I'm having huge depression/zero motivation after a lot of shadow work

[billiesimon]

Hey, I've made a lot of spiritual progress in the last year, especiall with shadow work, awareness of my own mental patterns, I've healed a lot of projection, social problems, family problems, and I've had glimpses of awakening with psychedelics, and improved a lot of my mindsets towards life.

Nonetheless.... I have recently encountered A LOT of depression and total lack of motivation in building a passionate life, and builing my life purpose.

I have a life purpose, I have several passions, and I actually HAVE A LOT OF DESIRE to create this things. But...

It's just that in these recent weeks, after the small awakening and the HUGE progress with shadow work and uncovering my childhood traumas.... my motivation has disappeared out of nowhere, everything seems meaningless, but AT THE SAME TIME I really really want to achieve these dreams!!! I really want them!!

But now they seem so far away.... I feel like ALL MY emotional ghosts and skeletons are emerging to the surface and they are suffocating my life force and demanding my constant attention, while in the past they were buried under the subconscious and they were operating in the background without my awareness of them.

Now I AM AWARE of them at such a level that they are suffocating me and depriving me of life force. 

 

THe irony is that my awareness is still a lot higher than before, and I can clearly feel all my insecurities and shadows. I am definitely more mindful, but it seems like a debilitating skill...

What should I do? How do I regain the motivation and empowerment to achieve my dreams? I feel so drained right now.

Thanks for the advice 

[allislove]

Do you see the wavy patterns in your post? 

good-bad-good-bad-not-sure-not-sure

Let go the beliefs which don't serve you (bad and not-sure parts).
Meditation is a good tool for that, dreamboard for being more clear on what you want.

[billiesimon]

2 minutes ago, dimitri said:

Do you see the wavy patterns in your post? 

good-bad-good-bad-not-sure-not-sure

Let go the beliefs which don't serve you (bad and not-sure parts).
Meditation is a good tool for that, dreamboard for being more clear on what you want.

Yeah, I meditate everyday for 50 mins, and practice shadow work sessions too  

But it doesn't help much.

 

Which beliefs do I have to let go of? I don't understand the hint.

[allislove]

@billiesimon 

Quote

I'm having huge depression/zero motivation after a lot of shadow work

Nonetheless.... I have recently encountered A LOT of depression and total lack of motivation in building a passionate life, and builing my life purpose.

These beliefs of lacking something stem from the belief "I am separate".
Due to believing that you are just a human you think "you need XXX" or in other words you lack of something.
This is a lie.

Make sure you enjoy your meditation practice, fruits from meditating come when you are fully relaxed.

Rather than complaining and putting your attention on the "lie" way more productive in creating life you really want would be putting focus on what you want. Start a dreamboard ?

[mandyjw]

One thing that helps me is to start with really small and seemingly insignificant things that make me happy and feel good to plan, do or think about. Buy a new houseplant, make a new recipe, look up a long lost favorite comic strip, that kinda thing. 

Sometimes we put too much weight on our dreams and sometimes they can actually hinge on something that seems very small and insignificant. Because really it's inseparable. 

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa

Of course there are no great things or small things, just great love. 

[allislove]

2 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

One thing that helps me is to start with really small and seemingly insignificant things that make me happy and feel good to plan, do or think about. Buy a new houseplant, make a new recipe, look up a long lost favorite comic strip, that kinda thing. 

Sometimes we put too much weight on our dreams and sometimes they can actually hinge on something that seems very small and insignificant. Because really it's inseparable. 

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa

Of course there are no great things or small things, just great love. 

Exactly, start small, do some small things which you enjoy, small step by small step... relax, don't be hard on yourself, take it easy, it's all good now.

Give love. 

 

[billiesimon]

45 minutes ago, mandyjw said:

One thing that helps me is to start with really small and seemingly insignificant things that make me happy and feel good to plan, do or think about. Buy a new houseplant, make a new recipe, look up a long lost favorite comic strip, that kinda thing. 

Sometimes we put too much weight on our dreams and sometimes they can actually hinge on something that seems very small and insignificant. Because really it's inseparable. 

“We can do no great things, only small things with great love.” -Mother Teresa

Of course there are no great things or small things, just great love. 

Starting from the small things to move towards a more positive vibe  I see. I was so focused on the big goals that I have completely forgotten the importance of cultivating a nice vibe with small things.

It's a nuanced and very interesting advice, I will start today.

Thanks 

40 minutes ago, dimitri said:

Exactly, start small, do some small things which you enjoy, small step by small step... relax, don't be hard on yourself, take it easy, it's all good now.

Give love. 

 

Yes, I guess I can only reverse the negative vibe with positive vibe, starting from the details. If i think big I get depressed because I feel far away...

Thanks again  

[Guest Bazooka Jesus]

My man, look at it like this:

If you are suffering from appendicitis and you get taken to the hospital in order to have the appendix removed... are you going to just jump from the operation table the second after they cut it out and feel like a million bucks right away? Of course not; you will need a few weeks of recovery time during which you will most probably feel like utter crap - in fact, you will feel much worse than before the operation - before you get back to normal. Same thing here!

[StarStruck]

Create clarity, your brain has primitive parts that are hardwired. You rewired them so they need to rewire. You are in that process right now. Depression is not a bad thing. There is this expanding energy within you. You need to listen to it.

[Hans]

Just wanted to say that I've had very similar experiences lately and you're not alone in this.  Seems to be a challenging, healing, changing time for many people right now. A few weeks ago, a lot of emotional crap and childhood traumas started surfacing, during which I felt strong emotions of loneliness, sadness and apathy for days and days. I can say now it was a healing that happened and I understood and accepted many things about life.

For example, there's no reason you couldn't be happy at this moment. Right now. Be present to the moment. It helps. Also, gratitude. Being thankful raises your vibes.

[Leo Gura]

Give it time. Time heals.

[Harikrishnan]

Be cool and Sleep more. 

[billiesimon]

On 10/7/2020 at 9:03 PM, Bazooka Jesus said:

My man, look at it like this:

If you are suffering from appendicitis and you get taken to the hospital in order to have the appendix removed... are you going to just jump from the operation table the second after they cut it out and feel like a million bucks right away? Of course not; you will need a few weeks of recovery time during which you will most probably feel like utter crap - in fact, you will feel much worse than before the operation - before you get back to normal. Same thing here!

Yeah, it definitely feels like a lot like recovery pain. I'm going to push forward.

4 hours ago, Hans said:

Just wanted to say that I've had very similar experiences lately and you're not alone in this.  Seems to be a challenging, healing, changing time for many people right now. A few weeks ago, a lot of emotional crap and childhood traumas started surfacing, during which I felt strong emotions of loneliness, sadness and apathy for days and days. I can say now it was a healing that happened and I understood and accepted many things about life.

For example, there's no reason you couldn't be happy at this moment. Right now. Be present to the moment. It helps. Also, gratitude. Being thankful raises your vibes.

Thank you for the personal anecdote  

[billiesimon]

3 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Give it time. Time heals.

Thanks Leo 

[Artsu]

You've focused on the negative a lot, so try focus on the positive.

[WelcometoReality]

@billiesimon the shadow propells you through life. The drive to succed and become has become weaker because the shadow is becoming weaker.

[28 cm unbuffed]

1 hour ago, WelcometoReality said:

@billiesimon the shadow propells you through life. The drive to succed and become has become weaker because the shadow is becoming weaker.

How to find balance in that? On the one hand, I don't want to kill myself during the process of going after stuff, on the other hand, I don't want to someday regret the time I wasted on just chilling, being happy. 

You're putting a drive to success as something bad here, as something in the shadows, something, that dies with it, did I understand you correctly?

It sounds like, if I want the spark back, I somehow have to make my shadow stronger? I don't get it.

[Artsu]

No don't strengthen your shadow, strengthen your Self and beyond.

[WelcometoReality]

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

How to find balance in that? On the one hand, I don't want to kill myself during the process of going after stuff, on the other hand, I don't want to someday regret the time I wasted on just chilling, being happy. 

I never found that balance so I'm afraid I can't help you with this. I guess you have to find that balance yourself.

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

You're putting a drive to success as something bad here, as something in the shadows, something, that dies with it, did I understand you correctly?

I'm not saying that it's good or bad just that they are linked. The same energy. If the shadow energy is the fear of being a failure (pushing away) then it is also the desire to become a success (grasping). When one side of that energy force dissolves so does the other because they are the same energy.

1 hour ago, 28 cm unbuffed said:

It sounds like, if I want the spark back, I somehow have to make my shadow stronger? I don't get it.

So you don't feel inspired or motivated to do the things you have been doing?

[Shiva99]

29 minutes ago, WelcometoReality said:

How to find balance in that? On the one hand, I don't want to kill myself during the process of going after stuff, on the other hand, I don't want to someday regret the time I wasted on just chilling, being happy. 

There is no balance, no matter what anyone here tells you. If you want to be free from suffering, you have to give up "going after stuff" as an ego identity, which doesn't mean that there is no "going after stuff" anymore after enlightenment, but there is a huge chance that it's not what you have had in mind for yourself. It's the end of "choosing" what you want to go after, and more like an unfolding of what reality wants to do through your "vessel". So if reality wants you to clean toilets all day, you clean toilets. You can't waste time btw. There are no good or bad things to do with your time. You can also be chillng and happy while cleaning toilets.

30 minutes ago, WelcometoReality said:

You're putting a drive to success as something bad here, as something in the shadows, something, that dies with it, did I understand you correctly?

A drive to success comes naturally when you let go of all expectations. I'm not sure how you view success at the moment, but success can be as simple as smiling at a stranger today. 

35 minutes ago, WelcometoReality said:

It sounds like, if I want the spark back, I somehow have to make my shadow stronger? I don't get it.

Stop doing, start BEING.