I Feel That I Am Better Then Others

[bazera]

Hey, 

I've just became aware of the fact that sometimes I feel better than other people. I have noticed that sometimes when I look at people, internal dialogue takes place, according to which: I know more things than him/her, I meditate every day and he/she doesn't even know what meditation is and is good for. I read books about psychology and am trying to practice mindfulness, when he/she doesn't even know that such kind of thing is possible. and so on and on...

I am aware how toxic that kind of thinking is. Also, I have just begun this "journey", I didn't even know what meditation was 4 months ago, but that doesn't change anything for my ego. 

I really want to get rid of this kind of thinking, can you share some insights or techniques or something alike?

Or should I trust the idea that awareness alone is curative, and just try to be aware whenever those thoughts arise? (will be quite difficult though)

[Christian]

I think it might be important for you to apply awareness in this case. Because when you are aware of the fact that this thought creates an illusion of you being better that someone, you can simply observe the thought like a cloud in the sky - simply notice it.

Also, it may help if you watch the video called "grasping the illusory nature of thought" and do the exercise presented called flattening the illusion. Do this exercise with the thought of you being better that others to experience the thought for what it really is

 

[Salaam]

Awareness is one thing, but what do you do with that awareness? Differentiation helps a lot, along with practicing and expanding upon those differentiations so they internalize and change your automatic emotional patterns.

Understanding that there is a difference between the level of capability a person has and how you treat or relate to them. In other words, superiority and inferiority are a kind of rapport you have with people, which we can choose or not choose. How we relate can be based on other things.

I have a large amount of capabilities most people will never be able to touch or understand, BUT that doesn't mean I have to relate to those people  with a sense of superiority AND I don't have to attach my trust in my own capability to how it compares to others (instead it's internally validated).

Personally, I practice Relational Equality with everything. There is no man, being, god, energy, or force that is either above or below me.

The whole of a person cannot be determined by the comparison of a single trait.

So...
-Internal validation of capability is the primary focus instead of external validation contingent upon competition.
-The flavor of relation or rapport with a person is more about character and how they treat others than ability
-Judgements about a person based upon a single trait are failures in multi-dimensional perception and further motivation to expand the amount you can perceive about them, changing how you react and connect/relate.


 

[Saarah]

@bazera Hierarchies or models, we create them to organise things in our mind, so you create a map to refer to, a map which let's you know where you stand, you say "oh, I'm this far ahead from this person" then the next automatic thought from that is, "well, if I'm further along, further along = better than" 

this is a map, a belief, you unconsciously weaved, and it's based on egoic perception, thinking about everything in relation to you, creates ideas about 'further along' etc, when in the territory/reality, 'further along' the 'personal development path' doesn't exist 

Since the map is a belief, and beliefs are so difficult to shake, like you say, the only way to move beyond them is through awareness, and there isn't really anything else you can do to 'get rid' of this, so you'll just have to look at the image of the model/map in your head with awareness and not do anything else, and don't expect it to disappear for a looooooong time or better yet at all  You don't have to react to your model, just witness its presence 

 although the concept of relational equality was mentioned above, we can't see what that means, we just understand intellectually, your map still exists, and thinking about that concept is not going to destroy your models, only if you see the territory for yourself

like a diagnosis from the doctor that you won't be able to walk for a long time yet, you have to learn to live with it and just work on awareness with mastery and not for getting the result of getting rid of this model you have, otherwise you'll become frustrated

 

[bazera]

Thanks a lot guys for your responses!

@Christian Thank you for reminding me of that video, I've watched it couple of weeks ago and I've forgotten about it. That technique will really come in handy at times when I'm aware of my unwanted thoughts and feelings, thanks

@Piotr Yup, you've noticed correctly, I am blaming my self. When I am aware of the thought or the feeling that "I am better than him/her", than I think something like: "What the fuck man, how can you be ... you shouldn't feel this way ... you may destroy your relationships that way ..", and so on. 

Actually I've practiced meditation for the last 2 months, 4 months is the period that I've known that meditation can be useful for regular people other than monks  and yes, before I've started it, I was completely unaware of my feelings and thoughts. I still am actually, but I do notice some of them on rare occasions, like this one. I've never noticed that I felt like better than someone else until I started meditation. I always did felt that way of course, but I was always identifying with it, and was feeling frustrated because I couldn't stand when I felt that somebody else was better than me. And it's like a defense mechanism as you say, it was something like: "Oh he is better than me? oh okay, than I am better than him, him, him and her, oh and him". Just like a child would behave  

No, feeling better than somebody else is not a painful experience, it's satisfying in a bad way I guess. It's a huge trap. The painful experience is when I feel that he/she does something better than me. I know intellectually how silly and childish is this, and that I have to compare myself only to myself, and that there are so many people out there and it is obvious that there are houndreds of people that are better then me and so on and on. But as you know, knowing is on thing and actually experiencing and "being" is another. So, in spite of knowing that, I still literally have a pain somewhere in my body when I feel that somebody is better in a field that I think I am quite good at. This is reality, and I can't deny it. The only think I can do is try to find a solution I guess

Yup, I will continue my meditation, and see where will it lead me.  

Thanks.

@Salaam Yes you are right, ultimately I want to change my automatic emotional patterns. You can't know awareness right? The only way of "knowing" is being aware. When I feel the feeling, or catch the unwanted thought, that catching and observing process is awareness to me. 

Thanks for your insights

@Saarah   

Quote

'further along' the 'personal development path' doesn't exist 

Hm, I really haven't thought about that. You are right..

So awareness really is a cure for almost everything I guess  

I will try to be more aware when this kind of thing happens again, and continue meditation in order to help myself to be more aware.

Thanks a lot.

[khalifa]

You are not a robot but you are still a machine, You can't really entangle your entire beliefs because you'll just end up wrapped around it which will result with deeper frustration.

Just be aware of it happening and you'll eventually stop it due to believing being aware makes you stop your bad habits.

We are by no means anywhere near an absolute robot phase since we interact with our life with stimulus emotions and you'll never really get rid of that since it's embedded within you just embrace it and take the road of being as it will calm you overtime clean with all that belief/resistance as there is no black and white or right and wrong.

[Kevin Dunlop]

I practice the belief that we are all equal. Equally important and unimportant, equal potential. I dont say I believe it because I think its the only possible truth, no one can prove if it is true or not. I believe it because it helps me in life, thats how beliefs work for me. If I have a criticism of someone else I stop and wonder how am I doing the same thing in some way that I dont see but is bothering me.  Some people are better at some things than others right now but they might understand different things we dont. We are infinite, it is impossible to know another person and what they might do in the fucture. 

There is alot of pressure for us to conform to the capitalist example that we are in competition with eachother. That there is a Hierarchy of better and better people above us and worse people below us and the more we squash them down the higher we go up above them. But I could be wrong maybe you are better hahahah 

[Falk]

On 28.7.2016 at 5:05 PM, bazera said:

Hey, 

I really want to get rid of this kind of thinking, can you share some insights or techniques or something alike?

Hey there  

First of all!! the title says "im better THEN others" ...it is: "better THAN!! others"  ...gosh...i´m so much better than you  

1. "i have bad toughts i wanna get rid of them" you are judging "yourself" ...stop judging?!

2. practice awareness, just notice the thoughts and notice the feelings ...

an enlightened "person" it not someone who never has thoughts that you would label as "bad" but someone who never engages in those thoughts and never shames himself for "having" them... thoughts are thoughts are thoughts ...see them...moove on...

The need for a cleansed/steril/perfect inner world is neurotic ...( AAAND im judging again  damn the world of words is tricky, but i hope you kinda get what i might wanted to say between the lines... ) 

Edited July 31, 2016 by Falk

[bazera]

@Falk Yeah man, I understand, thanks  

[khalifa]

 

Since judging is a part of perfectionism, it may aid you to gain a deeper insight off it's route.

[Beam]

bazera don't worry others feel the same way when you enter the room !