I can't be "Me" anymore, can one live in the world while being Nobody?

[Guest Tobia]

Being "me" has become unbearable. I truly, practically, undoubtedly cannot live with myself (my mind) any longer.

This idea of self, this construct is so painful to maintain, defend and keep building up that it would end up killing its own physical body by suicide.
The self image that my mind has constructed over the past 22 years is so full of ideas, theories, identifications, pains, traumas, loneliness, neediness and lies that it makes life a prison sentence.
It is always and neurotically comparing, judging, feeling superior and inferior. Always trying to "become someone" or get somewhere. Never, ever at peace.
Being trapped in shame, loneliness, self judgement and inadeguacy It can't interact with other "selfs" normally and peacefully.
It is also deeply identified with the physical body which it now violently hates because the body is chronically sick and fatigued. (How could it not be!?)

Trying to CHANGE or add to this image/identity has NOT worked.
Even the so called "spirituality" road it went down the past two years was a way for it to enlarge itself, to demand some extra experience and feel superior to others. 

No matter how hard I tried to change it, what I add to it, it always remained a torture.

I've now carefully observed that its very nature, it's very structure, are torturous. The intellect can't provide me peace if I know and live only through it.
Therefore, until a few days ago I couldn't see a way out except suicide. I was finally planning it.

Then one afternoon I started to feel a sense of emptiness, stillness and lightness associated with a feeling of being NOBODY.
A force guiding me towards being nothing and no one, free from this identity and the constant flow of thoughts reinforcing it.
I could/can still sense the "me" being there but I seem to be able to observe it for the first time.
I can currently feel and observe its fear, anger and noise arising, growing and flowing away.

As I observe it, the self image and the identity are falling apart, dissolving themselves as they now appear illusory/not real.

I love it, I feel free and I would like to exist from this place.
Is it possible to maintain/establish deeper?

My mind is still worried and asking:

1)Don't I have to be and become "someone" ?

2) How does one live and function in the world without a self image, an identity to build up and defend?

3)How can one interact with others while maintaining this "being nobody" and the lightness and stillness associated with it?

4) Is having this empty, peaceful head dangerous? Shouldn't i be thinking, worrying, manipulating?
"The world is merciless afterall!" (says my mind)

5) Why am I so desire-less, need-less now? Shouldn't I want, need and chase to survive?

6) Am I (who?) insane and should see a doctor?

I don't know the answers. If you do, i'd be grateful to hear them

[peanutspathtotruth]

11 minutes ago, Tobia said:

My mind is still worried and asking:

1)Don't I have to be and become "someone" ?

2) How does one live and function in the world without a self image, an identity to build up and defend?

3)How can one interact with others while maintaining this "being nobody" and the lightness and stillness associated with it?

4) Is having this empty, peaceful head dangerous? Shouldn't i be thinking, worrying, manipulating?
"The world is merciless afterall!" (says my mind)

5) Why am I so desire-less, need-less now? Shouldn't I want, need and chase to survive?

6) Am I (who?) insane and should see a doctor?

I don't know the answers. If you do, i'd be grateful to hear them

Great questions, now take responsibility to inquire into them. I think to some of them you know the answer, but it‘s not a knowing from the mind. Hint: actually feel into your heart.

#6 If you still think about suicide, please get professional help.

But when this pain is there (we all know it, even thuogh it might not go that far), use it!! Don‘t try to overcome it. Look at it. Be gentle to yourself  

[commie]

Regarding 1) to 5), you probably do all this even when you're not focusing on it. In the unlikely event you do not find yourself doing all these things and more automatically, time for 6). And if you are rich, you may also want to tap 6) if you're bored.

The nobody thing is overkill if you only wanted to get over yourself. But it's fine if you like it and as long you remain somewhat functional.

[Member]

There's no reason to hate yourself or get rid of self.

[Shiva99]

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

Being "me" has become unbearable. I truly, practically, undoubtedly cannot live with myself (my mind) any longer.

This is exactly what you need. You are standing in front of the gate to freedom. This reminds me of Eckhart Tolle's story. 

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

Trying to CHANGE or add to this image/identity has NOT worked.

Of course it doesn't work, and it never will! Drop it. Love is waiting. <3

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

Even the so called "spirituality" road it went down the past two years was a way for it to enlarge itself, to demand some extra experience and feel superior to others. 

Yep. A lot of spirituality and it's practices can simply become another layer on top of ego

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

Then one afternoon I started to feel a sense of emptiness, stillness and lightness associated with a feeling of being NOBODY.
A force guiding me towards being nothing and no one, free from this identity and the constant flow of thoughts reinforcing it.
I could/can still sense the "me" being there but I seem to be able to observe it for the first time.
I can currently feel and observe its fear, anger and noise arising, growing and flowing away.

As I observe it, the self image and the identity are falling apart, dissolving themselves as they now appear illusory/not real.

 

Beautiful.

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

I love it, I feel free and I would like to exist from this place.
Is it possible to maintain/establish deeper?

Yes of course. This is your true nature.

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

1)Don't I have to be and become "someone" ?

No.

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

2) How does one live and function in the world without a self image, an identity to build up and defend?

It's already happening right now. Your mind is just playing tricks on you, and it wants you to believe it's in controll, and that you can't survive without it. Don't listen to it.

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

3)How can one interact with others while maintaining this "being nobody" and the lightness and stillness associated with it?

It's much easier and natural.

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

4) Is having this empty, peaceful head dangerous? Shouldn't i be thinking, worrying, manipulating?

Nope. 

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

5) Why am I so desire-less, need-less now? Shouldn't I want, need and chase to survive?

Your body knows perfectly well what to do. It functions much better if it is not constantly manipulated and bombarded by the mind. Trust in the process. All is well. 

57 minutes ago, Tobia said:

6) Am I (who?) insane and should see a doctor?

Not insane at all. You don't have to see a doctor.

 

Goodluck friend. Have no fear. All is well. <3

Edited July 10, 2020 by Shiva99

[Someone here]

@Tobia what is the biggest thing you can gain?  Notice how petty that is. 

What is the biggest thing you can lose?  Notice how petty that is. 

[Nexeternity]

@Tobia  Hey!  All great questions... valuable to enquire into them and dive deep into contemplations... but... I suggest trying to get a handle on practical things first... like just having a regular low key happy life.  Get the basics handled.   Its kind of the ground you need in order to be able to execute that amazing deconstruction work without going crazy lol.  Just my 2 cents.