Me Some What Censored, Mostly Uncut

[T1r1on]

Today went exactly how didn't want it to. I woke up late, and didn't get to watch the life purpose course this morning, but I did get in a morning meditation (always a good thing). Then I went over to help my friend with his car stereo. 

There are 3 basic cables that run it. A hot wire from the battery, an ignition switch wire, and a ground. The person who had the car befor him decided that ripping the hot wire out of the dash was a good idea. So we had to run a new one. It took about 4 hours to do, and I didn't get there until noon. Thaen ahe wanted to talk for an hour, which is ok, but my time was dwindling. Then I got home, and listened to 2 videos from the LPC while cleaning. And now I'm wore out. But, I still want to work on the website, so I made a new decision.

I have thought about it for a while, and only 3 hours of work time for the night isn't enough, at least for the time being. So, I'm going to start limimting my sleep to 6 hours instead of 8. This will open up a couple hours to handle the imortant things that I need to. It will suck, but it's only temporary. At least until I can launch the site, but I still need to do the marketing. Also I will be posting here earlier so that I don't have to interupt my work.

But, to end positive I have acomplished almost everthing on my list. And that stereo sounded great after I got it set up. And, I will be launching my site this week.

[T1r1on]

Today was fast in the morning, then slow in the afternoon. I had a few interesting thoughts today. And I think I have made some steps in the right direction. Other than than today was pretty much uneventful.  

I have noticed a rather large problem. I don't have time even when I should. For instance, my last day off was used up helping my friend with a stereo. The one befor that was used up driving another one around. This comming one I'm building a sub box for someone. I really need to say no every now and again. It's been quite a while since I've actualy had time to stop and smell the roses. Honestly, it's getting old. But, I have dug myself into a rut, and all I can do is dig myself out, so to speak.

It's kind of funny, I am a pretty laid back individual. I never realy get stressed, but lately I have been. I'm always having to worry about staying bussy, and doing pointless stuff for people who I'm not sure if they're actually a freind or just a leach. On top of that I have all the things I'm trying to do for myself. But, I digress.  It's not something I can just snap away. I'll finish what I have started, and start being a little more selfish with my time.

To end on a positive note. I got about goid chunk of the site built. I think I may push the launch back until Wednesday so I can do some refining. The landing page leaves a little to be desired, but I have the other pages looking quite sharp. I also have to make the logo still. That's a decent chunk of time right there. Oh, and meditation went really good last night. I have also beeb keeping up on the morning visualization as well.

[T1r1on]

Today started our great. I had an awsome dream that I think I'll turn into a comic or book. I wrote it down in the dream journal. Then I got up pretty early feeling well rested and refreshed. So I got in some meditation and visualization. After that I ate breakfast and got readybfor work.

The dream was about me, but in a different space of reality. It was like a ghost realm, kind of. It's realy hard to explain honestly. I will have to just draw it out. Woo-Hoo drawing time. Anyway, in this realm there are creatures that influence reality. These creatures cause events both good and bad. My awsome duty was to slay the bad and help the good. There were other people there to help as well, but I won't go into that. I'm going to keep it pretty vauge so when I do get to make the comic there won't be any spoilers.

Work went pretty good today as well. We stayed bussy enough to make time go by quickly, and I had some good thoughts also. It was more layed back today, we laughed and actually had a good work experience. 

After I got home I was welcomed with 3 packages.  I got some books. I've already started 1 it's about online marketing. I'm going to start reading daily. I want to try to have 2 books going at once, but unfortunately I don't readily have the time. But, any thing is better than nothing for the time being.

After I finish this I will meditate and then get back to working on the website. I've made some good changes, but now I have more to do. So I have set a launch date for next Sunday (at the latest). Then the marketing begins. I'm looking forward to that. I've already set up acounts on all of the major social media, and a few forums to get it kicked off. 

Oh, the LPC, I have been keeping up it. The upside is that most of the videos are relatively small. At least in the beginning. I haven't looked ahead.  The videos are realy good too. But, that's enough about that.

To wrap it all up, today was a good day. I think I will have to create more of them. Now I just have to figure out how.

[T1r1on]

Todat went good. I had some present moments, went by quickly.  I really haven't been all here today though. I can't seem to hold on to a thought for too long. I kept getting  lost in what I was doing. It was kind of like a blissful loss of compression. But, I managed to do what I needed and found some peace. 

I decided to not work on the site tonight. I can't seem to hold a thought long enough.  I think it's from the lack of sleep I've been getting. I'm going to bed early tonight to see ifnit helps tomorrow. 

I've been trying to visualize instead of daydreaming. It's kind of difficult.  I have to remember to do it. But, I've caught it several times today. It's kind of cool how your mind can pseudo predict the future on command. 

I watched anotjer vid in LPC today. It shed some light on things. I can't wait to watch the next one. Anyway,  im turning in for the night. 

[T1r1on]

Today was nice.  I got some stuff done for me, no one asked for my help, and I got some relaxation and peace. This is a rare day. I checked everything off my list. And the website is 90%ish done. I just have some writing to do. 

I've noticed that I've been thinking about responsibility lately, and an old budist (I think) belief that I learned a while back. It's basically you're responsible for everthing I  your life. For example,  if I got struck by lightning, it's my falt. Why was I outside in a lightning storm? It's interesting to look at your life from this aspect. 

I've also noticed that I've been more present. I don't get lost in thinking about the past and future as much. It also has a cool side effect.  I become more aware of everything. I think I'm going to call this active mode.

I also have a reboot mode lol. That's just one of my fun little quarks.  I name strange thing that happen to me. In reboot mode I enter a state where thoughts just go crazy, but I don't follow any of them. It's like all the files are suspended then they get filed. Sometimes the process takes weeks, and carrying on a conversation with me gets interesting. We can go from what's happening at work to riding dragons while wielding a battle axe made out of bunnies in a matter of seconds.I have noticed that since I've been doing meditation this happens less and the duration is shorter when it does. 

I guess that means when I'm not conscious that's pasive mode. I'm just being a robot doning what it's told. But, there is an upside to passive mode. If I'm doing something I really don't want to, I can enter into a dreamland and it doesn't seem to bother me as much. I use to do this alot, but alot of what I did sucked. It's not as bad anymore though.

[T1r1on]

Today kind of sucked. I kicked my own ass. First I smacked my head with a chain. Then, I cut my thumb open with a can. After that, I smashed my other thumb with a hammer. And last, I smacked mt shin on a saw blade. The chain hurt the most. It left me dazed for a little bit. Hopefully tomorrow goes the other direction. 

Not all of it was me making new scars though. This morning was amazing. I got a good breakfast, and 20min of visualization in. The dream I had last night gave me some motivation to work extra hard on the website. So, I'm adding a new page to it after I get it set up. I have the page set up and ready to go. As for the rest of the site, all I have left to do is add a few links and descriptions and make a logo.

I haven't watched the next video in the LPC yet. I am going to do that after I finish this post. 

Meditation was excellent last night. I went deep. I almost fell asleep, but that happens when you do it tired. Itbwas cool though. I was falling asleep and I noticed it in a different way.  It's like I was fully awake watching myself fall asleep. It's kind of hard to explain. Anyway,  it was awsome.

[Guest]

You are dedicated... No doubt! 

[T1r1on]

Today was interesting. I didn't get hurt which is always a good thing. I woke up early and watched the LPC. Work was boring and I swept most of the day. I have come up with a new type of meditation, broom meditation. I just let my body go into auto pilot and delve into my mind. Time seems to go a little quicker this way, and I did some self inquiry. 

I've never had "luck" with ladies. I was under the impression that I wiuld die a hermit,  but I started asking myself questions and found out that I have a fear blocking me. The fear of looking foolish to be exact. So, I never realy tried to get a realationsip. Now, I'm 24 and wandering how do I even get started. First, is correcting the fear, but it's the other stuff. I guess trial by fire is a resonable option. Compoud that with some classes or something.  It shouldn't be too hard. Or, so I say now. 

Also I've getting wierd sensations throughout the day. It's kind of like a burst of energy, but it's not. I become super aware of everything for a split second, then it goes away just as fast as it came. I can't help but wonder what this is, and if I can make last longer. 

Since we're on awareness.  I have been noticing more things. Like I feel more sensations in my body at any given moment. And I catch thing in my vision quicker. I've been hereing things that I usualy don't notice. It's not a huge dramatic gain, just more. It's enogh to notice, and affect little things.

I didn't get to read or work on the website today. I was bussy making a workbench for my sister. It's been a while since I've gotten to work with wood. I forsee a change in that for the future. I like making guitars. 

Tomorrow I'm going to publish the site. I have to do that so I can sign up for an affiliate program I found the other day. And, I kind of want to start guiding traffic to the site. It may be rocky at first, but I learn quickly.  I want to sit down and read for an hour or two as well. I don't get to do that as much as I would like. Then, I promised to help my sister make some shelves out of pallets.  And, I need to work on a couple logos. Tomorrow is full. I have a feeling that someone is going to want to hang out as well. That's just what I need. But, I'll just roll with the punches and knock it out.

 

[Guest]

I used to run a website... What's the aim of your site? 

[T1r1on]

@BKK-J I'm doing some affiliate matketing. I'm hoping I might be able get out of my job. But, that may rake a while.

 

[Guest]

What area? 

[T1r1on]

What do you mean?

[Guest]

What's the topic of the content? Travel? Technology? 

[T1r1on]

Education. I am constantly searching for quality stuff to learn, and I figured why not share what I find.

[Guest]

I have some websites on education, specifically taking an English test foreign students need to take to study in a country where English is spoken. I am no website expert, but I previously had one that was quite successful. I would be happy to bounce ideas around with you. 

[T1r1on]

Today was productive, and not productive at all. I got some meditation in this morning.  Then I ate a good breakfast. After that I tried to figure out why I couldn't publish the site. I found out that I was building it in the wrong place. So, I had to start from scratch. I got a good way into it though. Doing it the second time is going alot faster. I got the logo made for my site and the one that someone asked me for. I watched 2 of the videos in the LPC. And I got a hair cut.

I have had some interesting thoughts today. Learning all of this marketing has stirred up some new ideas to try, and fixes some old problems with some of my past adventures. After I get this running I can work on some other things that may bring some cash my way. I am at the point with my job that I just have to get out of there. But, I need it for now, so I'm putting up with it.

I realy haven't entered any cool states today. But, I have been working on the computer all day. I have pondering on some of my inner demons lately, and some of them are just horrible. My fear of hights pales in comparison to these other ones. But, I'm arming myself with the weapons I need to vanquish these foes. Forging the the holy hand grenade of Anteok takes a while ( old school reference). 

I entered sleep paralysis last night after I "finished" meditating. I was aware while my body fell asleep. This was an interesting experience. Some people get scared, but it was quite peaceful for me. I did some testing while I was in this state. I moved my eyes and got super dizzy,  then I slightly opened my mouth and it sounded like water was rushing in. Then I let my mind wander a little bit. Just to see how vivid things could get. I was pleasantly surprised by how clear I could see things. Then, I came out of it and went to get somthing to drink. I was in it for about 2 hours.

Tomorrow I'll pick up where I left off on the site. I still plan to launch it on Sunday. I might have to help my sister make some shelves, but I'm not sure. Plans keep changing. I am kind of getting tired of the same crap everday. I want to get out and do something, but there is nothing to do. I don't drink, so going to a bar seems pointless. I think I may take my camera and go snap some pictures some time. I haven't done that in a long time. We'll see what happens.

[T1r1on]

@BKK-J Sounds good. 

[T1r1on]

So today was awsome. I worked as usual, but I was in a cool state for most of it. Last night's meditation carried through all day, even now. I have been in a jolly, blissful, peaful mood all day, and nothing has gotten to me. 

So las t night I was doing the "I am" meditation, and I got pretty deep. But, I usualy do. The meditation works by you reapeting I am in your head over and over. When thoughts come up describing you notice them, but don't identify with them. You stay in a present state for a while. Mooji on yourube has some guided meditations for it. Anyway, I was reapeting I am over and over, and about 15 minutes in I felt this explosion of something in my chest.  My forhead was practicaly on fire, and I managed to hold it for about 20 minutes. Then I fell asleep. Just like that. I woke up early,  and felt well rested. I had some amazing dreams. And my heads been tingling all day, and my forhead has been slightly burning.

I wish I could talk about this stuff with someone face to face. But, there is no one around me that I know of. At least I can talk about to people on this forum. The biggest questions I have are what are some these sensations, and where am I developmentally. I read articles and they're like this is for beginners or intermediate.  But, I have no clue what stage I'm at. I know what the forhead thing is kind of, but alot of whats out there is bull crap. I really what to know what that explosive feeling was. I can't find anything on it. I can however kind of force a small version of it. But, I have always been able to do that. It was so intense. 

I've been thinking alot about changing some of my nightly routines. I feel like I'm being smothered by all of the work. I don't get to get out and do anything. I just work all day and into the night. I want to get out and meet some new people, maybe get a girlfriend. I use to do some pretty spontaneous shit, but now I'm just droning away. I feel restricted and kind of depressed some times. I keep telling my self a little longer and you'll have all the time in the world, but how long is a little longer. Maybe I need to set some real times for the stuff I'm doing, and pull some all nighters. Something has to change.

But, to end on a high note, I have been keeping up with the morning visualizations and I am going to get to read tonight. I haven't been able to do that for a little while. I have noticed that I have more energy lately. And I have more peace, which is always good.:)

[Guest]

@T1r1on are you helping so many people out so you don't have to work on the website?

Strangely, I am in exactly the same situation as you. I just find that I put things in the way of doing it. I think Leo calls this an impact of homeostatis, if I remember: 

 

[T1r1on]

@BKK-J it's not that. I actually enjoy working on the website. I just don't say no to people when they need help. Maybe it's some kind of victim mind set or something.  All I know is it gets overwhelming. So, I'm working on saying no more. Sometimes it feels like people use me, but I let them so who's fault is it realy.