Ways to overcome vagueness?

[eggopm3]

I really struggle with being overly vague when asked questions about myself. It can be tough for me to pin down my thoughts into specifics. I'll often end up rambling, being overly wordy, getting unnecessarily philosophical, resorting to metaphors, talking in circles, or ultimately saying nothing. I'll think of many possibilities from many different angles, and I'll see the worth of all the possibilities that come to mind, without being able to focus in on which of those angles actually represents my views and desires most accurately. This comes up in counselling sessions a lot for me. My counselor will ask me about my goals or about how I feel about something, and I'll often find myself stumped, even though I almost always do have a lot of deep feelings about the subject. I often feel like anything specific that I say couldn't possibly convey what's in my head. Even when I think of something in specific language it often falls into ambiguity as soon as I try to translate thought into words. I'll question if what I said was accurate and begin going back and revising and rephrasing and end up off in the clouds. I'm a very artistically-minded person so in some ways I've come to see this as a strength of mine when it comes to things like writing poetry or music (I'm quite good at creating art that has multiple meanings or could be interpreted in different ways by different people), but I also recognize that this tendency for vagueness holds me back in terms of building relationships with others and especially when it comes to setting concrete goals. So I'm curious if anyone has any advice for how to overcome vagueness?

[Recursoinominado]

Writing and contemplation is a great way. They really do organize my thoughts, try it.

Pen and paper are great also, maybe a typing machine because with a computer or something like it, I have a lot of distractions and it is hard to focus on my direct experience.

[Espaim]

12 hours ago, eggopm3 said:

It can be tough for me to pin down my thoughts into specifics.

Give me a specific example of that

[dropthehat]

It's easier to give out a concise explanation on topics you've put words to, writing to yourself about anything and everything should help with this. While putting words to different topics, you will become more aware of the patterns of your mind and it will become easier to explain your views on things you haven't written about as well.

Here's a great video from Leo on some topics it is helpful to write out your thoughts about, I'm sure you will come up with something more personal and interesting to you as well.
 

 

[Artsu]

I suspect some people react better to your vagueness than others.

[eggopm3]

8 hours ago, dropthehat said:

Here's a great video from Leo on some topics it is helpful to write out your thoughts about, I'm sure you will come up with something more personal and interesting to you as well.
 

Oh this is a good one! Definitely applies to my question, as I do fall into the trap of using overly flowery language when something simple would suffice. The practice Leo recommends here is something I'll make a point to do on a more consistent basis.

13 hours ago, Recursoinominado said:

Pen and paper are great also, maybe a typing machine because with a computer or something like it, I have a lot of distractions and it is hard to focus on my direct experience.

True, pen and paper would make me commit my thoughts more definitively. The internet is a huge distraction when I'm typing on my computer, I'd agree with that. But beyond that I find with a computer, even when writing posts like these, I'll often re-read and revise over and over doubling back to add something here take something away there, switch a sentence around to make it flow better, and often be tempted to edit my post after posting it if the option is there. Maybe this shows a lack of internal organization leading to a lack of confidence and focus in what I have to say. It makes writing take much longer than it probably needs to be too.

I also wonder to what degree the difference is between writing and speaking on the issue of vagueness. I definitely have a tendency to ramble on and repeat myself when talking to people because I'll often second-guess whether I included all the points I meant to include or doubt that the person I was talking to fully understood what I was getting at.

11 hours ago, Espaim said:

Give me a specific example of that

What you did there, I see it.  

[K VIL]

How about a less direct method of updating your circle of friends? They might influence you to articulate in a different way

[lmfao]

@eggopm3 I think part of what it is is that you're a "lateral thinker". 

Reflecting on myself with this. Often times when I'm in a discussion with someone about something, I get excited and mention a lot of different things and "tangents" at once. And not many people will understand why I'm saying what I say. And I'd feel dejected/sad about that. 

Unweaving that feeling of dejection, I unexpectedly find a large number of things about myself I never looked at. I'm gonna guess different things that may or may not resonate. 

Would you say it's the case you feel a compulsive need to talk in certain domains of discussion? Like you're anxious for people to hear and understand your viewpoint? And this expresses itself in you accidentally interrupting others, or staying on a particular point after the conversation has moved on? 

Is part of your self image one where you are the source of clarity/reason? 

A few ideas come to mind for me:

1) Whenever you're typing a sentence, look back at your sentence and delete any unnecessary words. This is a practice I 

2) See if there's any sort of emotional or psychological compulsions at play here which go beyond just the natural way you think. 

---

An anime youtuber now called "Digi-nee" made his own personality system called "neurotyping" which you might like. It has two dimensions. One is " lexical vs impressionistic" and the other is "linear vs lateral". From the sounds of it you're very lateral. (And unless extremely lexical, even lexical leaning people will struggle to be understood by most people if they are very lateral). I wouldn't be able to guess how lexical or impressionistic you are, other than saying you aren't at the extreme of being very lexical. 

 

 

 

 

[LastThursday]

On 13/07/2020 at 5:53 AM, eggopm3 said:

So I'm curious if anyone has any advice for how to overcome vagueness?

No need to overcome it. Vagueness is a great skill to have. What you're looking for is flexibility. Sometimes it's good to be specific and exact, sometimes not.

The thing with thoughts (non verbal thoughts) and emotions is that there no real way to exactly represent them in words. Words are always vague approximations. Even if the words are specific, someone's interpretation of them will be completely different to yours. In a phrase: everything is relative.  The thing with counsellors is all they want to do is talk. Can you see the problem?

But if you do want to go specific, then you should do things the other way round. Use your emotions as a reality check instead. For example the specific goal of "I want to learn to drive", does it fill you with excitment or boredom? If boredom, then forget driving. Use your emotions like a compass to guide you through the land of specificity that everyone else keeps imposing on you.