The alienation from other humans is surreal

[Firebird]

I live in the balkanized hellhole of Serbia. My parents are dysfunctional and i live with a single mother, while the father is absent. I wasnt socialized during childhood and bow I am expected to get through job interviews where emotional intelligence is a key factor.

I dont have a diagnosis, but i dont need one because i know how alien i felt from other people and how everyone either ignores you or bullies you. There's more to it than just a gut feeling. I consider myself to have Asperger syndrome.

I was a heavy gamer during entire teenage years. Not because I was lazy or hedonistic, but because I wanted to escape the suffering from being ostracized, mocked by peers and because of bad grades which I couldnt control because I believed I was stupid and helpless to change anything. The education system ruined my self-esteem, personality and mental health.

The vicious cycle of learned helplessness and a dangerous lack of faith in myself destroyed the chances for me to have a good life.

I had only one close friend in my entire life and this sadly lasted only 3 months when I was 12. Other than that I didnt even have people my age to talk to.

I was so miserable that I spent in front of computer every day which resulted in physical deformities and chronic back pain. I quit the gaming/internet addiction when i was 21.

I had an ego death as a result of chronic back pain and survived through hellish suffering. I am enlightened but enlightenment alone wont protect me from chronic unemployment, it can only show me the truths.

I dont have faith anymore in myself after so many extreme disappointments (justifiably). All I have left is hope. But if you kill hope, only suicide is left.

I wish to have faith again and be semper fi. But i cant when nothing works out in my life. I need proof to regain faith in myself again.

Now i am 24. And the alienation between me and other people is surreal. Seeing groups of adolescents hanging out is something I cannot relate to because I never had a group of people to hang out. I feel i dont belong to the same biological species.

They say this is the best time in history but nothing can be further from truth. Although some periods are justifiably better than others, for the individual there is no best time in history, its all relative. In fact today people have become so decadent.

1.The world is lacks love more than ever that its ironic that most songs nowadays are about love.

2. Social media corrupts young people and makes them have unrealistic expectations about life.

3. Everyday we stray further away from God.

4. People spend more time texting than speaking each other in the face.

5. Weak effeminate men who are insecure and technology dependent.

6. Atomized families and single mothers who treat their children like wasted medical products instead of genuinely caring about them.

7. Mindless entertainment indoors is preferred over hanging out.

8. We are polluting and overpopulating the planet but have no means to reverse the damage done to nature.

9. People only take and take, but give nothing in return.

The last paragraphs may seem misanthropic and thats because they are. I dont hate anyone nor humanity, but rather life experience, distrust and cynicism made me such a person.

Edited July 7, 2020 by Firebird