the web reading articles blogs and books.

Do not be looking for quick tips and short cuts to success , instead put in the hours reading and studying from as many sources as you mind can handle or you need.

The trick is to stop all recreation such as tv , gaming , drinking / smoking dope etc and instead study.

Its needs your undivided attention for a week or two what ever it takes to snap you out of it.

The more effort the more effective so work hard
 

 

[ttm]

12 hours ago, mr yoel said:

@ttm wow, that is powerful! I am very interested in trying MDMA under medical conditions, never done it before, I heard both the good and the bad of it, I want to experience myself. Thx for sharing! Have you read a book called " love yourself like your life depends on it'? I think that is the title

MDMA can be helpful when used properly, but it's good to notice that you can't be high on MDMA all the time, but you CAN be "high on life and love" all the time. I was not so much promoting MDMA but noticing that healing mantras and such are "mental MDMA" by their ability of "forcefully" bringing feelings of being loved and accepted in one's experience.