Needy+attached in my relationships

[Zak]

One of the things that I became conscious of as I am on my path to self actualization is that how attached and needy I am when it comes to dating.

Tell you the truth, I have repeled hundreds of women from my scene who just came to this realization that I am needy as hell. Now..  even as I am becoming more and more conscious of me and that I know I am being being needy, still I just CAN NOT control and align my needy behavior. I might fake it for a small chunk of time.

I want to hug and kiss my partner (cuddle) for 12 consecutive hours and still be looking for more love and affection.

I mean Why??? Where did all this stem from? I am not seeing men being needy like me. 

[Zak]

How is this topic still here. Non of the mods shifted it to the dating/relationship category?

 

[ajasatya]

@Zak What are you lacking exactly? And how can affection provide it? Notice that I am going one level further. Affection is not the end goal. You want to get something out of affection. What is it?

[Zak]

@ajasatya I need company of someone. Someone who I can hug and kiss. Someone who can tell me that all is right. I just want to cry in front of someone (woman). I seriously now feel like I am a robot. I never had a good open conversation with my parents. I kind of feel like this is something I did not get as a kid from both of my parents. I have no other option, except for turning towards women. 

[ajasatya]

@Zak How does one come to the point of being interested and willing to listen to the feelings of a man? Are you approaching this from a fair point of view or do you just want others to serve you in your pursuit of healing?

[Zak]

@ajasatya Well you are right. I sometimes feel like I am a neurotic and entitled fujjj. There comes a time/period in my day or week when I am completely numb. All I want is throw up and vent in front of some. I think this stems from the suppression of my emotions when I was a kid. Nobody ever asked me if things were going great at the time. I kinda feel like I was rasied by schizophrenicgenic parenting style. I need some company and also need someone who can accept my authentic self which I think is not possible.

Hope you got what I am trying to say.

[ajasatya]

3 minutes ago, Zak said:

I need some company and also need someone who can accept my authentic self which I think is not possible.

Well, let's try not to be hypocrites first. It's always good start.

Can you fully accept yourself? Here one funny thing: this might be enough.

[Zak]

@ajasatya Work in progress to fully accept and love myself. It ain't an easy road to cross. I will be seeing it's fruits gradually and shortly.

Edited July 5, 2020 by Zak

[Galyna]

18 hours ago, Zak said:

Where did all this stem from?

Stems from your childhood and preciously, it is all about the relationships with your mom and dad. Are you parents divorced, together, what pattern do you have in your family, roles and leaderships...etc. 

do the shadow work with a counselor. 

[Mada_]

Have you questioned whether you need that particular woman? 

--

When I feel needy towards a woman, I ask myself "Do I need this woman?", and I look into my current experience, close my eyes and wander my attention around my body. I have never found a "need" for a woman. 

Perhaps it may evoke some positive emotion having certain interactions with a woman, but the notion that I "need" her or that her being in my life is alarmingly important isn't true in my experience. 

--

There is this girl that I hang out with sometimes. And when I talk to her I literally feel like I'm contemplating reality, and when I look at her face I feel like I've discovered everything I could ever want in a woman. She is sexy, hard working and philosophical, I couldn't ask for any more. The day after we made out for the first time, she told me that she didn't want to pursue anything romantic with me, and didn't even say that she explicitly wanted to continue being friends. In the process of trying to process this information, I was singing about it on my guitar, and I came to the realisation that right now, in this moment, I don't really need her. As I kept singing about her I noticed that in this moment I am without her, and I'm fine. 

In saying this, I met this cute girl whilst walking my dog the other day, and I felt like I my mind was getting really needy towards her. And as I questioned it I was brought back to this insight: right now I don't need her, maybe I would feel good with her, but I can live without her. So I don't think I am liberated from these tendencies. But I have a feeling that this is because I am not clear on what my calling is yet, once I am more clear about what I want, and have a really inspiring vision that emotionally drives me, then this will probably override my desire to use women as a scapegoat of satisfaction.