Stuck - I don't know what I'm doing

[electroBeam]

The thing that drives my life forward, that motivates me, is this sense that I know what I want, what path I'm on, and what I'm doing.

But in reality, when I'm honest with myself once in a while, the realisation comes about that I don't really know what I'm doing, or where I'm going. And I have no idea of the substance of what I want. 

I really don't know why I'm here, and why we are all doing this. People have told me over and over. I've heard all the reasons. Some from culture, some from spiritual teachers. But I don't feel it. 

This place just feels so alien to me. Its just weird as fuck. Why do we need to drink water? Its so weird. Why do we need to eat? Its so weird. Why do we need to have sex? Its so weird. There's a trillion things that could have been created instead of eating, drinking and fucking. Procreation could have been looking at each other with different smiley faces, or cubes bouncing around, or different patterns of light. But instead its rubber our bodies against each other. Why those things? Why is that the way of surviving? What's the point of even doing these things? Why is it so important? Its not important to Nothingness. And yet here we all are, taking these things with deep importance and value. 

People's values are also weird. They want things which I don't want. They believe in things which I don't believe in. I totally gave up on feeling a connection with people's personalities ages ago, because we diverge so much that its literally impossible. On a metaphysical level I can connect with them, connect with them as MYself. But not on a personal level, that's definitely gone. I don't even know if they exist on a personal level, and it feels like they don't. I've never seen their soul before... which just adds to the weirdness that I find myself in, why the hell don't they exist? What are they? People look like pure aliens to me, like I just came from another universe and were dropped into this one. I feel like I'm in some alien minecraft. Where aliens are doing weird shit, placing importance on things that aren't important, and doing stuff that makes no sense. 

Even racism feels weird to me. Fighting over skin colour? Its like watching grass fighting over different shapes of their tips and making massive collective social dynamics and patterns happen from it. Its just so fucken weird. I just don't know what they are doing. 

War on drugs? so much turbulence from consumption? Have humans sat back for a minute and even thought about how weird consumption is? How we have mouths that we put stuff into it? Like that's just weird. And there they are fighting over as aspect of it...

Death is so weird. So much turbulence around forms changing from one thing to another. 

And I don't ever remember a time when I did feel like this place was normal. The past feels imaginary, it feels like all of my past and history was created a second ago, and never happened. So was I ever normal? Was this place ever normal? Maybe it was never normal? Maybe I really am an alien from another universe? That possibility certainly feels more real than the idea that I'm a human.

This possibility, this particular form, is just one out of a billion. And everyone is taking it as if its absolute, as if its the only way things can be. Consumption through the mouth is the absolute way to grow. Racism is the absolute way social problems occur. Living in a society is the absolute way of living. This universe is the only universe that exists...

And all of my motivation comes from that absolute belief, that this universe is the only universe, and is the only way things can be. I eat because eating is the absolute way to grow. Its the only way to grow! No other way... Other universes don't grow in different ways... of course not! This is the only way to grow...

And I just feel stuck because, everything I got out of Leo's LP course was based on this belief that this universe is the only one that exists. And all of my passion and drive and vision all comes from that. And it feels super, ridiculously insincere. Because deep down I know its not true. Deep down, I don't feel like doing anything, deep down I feel like the universe already has a plan and a vision, and my little petty ones are just distractions from the big universe's plans. 

So I'm in a conflict, I've got lots of social conditioning telling me to survive and be passionate about something, then I've got my inner muse telling me its all bullshit. And I don't know how to move forward. 

[Artsu]

Yeah, things are weird. Isn't it weird that you're paying so much attention to that?

[fridjonk]

I'd bet you gained a little more clarity after offloading here. 

[commie]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

I really don't know why I'm here, and why we are all doing this.

That's very open-minded of you. I can't say that I honestly entertain the notion that there is a sensible answer to such whys.

All this judging (weird, weird, weird) seems like it would be draining. Maybe take a break?

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

And all of my motivation comes from that absolute belief, that this universe is the only universe, and is the only way things can be.

Out of curiosity, how does that work? What's the connection between such an abstract belief and motivations?

[electroBeam]

@Nak Khid that's an interesting quote from Leo. Where did you get that from? What was the context? I actually thought maybe my solution was TO take psychedelics, rather than a break from them. 

25 minutes ago, commie said:

Out of curiosity, how does that work? What's the connection between such an abstract belief and motivations?

? well you're doing it pal.

There's lots of room for misunderstanding and interpretation in communication. 

If you were born into space invaders, and shot aliens your entire life, survived and persisted through your ability to shoot aliens, all of your friends survived based off how well they shot aliens, you were taught in school on the best ways to shoot aliens and the elites were the ones who could shoot aliens the best and the poor were the ones that couldn't shoot aliens that well. Then you somehow got into this human life where there's eating, sleeping, fucking, would you have the same view about your space invader friends and society? Would you still place a lot of importance and value in shooting aliens after seeing that shooting aliens isn't the only universe that exists and the only way to survive? Would you still place a lot of importance of not dying in space invaders? Being scared shitless of an alien landing on the ground? Would you even care? What if you did Leo's life purpose course on the best way to ace shooting all the aliens? Would you still care? 

[Roy]

You have become too disconnected, detached, and intent on analyzing too much. Like it even matters if you end up "understanding" the why of everything anyways........

Stop worrying so much and just fucking be! 

Because it's the place to be! 

[commie]

27 minutes ago, electroBeam said:

all of your friends survived based off how well they shot aliens, you were taught in school on the best ways to shoot aliens and the elites were the ones who could shoot aliens the best

My life was never like that.. maybe to some extent as a young child but I can hardly remember. It seems like I've always been judging people from the outside of their hateful game and that I learned early on I had to take breaks from that and that you didn't need to believe in order to play along. So I guess it's no surprise I don't relate to this crisis of yours.

[Artsu]

Actually, what you describe in the OP is close to how I see awakening in general. It is getting in touch with reality by having a break with reality. That means you realise that the belief system that most people operate from is invalid, and learning how reality truly functions. Going from consensus reality to true reality.

[electroBeam]

19 minutes ago, commie said:

My life was never like that.. maybe to some extent as a young child but I can hardly remember. It seems like I've always been judging people from the outside of their hateful game and that I learned early on I had to take breaks from that and that you didn't need to believe in order to play along. So I guess it's no surprise I don't relate to this crisis of yours.

Thats very interesting, thanks. 

[commie]

And here I was, thinking I had wasted your time by initially misunderstanding this "universe" thing. Glad to have been of use!

[Nak Khid]

1 hour ago, electroBeam said:

@Nak Khid that's an interesting quote from Leo. Where did you get that from? What was the context? I actually thought maybe my solution was TO take psychedelics, rather than a break from them. 

pg 3, middle 

 

[Someone here]

@electroBeam existence is a paradox. You might very well find a resolve "within" the paradox but you will NEVER relsove the paradox itself!. So forget about the latter because it's absolutely pointless and focus on the first. 

Edited July 13, 2020 by Someone here

[Member]

Lol, I feel the same only that all of this has turned into an amusement. The only advice I can give you is to not take this life scenario so seriously. It's pointless to believe this is all there is and then it's 'game over'. I think that kids are more open minded and view things more accurately til adults start repeating that boring stuff 'THIS IS ALL THERE IS, go to work, marry, have kids and then accept that you're going to die'. It just makes me pack my stuff and go to Narnia. Joking :)) But I think that balance is the key. Do the things that are required in order to survive but keep an open mind because no zombie knows what the heck is happening here. And you don't want to be a zombie, I guess.

[Shiva99]

Seems like you are stuck in your head friend. You need to sink into your body and calm down. What's wrong with BEING? Let life take care of you. Drop expectations of what i need to be, what others need to be and how life should be, and what not. Make BEING your passion.

 

Edited July 13, 2020 by Shiva99

[universe]

You are this place.

Find something you truly love in this universe and then grow the love from there ❤️