Me Some What Censored, Mostly Uncut

[T1r1on]

Today has been wierd. I was doing some of my sweeping thinking, and I just let my mind wander. I was thinking about my existence, my past, my future, what's going on now, people, etc.  And I had a thought about me, not the normal me, me as a whole, past present and future. It was quite the sobering experience.  I found that I have always been doing personal development in a way. And I ran into a bigger thought. Have you ever sat down behind the wheel of your car and seriously thought about just leaving?

I'm not going into the thought yet. I've tried to put it in words a hundred times, and I can't get it right.it's about people, and the way I see things. Maybe, I'll be able to articulate it later. I thought alot about work and what I really think I sould be doing. I don't know my life purpose,  but I do think I have a pretty good idea of what it might be. And, it seems like everthing I'm stuck in won't let me align with it. I have had the notion to just drop everything and get to where I need to, but that doesn't seem to be the right way to do it.

I'm a big dude, so I get stuck with all the heavy lifting. And I realized that I do the heavy lifting with both my body and mind. I take on other peoples bs without asking for anything in return. I get used alot. And, I'm kind of like the family therapist. But, I kind of like it. Not the being used part. Maybe there is a hint in this.

I'm trying to better myself, and I have no one to really talk to about it. So, I'm alone. I know it's a lone wolf journey, but damn, my dog even walks away from me when I try to talk to her. Most of the time when I go to post on the forum I just delete it. I read what other people are saying and, honestly I don't whant to sound like a fool (I'm realy good at that), or I come to the strange conclusion that it's pointless. Maybe I should just start throwing stuff out there reactions be damned.

(This is me articulating that thought.)

It's hard to explain so bear with me. It started with me thinking about how other people seem to have a pretty good understanding of everything. At least on a base level. For instance how they feel, or what they want, etc. Then that thought moved to me. I realy don't know how I feel. There have been times that I seriously considered going to a therapist to see if I was psycopathic. But I know I'm not, and I have emotions they just never seem to be very strong. But then on the flip side I'm very emotional and they are very strong.  And, I never really know what I want. It makes me feel lost. So, maybe this is where the depression came in. But it went further. 

I thought about how when some says somthing like center yourself, be at one with this, or some other eccentric emotion or idea, I have no clue what they are talking about. But, everyone else seems to get it. So, did I miss an understanding your emotions class or something? Anyway, it made me feel like an alien. I don't realate to alot of stuff other people do. Maybe this came from moving around alot when I was young. But, then it shifted again. 

I moved to a more positive place like how I don't need to relate to these other people. I'm perfectly fine just as I am. I can and will do things that others can't even fathom. This lead to me coming out of the depressed state. And then I had the huge thought. 

What others do is not what I do. It has never been this way. I have always fought against the norm to be myself. I know how I feel and what I want. It's just harder to explain (Those thoughts before always had an answer). I have been laughed at and ridiculed, bullied and beaten, rejected and fucked over. But, not once have I lost sight of who I am, and let others dictate how I live my life. Why now do I feel I am not normal? Hell, I've never been normal. I chose a different path. I've always been on the Warriors journey. Normal is for pesants. I do hard stuff because it's hard and when they are looking up at me wandering how, I'll tell them.

Needless to say I cried, laghed, got angry, and a slew of other emotions. That's just the condenced version. My forhead was on fire and my whole body was pulsating when it ran it's course. The rest of my day has been awsome. Shit just seemed to click.

To end this mile long post. My mom made pot roast tonight. That always puts me in awsome mood. And I feel like I've made some big steps in the right direction. I feel like I just slayed a demon, honestly. Maybe something life changing is about to happen.  We'll see.

[T1r1on]

Today was pretty bussy.  I didn't rwaly have time to think at all. I certainly noticed it. Now I'm wore oit and a little sore, but that's not really a big deal. I've been in worse condition.

Before I got this job I was working out daily, trying to loose weight and all. But, the past few months I haven't done it. I'm still losing weight though which is good. I think I might start a work out routine for in the morning. My eating habits have changed alot though. Maybe this is why I'm still dropping pounds. And, it's not like I sit around and do nothing all day. But, it would be nice to get something going in the morning. Even if it's just to help me wake up.

Meditation went well  last night. Honestly, I don't think I've had a "bad" one. I enjoy it alot. I get to feel new things and be at peace for a while. And, I get to understand myself better. There's no lose at all. The website is almost done. I just have to do some finish work. I'll probably launch it tomorrow if everything goes right. 

I haven't been on Facebook in about a month. Maybe I should what my friends are doing. I've been wanting to get out and do something for a while. Maybe I can find something for tonight. I'll find out now.

[T1r1on]

I felt a little sick today. It's probably just my allergies going crazy, but I have a cough too. The cough may be from my asthma though. Anyway, I haven't been all here today. But, I still got everything I needed to get done, done. I published the website today,  but I can't seem to access it yet. And to be honest it's not as done as I wanted it. But, that just gives me more incentive to polish it up more. Now I might be able to get some other affiliates on my site, and I can start building back links.  

The past couple of days I've been feeling kind of agitated. I try to help people out the best I can, and there always seems to be someone condescending. It happens everywhere (at work at home and even on this site). Why do other people put themselves on a pedestal? Whats the point in that anyway? Is being better than someone else that important? Maybe it's just me. Maybe, I'm just not as helpful as I try to be. Then why do I try? It seems like I'm doing ok at it. Maybe it's just some wierd reverse crap that I need to figure out. It's just been bugging me.

I habe been keeping up withthe visualization, and LPC. Usualy I don't have a hard  time starting new habbits. It's getting rid of old ones that gets me. For example, I chew my fingernails. I've tried to stop, but it never seems to take a hold. I have a book about habits that I haven't gotten to read yet. I hope it covers kicking old ones.

I'm going to make this a shortish post today. I still need to meditate, and it's 10:30pm here. I couldn't find anything to do last night, so I'm thinking about starting something that will help me get out a little. Or maybe I can just go take some pictures.

[Kevster]

Hey man,

I like the posts you write. Read all of them. Your writing style is very honest. 

I guess you are at the point of questioning the dynamics of social hierarchy? Perhaps it is usefull to see where this whole questioning is coming from in the first place. Perhaps if you got bullied and ridiculed in your younger years, it is a main goal to restore it in order to feel part of the group again. That is why the thoughts you experience are manily this content. Perhaps that is why you are analyzing subjects as 'normal', "cultural and social conditiong" in the hope of neutralizing these experiences. Even though I think it is very healthy to really try to understand how things are. 

So you still feel very hurt, the hurt tries to Unhurt itself and be invisible to the see-er. So you create layers upon layers, like an union. 

Your questions about on a pedestal, being better are legitimate questions. I hope you will find a truthfull answer to them. But try to see your own story in relation to the answer. At least that is helpfull to me. Perhaps not to you. 

Good luck my friend!!!

 

[T1r1on]

@Kevster thanks for that. I usually seem to do things without realy understanding what I've done. You put things in perspective for me. And, thanks for thebabvive. I'll give it a try.

[T1r1on]

Today was quite bussy again, so I didn't have much time to think. But, I did have a few good thoughts. I worked on the website some more this evening,  and watch some more of the LPC. There are alot of good concepts in it. My forhead has had a slight pressure on it all day. Honestly, not much happened today.

I noticed that when the day began, I felt a little off (balance wise). From time to time this happens. I think it has something to do with my allergies. But, I'm no doctor.  And, there was another strange sensation I noticed today. My back, shouldes, neck, and right arm went tingly numb today. I have felt this before as well. But, I haven't the slightest clue what it is.

I have noticed that when something isn't done at the shop it's automatically my fault. It's starting to get annoying. I know I'm the new guy and all, but that's no reason blame every mishap on me. I have been trying to take a 100% responsibility attitude toward everything though. I should have noticed the grease on the tool that hasn't moved since I've been there. Maybe they've noticed this subconsciously, and that's why they blame me. Kind of like a sacrificial lamb thing. 

By working on my website I have found a few books that I want to read now. They're all directed at autodidacts, which I happen to be, and now I'm interested. Ha, my marketing worked on myself. I'll be getting them soon.

When I let go of "control" I've noticed my mind likes to ponder on my existence, how god works, mankind, and the universe alot. Realy big open ended thoughts. I wander if other people do this also. It's a daily occurrences. 

I thought about how simple life is. You come in and do stuff then you leave. Then I had another thought. I was about happiness. Why do people get so focused on things that they forget to live? You only get one life, why not enjoy it. This was a huge mod booater for me. I stopped caring about all the shitty things that happen. From that I got a good sense of doing something really big. I have no clue what it is, but it's going to be awsome. That left me curious as to what I might be doing soon.

I have always been lead by a steong sence of purpose, but never realy bothered to put ot into words, or figire out what that purpose is. It's kind of funny, how I can have a drive for something I don't know about. Humans can be strange creatures. Maybe this came from the artistic side of me. Now I have to delve into this. Also, I think I'm going to start introspecting more. I have alot of stuff barried, and it kind of needs to be sifted through. 

Wow, I thoufhtbi didn't have much to put down, but that wasn't the case. I guess I had more thoughts than I thought I had. I can't wait to see how things go tomorrow now.

[T1r1on]

Today happened at a medium pace. I had some time to think, but not too much. Today I had a pretty interesting thought. I'll describe it after this. I've always been fat, but I've been loosing weight. I'm not really consistent with it right now. And, after work it takes quite a bit for me to even want to move, let alone work out. I've been thinking that maybe I should work in a workout in the morning. I could completely change everything and start going to bed at 7 then waking up 3. I would be able to get a great deal done, for my will power won't be depleted. But, it'll cost me time with my family. I'll think about some more.

Earlier I had a release of sorts. I realized that I realy don't care about money.  I could quit now and not be phased by the consequences.  It was quite a nice feeling. All the worrying about crap just kind of vanished. The only thing realy keeping me there now is my car payment. 

Sometimes I feel like I am a blank slate. It's hard to descibe.  When Leo says something like dig deep I don't know how, or get in touch with anything I'm at a loss. I wander what I missed. Maybe there was a gap in my early development or something. Or maybe I just haven't put forth enough effort comprehend what I'm learning.  Either way, I want to figure this out. So, might start dedicating some time to this. It's quite an interesting dilemma. 

That's all I have. There realy hasn't been much going on today. Meditation last night whent pretty good, as usual. I decided to write this before I worked on anything, so I'll keep a tally on my thoughts for tonight, and post them tomorrow.

[T1r1on]

So, today I noticed a change. I can't really explain it though. It was just a change in some very subtle things. I will watch it to see if gets bigger. Maybe I'll be able to explain what it is in the future. I have no real solid examples to use.

I slep in today. It was my day off, and I've been loosing sleep for some reason. I see some people who are super strict on how the do things, and I've come to the conclusion that I don't want that. Or at least not right now. I understand that I have to be strict from time to time, but there's no reason to not enjoy life. 

I like to go outside and just stare at everything. I guess some people might find that strange, but that's what I like. I just take in what's there. It's quite calming. It also helps me find inspiration for my art, which sadly I haven't done much of lately. All of my time seems to be occupied by somthing, or I fall asleep when I do try. I miss making art. 

I had a nice revelation today. If the website os just a flop, I'm going to need to find a way to make more time for myself. I have alot of things that I want to do, bit no time to do it. Or I have to skip sleep, which I really don't like doing. So, I'm going tonstart searching for something that fits my criteria. Plus, I'm tired of dead end jobs.

[T1r1on]

Today was nice. I got to go out of town for work. That meant no boss, and lots of Metal. I wanted to listen to some PD stuff while I was driving,  but the sound of the tires didn't allow that. I was driving a company truck. They have gawdy allterane tires that make a loud hum on the highway. The funny pat is they don't really need them. So I popped in a cd and enjoyed the drive.

I've had an awsome idea for youtube channel, but I haven't put any time into it. I'm starting to think that maybe my priorities have been placed in the wrong thing. But, I usualy try to finish what I start. So, I need to wrap up some stuff and open up the time I need to get it going. 

On another note. I've been thinking about finding a better job, for the time being. The one I have now puts to much on me. It really sucks to try and work on something and pass out (fall asleep) in the middle of it, or dread standing up because of the pain. At the rate I'm going I will most likely permanently mess something up. I don't want a blown out knee or torn rotator cuff, or spinal injury. But, that's how people see me, a big ox that can take whatever you throw at it. 

I've been noticing the selfishness in others more. I can be selfish sometimes, but damn some of these people are the literal definition of "not being able to see past your fingertips". This kind of changes how I interact with them. I'm not mean or anything, I just adjust to fit so to speak. This has made me look at myself and how I act. I'm no saint, but I do care more about others than some of the people I've meet. Really I care more about animals than other humans. 

I am taking a more natural aspect to everything now. It's quite enlightening. Black and white may be convenient, but neutral is fascinating. I've even been doing it on my own thoughts. "It is what is" comes up alot. And I haven't been as hard on myself since I started. I notice the should, have, and need thoughts more. Then I realize I don't, I can go off on an infinite number of tangents and sometimes I do. I should work on whatever,  but I want to do something else. I have noticed that this happens more when I'm wiped out. So, maybe it's some part of me telling myself to slow down and recover. Or I could just be lazy. Either way I have been overdoing it, and do need to slow down and actually get a sence of direction. Otherwise, im just droning on doing pointless crap that really won't do me any good. And that is what I'm going to start working on.

[T1r1on]

Today was somewhat productive. I managed to keep up with everything at work, and I have decided to start the youtube idea. I went to gwt the stuff to make a green screen, but it was cheaper for me to buy one online. So, now I'm playing the waiting game. 

Yesterday I mentioned hurting myself. Today I did jist that. It's not permanent, but if I keep this up it will be. I was getting on a forklift, and a sharp pain came from my left knee. It's been hurting for 10 hours now. This isn't the first time it's happened, but this time was worse. It's kind of crippling. I drive a standard vehicle, and every time I used the clutch I thought my knee was going to fall off. I need to see I doctor, but my insurance hasn't sent out my stuff. I hate being in these kinds of situations. 

Other than my knee, it's been a pretty good day. I got stuff handled, and am finally going to start my youtube idea. And, part of that idea means that I'm going to be drawing more. Now I'm all excited. I have a lot of work to do, and I can't wait to get it going. 

I had a kind of negative thought today. Most of the time I don't worry about money, but it happened today. It boggled my mind how well off people tell me not to worry about money, when I can barely aford the basic stuff.  Really what I need to do is find a better job, but I libe in an oilfield town, and the oilfield is the drying up. So, there really aren't any jobs left. I've also looked into online jobs, and 60% of thoose are scams. 20% of what's left require degrees and 5+ years of experience. The only thing I have left is doing something else and being realy fucking good at it. And thos goes on and on with a whole lot of counter intuitive thoughts and so on. Basically I'm stuck, so I need to find my way out or suffocate.

To end positively, I made some important choices today. It'll take a little while to get them going, bit I've taken the first steps. All I need to do now is follow through.

[T1r1on]

Today went pretty good. Work was ok, and I had some good thoughts. I did some research on what I'm going to need for the youtube channel. I remembered to do the things that I needed to do after work today. Usualy I forget to do things on Saturday. I played a video game for a little while. That was nice. 

I got a thought while listening to country music today. Honestly, I don't care for it, but that's all that gets played at the shop. Anyway, I noticed that the singers mentioned wiskey 8 out of 10 songs. Why do they drink so much whiskey? And why do people care? This lead to a new thought about the people I live around. Most of them fit in with what the singers talk about. I came to the conclusion that this is culture. That sounds wierd, but that's it. That lead to another thought.

The next thought was about how I fit in this culture, which is not at all. I don't like jacked up trucks, driving down dirt roads, whiskey (lol), etc. I'm not a "redneck". I have redneck friends though and, they are good people. I can go on and on about the differences between us, but the point is I don't fit in. And I like that. It gives me a sense of solidarity. I can be me and still get along with the others around me. I don't even feel lonely. On the flip side, I have always preferred my own company. Then I got a good insight. 

I don't "need" anyone. I am perfectly at peace completely by myself. I think I established a sense of individuality, or made it concrete. I guess I've always kind of wanted to fit in, at least subconsciously. But, now I don't have that impulse. When I look back at some of my posts I can see how I was working through it. Now I have to dig deeper and find some other demons.  

Tomorrow I'm going clean my car. I live in Oklahoma, so it gets dusty pretty quick.  It's kind of funny.  I can wash my car and it will rain for 20 minutes then blow dust on it. I can never keep a car clean. After that I am going to come up with a plan on how I want my youtube channel to go. Honestly it's going to be more than just a youtube channel, but that's what I'm calling it. I'll work on the website some more too. Honestly if I acomplish these few goals I'll be happy. I'm going to try to do some art tomorrow also.

[T1r1on]

Today was ok. It was nice and peaceful. I worked on the youtube channel like I said I would. And I cleaned my car. It took a little while. Most of my day consisted of me doing prep work, then my sister asked me to help her do some stuff. I didn't work on the website like I had planned. I'll do it tomorrow. Tonight I'm going to watch some more of the LPC and meditate. 

I have a pretty good idea of what I'm doing for the chanel. I had the idea a while back, and then I just didn't follow through. I gat stuck in a cycle of bs. Now, I have things lined up better. And, I changed some things I'm doing with it. I can't wait to start.  

I talked to my mom today. She asked me who I listen to for my PD. Then we talked about some of the stuff I've been doing. It was nice to tell someone what I'm doing and how it's going. I actually got some good insights from the conversation. And she gets what I'm talking about to a certain extent. 

I think it's kind of funny that we have ranks and stuff in the forum. To me it's like a video game. Rank up and level up as fast as possible. This can be a two edged sword though. If you like a challenge,  like most gamers do, you be sucked into rising up the ranks. This will keep you here instead of doing whatever. I haven't ever cared for being the highest ranked, or anything. I like games for the story. It always seemed like a waste of time to make it to the top of an intangible thing. If the power goes out I have acomplished nothing.  

I haven't watched tv in a long time. If there's a movie or something I want to see I just wait till it's cheap to watch. What's really funny is now I've noticed that I get sucked in reletivly easy. For example, when my nieces are watching kids shows I get sucked in. It's almost like tv hypnotises you. The same thing can happen with video games. There is never a good stopping  point,  just save and quit. 

Tomorrow I have work. Then I'll work on the website. I'll come up with more ideas for the chanel most likely. I also have a logo to finish, that won't take long though. It should be an interesting day or not, who knows.

[T1r1on]

Today went really well. Work was work, but I learned some really valuable things. I got everything on my list checked off. And, I had some awsome ideas for my youtube channel. To top it off I've been super excited all day. I got that taste of something amazing about to happen. 

I watched like 4 videos from Leo today. 3 LPC and the new one. They all gave me some really good insights, and meshed with some other stuff I've learned. I don't compare myself to other much though. 

I have a pretty good idea for my routine. I've noticed that depending on how I do my morning routine my day takes a drastic shift. For example, if I wake up and rush around to get ready, missing alot of steps, I have a meh day. But, if I wake up and put on a video of something constructive my day goes consderably better. If I compound this with my excitement from the chanel, I should have some amazing days ahead of me.

I like to keep up with what's going on in our solar system.  Just in case there's an asteroid heading at us, which there is. And I have come to realize that astrology is pretty cool. There is alot we don't know about our little piece of the galaxy,  and that fascinates me. Oh, that asteroid might, might not hit us. It's like 300 times the size of the one that went over Russia not to long ago. 

I had a shit load of ideas for the chanel today. Now I want to start fleshing them out. I took today to learn. Tomorrow I will create. I like how that sounds Anyway, I've got to do some practice. I still don't know if I'll need a script or if I wing it. But, that's just my first little hurdle. I also have to create new art just for the concepts I'm talking about. This is going to push my comfort zone and get back in rythm of creating art. Things are taking a new turn for me.

[T1r1on]

Today was long. I have a friend moving away, so we hung out till 1 am. I'll write what happened today tomorrow. 

[T1r1on]

So, yesterday was interesting.  Work took forever, but it rained and people don't like working in the rain. My friend is moving to Texas so I figured we sould hang out before he leaves. That means I didn't get anything done yesterday.  

I was really tired yesterday. I've been loosing sleep for some reson lately. I think that after I work on some stuff today, I will take a nap. Maybe that will help get my sleep cycle back in order.

I get angry easier when I'm tired, and if I'm super tired I giggly and loopy (lol). That's kind of a stark contrast.  I caught myself in a few negative thought spirals yesterday. They can be really hard to break out of. But, I managed. 

Today I'm going to wrap up the website and a logo I'm making for someone. That'll take tose off my plate and open up more time for my chanel and other constructive things.

[T1r1on]

Today was good then it sucked. I've been building the website and today I tested it to see if it works. It didn't.  So I went back and forth trying to figure out why. The problem was a typo in my domain name on my host site. So I contacted them to see if I could change it and not loose my progress.  They said I wouldn't, but they obviously didn't know because now im starting over. So, after that I haven't touched it. I'm too pissed off. I'll change all my plans for the week and get this handled. This has taken way too long. 

My morning started outnicely. I woke up got ready and went out for breakfast.  Then I went the little lake we have in town and just stood there. After a little while of that I went home and posted the last post here. Then I worked on that damn website.

I got the green screen in today. It was way sooner than I expected. Now I have to push that back to finish the website and set up for recording. I could taste it I thought I was so close. But, I guess that's ok. I can brain storm more ideas now, and do more research on filming. More knowledge never hurts. 

Speaking of knowledge, I had a rather interesting conversation with someone I know the other day. He asked me what I was doing and I said thinking.  He then replied you need to stop that, you'll get yourself or someone hurt. My first thought was, where the fuck did this concept come from. There has never been a single person hurt from a thought. It's an intgible flicker of activity in your head. Second, why is there this mantality of stupidity being cool? I don't care if people get "offended", there are stupid questions and stupid answers. But, why is this the norm? Then I felt a little bad for him. He has been told this his entire life, and somewhere in his head he believes it.

Other than that today has been pretty uneventful. I hope tomorrow goes a lot better.

[T1r1on]

Today was meh. Work was work. I haven't felt too well today. I really haven't had any notable thoughts either. 

I watched a few more videos in the LPC. They were enlightening. And I only have a few of the concepts left to go. Then I can dig into the meat of the course. 

I haven't been sleeping well the past few nights. I either can't fall asleep or I fall asleep, but it's a wierd pseudo sleep where I'm half conscious. It's really strange. I think I'm going to do some research to see if I can't figure out the problem. 

I decided I am going to remake the website again this weekend. I lack the will power to do it after work. Honestly, I have a hard time moving after work, and my brain just flat lines. It's an interesting state. I need to get up to get something and by the time I motivate myself to move I forget what I was doing. That may be why these posts seem to jump around alot.

[T1r1on]

Today was nice. It was just me at the shop so it was quiet. I don't listen to the radio when I'm alone. This allowed me to think. It was mostly monkey chatter, but there was a few good thoughts. 

I had some thoughts about society. Why do people put labels on themselves? I know even I do this, but why do people go out of their way? It's like they turn themselves into a sterotype. What would it be like if everyone was a blank slate? And, I dwelled on these thoughts on and off as thebday went on. 

After work I took my mom out to dinner and we went to see a movie. She doesn't get out of the house much so when I can I take her to do whatever she wants. I get kind of pissed off at myself for her situation. She gave me everything I needed to grow into the person I am now, but when she needs me I can't help her. Her knees are gone and she has maybe cancer on her nose and her shoulders are messed up. She needs medical help, but she has no insurance, she can't get disability because government, and I don't have the kind of money it's going to take. The only way I see to get this situation handled is to become as rich as humanly possible, as fast as possible. But hey, acording to the government she'll be healed in a year. Everyone knows cancer cures itself, and cartilage grows back on it's own. That's stupidity at its finest. 

When I went through Tia Lopez's 67 steps he had this huge speel about finding a metor as fast as possible. His course is designed more for a rich comfortable life that's mostly external rewards. I got some really good info out of his course. But, again most of it was external. Anyway, I thought about what kind of mentor I would want. It would have to be a very special type of person. No Obi-Wan for me it's gotta be Yoda. The issue I'm going to have is finding this individual. 

I had another weird thought, or realization. I'm not here to make tons of money and die. I have a bigger destiny than that. Or at least that's how I feel when I think macro. It's more than a feeling though. I feel it in every fiber of my being. When I tap this feeling I can acomplish alot of stuff. Maybe this is why I'm highly self motivated, or at least I'm told that I am. But like all tools, it's only useful if you use it. It also helps if you remember that you have it. I go through phases of remembering huge concepts that I had when I was young. The more I remember the more can utilize.

When I was little I had no friends, so I thought about huge stuff to fill the void so to speak. That was a double edge sword and now I'm dealing with the consequences of that. But, I'm making my way through it. It's like fusing two people together. It's kind of funny how after I accepted loneliness everyone wanted to be my friend. But, post has gone on lomg enough,  good night.

[T1r1on]

Today was good. Long, but good.  I worked which was quite boring,  and it reminded me of some concepts I have learned. Then I went over to a friends house and we lost track of time. There wasn't much to today. 

The concept I remembered was using bordem to proplel your self. When your bored you find ways to occupy your time, and if you put some thought into what you're doing.  You may find something amazing. 

Tomorrow I'm going to work on the site and set up my green screen.  I also want to read a book tomorrow. I may do it between projects. That'll alow me time to get everything done.

[T1r1on]

Today was good. I work on the website this morning.  Then I read for about 2 hours. I didn't set up the green screen though. I need a few things and I'm broke. So, I played a game for a while.  I could have worked on the website more, but I was feeling lazy. 

I've started noticing when I justify things in my head. Like today when I played the game.  I know it's not going to get me anywhere, but I justified it saying that I need to rest for tomorrow.  I've done more with less honestly. 

Speeking of rest, my sleep has been crap the last week or so. I wake up in the middle of the night, or I don't actually fall asleep. It's starting to take its toal. Hopefully it passes soon. Or I'll be using a day off to catch some z's.

I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow. I'll probably work on the site, or read something. I could do both.  Who knows, maybe I'll join the circus (lol).