Female orgasm as a spiritual experience/dancing with GOD

[Sine]

In Leos video about perspectives, he suggests a practice where guys should imagine themselves having a female orgasm. It occurred to me that this is actually what I am doing most of the times I have sex - taking part in the orgasm of the man as if it was my own, and that is why I enjoy sex so much, even though, like most women, I don't get an orgasm every time. But that is not what this post is really about haha, I just wanted to mention, that i think a lot of women already do this. 

What this post is really about is my playing around with tantra and solo-tantra which has led me to a lot more actualization than I expected. And at this point, I am convinced that we as humans have so much more to learn from sex and if we practice, will be able to excel it to unbelievable levels. 

I started doing tantra sessions with a friend and masturbate with a tantric mindset for about half a year ago. I did this because I am dealing with vulvodynia (a condition where you get random pain inside your V - most often during sex), pain during menstruation, panic attacks during sex ect. I researched a lot on tantra and 'masturbation as meditation' and took some techniques from different sources while mixing it up with stuff I learned from Vipassana meditation, psychedelic trips, and theater practice. I am very lucky to have such good and openminded friend, who want to practice along with me but as far as I am into this work now, the most profound experiences have actually been single-handed - so to speak This was definitely not expected and I am amazed of what an effective tool I believe this to be. Spiritually speaking. 

Of course, I wouldn't know if this would be the same for men. Right now I have a strong sense that women and men experience sexuality and orgasms very differently. But well, how would I know for sure? 

I feel very inspired to share this with other women, because, haha, I feel like I found a lifehack or something. But I know I've only just opened the door and has way more exploring to do. So for now, I will just share my most recent experience with you. This has so far been the strongest. 

Well. I was reading a book, nothing special, while I felt this tickling sensation at the end of my spine that lead me to think it would be a good time to 'practice'. I started by making the setting - as you would do before a psychedelic trip. Music, blanket on the floor, dimmed light. I also turned up the heat in my room, so I would feel comfortable being naked, and prepared my stuff (vibrator, glass-wand and lubricate).

 If you do not have a vagina you can just skip this, but I'll put out the details if someone wants to try the same technique. 

I start by touching my breasts, belly, thighs and the area on the other side of the knees with the glass-wand which is ice cold as this point, I also lick and bite my lips, because it is a sensitive area for me, but this could be different from person to person. Then I take the wand down to my vulva where I circle it around the whole part, very slowly at the beginning and if I feel pain or strong sensations I stop for a moment to be mindful about it like I would when scanning my body in vipassana meditation. I then make the circle smaller and smaller until I sometimes stroke my clitoris with the wand, which often excites me, but instead of just focusing on the clitoris, which was my old style of masturbation, I begin circling with the wand just around the vaginal opening while breathing heavily, focusing on the base of my spine and how the floor feels against my back - the image of earth and roots and grounding in some ways helps me to reach the 'state' but I am not really sure why. 

I want to mention that in the beginning if felt nothing at all on the vaginal opening, I only felt sexual sensations when touching the clitoris, but this has changed during these practices. 

 Then I most often begin opening, as my body does it by itself, which was very weird to me the first time it occurred, because I thought that I would have to press the thing into me like I have experiences guys press their penis into me  - but now I know the body really can - like - swallow the thing (haha) all by itself. 

When I have the wand inside me i start breathing even more and if I have the pain I "standstill" and deal with it like before. Then I do the circling again but now on the inside, feeling where I have "blockages" or such. Sometimes I can feel sudden sadness or happiness when I do this. If everything is okay and I feel like it, I continue using the vibrator. I keep the wand inside me and with the other hand uses the vibrator on my breasts, belly, thighs, and as far as it is possible with the wand inside me, circle around the same circles as before. 

At some point, I let go of the wand and continue solely with the vibrator. Sometimes inside me, sometimes on the clitoris, sometimes a mix. At this point, it starts getting orgasmic. 

This may not sound much as a spiritual experience but I'll come to it. This is what happened at my most recent orgasm, but I have had similar experiences to this while doing the mindful-masturbation. Though not as intense and out-of-my-body-like .... or actually it was more like being really IN my body... I don't know. 

This is what happened:

I was doing the thing, and the orgasm started approaching but it was more intense or more playful than I have experienced before. I felt like I was having sex with the air. I couldn't hold my body still and my spine was moving a lot and I was smiling so much and touching my face, stomach breasts, when the orgasm started I was just laughing while also breathing really hard and it was like I was making sounds that were almost - so ancient. or animal. or something. I had a little bit of my mind on what my neighbor would think but I just couldn't help it and I started laughing in a way that reminds me of how I would laugh on a trip while realizing that everything is pure love and play. It was just like that. I felt so present with the universe, and the weirdest thing was - and this may sound crazy - but I felt that all the things in my room in some way was alive and laughing and playing with me, I couldn't be still so I got up on my knees and the music was still on so I started swaying to it while breathing. I had closed eyes and I was just smiling, laughing, and breathing heavily. It was so profound because I have never felt so NOT alone in my life! I felt the room was filled with some kind of fairies or angels haha and then I started dancing for real, but close to the floor. It was just feeling like being some kind of ancestral woman. Rolling around and swaying. And I felt so much like a woman - like I felt that I finally understood what it means to be a woman and it was so liberating because i was completely naked. Then I felt this strong presence. I know that God is me and everything and that I am not separate from God, and I have experienced that through psychedelics and on vipassana, but this was different. I felt GOD BESIDE me and AROUND me, like "he" was in the air. And I write HE because in this experience GOD was present in me like this very male-like energy AROUND me. I can not describe it better than saying I was dancing with GOD haha. And he was really awesome and loved me so much, and he was me! haha. It was so cool and funny and magical. Then the song I was dancing to came to an end. So I laid down on the blanket relaxing. At this point, I started getting menstruation cramps! this was weird because it is not that time on my cycle yet. But I understood it as some tension inside the womb releasing. And it also went away again so it was all fine. 

So yes. That was my profound experience dancing with fairies and angels and GOD... Using a vibrator.. hahaha how a beautiful joke our life is <3 I hope this will inspire your sexuality <3 (btw the whole thing took a couple of hours)

[Sine]

 

[Leo Gura]

@Sine Awesome! Love it

God is not around you or beside. YOU ARE GOD! For fuck's sake. Stop circling around and get to the point!

[Natasha]

2 hours ago, Sine said:

I enjoy sex so much, even though, like most women, I don't get an orgasm every time

There are exercises you can do to train contracting you vaginal muscles to get orgasm EVERY TIME, even within first few minutes and without a whole lot of foreplay. Speaking from personal experience. Also, check out yoni eggs, they are like weights for a vagina to help build strong muscles.

And yes you experience was beautiful 

[hamedsf]

congratulation on making god your own boyfriend! ?

[Natasha]

1 hour ago, modmyth said:

@Natasha There are also kegel/ ben wa balls which usually have a string. I've never used a yoni egg before; I've always been concerned about having a medical emergency?

Yes, if you feel uncomfortable using the weights, then no need to. Just doing regular contracting exercises should keep vagina walls fit. I also implement them when doing lower body workout, like squats, etc. A lot of women don't realize that their orgasms for the most part are a result of how toned up their vagina muscles are. Vagina fitness is a must if a woman wants to enjoy a lifetime of healthy orgasmic sex. 

Also, check out Kim Anami, she's a great resource for this, she developed a vagina Kung Fu workouts that I personally got many benefits from 

[WaveInTheOcean]

Exciting read - thanks for sharing❤️?

[Sine]

On 14.7.2020 at 0:02 AM, Leo Gura said:

@Sine Awesome! Love it

God is not around you or beside. YOU ARE GOD! For fuck's sake. Stop circling around and get to the point!

Haha YES! I have an ayahuasca retreat this weekend, hopefully this will help me get to the point  

On 14.7.2020 at 0:32 AM, Natasha said:

There are exercises you can do to train contracting you vaginal muscles to get orgasm EVERY TIME, even within first few minutes and without a whole lot of foreplay. Speaking from personal experience. Also, check out yoni eggs, they are like weights for a vagina to help build strong muscles.

And yes you experience was beautiful 

Thank you for sharing this info! I know about these excercices and that they work for alot of women, but when you have vulvodynia the problem is actually that your muscles are to tense, and therefore I practise more to relax and open up, than contracting. 

On 14.7.2020 at 11:26 AM, modmyth said:

@Sine So just curious, how much of this time did you actually spend orgasming? 

Also, those sensations you've described are relatable. I used to get them when I was a lot younger and I started masturbating... like 13 or so. It's the focus, and the setting the intention, and the openness. I think it's great that you found a way to get in touch with yourself, literally, figuratively etc etc.

My experience of having a womb is that it is very open in an energetic sense. Or that it can be open energetically, and it should be. It puts you in touch with a certain something, a certain aspect and experience of 'universal energy', and yea, that is unique to being a woman in a primal sense. It's one of the perks that you get to lose your head and find yourself again in that way.   It can be pretty self-generating and self suggested.

Also as a side note: is the glass wand just a preference more than anything else? Some of those are really pretty. I'm tempted to buy one and just leave it out for display purposes. I tend to prefer something less rigid and something that feels more like an actual dick, but then I get sentimental like that. Also, those new fangled suction vibrators are a godsend. I never really was into vibrators before that.

 

 The actual orgasm was a maybe for about a minute but it kindda flowed together with the dance and I was dancing for maybe five-ten minutes afterwards where I still had a strong orgasmic feeling. But Im not sure because I lost track of time completely. 

I like the glass one because it's pretty but also somewhat  heavy. which is usefull because I use it to apply pressure to sore/hurtfull spots (It was recomended in connection to vulvodynia so that is why I bought it to begin with). There is also something about the heavyness that gives me a sense of sequrity and grounding. 

Personally I don't really like a dildo to look a lot like a penis, because I want the experience to feel a bit like a ceramony instead of a porn movie. I guess you could have a spiritual experience with very porn-like tools - but for me it's just easier to get in the mood when I find the surrroundings beautiful... Not that penises aren't beautiful haha omg they are, I love them! But.. only the ones attatched to persons.. in my oppinion. Another reason for me not to use a penis-like dildo is that they are often very large, and the glass-wand is not so wide, which is easier of me. 

The vibrator I use is also very pretty, not very wide and it has a heating function which I find really nice 

On 14.7.2020 at 11:36 AM, modmyth said:

@Sine Thanks for this account by the way! Super interesting to hear this from another woman's perspective. This kind of makes me want to write about my own experiences in intricate, obscene detail too, like James Joyce's Ulysses level of detail. I have journal where I've written about some sexual topics, but not masturbation.

YES WE NEED MORE WOMEN IN HERE!  <3 I would love to read that!! It is a great idea to write about sexual experiences, you inspire me to begin doing that <3 I think we should have a sexual revolution! 

 

 

 

[Chumbimba]

Holy shit I did not know that people took sexuality this seriously !! Very inspiring and makes me want to introspect on my sexual wellbeing  

[mandyjw]

10 hours ago, modmyth said:

Oh, I wanted to add also that I think it is very very common for women to store unprocessed trauma or suppressed emotions in the womb area, or residues of this. Even experiences that have been mostly processed, and also this tends to accumulate over time. Menstruation can be a sort of release of that energy, I assume childbirth must be as well, etc. Also, if we're taught to have certain attitudes towards our bodies as women, specifically antagonistic or dissociative attitudes? This happens in pretty much every society IMO. It can be hard to get rid of all of that social conditioning, it comes in layers and more layers.

Yes! I've found yin yoga poses that target the hips to be really helpful.

[Sine]

On 16.7.2020 at 0:54 PM, modmyth said:

@Sine  Yea, I prefer it if either it's only somewhat realistic or abstract looking as well. Dildos that look too realistic are... a bit disconcerting. Like looking at a disembodied, floating dick. (On the other hand, there is something kind of humorous about it.) I moreso meant how it feels inside. If it's too rigid. It's probably my own psychological preference more than anything. Plus with the glass, you have to warm it up right? I mean, it gets cold...

Ok. I will probably write that sometime!

Oh, I wanted to add also that I think it is very very common for women to store unprocessed trauma or suppressed emotions in the womb area, or residues of this. Even experiences that have been mostly processed, and also this tends to accumulate over time. Menstruation can be a sort of release of that energy, I assume childbirth must be as well, etc. Also, if we're taught to have certain attitudes towards our bodies as women, specifically antagonistic or dissociative attitudes? This happens in pretty much every society IMO. It can be hard to get rid of all of that social conditioning, it comes in layers and more layers.

Have you ever thought about if that tension/ pain/ anxiety may or may not be related in some way to the vulvodynia you mentioned like it's all interconnected and inseparable? (Obviously I don't know.)

If I stop having penetration (especially penetrative sex) for a couple weeks or a month, it's not uncommon for me to "ugly cry" during/ afterwards about I don't know what, and I also think it's also sort of deep emotional release. I usually feel really calm and clearminded after.

My personal knowledge and experience says that if you clear out all of the energetic baggage, the sort of energetic stagnation and unconsciousness that is associated with there, you end up with the sort of "womb of light". IMO we're both more open and vulnerable in that way I mentioned above, but potentially more powerful and expansive in other ways.

Yea, we totally need a revolution.

Oh, thank you for this it is really great to read about someone who has similar experiences. Yes, I think so too, and maybe that is also why some months end with more painful menstruation than others. It is interesting to think about childbirth as a release of energy - and if the womb Is filled with unprocessed trauma.. hmm.. would this affect the energy of the child? This also makes me think of the subject of "pain-free birth" which I have always found interesting. I have a theory that if I become more aware of myself, my emotions, and healing processes I will be able to remove pain from the menstruation process. Maybe this will be possible with the process of giving birth as well? 

The thing you write about crying after penetration sex makes me so relieved because I experience that too, and though I was just fucked up. Also sometimes when giving a blowjob, the sucking motion releases something in me and I feel very vulnerable and (if the guy is loving) very "held" and it can be an almost healing experience with a somewhat baby/child-like feel to it. Of cause it's difficult to talk about these connections between childlike feelings and sexuality because it could easily be misunderstood. 

 

"womb of light" .. I will take that image with me into my practice.  Thank you. <3

 

About the glass dildo being cold - For me, it is not a problem, maybe because my vibrator has a heating function so I can play with both the hot and cold, but also because my vulvodynia has a kind of burning sensation, so the cold can be relieving. 

On 16.7.2020 at 11:54 PM, mandyjw said:

Yes! I've found yin yoga poses that target the hips to be really helpful.

Yes! You should try yoga for the psoas muscle - known to make women cry ? I use this video before my menstruation or penetration sex if possible.  - Also. I just came back from an ayahuasca retreat where I experienced a lot of healing in my womb and pelvic area. I will be excited to share these experiences with you in a couple of days! <3 

 

 

 

Edited July 20, 2020 by Sine

[mandyjw]

34 minutes ago, Sine said:

Oh, thank you for this it is really great to read about someone who has similar experiences. Yes, I think so too, and maybe that is also why some months end with more painful menstruation than others. It is interesting to think about childbirth as a release of energy - and if the womb Is filled with unprocessed trauma.. hmm.. would this affect the energy of the child? This also makes me think of the subject of "pain-free birth" which I have always found interesting. I have a theory that if I become more aware of myself, my emotions, and healing processes I will be able to remove pain from the menstruation process. Maybe this will be possible with the process of giving birth as well? 

 

My first birth was a bit traumatic, but I got more into mindfulness when I had my daughter and weirdly enough the nurse who helped deliver was named Karma. She told me her dad had been a marine and had no idea what it meant, he just thought it sounded really pretty.  I feel like hospital births are extreme and home births are also extreme and there need to be more options in the middle. But that's a whole nother subject. 

1 hour ago, Sine said:

Yes! You should try yoga for the psoas muscle - known to make women cry ? I use this video before my menstruation or penetration sex if possible.  - Also. I just came back from an ayahuasca retreat where I experienced a lot of healing in my womb and pelvic area. I will be excited to share these experiences with you in a couple of days! <3 

Awesome! I have done that video before, it's really good. I've also found bellydancing to be really helpful.