How To Gain Acceptance Of Body Image

[soniadoll_]

how do you disassociate with your self image? or accept it? After traumatic sexual abuse I feel very self conscious of my body and at times have a battle with wanting to look cute but then fear the attention that I will receive. I fear sexual abuse reoccurring again, and I even feel fear towards men in general.  I don't want my past from holding me back in loving myself or living a normal life and need a new outlook on how to reframe my thoughts.

Thank you all in advance.

[Christian]

Get into the present moment. 

Sit Down in a quite place where you are not getting disturbed. 

Get in touch with the feelings in your body and the part of your self image you have a hard time accepting about yourself. 

Try to give that part unconditional love, understanding and acceptance.

If you feel resistance while trying this, give the resistance love and let the love go through the resistance and into the self image. 

Do this prefarably every day for a specfic amount of time (however much you need) until you feel better.

Hope this helped

 

[Salaam]

My wife has had to deal with the same thing with the past repeated sexual abuse and not feeling safe. Cloaking herself, hiding her shape, desexualizing to avoid the predatory glances she felt, or maybe the way the gaze of men reminded her of those predatory moments in the past.

Thankfully, she is pretty much healed from it, although it did take some time. Now she's bright and vibrant and her femininity flows and warms those around her. In her own words, she thrives now, it's not just about survival. She feels safe and happy and her sexuality is a burning, passionate fire, deeper and stronger than ever before.

She's actually a counselor now and part of her focus is helping others heal from trauma and such sexual abuse.

I tell you that, so you have something to hold onto, knowing that someone has been through the same thing as you and made it out.

If you want, I'll ask her what might help you. 

I've seen her work through things with me, where fears would come up in intimate situations and we would take our time with them as they cropped up, creating new moments of safety and understanding, that would internalize in her and off-set the old fears and pains. Changing the old normal, the old patterns, the old fears deeeep inside her. I've seen where she would tense, expecting something bad to happen, someone to yell or try to manipulate and take from her, and instead there would be something different instead. A soft response, encouraging and empowering reactions from the people around her, rather than others trying to take her down.

I guess you could say the fear changed as her environment changed, but that change in external environment, wouldn't have happened if she didn't care for herself as well as she did on the inside. Facing the fear with courage, till the results rewarded and further emphasized/reinforced more courage and joy. Gaining an understanding of how to heal for herself by putting in the work to try and do so. 

Oh and never losing hope. Never losing sight of the understanding that she was more than this trauma she carried. It was a PART of her story, but by no means the full story itself, for this is and always has been a story of triumph and rising against the odds in the name of beauty, love, strength, and grace.

So... please... remember you are more than the fear and the pain and the memories. Don't let it become all that you are. Save a space for the beauty and the sunshine and the joy that will surely come your way if you protect the fields where the seeds of such things will grow.

[FindingPeace]

21 hours ago, Christian said:

Get into the present moment. 

Sit Down in a quite place where you are not getting disturbed. 

Get in touch with the feelings in your body and the part of your self image you have a hard time accepting about yourself. 

Try to give that part unconditional love, understanding and acceptance.

I concur with this. Try this too: sit somewhere quiet, as above and preferably in front of a mirror. Get in to the present moment. Notice the room you are in, the floor under you, the walls around you, the window, the furniture. Notice you sitting there. Also notice right there, right then you are safe. Noone and nothing is hurting or threatening you. You are there with yourself in complete safety. Look at yourself and accept what you see. Be aware of any thoughts or fears that enter your mind and just notice them. But realise that they are just thoughts. Look around yourself again and confirm that you are safe there with yourself.

As Christian said, give yourself uncondtional love. Accept what you see. Love what you see.

Realise that the tramatic experience from the past, is in the past. That right now it is not happening. You are safe. Realise that the experience from the past is a memory that you replay in your mind and relive. It isn't happening, it isn't real any more. It is a collection of thoughts and images and emotions. You fear it happening again, but is it happening again? Right there, right now? In the present moment?

The present moment is your greatest friend. But we get so caught up in our thought-stories that we aren't aware of the present moment. So much of our time is spent playing through thought-stories that feel so real. We keep subjecing ourselves to these stories when in the real, present moment these stories are not true. In the present moment these stories do not exist. The content of them isn't happening.

Whenever you feel fear or anxiety, try to become mindful and get in to the present moment: look around you. Take in the detail of the reality around you. As you see it. And ask yourself the questions "Am I safe right now? Am I ok?", "Is there evidence of my thoughts and fears in this present moment?".

[soniadoll_]

@Salaam Thank you. Everything you said really hit me hard especially the predatory glances. There is definitely some good days and then some really bad days and on the bad days I will beat myself up and tell myself this isn't real pain, you can't keep crying over this, nobody cares, people have gone through worse, etc.  I hope that slowly I will be able to stop portraying my past through such a negative point of view. Thank you for sharing your wife's story, I am hopeful one day I will too grow strong and help those in need.

[soniadoll_]

@FindingPeace I feel like my monkey mind has finally blown up on me after years of pretending that what occurred wasn't real. I definitely accommodated my lifestyle to make sure my past wouldn't come up on a daily basis by avoiding interaction with anything and anyone. Now I can laugh at my way of strategizing, but at the time I felt like I was just trying to survive. I've realized now that what I thought was helping me, was actually hurting me. You are right,  all I got is the present moment. There are moments of frustration and wanting love and understanding, I want to tell people my pain and tell them hey I am learning to live again, please don't judge me. Like I want to apologize for everything all the time, and I crave forgiveness. There are times when I want to open up to people but them I get scared of sharing too much or just judgement. Wow, I see now that I have constructed my own sufferings. Thank you so much for all the advice. I realize now that unconditional love is something achievable.

[MIARIVEL]

@soniadoll_ One thing that builds my self confidence is training martial arts. I do it for fitness, for confidence, for self defence and over all to feel good about myself. But any sport can usually do this for you. 

I think firstly you need to deal with the issues around your past sexual abuse, learning to let go of the emotions that are linked to how you felt then. Know what you want now, being mindful of the person you are now, confident, smart, and in control of your decisions and the trajectory of your life. 

The past is in the past and it has no effect on your future unless you allow it too. I know it may get hard sometimes but when times get hard, remember who you are. You have survived the worse and you are on a better path, to bettering yourself and your life. Don't let the past or body image hold you back because I'm sure there are thousands of girls wishing they had something you had or looked the way you do. 

You have a very bright future ahead of you and you will start to see the beautiful amazing person you are, you just need to keep telling yourself, whatever it takes.. your going to be that girl that people want to know.