I am not Me

[QandC]

Been having quite strange experiences lately. Not only crazy-ass, therapeutic dreams, but weird hallucinations and other stuff

This morning I experienced a sort of ego-death, but don't really know what to call it. After I had woken up there was a separation between awareness and my identity (who I think I am). I asked myself who I am, and I said my name and I couldn't connect to myself at all. I was not me anymore, I was just the awareness behind me, looking at a character I have been playing for all my life. It was quite a refreshing experience but it didn't last for very long since I started to go into concept-land right away and then I got back to "myself". But I got very motivated to continue to explore this path. I guess I am just so sick of my own identity in a way and I am in a quite confusing stage in my life, so I see this as an opportunity to pursue awakening. I've had non-dual experiences before but this ego/identity-loss was new. 

Just wanted to share. 

[Gesundheit]

@QandC That is interesting. I experience similar states frequently these days. How are non-dual experiences different though? I feel like I'm in a non-dual awareness state all the time and I rarely get into duality. How would you describe a non-dual experience?

[QandC]

@Gesundheit I feel like my non-dual experiences are more about the visual/physical rather than the mental. When I experience the non dual things, the separation between my body and everything else kinda disappears. Today it was more the mental separation.. difficult to explain. I guess combining the two and I'm on to something

[Gesundheit]

@QandC I experience being alien to this world. Everything feels weird and new. A great sense of wonder arises. I feel disidentified with everything, like I'm a newborn, like how could any of this be possible?! How could I be here?! And how did things get to this?! It feels weird to have thoughts. The mind becomes spontaneously still, yet the sense of wonder remains. I realise that all the stories explaining existence are futile and nowhere near true. No positive or negative emotions. Just neutral.

Is this or something similar the mental state you're talking about?

[ivankiss]

Nothing is ever false or untrue.

[QandC]

@Gesundheit Hmm almost. Mine was more like a meta-perspective on everything. Kind of like I stepped out of my own identity, perceiving myself "above" myself. Not fully, but a sort of separation

[Malekakisioannis]

@QandC have you had a trip lately?