How to deal with shame over a mistake?

[lmfao]

This question could be moved into Serious Emotional Problems if mods want to. I can't say what the mistake is, but I feel a lot of shame about it. Like I've hit rock bottom and worthless. There are no tangible reparations for what has been done, albeit perhaps private ones with myself in the process of healing. 

Anyone here ever had intense events/mistakes they've overcome, and how they healed? I'm thinking of adopting shamanic breathing as a weekly thing. I'll watch Leo's forgiveness/trauma video.

How does a sinner/criminal repent and heal?

Edited July 15, 2020 by lmfao

[Osaid]

@lmfao There was a story with the Buddha that I'm reminded of. To paraphrase, someone spat on the Buddha and then the next day started apologizing for what he had done. Then the Buddha said something along the lines of "Why are you apologizing? You never spat on me. The person who spat on me is not here anymore"

Basically, our identity is always changing. If you feel guilty about it and you've acknowledged your mistake, then you've already evolved to a different person now. You just need to make amends and move on.

[Artsu]

Feel sorry for what you did. Think it through. Pray to God. 

I overcame a serious mistake by realising it was a dream.

[lmfao]

@Osaid Right, I need to be careful in what I ascribe as being my identity. The mind is full of many forces. Mind is host to a bunch of senators, and an evil one came out the dark. But I'm the president. 
@Artsu Yes.

I've calmed down a little now. I'm getting a bit conscious of the fact that I'm mindlessly falling into the patterns of thought that the collective, which is ultimately retarded, has. Whatever conclusion I get about myself, I need to do it from principles and come up with a constructive way to work from it. I need to journal privately and rest. 

Edited July 15, 2020 by lmfao

[Artsu]

Do the right thing. 

It's true enough that you are different from the person who made the mistake,  but you are still connected to it.

So you still have to deal with your mistake, but in some ways you have already moved on.

Good luck with it all.

[Leo Gura]

See video: How To Forgive Anyone Who Hurt You

But apply it to yourself

[LastThursday]

@lmfao mistakes are a fact of life, you will make more of them in future. 

If you've hurt people then apologise sincerely and authentically. Be aware that it may take some people a long time to process the pain, be patient with them. But when it's time, move on without regret.

If it's a material mistake or it involves money, then offer to pay or work to make up for the mistake.

You need to make a sacrifice in order to be absolved.

 

[Farnaby]

I think there is a healthy side to shame. If you've hurt somebody (or even if you're hurting yourself in some way) and you feel ashamed about it, that shame is pointing you in a positive direction: trying to repair the damage you've done or to stop hurting yourself. 

If we're talking about chronic shame related to every little mistake, you may want to explore when and how you learned that "you should be ashamed of your mistakes". In this case, it's usually a protective mechanism to avoid rejection, abandonment, etc.

[AtheisticNonduality]

13 hours ago, Artsu said:

This site goes hand in hand with the interest. You are assuming religious people are generally blue, and while most don't question the assumptions of the religion, and thus remain in dogma zone, religion is a powerful domain where the highest of high in SD terms reside.

No.  Just no.

[Artsu]

1 hour ago, AtheisticNonduality said:

No.  Just no.

Care to elaborate on that?

[AtheisticNonduality]

@Artsu The highest of high of SD do not reside in religion.  The highest developed people will not be found in a religious system.  Religion is purely lies.  That's that.  The highest developed people are not Christians, Muslims, or whatnot.  They are free.  You are mistaking spirituality for religion.

[Boethius]

@lmfao Speaking for myself, I still carry with me the "weight" of a particular mistake I made 20 years ago. But I will say the weight has gotten lighter over time. Maybe one day it won't even be something I'm thinking about, who knows...

[Mu_]

@lmfao Just some food for thought.

Whats wrong with having shame and uncomfortable emotion going on in the body? 

Do you feel like you deserve it?

Since it can't be taken back, how long should one hold on to feeling guilty or shamed before being able to drop it? 

What if someone says you can't and should feel ashamed to you die?  Should you believe them and live that way for the rest of your life or accept that its been done, perhaps it could of not been avoided and do ones best to not do it again...

Is this something you had full control in doing?  Or did you have certain feelings, wants and desires that you inherited from your society and environment which had a role in you making the choices you did?  And if so, are you to blame?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Are you starting to see that all these questions come down to You answering and deciding whats right or wrong according to you?

If so, are you okay to embrace this and live how you want to?  Dropping the shame to the best degree you can or accepting whats been done and moving forward?

Edited July 16, 2020 by Mu_

[lmfao]

@Boethius Right I see. 
@Mu_ Good walking through of things. 

[Oliver Saavedra]

Cry cry cry cry a lot, and write about it, It's a huge learning oportunity. 

The grief process is your brain's mechanism of accepting bad stuff for its own learning and evolution. So don't try to repress it nor change it, allow it to happen.