describe your PERFECT woman

[Moon]

2 hours ago, Roy said:

If one is enlightened and has reached such a state of maturity why would they bother or be temped to go after shallow/vain pretty girls?

I know there are "no rules" and everyone can do what they want, but it's still kind of in-congruent and dishonest.

lol, I remember when the Dalai Lama got hate (rightly so) for saying if his successor was a woman she would have to be attractive or else there's no point 

food that makes you feel good >>> food that tastes good

women that make you feel good (hot or not) >>> "crazy hot"

 

@modmyth yeah I guess the toxic femininity in the form of competitiveness is so sad and just rooted in insecurity, ahh sorry you had deal with that shit, it's not pleasant at all

I do love the fun competitiveness of stuff like (social) sports though- where with guy/masculine energy it can be more banterous and cheeky competitiveness rather than anything serious haha

Yeah there's really not since although my mum is hyperfeminine in some ways, luckily it doesn't involve drama or gossip! Growing up though, I did have some "envy" (well more feeling bad about myself more than projecting onto my mum or sister) that I was the ugly one haha! Rooted in our culture of colourism for one (being the "darkest"-who cares!) and other factors, super glad I'm past that though

hahaha i find Korean guys nice to look at, like a painting...not in a sexual way though 

Ahh I love that mindset of not caring about doing make up for the sake of society, so for a while I knew I was doing it to make myself "feel better" rather than to impress others, because I have had some insecurity issues in the past and gone through the whole common notion of self-love that girls talk about in our society...but only recently I was like DAMN, there's people living in poverty, with drug addictions etc, and if I worked a bit harder at myself, I could come up with solutions to help at least 1 person? So why am I obsessing over such irrelevant things when I have the potential to make significant change for others? haha (ofc I still care about looks somewhat, but definitely no where near how pop culture focuses SO MUCH on looks) 

[mandyjw]

8 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

 

The difference is, women are actively attracted to emotionally unavailable guys whereas guys are attracted to hotness. So the axes are reversed.

Yep, it's all about power, status and emotional unavailability. This picture... *whew!* 

 

 

 

[Preety_India]

@mandyjw

Just now, mandyjw said:

Yep, it's all about power, status and emotional unavailability. This picture... *whew!* 

 

 

 

 

[How to be wise]

18 hours ago, Gili Trawangan said:

What, you should spend your whole life meditating? Have some fun once in a while! 

Self reflection is not only meditation. I’m talking about just being alone with your thoughts. That way, there will always be some percentage of your attention directed inwards. This is self reflection. The time spent alone in your inner world is far, far more valuable than time spent outwards, with no attention to your mind. There should always be some attention to your mind, even if you’re not meditating. That can only happen if you’re alone.

3 hours ago, Consilience said:

Interacting with women has given me loads of self reflection. Women will test your emotional mastery like no other.

Can you go up to a super attractive female and keep a conversation going without getting flustered? 

To dissolve the ego, you need to direct attention inwards. You can’t do that if you’re conversing with someone. You need to be alone, preferably for as long as possible, even if you’re not meditating.

[Galyna]

@mandyjw Trump looks like a cossack here, LMAO

[billiesimon]

1 hour ago, Leo Gura said:

She seems bitter.

Definitely a crazy one

The difference is, women are actively attracted to emotionally unavailable guys whereas guys are attracted to hotness. So the axes are reversed.

From what I see girls are attracted to grounded and determined men, not avoidant men, unless these women are dysfunctional. 
So how would it be possible for a man to get a girlfriend if he had to be constantly unavailable? The best couples are the ones where both are emotionally open.

[Moon]

10 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

From what I see girls are attracted to grounded and determined men, not avoidant men, unless these women are dysfunctional. 
So how would it be possible for a man to get a girlfriend if he had to be constantly unavailable?

Yeah I think it's more non-neediness (and having your own life going on) rather than completely emotionally unavailable 

10 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

The best couples are the ones where both are emotionally open.

I agree

[Leo Gura]

25 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

So how would it be possible for a man to get a girlfriend if he had to be constantly unavailable?

It's very important to distinguish between attraction vs relationship.

A relationship of course requires emotional availability. But that's NOT what women are attracted to.

[billiesimon]

1 minute ago, Leo Gura said:

It's very important to distinguish between attraction vs relationship.

Yes, you can't "sell yourself" into a relationship.

But if you act unavailable and you are an ungrounded and directionless guy, you will get no women.

They are attracted to the masculine polarity of direction and confidence, not the emotional avoidance. Emotional avoidance is not value, just dysfunction. Value = masculine energy/willpower/direction.

There are a lot of PUAs who play "direct game" and show absolute authentic interest in the woman, they even ask for instant dates, and they have massive success. There's no evolutionary reason to be attracted to avoidant behaviour, since you can be totally avoidant but weak and non-confident at the same time  

I was totally emotionally unavailable in high school and no girl wanted me. Because I was not confident and not determined in interacting with them.

But that's just my 2 cents.

[Arthur]

Quote

describe your PERFECT woman

I've been thinking about this as I got out of my last relationship. Few things come to mind for a long term partner:

• Personality compatibility - a partner has to be of a complementary personality type. The cognitive function stack has to be reversed - polar opposite. That way, there is more attraction, and the strengths of one can cover the weaknesses of another. (In Socionics its called a "Dual" relationship)
• Level of consciousness - there's no measuring stick for that, but you can usually sense how conscious a person is. Even if personalities don't match, the consciousness level alone can establish a good relationship. This includes Spyral Dynamics as well, the same stage will mean the same goals, interests, etc.
• Feminine / Masculine polarity - I think this one is pretty big for sexual intimacy. Even with a matching personality and level of consciousness, no sexual attraction will happen if both are in their masculine or feminine.

I know looks suppose to be a big thing for guys, but I didn't even put it on the list. It's important to an extent, but I'd take a 6 that will match me on those 3, rather than a 9 any day.

[Galyna]

23 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

But that's NOT what women are attracted to.

I have never been attracted to “that guy” you describe ? maybe read too much of Osho, lol

how can you build a deep intimacy with Alfa or macho? He is not going to be there for you to dive deep, reflect, mirror. 
I can’t understand why women would spend time on this, I would rather be alone. 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Galyna

[Preety_India]

@Galyna

Actually to be very honest, I'm very very attracted to Alpha and Macho. 

 

Is it only me or? 

 

❤️ My bf is alpha and macho.. I mean most of the exes also have been. 

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Preety_India

[Leo Gura]

It's not as simple as alpha or macho. There's more nuance to it.

[Galyna]

@Preety_India mine is very “green”...

With Alfa at first it feels great, sex and his behavior, but then you deal with his selfishness... oh boy,  you forget about all the sexy male things and his tricks, and start to crave for the emotional part. It kills all the intimacy. 
No money, body, muscles, or your social status are going to impress me. It is all a sham....

 

[Preety_India]

@Galyna

Actually to me alpha is not money or social status or body. 

Maybe our definition of Alpha are different. 

To me alpha is someone who is 

Strong. 

Determined 

Brave 

Integrity and morality 

Dignity and respect 

Has his head on his shoulders 

Remains true to his principles 

Honest and never lying 

Never acting like a coward 

Stands for truth 

Not hateful but affectionate and loving 

Hearty and Generous.. Not jealous and insecure 

Persistent and Resilient. 

 

To me status and money never mattered at all. Because I mostly dated broke guys, .. (I know right), but some of them were very genuine and a strong sense of self. 

I have never dated a guy who is changing color like a chameleon, too submissive, untrustworthy, slavish or zero self respect.. I don't like such men. 

So my definition of alpha is a little different. 

Also body wise I would prefer a guy who is a bit Macho. It turns me on. But it's okay, it's not a necessary thing because I can always compromise on that part. 

But his moral standards need to be high. I can't deal with a guy who can switch his moral principles for a dime.nope.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Preety_India

[Galyna]

5 minutes ago, Leo Gura said:

It's not as simple as alpha or macho. There's more nuance to it.

Oh, I know exactly what you are talking about. 

The most attractive male, imo, is a wise, authentic man, who does not carry any authority, who does not give a crap about status, money, opinion, social games....empathetic, intuitive, confident but humble at the same time. In one word mature being, which is so rear nowadays.

When any game is involved, like proving something, gaining something, creating this unshakable image, this is so childish. I can sense it 100 miles away....interest is lost. If you need to prove me something, it means you are lacking love on your part. If you are emotionally distant means you can not develop any intimacy, some types of weakness, right? Not strength for sure. If you can not show/express your true feelings/opinions what does it tell me? 

Every great thing in life is pretty simple. No need to complicate it with all this pick up mastery. Just be your authentic yourself. 

 

[Galyna]

@Preety_India I agree with everything you are saying, but when man reaches some social status and on top of it he is handsome, oh boy, forget about these qualities you have mentioned. Ego would be so inflated, it is almost impossible to maintain a good spirit.  You will be tempted in one way or the other, plus if you are the alfa, and have all those possibilities to sleep with all the women you want, you start to depreciate any relations you have, because you would know that you can have another and another and another. 

Money is a great indicator of your mental growth. 

But yeah, when I speak about Alfa, I do refer to "yellow" not "green" male.

If you are low on the social strata you can not be Alfa by default.

Edited July 18, 2020 by Galyna

[billiesimon]

6 minutes ago, Preety_India said:

@Galyna

Actually to me alpha is not money or social status or body. 

Maybe our definition of Alpha are different. 

To me alpha is someone who is 

Strong. 

Determined 

Brave 

Integrity and morality 

Dignity and respect 

Has his head on his shoulders 

Remains true to his principles 

Honest and never lying 

Never acting like a coward 

Stands for truth 

Not hateful but affectionate and loving 

Hearty and Generous.. Not jealous and insecure 

Persistent and Resilient. 

In the beginning I thought you meant the criminal ignorant type of macho ?

The description you gave is actually a very stage green macho. It's an empowered version of the classic stage green man.

I actually like it, as the very spiritual guy I am ??

 

 

But

Awakened men are the absolute best ?️?

[Preety_India]

@Galyna

I get your point. 

Now I'm getting a bit worried.. 

Am I the only one who doesn't care about money or social status lol. Am I abnormal? 

I always believed that I was a hippie and I never cared about money or social status. 

But people around me always told me that money is important.. 

But I never actually looked at a guy like that. I never checked how much money they made or what status they had. I only cared if they were authentic and great personality. 

Of course later they didn't turn out like that because their qualities were a fake show to impress me 

But is it wrong to not bother about how much money a guy makes or his success. Because I don't like to judge people on that parameter. 

I'm just curious 

 

Edited July 18, 2020 by Preety_India

[Preety_India]

6 minutes ago, billiesimon said:

The description you gave is actually a very stage green macho

My current boyfriend is a stage green macho. 

The previous one that I dumped was a bit Blue macho. 

I prefer the current one.