Not able to express myself fully while speaking

[Madhur]

Whenever I start to speak in front of camera I sort of forget what I have prepared and what I was supposed to say, instead my mind produce it's own content about that topic and I started speaking it, which basically doesn't make much sense of the topic that I want to convey.

so basically I am developing my public speaking skills, the last time i did public speaking was in last year high school, which was about an year ago and it was okay-ish, i actually forgot the main point at that time too while speaking.

I get fascinated by how leo speaks and easily articulate the message in a very simple and understandable manner, i want to be like him in speaking!

i am not able to express and articulate myself fully i sense that the root cause of this problem is low self esteem, what should i do to overcome it ? Also give any tips you have while talking in front of camera or large audience. 

Additional info: i am an introvert guy by nature, i don't like talking to people, when i generally talk to people(except my family) i get the feeling of uncomfort and awkwardness, there were times when i spoke something that in my mind felt like okay but when i said it to other person it didn't sound good to them and they got offended. So i rather avoid talking to people, I feel like i don't have that spontaneous reply skill, I kinda ignored this situation till now but i think its time to actually face it. 

Please provide your useful insights on this topic.

Thank you ?

[Litaken]

Expressing yourself is not easy. It's a heavy conversion from what's in your mind going to your mouth travelling through the environment into the listener's ears and then mind. All of these steps carry noise and distort the original message, and the listener and you have a vastly different structure of consciousness inside that interprets the communication. The words you are speaking means something different for everyone. Simply put, it takes a lot of practice and even then there are limitations to communication. The one I'm struggling with is that I know what ever I say is half right and half wrong, or differently put, there is at least one point of view from where it's true, and another point of view that it's false, and there is no special point of view that would side this debate. Emotionwise I'm similar to you, the thing that is limiting you in your speeches is fear itself. Low self esteem is just a fear that your estimated value is low  Fear is an illusion but it's so tricky you want to escape from it, but the thing that makes you want to escape is fear itself, so essentially it's feeding off itself. Fear's what simplifies your mind down to the point you are not able to act as you could normally, because your mind is getting in escape mode, and you are forced to think about nothing else but how could you escape that situation. So yeah I don't think it's possible to get rid of it, but probably learn and practice to sit in it, it worked for me in most areas, not all yet though

[Madhur]

 

9 hours ago, Litaken said:

Fear is an illusion but it's so tricky you want to escape from it, but the thing that makes you want to escape is fear itself, so essentially it's feeding off itself. Fear's what simplifies your mind down to the point you are not able to act as you could normally, because your mind is getting in escape mode, and you are forced to think about nothing else but how could you escape that situation. So yeah I don't think it's possible to get rid of it, but probably learn and practice to sit in it, it worked for me in most areas, not all yet though

So does that mean that there is no actual way out of this Illusion of fear and instead of trying to escape it I should accept it and live with it forever ?

[LastThursday]

Good preparation is key. This means you should plan what you are going to say in front of the camera. 

You don't necessarily have to have a script which you say word for word, but it's very helpful if you can at least summarise the main points as notes. You can then use these notes when on camera to stop yourself waffling or going off topic. This applies to any sort of public speaking too. The notes can be on paper or phone or in your head whichever is more comfortable.

You should also practice delivering a speech to camera or to a mirror, so you are comfortable with what you are going to say and how you are going to say it. Practice it as many times as you can until it flows. This is especially helpful in situations where you have to deliver a speech or talk in a certain amount of time.

Also, pace and rhythm, volume and pitch are very important for good delivery. But that takes a lot of experience to get good at. Practice makes perfect. To get a feel for it, watch TED talks and listen to how good speakers use their voices, or listen to how news presenters deliver the news - notice how different it is from normal every day speech.

 

 

Edited July 8, 2020 by LastThursday

[Litaken]

7 hours ago, Madhur said:

 

So does that mean that there is no actual way out of this Illusion of fear and instead of trying to escape it I should accept it and live with it forever ?

Imagine getting in danger, like facing a bear. You of course get scared, which tells you to escape. Since it's your life on the line you will not be able to pay attention to anything, but only how to escape (we percieve this as an IQ drop but it's just a matter of what you can focus on). You act on it and you do escape, success! What does that mean? That getting scared was useful for you! So next you will get more scared, your fear feeds off itself. This is how your mind validates fear, beyond your consciousness so you don't know it (yet). But this is a huge limitation, because the only thing you can now focus on in this situation is escaping. This is probably fine when facing a bear, but speaking in public you can see that the urge to escape is how problematic, because your mind won't be able to really focus on anything else. To stop this loop the thing you can do, is to show your mind that there are better options than escaping. And your mind will be able to learn that, but your emotions change much slower than your knowledge. You might already know how to deal with fear but your emotions will adapt much slower, especially for fears that you have been carrying for years/decades. Just give your unconscious mind time and practice sitting in your bad emotions instead of trying to get rid of them (yet another explanation of meditation). It's like quitting smoking, your mind won't let go that easily

 I've got rid of most of my fears during the past months, but not all, I still can't talk to girls I really like, I've been like that since kindergarden (the ones I don't really I have 0 problem with), I still get nervous on the simplest interactions like saying hi to half-strangers, always weirds me out. But I got rid of tons and tons of negative emotions in the recent past, all negative emotions are aspects of fear, very very similar, I could say when you feel guilty you are not guilty, you are just afraid that you are  Ultimately so, because guilt is an illusion as well. Where is guilt? Can you point to it? Can you grab it? It's just a concept.

Edited July 8, 2020 by Litaken

[Gesundheit]

@Madhur And yet, your message here is loud and clear! Your articulation is perfect and your thoughts are coherent and on point. There's nothing wrong with you. You only need more practice and trial and error. That's all that there is to it. To verify that, consider how much time you spend on reading or writing vs. how much time you spend on speaking. Each skill develops over time with practice, and public speaking is not an exception.

[Patrick_9931]

I’m on the same kind of journey of mastery towards public speaking. 
The thing that is working most for me is practice , practice , practices , lots of practice.

And as George Leonard says in Mastery “Your first few dives are likely to be belly flops- and they'll draw the attiontion of almost everyone at the pool. Are you willing to accept that? If not, forget diving.”

[Espaim]

Maybe a little tangencial but the exercises from the "How to be funny" video could be of some help to you. Specially the "speak one random sentence and then start the next with the last word of the first one". That will help you with your filters.

[Epikur]

Like with everything you need a good reason and talent.

If you don't have it you can develop a entertaing and sustainable training. After some time you will see results. 

Don't expect too much because everybody wants too have these skills. So you will not be so good as others because people train alot an savrifice alot to come to that level.