1st 5-meo-DMT trip

[J J]

Phew!

Well, I finally gave a step forward, and had my first experience with the God molecule. I am going to try to be concise. I have some questions that I'd love to share with you.

It was back in April 29th. My first psychedelic experience ever. 24 yo, male, healthy. Smoked 15 mg of freebase with a common meth pipe. The effect was instantaneous.

As far as the experience is concerned...

I was literally dying. I did not want to die. I was thinking about my loved ones, how they were going to find me dead in my house. My heart was racing, and I was terrified. I did not want to die. After a while (2 minutes of hell), I tried to surrender, and I think I partially succeeded. This part was pretty hard, yet not unfamiliar. I sometimes have had this sensation or feeling when thinking about death, about how inevitable it is.

However, after those 2 minutes, I was invaded with an amazing feeling of love. It was love as I never felt before, especially to my most loved ones. It was not an unconditional indiscriminate universal love, but a freaking intense feeling, nonetheless.

I spent the next 30 minutes in pure joy, I even recorded myself, and had some insights that I felt were extremely obvious. They came from nowhere, I just knew that these insights were nothing but the truth. Again, they were plainly obvious.

- Everything is as it has to be.

- We can, literally, get everything we want. We just have to wish and believe. We are infinitely intelligent.

- We have everything we need right NOW. There's nothing to do, nowhere to go, no goals to achieve. The now is perfect.

- When you understand that, everything is love. There is no pain, as everything is as it has to, there's only the acceptance of the present moment, because, well, it is all there is, and it is perfect as it is.

- I died, and nothing happened. Everything stayed the same.

That's the best I can explain my experience, and my interpretation.

My biggest question, is: what is this irrational, incredibly powerful and terrifying fear of death? As I said, I had this apparently random "fear-of-death-attacks" since I was 13, twice a year on average, not triggered by any psychedelics. I always thought it was just denial of my own mortality, my fear of ceasing to exist.

As I said, that was my first experience. I don't know if my experience was infuelced my preconcibed ideas of enlightment, which are talked in this forum or in the videos, but that genuinely what I felt. What I understood.

Thanks for reading. Keep up the good work. This is no shit the journey of a lifetime. To know, to feel, to understand it all. It's pure magic.

 

[allislove]

Welcome home  

That's the real work, nice!

The insights which you realized are quite amazing.
About fear, contemplate what is fear, hint: it's related to thoughts, beliefs, etc  

Just continue this work, try to lower the dosage, just to find minimal amount for a breakthrough and have a trip with open eyes.
Pretend that nothing has happened  

 

[OBEler]

Great report, thanks. Is there a possibility to skip this hell part for newbies and just go directly into love?

Was this a breakthrough?

[Leo Gura]

3 hours ago, J J said:

My biggest question, is: what is this irrational, incredibly powerful and terrifying fear of death?

That's the ego's entire game: fear of losing itself.

[James123]

3 hours ago, J J said:

 

My biggest question, is: what is this irrational, incredibly powerful and terrifying fear of death

Attachments as “I”. There is no I

Edited July 6, 2020 by James123

[J J]

11 hours ago, OBEler said:

Is there a possibility to skip this hell part for newbies and just go directly into love?

Probably, but it'd require a prior spiritual practice. For me, this hell part was tremendously important. Hard, but necessary. I have had this experiences a lot, and this last one with 5-meo-dmt has shown me where I am. That I have a lot of work to do and so many aspects of my ego to surrender. Also, it has shown me how powerful this can be for my spiritual practice: contemplating my mortality triggers the ego tremendously. Aslo, it keeps me motivated! There's no time to waste.

Again, that's just my case. It can be any other way for you. Do the work! There's no regrets.

[seriousman24]

My personal anecdotal experience from my entire life is that fear is just another form of pain; a really slippery and enduring one and I want to add that pain itself is what might have to go; personally I used to just make something intentionally more painful to try to find it and drive it away; this resulted in a totally hellish existence for most of my life from which I'm still damaged.

Only pleasure/pain or whatever higher(love)/lower(fear) form you call it has ever felt real or navigable for me(after escaping this disease) so I just follow what makes me feel the most pleasure and deny the pain no matter what I'm thinking/feeling or whatever system I was embedded in my own head 20 seconds ago, on the other hand I'll immediately bounce back to any old system if it makes me feel more pleasure/less pain; I apply this at all levels(meta/material) I do my outmost to function like the most mindless/lowest form of consciousness and it seems to be working for me at the moment probably because it's quite effective at balancing your lower chakras if you want to call it that.

Might only be possible because I have the background going full on into something that's psychologically/emotionally painful but I just choose to simultaneously act out within that pain in the most hedonistic/greedy/selfserving/non selfless/hateful/selfspiteful/egoful way I can muster within myself; all these "weak pains" I self inflict help me triangulate other pains that need to be cleared since they do seem to have been largely affected by insanely unstable "higher" thought patterns running at full speed for a very long time(namely through extraordinary effort trying to understand the entirity of reality mostly through the mental dimension).

Anyway I completely lost track of where I was going with all of this so please forgive and feel free to skip ahead I'm still posting for my own selfish reason of letting it out around one of the only places in the entire realm of human consciousness that I can actually connect to.

I love you guys and sorry lol.

[J J]

 

18 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

That's the ego's entire game: fear of losing itself.

@Leo Gura Do these fear attacks imply that I was involved in spiritual practice without me noticing? Is it actually a good idea to push this fear and see where it gets me?

[J J]

@seriousman24 Thanks for sharing, really appreciated. Seems like you have gone through a lot of pain. Reach me out whenever you need to chat. You are loved.

[robdl]

On 7/6/2020 at 2:22 PM, Leo Gura said:

That's the ego's entire game: fear of losing itself.

Indeed.  I'd go a step further and say that the ego = the game = the fear.   It's a single, unitary movement.  There's no distinction between the ego and the game, or between the ego/game and the fear.    The ego is the fear is the game, even though language makes them appear as separate things or processes.

Edited July 7, 2020 by robdl

[Leo Gura]

5 hours ago, J J said:

 

@Leo Gura Do these fear attacks imply that I was involved in spiritual practice without me noticing? Is it actually a good idea to push this fear and see where it gets me?

Facing your fear consciously is where the work happens. If you are merely reacting to fear unconsciously, that won't necessarily grow you.

[Loving Radiance]

Quote

Facing your fear consciously is where the work happens.

@J J I can second this. I just do cold showers since one month and am mindful of the resistance and resistant thoughts coming up. Meditating or centering oneself before facing the fear enables me to grow consciously.

[peanutspathtotruth]

13 hours ago, Leo Gura said:

Facing your fear consciously is where the work happens. If you are merely reacting to fear unconsciously, that won't necessarily grow you.

Exactly. Facing the fear is completely, absolutely allowing it to be there and even to let reaction be there. Reaction happens, resisting that just adds more layers of reaction. The only thing we can choose is the willingness to be present with everything. Fear is not bad. It is love that doesn't understand itself.

And I'm saying this being very scared to get back into 5 again. It's crazy how many people experience this same dread: this total conviction that one actually dies. My biggest hurdle is as well thinking about others finding me dead. That's the core of the self/other delusion playing its finest cards.

...but it calls me back

 

[Leo Gura]

48 minutes ago, Loving Radiance said:

Meditating or centering oneself before facing the fear enables me to grow consciously.

Even more than that, try to be conscious while in the middle of it. That's what really creates growth.

The hardest part of being conscious is when you're getting stung by that cold water.

[Loving Radiance]

@Leo Gura  Yeah, what I meant with that is to get into state.

Edited July 8, 2020 by Loving Radiance

[SaraLenore]

@J J thank you for sharing your experience ?

You describe very well the pure love this experience give

I didn't have this death fear, I let myself completly go and actually I didn't remember what I really experienced. 

I come back with this sence of completely love, peace and awareness but the people around me told me I screamed like I had 1000 orgasms ?

Apparently happen a lot