I AM A PEOPLE PLEASER

[Chumbimba]

So I am afraid 

1. Standing up for myself in tense situations 

2. Telling people no and setting boundaries when I don’t want certain things 

3. Doing things for people even when I don’t feel like doing them. 
 

How can I stop this behavior once and forever. What is at the root of it because I can’t figure it out. Growing up in childhood I always felt like the only way people would like me is if I was nice to them but then I get stepped all over. I feel like such a pussy 

[hamedsf]

take a note of the cases that you didn't take the right action based on your own agenda (the cases you couldn't do something, therefore you felt like a pussy) and try to imagine how you could behave if you had made the proper move.

by taking those into your consideration, you can start to recognize the various cases here and there if they come around in your life and you'd be able to make the right move.

[Farnaby]

7 hours ago, Chumbimba said:

So I am afraid

Growing up in childhood I always felt like the only way people would like me is if I was nice to them but then I get stepped all over. 

I think these two sentences point to the root cause.

You're not a pussy. You want to be loved like everyone else and you're afraid you won't be if you say "No".

I reccomend sitting with that fear, getting to know that inner child who learnt to people please to be loved and be there for him.

Meditation is a great tool for sitting with your emotions. 

Start taking small steps like suggesting a different movie if someone suggests to watch a movie that you don't want to watch or something like that. It will be scary at first, but you will learn how to handle the fear. 

Also, therapy is great for this. 

Good luck! 

[Preety_India]

 

This is because of your mom. Get out of that place and create your own life. 

Be completely independent

Don't do anything for anyone. 

Don't let them take you for granted. 

 

You are letting your time, space, energy, and resources to be utilized by other people and that's causing you frustration. 

Break free from those people. Don't fight them. Just don't obey them and get out of it. 

Take hardcore practical steps or you will be in that rut longer. 

 

Edited July 12, 2020 by Preety_India

[Osaid]

This is me with my friends basically. They're all massive devils and I know i'm gonna have to probably let them go some day but when I interact with them I always feel like I have to conform or things will turn awkward. I already struggle with social anxiety and I don't like getting into conflict.

[Applegarden]

The issue is more basic IMO, its not looking at life with your own eyes, meaning, you need to look more into prioritizing and seeing what matters to you and you only for now. If it is helping people then it is and you might not feel obligated but responsible and complete. And second is fear of additional suffering, conflict e.c.t. solution to this is what i mentuoned before and maintaining integrity to what you prioritized. To really know if you succeeded you will see that you have become more happy and more blissfull as these principles of responsibility and integrity shape your life to deal with conflicts. And if you allow people to infuelnce you too much, they will spew out their corrouption and exploitation on you. Somtimes they will thank you for your ferocious attitude, because it is attractive and you are leading them in a sense and you will expose their blindspits and after they got angry some of them realize their own stupidity and corrouption.

[Raze]

 

[nistake]

Check out the book 'Not Nice' by Aziz Gazipura.

He addresses this very issue in the book and provides lots of great insights and practical techniques to remedy this.

I used to be a people pleaser, just like you. I read the book, did the work and I feel like I pretty much shed my nice guy behavior.