How to Release Anger/Hate of Somebody?

[Raphael]

I encountered some people in my life that really hurt me in the past and even now, even if will never see most of these people again I still feel hurt and have thoughts about them and emotions that come up from time to time.

Sometimes, I will have thoughts about telling them everything straight to their face, but I will not do it because I don't want to release anger to them and I don't have any contact with them anymore.

Forcing my mind to focus on other stuff & letting go works to a certain degree, but that's not enough because the anger is accumulated inside me.

How can I release the hate?

Edited July 12, 2020 by Raphael

[allislove]

If a regular meditation is not enough maybe try psychedelics? 

Personally, I released a lot of 'misunderstanding' using LSD and a low dose of 5-MeO.

[JosephKnecht]

Assume that everyone acts based on what they know. If these people knew better, they would probably have done better. Assume that the root of all evil is ignorance. 

Of course, there are people that act based on evil for evil's sake. Don't worry about these people for these people are cutting the branch on which they stand on, metaphorically speaking.

1 hour ago, Raphael said:

Sometimes, I will have thoughts about telling them everything straight to their face, but I will not do it because I don't want to release anger to them and I don't have any contact with them anymore.

Would you do that to reward your ego that you are right and they are wrong? What is the payoff of telling them to their face? Why does it matter if you were right when you have already been hurt? Let it go.

Don't hold resentment toward them. Forgive them and forgive yourself and move on with your life.

Contemplate what would you do differently if you encounter a similar situation in the future.

[Patrick Lynam]

you can try bashing a pillow. you get on your knees and put your hands together above your head and then bash the pillow whilst saying somthing like fuck you or whatever and you can fake it till you make it try it for a few minutes and you should be able to get to the feelings its very effective in my experience.

more useful info:

 

 

[Hardik]

6 hours ago, Raphael said:

encountered some people in my life that really hurt me in the past and even now, even if will never see most of these people again I still feel hurt and have thoughts about them and emotions that come up from time to time

Well. There's no Hate but lack of Love❤️

Forgive them. And move on buddy! 

Replace That hate Into Love

[Shiva99]

[AtheisticNonduality]

18 minutes ago, Shiva99 said:

Wise choice.

[JosephKnecht]

18 minutes ago, Shiva99 said:

This is transference. 

He shouldn't channel his hatred into a different object, but rather investigate the root cause of his hatred. 

Transference helps temporarily, but the original problem is not resolved. 

[Boethius]

@Raphael You can write a letter to them telling them everything that you might want to tell them to their face. Then you can send the letter to them in the mail, you can tuck it away in a closet, or you can use it as kindling in a fire. After writing it all out, it will probably be clear what you need to do with it.

[Raphael]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

5 hours ago, JosephKnecht said:

Would you do that to reward your ego that you are right and they are wrong? What is the payoff of telling them to their face? Why does it matter if you were right when you have already been hurt? Let it go.

Don't hold resentment toward them. Forgive them and forgive yourself and move on with your life.

Yes, I sense that it's for satisfying my ego. From my ego perspective, it matters because the payoff would be a feeling of satisfaction and superiority.

I always had a lot of trouble forgiving people. If someone does a very dumb and hurtful thing only one time to me I usually not express any emotions but cut the person completely out of my life by ignoring him/her. I'm conscious that it's not healthy. Also, I usually want to have my revenge on that person and then accumulate anger.

[Raphael]

@Patrick Lynam @Boethius

I found out these techniques too by doing some research and I see the potential. But as @JosephKnecht said, it looks more like transmutation like using a punching bag. It seems for me more important to empty the source so that it doesn't sink anywhere.

[Osaid]

Do not personify your hate. If a tornado hit your house and destroyed it would you hold anger towards the tornado? No. That's just how the tornado is, you can't blame it for that. The ego always likes to put blame on something and once it puts blame on something that's where anger cultivates. This effectively diverts attention from your ego onto something else. 

You wouldn't get mad at a crocodile for trying to bite your arm off because that's all it knows how to do. That's how it survives. It is too ignorant to understand morals or even consider empathising with you. That's just how they are.

The people who do low-consciousness things literally don't know any better. If they did, they wouldn't be doing those things. It is not accurate to look at what they are doing from a high-consciousness perspective. It is like expecting the crocodile to know morals and not bite your arm off and then becoming morally outraged at it when it does do those things.

Leo's forgiveness episode is also amazing if you're really struggling

[Artsu]

Anger is natural. I can't think of how to address that right now.

Hatred and vengefulness are not natural, and come from your own evil inclinations (i am not saying that you are more evil than the majority or anything. Most people do bad things). The best thing is to identify them as destructive mental state, and look for positive outcomes instead.

As mentioned, replace that hate with love.

[Raphael]

17 hours ago, Osaid said:

Do not personify your hate. If a tornado hit your house and destroyed it would you hold anger towards the tornado? No. That's just how the tornado is, you can't blame it for that. The ego always likes to put blame on something and once it puts blame on something that's where anger cultivates. This effectively diverts attention from your ego onto something else. 

You wouldn't get mad at a crocodile for trying to bite your arm off because that's all it knows how to do. That's how it survives. It is too ignorant to understand morals or even consider empathising with you. That's just how they are.

The people who do low-consciousness things literally don't know any better. If they did, they wouldn't be doing those things. It is not accurate to look at what they are doing from a high-consciousness perspective. It is like expecting the crocodile to know morals and not bite your arm off and then becoming morally outraged at it when it does do those things.

Leo's forgiveness episode is also amazing if you're really struggling

It makes perfect sense and I see it in myself too as I also did dumb stuff because I was ignorant. But it's so difficult to accept when it happens to us.

[Raphael]

Do you guys see letting go of anger or other difficult emotions as a try and try again process until we succeed? Like if someone would want to learn drawing, the person would try and fail a lot of time until succeeding.

[Boethius]

@Raphael I can see how using a punching bag everytime you are upset with someone fails to get to the "root" issue, but I think writing a letter doesn't really operate in that way. Writing a letter is usually a one-time thing that reveals the fundamental issues you have with that person. Then burning the letter, for instance, is a way of letting go of those fundamental issues (whereas sending the letter to the person amounts to bringing the issues to the other person's attention and tucking the letter away somewhere for further reading amounts to keeping the issues in "limbo").

Note: I'm not recommending you write a letter that's just filled with the phrase "Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!" Instead, I'm suggesting you write out as clearly (and maybe even as calmly) as possible what you understand as the issue you faced with the person.

Edited July 13, 2020 by Boethius

[Espaim]

3-2-1 shadow work from Integral Life practice

Quote

3-2-1 Process: Long Form

First choose a “difficult person” to whom you are attracted or repelled (e.g., romantic partner, boss, parent), or pick a dream image or a body sensation that creates a disturbance in your awareness. Keep in mind the disturbance may be a positive or negative one. Then follow the 3 steps of the process described below. For the short form, spend about 5 minutes on each perspective. For the long form, you can spend 10-15 minutes or longer.

You can either talk through the process or use a journal to write it out. If talking, imagine the person or thing sitting across from you. If using a journal, simply write out each of the following steps.

3 — FACE IT

Describe the person, image, or sensation in vivid detail using 3rd-person pronouns (e.g., he, him, she, her, they, their, it, its). This is your opportunity to explore your experience fully, particularly what it is that bothers you. Don’t minimize the disturbance—take the opportunity to describe it as fully as possible.

2 — TALK TO IT

Enter into a dialogue with this object of awareness using 2nd-person pronouns (you and yours). This is your opportunity to enter into a relationship with the disturbance, so talk directly to the person, image, or sensation. You may ask questions such as “Who/what are you? Where do you come from? What do you want from me? What do you need to tell me? What gift are you bringing me?” Then allow the disturbance to respond back to you. Allow yourself to be surprised by what emerges in the dialogue.

1 — BE IT

Now, writing or speaking in first person, become the person, image or sensation you have been exploring. Use the first person pronouns (I, me, mine). See the world, including yourself, entirely from the perspective of that disturbance, and allow yourself to discover not only your commonalities, but also how you really are one and the same. Finally, make a statement of identification: “I am _____” or “_____ is me.” Now integrate this perspective into a larger you, feeling it as an integral part of your being.

 

[Raphael]

@Boethius  Ok, I will try this one.

@Espaim This looks powerful, thank you.

 

[Rolo]

i like catharsis. I was doing a thing calld osho dynamic meditation. Its a catharsis meditation, very worth while if done well.

[SgtPepper]

I still deal with this because I experienced some childhood bullying. It is difficult, but it's been released slowly overtime through many avenues. I have had times where I released on psychedelics or weed.

For me, the most powerful approach is Forgiveness. You have totally forgive everyone, including yourself. Don't underestimate that you have to forgive yourself for not doing what you 'thought' you should've done, etc. 

I personally learned a lot about forgiveness through Christianity.