Stuck In A Bind

[Dylan Page]

Hey everyone, I’ve got a problem that I don’t really know how to solve. 
After learning so much about reality, sense data, consciousness, the brain and it’s relationship to mind, etc. I’m kind of at this standstill where I just have no idea what to make of any of it. I just sit here and realize that I don’t know shit, and I really mean, I don’t know fucking anything for sure, at all. 
While this notion is pretty unsettling, and quite honestly, a core shaking scare when you realize how profound it is, the hardest problem for me is that I just have no idea what to do in life as a result of this. I‘ve been trying to figure out what I’m going to do with my life for a decent amount of time now and given that I’m aware that there is “nothing to do” and that for all I know, my past isn’t “real”, everything I’m seeing and experiencing could be some drawn out illusion, and that I can be so easily tricked that any assumption about what my reality is is effectively baseless, leaves me in this mental situation of what I would call “existential confusion”. Not only do I have no idea what I want to do in life, I feel like I also have no ground from which to come up with an answer, and all of the meanings in my life currently, could just be some illusory lie that sucks all value out of it. 

[Dylan Page]

I guess another way of putting it is that I feel like I’m in neverland. Like this reality is just arbitrary, it gives me this weird sensation of being lost in a foreign land, even though I’ve lived here my whole life. 

[TrustTheProcess]

@Dylan Page Play the game, don't be of it. 

[commie]

30 minutes ago, Dylan Page said:

Not only do I have no idea what I want to do in life, I feel like I also have no ground from which to come up with an answer, and all of the meanings in my life currently, could just be some illusory lie that sucks all value out of it. 

Yes, you do. Calm down and be patient. You don't need meanings nor can they take away what has actual value.

[Exystem]

I would recommend you to investigate into your own nature. Find out who you are, that's the only thing you may know for sure, since everything else could be an illusion. The one real thing you know for sure is that "you" exist. Find out what this "you" is that exists.

What you will find is only appearences "outside of you", words, feelings, images, perceptions and so on. Once you deeply investigate in yourself who you really are, only focused on the self, not believing the false assumption that you are something "outside of you" which needs your attention right now, only regressing back into your true nature without involving yourself with the mind, circuling around your center in smaller and smaller circles until you finally realize that "you" have always been here and always will be here, that "YOU" ARE here as one eternally, when you realize this, then reality revealed itself to itself. You can surrender the belief in a seperate existence of yourself and realize god as everything, transcendent and immanent.

This singularity of the self in form of a calibration with its mirror/echo, the clarity of the self so to speak, this increasing clarity can be experienced as a neverending process in human life. The closer the seeking mind circulates around the "god/I"-center, the more the seeker understands god/itself, the more it infinitisemally approximates the god-axes (but never touches it), the more your bodymind will reflect and manifest gods true nature. The shining light within you enlightens the world, and your unconditional love flourishes the beauty of diversity, which is creation.

So this is the process which everyone undergoes (you can't sleep/dream forever, one wakes up sooner or later). But this waking up process within time is not a linear approximation, for the bodymind it may appear very chaotic (as the movements of a planet from viewpoint of the earth looks at first glance (moving forward and suddenly backward and so on)). But as with every process in life, it can be done fast or slow, direct or indirect, efficient or inefficent. The realignment to the source, the synchronisation of the bodymind with the cosmos, the surrender of the self into god as a process within spacetime can never be completed from the viewpoint of the egomind but can be more or less efficiently pursued, closer or less close approximated.

So from your real Self, gods point of view, nothing has to be done. Everything just is (done). In your mind, you think you have to do something constructive, you need drive, you want to create something etc. And yeah, that's fine. That's also a little part of god. So let your bodymind do what your bodymind is convinced it needs to do. But do it efficiently! Why?
1. You want to know soon whether you're on the right or wrong path, so do it quick, then you can return soon too, if necessary.
2. When you know it's the right direction, you want to progress fast to get as much yield as possible.
3. The shortest way is the way nature takes, and it paid off as one can see. So don't hang around in your suffering, makes no sense.

So if you understand that the only meaningfull thing your restless bodymind can do is trying to reunite with the source/mirror the light most efficiently, which is an intrinsically rewarding process due to its Self-referential/Self-affirming nature, you can see where you should go in life. There are manifestations of this merging process, and you can try to "manifest god" in all your actions as much as you can. What are the most essential qualities of god? Love, diversity, simplicity, beauty, creativity, intelligence and so on. Your life purpose is to be an embodiment of the highest truth (god).

So take the most direct way possible. It all depends on you, on the prerequisites, the structure of your bodymind and your beliefsystems/memory and so. In my eyes, one of the most direct ways I found to realize the truth and to calibrate myself with it is the path of direct self-inquiry. Who am I?
Since the Self is the only thing completely nondual in your awareness, the only absolute real thing, undenyable, everpresent, here and now. But whatever limited notion/image/explanation/feeling appears and claims to be "you", is just another appearence within you. Go deeper and deeper, there is no bottomline as long as anything appears before you. This process of "coming closer to the center/origin of one-Self" will let you penetrate to the deepest layers of consciousness, archaic types of collective consciousness, will reveal mechanisms of the creation of the universe, will enable inconceivable possibilities. Which doesn't mean that you can easily transfer these experiences via memory back to your limited bodymind, but it is a satisfying activity of its own kind.

So if you don't know what to do with your life I guess you haven't really penetrated deep enough into the mysteries of existence. "There's nothing to do" is just a message for the egomind to stop its seeking (like the earths momentum perpendicular to the sun) in order to naturally gravitate towards the Self (the sun), which is the fastest way of reunion. So that's one way to explain the most efficient way to get clairity, to get synchronized. But can also be the perfect dogma for the ego to justify its resistance towards the natural process. Instead of slowing down the egos momentum (which is naturally done -> deconstruction, death), the ego slows down the process of slowing down the egos momentum (identification, survival agendas).

Ramana Maharshi regretted to have told his disciples there's nothing to do, because it can so easily be misunderstood. As long as you are seeking anything, you are not at your final destination. Seek the seeker! Couldn't the seeker itself be the illusion? Who are you?
The more you realize what YOU are, the more you will become what YOU are, the more you are what YOU are, and that is all there is, an infinitude of beauty. Don't you want to experience beauty? Create beauty? Be beauty?

[VeganAwake]

@Dylan Page  there is no goal so whatever arises is what arises...

Yes don't try to force anything just let it play out naturally.

You're in a good spot just let it flow ❤ naturally

[Lenny]

@Dylan Page

Hi Dylan, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It sounds like you're going through a form of the dark night of the soul. For what you are going through, I think it'll be good to keep it simple.

Here is an exercise that you can try and if you would like to keep reading on you can (I've put some more complex ideas after which may cause more confusion - hopefully not):

Find somewhere quiet to sit (not necessary, but may help you to focus). Close your eyes and focus on the energy that is accompanying the confusion. From here, place your mind aside for the moment. It doesn't need to be long, just for a little while. By "the mind", I mean thoughts, notions, ideas, concepts (forms that can be held in your perception with your eyes closed). Now, just sit there with the "feeling" of confusion, without adding an interpretation of what it is. Don't wish it to go away. Here we are searching for Truth, so, if it stays then we may have found something important. If it goes itself, then we will let it go. The important thing here is to not add any interpretation on what is occurring in the body. You may even recognise this energy/feeling as something that is very familiar to you and takes many forms, whether that be frustration, confusion, sadness, etc. So, just watch. Once you have placed the mind aside for some time, you may even like to imagine pouring love over it and asking it to get bigger. Say: "it's ok, you can stay if you like. Show me what you've got" (something like this with a calmness/openness).

You can also try this thought experiment: Imagine that you have to cross a river. You stand on the bank of one side. But, this is not like any other ordinary river. In order to get to the other side of this river, you have to leave everything that you can think of on the bank where you stand and then cross. You have to leave your imagination at your feet and then cross the river.

Here is some food for thought that might assist if you have a proclivity for the mind-stuff, like me.

If we truly believe that we know nothing, then how do we know that this is a bad thing? If the basis of our understanding is flawed, then how can we claim to know/understand what this means for us?

I have experienced this and it was very difficult for me to see that the perception of what this "confusion" was, was the problem. It seems as though the mind is always trying to resolve something, a question or curiosity, in the form of an energy potential, like the charge in a storm cloud, is suspended and waits for its release. It seeks a resolve. It's funny, but when you think about it, this resolve can come in any form, even if it is a false or incorrect answer or finding. It could come in the form of the kettle boiling or the toast popping lol. The cause for suffering, in these types of cases, is the unfulfilled desire to "find it". If you are looking for the Self, it will not come to you as an object of your perception. So, in this sense, let us focus on what is doing the "looking", not what is seen.

Now, after my year and a half of spiritual work (coupled with some awakening experiences), I can remain in a state of confusion and be completely fine. Confusion does not impact my Being. The confusion is like a energy that is in me as awareness or space (best way to describe it) The confusion is there but there is no interpretation of what it is. Sometimes, I might dismiss it as the mind trying to find/seek a resolve. I know that this seeking of knowledge is a form arising from Truth/reality. That which I am, but I cannot see.

We are not able to "see" or perceive our true self. It's the one doing the "seeing" or perceiving. You as thought, knowledge, memory, imagination, etc. will appear in the gaze/space of the Self. So, don't go looking for yourself, you are yourself looking at what you are not, your conditioning. You are the Self looking at the mind, and somehow it is tricked into "thinking" or "believing" it's the mind and it's forms.

Let me know if this helps. Know that the goal of all spiritual practises is to become silent. If we are trying to conceptualise and think about awakening and enlightenment, we are ultimately trying to reach the silence. The silence that we are but cannot hear.

Peace and love dude  

Lenny

[VeganAwake]

9 minutes ago, Lenny said:

@Dylan Page

Hi Dylan, I am sorry to hear that you are experiencing this. It sounds like you're going through a form of the dark night of the soul. For what you are going through, I think it'll be good to keep it simple.

Here is an exercise that you can try and if you would like to keep reading on you can (I've put some more complex ideas after which may cause more confusion - hopefully not):

Find somewhere quiet to sit (not necessary, but may help you to focus). Close your eyes and focus on the energy that is accompanying the confusion. From here, place your mind aside for the moment. It doesn't need to be long, just for a little while. By "the mind", I mean thoughts, notions, ideas, concepts (forms that can be held in your perception with your eyes closed). Now, just sit there with the "feeling" of confusion, without adding an interpretation of what it is. Don't wish it to go away. Here we are searching for Truth, so, if it stays then we may have found something important. If it goes itself, then we will let it go. The important thing here is to not add any interpretation on what is occurring in the body. You may even recognise this energy/feeling as something that is very familiar to you and takes many forms, whether that be frustration, confusion, sadness, etc. So, just watch. Once you have placed the mind aside for some time, you may even like to imagine pouring love over it and asking it to get bigger. Say: "it's ok, you can stay if you like. Show me what you've got" (something like this with a calmness/openness).

You can also try this thought experiment: Imagine that you have to cross a river. You stand on the bank of one side. But, this is not like any other ordinary river. In order to get to the other side of this river, you have to leave everything that you can think of on the bank where you stand and then cross. You have to leave your imagination at your feet and then cross the river.

Here is some food for thought that might assist if you have a proclivity for the mind-stuff, like me.

If we truly believe that we know nothing, then how do we know that this is a bad thing? If the basis of our understanding is flawed, then how can we claim to know/understand what this means for us?

I have experienced this and it was very difficult for me to see that the perception of what this "confusion" was, was the problem. It seems as though the mind is always trying to resolve something, a question or curiosity, in the form of an energy potential, like the charge in a storm cloud, is suspended and waits for its release. It seeks a resolve. It's funny, but when you think about it, this resolve can come in any form, even if it is a false or incorrect answer or finding. It could come in the form of the kettle boiling or the toast popping lol. The cause for suffering, in these types of cases, is the unfulfilled desire to "find it". If you are looking for the Self, it will not come to you as an object of your perception. So, in this sense, let us focus on what is doing the "looking", not what is seen.

Now, after my year and a half of spiritual work (coupled with some awakening experiences), I can remain in a state of confusion and be completely fine. Confusion does not impact my Being. The confusion is like a energy that is in me as awareness or space (best way to describe it) The confusion is there but there is no interpretation of what it is. Sometimes, I might dismiss it as the mind trying to find/seek a resolve. I know that this seeking of knowledge is a form arising from Truth/reality. That which I am, but I cannot see.

We are not able to "see" or perceive our true self. It's the one doing the "seeing" or perceiving. You as thought, knowledge, memory, imagination, etc. will appear in the gaze/space of the Self. So, don't go looking for yourself, you are yourself looking at what you are not, your conditioning. You are the Self looking at the mind, and somehow it is tricked into "thinking" or "believing" it's the mind and it's forms.

Let me know if this helps. Know that the goal of all spiritual practises is to become silent. If we are trying to conceptualise and think about awakening and enlightenment, we are ultimately trying to reach the silence. The silence that we are but cannot hear.

Peace and love dude  

Lenny

It's not about being silent it's not about being anything.

You can sing all day long and that's still perfect.

Please don't bring prescriptions here because I will spank you with everything is it.

You don't have to be a certain way...

True Liberation is being whatever arises as it.

[Shiva99]

7 minutes ago, VeganAwake said:

Please don't bring prescriptions here because I will spank you with everything is it.

Lmao goodluck with that. This forum is full of people giving prescriptions for literally everything.

[Lenny]

@VeganAwake

Thank you for clarifying that dude. Sometimes it's hard to cover all of the angles for understanding.

[Lenny]

@VeganAwake Also, can't wait to be spanked