Self-image and how one sees themselves from the outside

[Maha]

Hi all,

im super happy to share with you my fisrt post. I experienced in my recent days a huge lack of confidence that i never had. I actually have always knew myself as this very confident, energetic  and happy person. Always positive but really not forcing it! It really comes naturally. I have stated my life vision and mission and what i want from my life is really clear to me. However, i had this picture of this perfect man that i know i want and fully deserve, couple of week later of really focus thinking on this person (was not intended to “attract” this person) he really actually popped up in my life! Put of no where; exactly like what i want. Here i started to question my beauty, my self image, and whether im worthy of such relationship with such a “perfect” man! My self-confidence started to collapse, I became unworthy of him inside my mind, and i started to “look” for ways to “adjust” my self and beauty! I started questioning whether im actually what i think about myself or is just me? But people see a different me? 
 

all these questions and feeling insecure abput myself. So i stopped crying over it and I actually set a plan for improving my “image” thus increasing my confidence again and creating even a better self-image. I also started to look up insights on this topic and i saw Leo’s video on Self-image. 
 

now i have a plan, and i started already with actions. It takes some time i know and this guy was like a wake up call or a mirror reflection of how i want to be. 
 

my question is: why do i feel still unworthy of him? Is it because i believe that what i want i have to be first? And, how did that happen that my whole self-image got cracked? Why do one get such self-image uncertainty?

interesting to know your thoughts on this!

 

thanks,

Maha

[Artsu]

Perhaps focusing on self image is something you need to transcend.

It's possible that it's partly a coincidence, and this has triggered a collapsing of your ego.

Be prepared to re evaluate your life.

[Maha]

@Artsu yeah, that was my thought about it too. It was just a trigger maybe and revealed alot and how i need to overcome this way of thinking. 
 

i already re-evaluated my values and saw where this part fits. 
 

but what does my ego mean in this context?

[loub]

There is a bottom line assumption at work here. Something that you believe to be true about yourself, even though you may not recognize it as an assumption, because you live it as true. Now when you work on changing your self-and social-image, you already work from a point where that assumption of unworthiness is true. And so you argue and and manage this that you live to be true of you.

Real transformation begins when you see that this assumption is non-essential to who and what you truly are. Once this is clearly seen, the belief can be dropped.

So long as it remains to be a fundamental part of yourself, you will always have feelings of unworthiness in the background of your experience, no matter how much evidence to the contrary you create in your life.

[Maha]

@loub thanks alot for your insight. This really seems to be the case here. I had this idea in my head but it was just floating. But i knee im just fixing the mirror me but not my true self which really depends on me. 
 

i just want now to reach to a middle point where i feel this true beauty from inside and outside as well. I dont want to think that these are contradicting each other but the opposite they complete each other, without exaggerating the outside “looks”. It is clear to me now that i need to balance these two sides of the situation instead of relying on one of them.

[Shiva99]

40 minutes ago, loub said:

There is a bottom line assumption at work here. Something that you believe to be true about yourself, even though you may not recognize it as an assumption, because you live it as true. Now when you work on changing your self-and social-image, you already work from a point where that assumption of unworthiness is true. And so you argue and and manage this that you live to be true of you.

Real transformation begins when you see that this assumption is non-essential to who and what you truly are. Once this is clearly seen, the belief can be dropped.

So long as it remains to be a fundamental part of yourself, you will always have feelings of unworthiness in the background of your experience, no matter how much evidence to the contrary you create in your life.

This is a good answer.

[Joyboy]

46 minutes ago, Maha said:

@Artsu  I actually have always knew myself as this very confident, energetic  and happy person

This is only your thought or you knew by getting information and evaluating from other sources? (your feeling, friends, family etc.)

So a guy show up as the test and you failed, your 'image' collapsed.

Life test you before giving the lesson, unlike school

[hyruga]

Watch Bob Proctor's videos. He likes to talk about the self image.

[Maha]

@Shiva99 it is! Reaveals alot. 

[Maha]

@Joyboy no, these were really my thoughts coming from inside. But they changed! And this is the strange thing. 
 

the guy was definitely a test. 

35 minutes ago, Joyboy said:

This is only your thought or you knew by getting information and evaluating from other sources? (your feeling, friends, family etc.)

So a guy show up as the test and you failed, your 'image' collapsed.

Life test you before giving the lesson, unlike school

 

Edited July 17, 2020 by Maha
Wrong mention

[Maha]

@hyruga will do; thanks alot. 

[loub]

1 hour ago, Maha said:

@loub thanks alot for your insight. This really seems to be the case here. I had this idea in my head but it was just floating. But i knee im just fixing the mirror me but not my true self which really depends on me. 
 

i just want now to reach to a middle point where i feel this true beauty from inside and outside as well. I dont want to think that these are contradicting each other but the opposite they complete each other, without exaggerating the outside “looks”. It is clear to me now that i need to balance these two sides of the situation instead of relying on one of them.

Yeah, I understand your point. I made it seem like there is a contradiction between those two because you seemed to be overly focused on  just managing your self-image. Ain't nothing wrong with wanting to look cute and it can produce many beneficial changes in self-esteem and self-confidence. I for one like being a relatively fit, cute guy who gets attention from girls. But when I started going to the gym (all gains long lost, thanks corona ) I noticed that I still could not attract, or even approach girls because fundamentally I believed, I was still unworthy.

So what I am saying is that working on yourself has nothing to do with your self-image but with feeling good, and that is a big part of your life of course.

Wanting to get over deep-rooted limiting assumptions has nothing to do with feeling good, but with what is actually true of you, and dropping all that is not. If successful at that, you will create possibilities for feeling good like you can not even imagine now.

And for a quick little reality check, you seem like a cute girl with an attractive attitude. Even though my saying that only has the potential to make you feel better.

[Maha]

@loub haha thanks for the last part!  so kind of you  

 

i understand your point and i believe i have a problem in that part that i did know it exists. Means i would only believe I deserve good things only if i am in a “good” condition; which seems to be a bad pattern of thinking! But i have no tips on how to get it fixed. I think i saw on one of Leo’s videos (and some other coaches) i have to dig deep into the unconscious, meditate, and use affirmations.   

[Artsu]

12 hours ago, Maha said:

@Artsu yeah, that was my thought about it too. It was just a trigger maybe and revealed alot and how i need to overcome this way of thinking. 
 

i already re-evaluated my values and saw where this part fits. 
 

but what does my ego mean in this context?

By ego, i roughly mean a self concept formed in early life which we identify with. I am this, i am not this.

The ego is only a fraction of who one is, and we continually progress away from it, but before the Self is awakened we think the ego is the main thing, or what the ego can do, how things relate to the ego.

When you actualise you transcend the opposing sides of yourself, and it becomes more about how everything fits together rather than focusing on specific parts.

 

Also, when you first actualise, you may become confused of who you are, because your ego has diminished, but you will build up a new self concept based on your true self.

 

Oh, and as the ego progresses through different stages, it becomes aware of things that are not it such as other egos. The latter stages of ego consciousness are likely concerned with how one is seen from the outside, until the whole thing is transcended.

Edited July 17, 2020 by Artsu

[Maha]

@Artsu thanks alot! This is now clear to me; that you explained this old “ego” and how it transforms. 
 

just an additional thought on the ego: i believe that there are so many “images” of one. Means, my sister has an image of me, my boss has another image, my friend has another image. There is no actual “me” thus it highly depends of how i see that me and keep on improving it. 

[Maha]

@flume oh thanks A LOT! You made me feel way better about this by seeing it in a different way. I definitely will come back to your comments guys multiple times in the coming days. So full of insight and cheer-up as well! 
 

thanks for the book! Added to my reading list! 
 

I intend to come back with comments about how i feel about this discussion and how i improve this part of my self-image i. The coming weeks! 
 

thanks alot again! 

[TripleFly]

Hey Maha, I totally get where you're coming from.. When we are born we forget who we are and where we come from. After suffering drives us to seek for healing and more meaning, we find a familiar feeling. And this feeling-intution is your best guide. I highly recommend you check out Matt Kahn over on youtube, although I am still going through it, everyday I am growing more and becoming stronger. Real strength Maha! It's not the kind that comes by pretty words and goes by surging emotions, it's the kind of strength that only love can teach, and that you know no matter what happens, you'll never be alone and once you recognize what it is you are really here to do, you get it. The Eternal Cultivation of your beautiful heart. Help everyone and your beloved by helping yourself And the best part, you don't need to change a thing.

[Artsu]

3 hours ago, Maha said:

@Artsu thanks alot! This is now clear to me; that you explained this old “ego” and how it transforms. 
 

just an additional thought on the ego: i believe that there are so many “images” of one. Means, my sister has an image of me, my boss has another image, my friend has another image. There is no actual “me” thus it highly depends of how i see that me and keep on improving it. 

Look into the Jungian archetypes. You are describing persona which is similar to ego. Ego is more your own identity, persona is the image you project onto others. Everyone has a persona i suppose but the Self will become more important.

The Jungian hierarchy of the unconscious goes  persona, shadow, animus or anima, wise old woman or man, Self, and then perhaps collective unconscious. I classify the first 4 stages as ego consciousness, and the Self as the next stage of development.

[Nahm]

@Maha

Many look in the mirror and don’t like this or that about how they look, and it doesn’t feel good. So they change it, or attempt to, and maybe feel better for a bit. Meanwhile the not feeling good is due to the belief you are what is seen, but are in actuality literally breath taking infinite beauty. Even all the beauty of the cosmos doesn’t begin to note how beautiful you truly are. Doesn’t even begin to describe.