The Sweet Interplay of Personal Truth and Absolute Truth

[peanutspathtotruth]

I have been very inactive in this forum for quite a while, but now it draws me back again to share this. It comes from the heart. It is more aimed at myself, I am not trying to teach anyone, these are just insights.

Only looking beyond the ego won't do it. Only looking within the ego won't do it either. Bruteforcing truth upon the ego did never work for me, after all these years, be it through tedious self inquiry or 5-MeO, or whatever. And there were many deep awakenings and purification experiences nonetheless. Of course, looking into the Absolute Truth of things is most essential. When done extremely sincerely, there is love, silence, stillness revealing itself to be your essence. But seeing what you are does not make the ego surrender. I think many of you can relate when you have experiences like this:
- You realize what you REALLY are.
- You realize "you" have been holding yourself back all this time.
- You bathe in perfection, but at some point the clouds come back, and sooner or later you're kind of lost again.

One of my most strong barriers in this work has been the wish to annihilate the ego. Most of the time, this only hardened its shell. Why? Because next to all the superego voices that beat your ego up all this time, now it invents a new "spiritual" superego that is the worst of them. And with that voice, you always eventually want to kill your ego. Wanting to kill "your" ego will just make it more defensive.

So this is where Personal Truth gets in, which is something shadow work should aim at clarifying. This is a very VERY important point:

When the ego fully (!) understands how things really are, it will surrender without one moment of hesitation. 

But for that, there needs to be a clear understanding of why you suffer on a personal level. We not only suffer because we take ourselves to be something which we are not. That is the ultimate root of the problem, yes, but there is more personal, relative truth to be seen. It has to be seen. The truth is that the ego, the foundation of it, is completely innocent. To call it a devil, albeit true in a sense, is really dangerous, for it most likely introduces more superego voices (happened for me). What has to be seen is that you are a sweet little child, precious and full of beauty. All you want is to love, to play, to dance, to enjoy all things with everyone. That is your purity, even as a personality, not only as Truth itself. All the "wrong" you did is because you did not understand. So of course there is no wrong. There is no reason to ever doubt, ever second guess, or ever worry. This is so important. This can only be seen when you are connected to the love that you are, the infinite ocean of love. Only this love can give this child the understanding and compassion it needs. When the child sees its own innocence, and how it imagined all these voices some time in very early childhood, it no longer wants to believe them. Ego will choose love when it sees that that is the truth. Yes, all the layers upon the ego, they act like they don't want love, because they are internalized punishers and demanders. They are fictions. And yes, also the ego is fiction of course.

But only when the ego sees it for itself, when it truly understands "Oh I see, there is only love, and that's all I ever wanted and deserved and needed. Oh, and I also see that why I'm suffering is because I believed in lies. Oooh, and I am also a lie? Well, when I have to cease so only love can remain, then I happily leave.", only then will it accept its fate.

This is how surrender happens, through understanding. And of course, there is also grace. It is in no ones hands to fully understand. We can just assist our ego, with true love and gentleness (and sometimes firmness), to see what is real. And that has to include all the personal barriers, because they will remain either way, even after enlightenment. That's what many teachers call transformation. It both has to happen anyway when you want to mature. 

I personally found this to be extremely important to fully grasp. This is like a team effort with your ego, and at some point, it will take one for the team so to speak. And then the team as a whole readily steps into the cleansing fires, for the only aim of the team was to prepare the stage for Truth to enter. 

Edited July 7, 2020 by peanutspathtotruth

[An young being]

9 minutes ago, peanutspathtotruth said:

I have been very inactive in this forum for quite a while, but now it draws me back again to share this. It comes from the heart. It is more aimed at myself, I am not trying to teach anyone, these are just insights.

Only looking beyond the ego won't do it. Only looking within the ego won't do it either. Bruteforcing truth upon the ego did never work for me, after all these years, be it through tedious self inquiry or 5-MeO, or whatever. And there were many deep awakenings and purification experiences nonetheless. Of course, looking into the Absolute Truth of things is most essential. When done extremely sincerely, there is love, silence, stillness revealing itself to be your essence. But seeing what you are does not make the ego surrender. I think many of you can relate when you have experiences like this:
- You realize what you REALLY are.
- You realize "you" have been holding yourself back all this time.
- You bathe in perfection, but at some point the clouds come back, and sooner or later you're kind of lost again.

One of my most strong barriers in this work has been the wish to annihilate the ego. Most of the time, this only hardened its shell. Why? Because next to all the superego voices that beat your ego up all this time, now it invents a new "spiritual" superego that is the worst of them. And with that voice, you always eventually want to kill your ego. Wanting to kill "your" ego will just make it more defensive.

So this is where Personal Truth gets in, which is something shadow work should aim at clarifying. This is a very VERY important point:

When the ego fully (!) understands how things really are, it will surrender without one moment of hesitation. 

But for that, there needs to be a clear understanding of why you suffer on a personal level. We not only suffer because we take ourselves to be something which we are not. That is the ultimate root of the problem, yes, but there is more personal, relative truth to be seen. It has to be seen. The truth is that the ego, the foundation of it, is completely innocent. To call it a devil, albeit true in a sense, is really dangerous, for it most likely introduces more superego voices (happened for me). What has to be seen is that you are a sweet little child, precious and full of beauty. All you want is to love, to play, to dance, to enjoy all things with everyone. That is your purity, even as a personality, not only as Truth itself. All the "wrong" you did is because you did not understand. So of course there is no wrong. There is no reason to ever doubt, ever second guess, or ever worry. This is so important. This can only be seen when you are connected to the love that you are, the infinite ocean of love. Only this love can give this child the understanding and compassion it needs. When the child sees its own innocence, and how it imagined all these voices some time in very early childhood, it no longer wants to believe them. Ego will choose love when it sees that that is the truth. Yes, all the layers upon the ego, they act like they don't want love, because they are internalized punishers and demanders. They are fictions. And yes, also the ego is fiction of course.

But only when the ego sees it for itself, when it truly understands "Oh I see, there is only love, and that's all I ever wanted and deserved and needed. Oh, and I also see that why I'm suffering is because I believed in lies. Oooh, and I am also a lie? Well, when I have to cease so only love can remain, then I happily leave."

This is how surrender happens, through understanding. And of course, there is also grace. It is in no ones hands to fully understand. We can just assist our ego, with true love and gentleness (and sometimes firmness), to see what is real. And that has to include all the personal barriers, because they will remain either way, even after enlightenment. That's what many teachers call transformation. It both has to happen anyway when you want to mature. 

I personally found this to be extremely important to fully grasp. This is like a team effort with your ego, and at some point, it will take one for the team so to speak. And then the team as whole readily steps into the cleansing fires, for the only aim of the team was to prepare the stage for Truth to enter. 

Words full of insights, indeed. Thanks for sharing! Now I am beginning to love my ego.

[peanutspathtotruth]

@An young being And if you can't authentically love even your ego - when it is obviously your ego trying to do something right - inquire into why that is. Why are you trying to do anything? Any thought and internal movement, in any direction, why are you taking it? You will find your way. Blessings to you <3 

[Consilience]

Thank you for this perspective. Very insightful ??

[WaveInTheOcean]

quoted for truth brother. <3

"The path that does not lead to the Heart is an illusion"

"Only that which is loved is understood".

[peanutspathtotruth]

51 minutes ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

"The path that does not lead to the Heart is an illusion"

"Only that which is loved is understood".

Beautiful !

@Consilience @Johnny5 ??

[Heaven]

Thanks for sharing? Definitely resonates in a deep level 

[Galyna]

"The most profound experience arise from questioning the obvious" PR. 

Thank you  

[Litaken]

Nice insights! Of course, absolute love includes the love of the ego as well  If you want it not to be, you are just hating it.

[Nahm]

@peanutspathtotruth

??♥️