I Need To Talk About Waking Up.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Hiya, I'm going to try and share a few interesting things going on with me since I caught a glimpse of my true nature about a week ago. Not 'understood it finally.', not 'oh okay I gotcha, I get it now!'.

I was very, very, very lucky and in a completely unexpected flash, somehow, somehow I woke up.

I 'saw', the same instant that I 'experienced' my true nature. It seems like when awakened people talk about their initial 'flash' of seeing, their experience of 'seeing' really translates to 'experiencing', and furthermore, 'BEING'. Maybe different words for the same thing, 'experiencing', 'being'.....

This is not 'understanding'. It cannot be understood. Not until you wake up. You are asleep, and then you wake up. Understanding it did not awaken me. No, that's not right... I did not understand until the moment I was awake. 

If I can attribute 'time' to the experience itself of flashing awake and seeing my true nature, simply BEING my true nature, in the profound, awakening, life changing way that's talked about; I got maybe a second.

Undescribeable and uncommunicateable, I'm sorry. I cried on and off for a few days. All joy. If I dwell on that moment for a second or two, the experience does not repeat like that, but the effect is the same, tears of joy... fuck- I submit.

You only wake up from this once. Enlightened people on here have talked about falling asleep again, and I know what they mean, but... you can't have the initial awakening over and over. There's no way to forget the experiencing of your true nature for the first time for it to really suprise you again. 

I am very very new at this, and still very emotional. My ego has been blown up. It's a relief that I cannot describe yet.

Unpacking it all....? I'm a monkey-mind whirlwind even though underneath I know. I haven't been able to work for most of this week. That will change and be fine. 

No sadness yet, no panic. Some psychosomatic stuff when ego tries to put up any real resistance. You can't mistake any aspect of ego for anything else really anymore. I can't 'not recognize' ego doing it's thing now. No aspect of it. When it's not you, it's simply not you. No more; 'Gee, that must be ego talking, gotta watch for that.'

Make no mistake, my ego is there at this point. It's helping me a little bit with sanity right now. Can't walk around all day with that thousand yard stare and my jaw all dropped. Ok, yeah I can, but didn't in public. Remember, ego is still here. Guess that's where the real work starts. It's disconcerting to the ego to be suddenly exposed completely, but it dosn't just pack it's suitcases and leave town. Not in my case. It's naturally clever, and very strong. It is not managing to fool me. There really has been no backsliding... but the ego has been very desperately trying to rip the shit out of my awakening experience. It can't. So strange to know what the ego is for real, and still have it there. It blew apart, but didn't cower and leave. 

Ok, so...awakened and enlightened do not go hand in hand as I can see so far. Yeah I know - wordplay... but the ego needs to be banished for good, and as awake as I am, it's playing it's role and it is very effective. Not fooling me, but I have not killed it. I guess this is where I begin to put it to rest so my awakened state is more than ...no that's not right either, being awake finally can be no more than, or less than.  

It's very weird to let yourself be a little confused, when you know you're not really confused anymore. This will pass because it must. 

Wow, brain-burn, wee bits of anxiety spread up weakly through torso. Short lived but nagging. Adrenaline streaks. Short lived tingles. The ego FIGHTS!

So strange to have 'awakened' and still have so much more to learn.

I need time. I will need to learn how to meditate for real. I know what I am, and it's huge... but that ego - unbelieveable. (Well, literally unbelieveable...) 

Not sure what else to write here right now, may need to have another cry, fuck, this is crazy but so good. 

I'm not at all sure about posting like this, gotta talk about it somewhere though.

I hope to share and maybe help, but it may be a while before I stop sounding like an arbitrarily rambling and gushing, mistaken wannabee or a deluded shortcut-taker. 

That's it for now, I feel like I need about an hour of deep breathing and deep sighs after trying to convey any of this.  

So, so strange, looking back at what I wrote, crying happy overwhelmed tears, realizing that so far, words have failed me completely. 

[Leo Gura]

A few hairs on the ox's tail

Good!

But don't fool yourself. That ain't enlightenment yet. It goes WAY fucking deeper than that. Things you can't even imagine.

There's still 1000s of hours of contemplation to do!

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Oh my gawd, I hear you, and I thank you. You were the effective catalyst after three months of hard, hard curiosity, how about that?

I have no more words. Subdued ecstacy in the middle of a false hurricane.

Thanks again Leo, ...these words fall short too, just... thank you.

[Leo Gura]

My pleasure. Stay with it and enjoy the work. There is nothing more meaningful you could be doing.

If you've been asking the question: Who am I? You might now want to move onto the question: What am I?

If you now know Who you are, what is that who? Look deeply into the matter. Nothing you see, hear, feel, or think is What you are. Become the Nothingness & infinity that you are.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Truth. 

[WelcometoReality]

@FirstglimpseOMG You've probably heard the word oneness before. There is one, is it true? What implications does that have to "you" and what you described as ego?

[electroBeam]

@FirstglimpseOMG So happy for you, whoever you are

I went through a flash much quicker and less intense that yours about an hour ago, I really hear you when you say that you saw the ego for what it really is, so true! Reading your post gave me so much joy considering I completely got every part of what you were saying. If I was Christian, I would say that I connected with god. I have no idea why it feels so majestic, deep and awesome, but it does!

Edited July 28, 2016 by electroBeam

[FirstglimpseOMG]

@WelcometoReality  Hi there, I unpack this for the rest of my life now, so.... I'm like a baby. Undoubtedly I'm a miracle - but I don't know shit yet.

As for trying to convey the answer to your questions, that's a stretch, there's a very real limit to language and intellectual discussion when attempting to try and 'help you inch closer' to what I have experienced. Certainly for me so far anyway. How strange and delightful to have experienced something so profound that language, even the most True and simple explanations by the sages and masters seem to most often end up sounding a little flighty and just beyond our grasp. 

I'm thinking there is merit in trying though. Just remember - I'm  a baby that has very much growing to do. I'm so new that the whole 'just woke up' thing, has me just trying to keep up with the terminology and labels, not only if I'm to have a chance of conveying a fraction of this, but in order to build my own frame of reference for what I have experienced. 

You asked "There is one, is it true?"

Yes, and it is you. And me. And everyone else on the planet. And the planet. All of nature is ALL of Nature and All IS nature. We are Nature. Not separate from, not stemmimg from, not mostly a part of, dependind on now well stories are told or your language of choice is used. We are simply not outside of nature, despite often appearing to be outside of nature, or 'feeling like you are outside of nature' (another good label to slap on 'ego' maybe?)

The planet, every smallest, smallest particle, measureable or immeasureable, of space between and completely and fully surrounding every every every thing from your 'fictional' point of reference out to the absolute boundaries of the universe (of which I'm not sure there are any). And not the observeable universe, ALL of IT. ALL of IT, every every every thing in it and the now tangible every , absolutely every bit of space surrounding every thing in it. EVERYTHING there IS. ...is the exact, completely same thing as you. And vica versa. See how easily it can sound all prophetic and mysterious and esoteric. It does not matter what IT 'sounds' like. What it sounds and seems like is just another story, another conceptual visualization or the fuzzy result of an intellectual surgery session.

Nature, The Universe, God, (terminology, labels) the stuff between the physical stuff, the stuff between or inside the stuff, ALL of Everything is the same thing,    [[[[[[[[[[AND it is innately intelligent.]]]]]]]]]]    And because you are of Nature, are Nature... once your really begin to 'get' that, it is the most incredible thing in your life that you can do to now start thinking about all this 'consiousness' stuff, along with, and on top of, all this physical and 'space between the physical' stuff. I make that promise directly to you.

Soooo... let's mix in some vastly expanding capacity to approach this consiousness thing now.

If you can begin to wrap your head and heart around some or all of the above, let's begin to use our calmness and stillness and readiness, and open-ness...  to build on our newer momentum exponentially in order to maximize our chances of advancing closer and closer to the Truth you seek.

All I speak of points to the fact that despite your 'ego' (completely counter-intuitively, the    [[[[[[[[FALSE]]]]]]]]]   constructs of your mind since birth), this conciousness tht you enjoy.   [[[[[[[[ IS NOT LOCAL ]]]]]]]]        

THERE IS NOT 7 BILLION CONCIOUSNESSES ON THE PLANET. 

7 BILLION egos. Absolutely. 

Get past the language of this all if you can. Look for your Truth within. It's not out there. It's in you. You are it, and miraculously, beautifully, perfectly, and NATURALLY, your ego gets the opportunity to play the game of life the best way it knows how, and has the gift of the capacity to "Transcend" the perception and almost completely convincing illusion of the locality, and physicality of our individual existence.

I'm not bad with language... maybe carefully and as deeply and as openly as possible try and see what all of my words and the way they are put together, may be pointing to. It is the Truth you seek. You ARE that Truth already and your mind's convincing and seemingly individual perspective on that Truth is fundamentally flawed and that is an aspect of humanity. Transcend it. Your mind's ideas are not reality. They are concepts, the stories your mind tells itself in order to try and have a reference point for YOUr existence, and CONCEPTS and STORIES are simply not reality. No matter how ingrained, convincing, persistent, or apparently infallible these (simply 'mind'/'ego' constructed compilations of impressions since birth), are. I attempt to convey Truth

There are not 7 billion consciousnesses on earth, or in-between the ears of our head, somewhere sorta behind our eyes. Our wickedly awesome physical, local, unimaginably beautifully evolved, and developed brains, yeah, there's 7 billion of those my friend, but thay are all the same big Universal, UNIVERSAL, NOT LOCAL consciousness. You don't 'get to 'be' GOD (label), You and I are GOD, and are working on identifying and nullifying the damaging, limiting, blinding, life-fucking-long, almost-perfectly convincing illusion-since-birth, that is Truthfully, nothing more than the biggest, most pervasive, most well intentioned and wickedly engrossing movie you've ever Watched. 

Enjoy your beginnings bud, the journey is life and being and it is perfect already. Get out of your own way. This mindset is not unsurmountable. This is the Truth.

No philosophy. No religion.

TRUTH in the best way I can try and convey it at this time

@electroBeam  The reality of what you are knows exactly why it seems so big and profound and majestic! IT IS!!!!

I'm sort of all out of words after the above attempt and conveyance, and I'm going to end this post before I lose the whole friken' thing to a tablet power-down or something foolish like that. I am just happy that you got a glimpse too.Fucking enjoy that to the nth degree amd run with it. Meditate, meditate, meditate. Open, open, open and get that exponential expansion of your mind in motion and working for you. Work it well and it will eventually happen in the way that the Innately Curious and Intelligent you (The universe), is capable of and exists to BE!  

[WelcometoReality]

18 hours ago, FirstglimpseOMG said:

I'm like a baby. Undoubtedly I'm a miracle - but I don't know shit yet.

And you will never know shit. That's the beauty of it. ☺

[FirstglimpseOMG]

@WelcometoReality  Wow, I guess 'being' doesn't equal 'knowing'. It's a little too funny that my ego didn't know that for most of my life. Not only thought it 'knew', but in case of dispute, most often thought it 'knew' even better than the other person's ego. Too ridiculous. I would occasionally come back down to earth from my pedestal of hidden smugness (can't appear arrogant, it's just good enough to be quietly right.) long enough to occasionally say, "Wow, you may be right on that, I never thought of it that way", but not most times.

At all: Speaking of being 'right' and thinking or speaking as if I know something you don't know.... somewhere above I said "I speak the Truth."

Well now, arent I special.   Cool, sorry - strike that and I'll replace that big statement or claim with; I'm trying to convey a truth I've experienced, and genuinely hope your truths and experiences may be as enriching and eye-opening as mine were/are.

There, that feels right.

 

Edited July 30, 2016 by FirstglimpseOMG
spelling

[cetus]

@FirstglimpseOMG Has the concept of time changed for you since your awakening? I was just wondering how you feel about that now.

[FirstglimpseOMG]

@cetus56 Hiya. Hmmm. Well, I'm trying to grasp the concept of timelessness. Also, trying to wrap my head around infinity. Same thing?

As far as practical experiences so far and apparent implications?

It sure seems like I can slow time down a little. I guess everyone can. The differences I notice now after my experience are that instead of walking along and thinking "Woah buddy, why not slow down a bit, why are you in such a hurry?", I simply am walking differently, naturally and more loosely, but also very naturally a little slower, without the mental prompting. It seems counter-intuitive now, intrinsically, naturally, to be in a hurry about anything. Subsequently it seems like more gets done in less time. 

Speaking of waking up and smelling the coffee, yesterday I opened a new container of coffee. Sure it's always pretty aromatic to open a new thing of coffee because it's all so fresh, but I was hit by it differently this time... Boom, I felt like I was smelling every bit of expertise and competence that went into the roasti g of the beans. It was crazy, almost like I had an idea of what the freakin' earth that the beans were grown in smelt like. Almost felt like I had a quick impression of the land and the people who were working that land. All in a second or two. It took me aback, seemed like the most intuitive thing ever, without an ounce of thought, just a quick, unexpected, very rich impression of something that had never hit me quite like that. And it was cheap-assed coffee. I'm hoping this means that being more 'in the moment' is coming more sub-conciously, rather than always reminding myself to be in the moment. 

I'm still all over the place. Feeling it as I go.

In the past, I have actually stood there and wished the water in the pot would boil a little faster, and of course it seems like it's taking forEVVVERRR!! Now the water's conspiring to boil even slower because I had the audacity to try and hurry it up because I was hungry and wanted to drop my egg or potato or hot dog in there faster. Boy, that water just boils up in a jiffy though if I put the pot on and go check out some forum posts and finish getting dressed. The damn thing boiled too fast, still have to get this shirt on before I can go drop my egg in the rapidly evaporating water!

Anyway, very lately it seems like the 'in the moment' thing is a more natural, less forced state. I'm not wantonly noticing  the time stretch by watching the water boil, mind you, but it sure is nice when it stretches out while doing something more pleasurable, like walking around on a gorgeous summer day. (as opposed to the day flying by when I am enjoying myself but slowing down to make it seem more tormenting when I'm not.)

It just seems more natural and beneficial now to 'slow down'. 

 

[cetus]

@FirstglimpseOMG Try some fresh fruit and do the same with that as you did the coffee. It's amazing when you truly taste fruit with a full presence. It's like you can taste the sunshine, the air, the earth, the nature in it. Amazing! The reason I was asking about your experience of time was, yesterday all concepts of time fell away. I was experiencing time, as I am now hitting each key stroke one after another, thinking each thought, feeling each emotion, each movement happens within time. I was thinking how everything we do is governed by time in the physical realm. But all that suddenly fell away. It became only the predicament of everything that is happening and the concept of time ends there. Outside of "happening" there exists no time. Time was seen as being relative only and not absolute. I would shift between the two, time, no time and back again. You mentioned infinity. It's funny you should say that. A friend stopped over yesterday afternoon. He mentioned something about not understanding how anyone would ever desire to be eternal. Eternity when seen from the experience of time only, time never ending sounds almost hellish. But for what is eternal or infinite, than it must exist beyond the confines of time and space. A million years or one blink of the eye would be no different. The same with infinity. The smallest distance would be no different than an unfathomable distance. This is breaking down the mental concepts. Those concepts fell away yesterday stronger than ever and it's pretty amazing to say the least. Yes, concepts are applicable to everyday life. But they also need to be transcended at the same time. A ruler is a great tool for measuring distance. A clock is a great tool for measuring the passing of time. But we should not allow constructs to define what we truly are. I left a reply yesterday on another post. I stated " We are all doing time with a capital "T".  And yes, if you are reading these words as I am also typing them, this is all happening within time. I think Albert Einstein said it best when he said "Time is an illusion, albeit a very persistent one".

Edited July 30, 2016 by cetus56

[WelcometoReality]

8 hours ago, FirstglimpseOMG said:

@WelcometoReality Speaking of being 'right' and thinking or speaking as if I know something you don't know.... somewhere above I said "I speak the Truth."

Well now, arent I special.   Cool, sorry - strike that and I'll replace that big statement or claim with; I'm trying to convey a truth I've experienced, and genuinely hope your truths and experiences may be as enriching and eye-opening as mine were/are.

There, that feels right.

Yes. Thank you for sharing it with us. ?

[FirstglimpseOMG]

Heh heh, I get all excited when I write about my experiences, and sometimes on a re-read something sits funny with me or seems ambiguous, or self-righteous. Self-righteous is not likely to resonate well in an enlightenment/awakening environment. See how awesome I am for figuring that out?