600μg LSD trip report

[Bogdan]

Hi, this is my first trip report

This happened around June of 2017, and i had about 4 or 5 120μg experiences prior to that. I was 21 at that time.

The very first time i tried lsd about 30μg, and this was also my first psychedelic experience. (i was smoking weed pretty much daily at that point) I had very minor visuals, and i felt euphoric, like the best high ever. it basically was a 6 hour-long amazing conversation with one of my best friends (he took the same dose, it was his first time too). After that, i felt like i understood what this substance kinda is hinting towards, so i knew i was ready for more. I had a strong feeling of OH, I KNOW THIS! (I now know that i have this "talent" of remembering my trips quite well. Most of them, anyway.) So as i mentioned, the next 4-5 trips were all of around 100-120μg. They all had significant insights, but none of the magnitude of this 600 one.

(At this point, i was watching Leo's videos for about 2 years, i started meditating and lifting weights. I was very much SD stage Green, and i still was identifying myself as an atheist and an environmentalist and stuff like that.)

So listening to Terrence Mckenna and others, i knew that i wanted to do a higher dose, but in solitude - all my previous trips were done with a couple friends. So i got 4 bloaters of 150μg each, i told my mom that i would do a whole-day meditation and that i would close my phone (i was home for a few days), i woke up at about 7 or 8 A.M. i prepared the food for the day so that i wouldn't have to do anything while tripping.

 

-So, at about 8:55 i put the little papers under my tongue, sat in a meditation position and waited calmly. I had my journal next to me, i wanted to record everything. (I'm gonna combine storytelling with what i wrote because i couldn't write much, as you might imagine ).

-About 25 minutes later, i wasn't sure if placebo or not, but i started to feel the come up, and i had to shit twice! My body knew it had to be empty, or else

-The come up was much stronger and faster than my previous trips, so i started panicking a bit at the thought that i might not be able to handle it, but i knew that if i panicked, music would just melt that panic away. So i just laid back with my eyes closed and put on The Division Bell album from Pink Floyd... HOLY. MOTHERFUCKIN. SHIT! i don't listen to whole albums a lot in everyday life, but when tripping... i feel like albums were made specially to be listened to while tripping  so anyway:

-Very quickly i started visually percieving, seeing impossible stuff, like emotions and language, that were like different kinds of oils and liquids flowing next to each other, forming layers, that were forming reality. And as i was melting in between those liquidy layers i saw every single person i ever knew. They were there... HERE! With me, in me... they were me! It was the first time i actually saw and understood what previously was just hearsay - the fact that "i" am/is God/Godliness/Everythingness. It was quite a shock to the system back then, and the first reaction was frustration, because if i am God - Everything, then how can i NOT be bored?!? But as i was taking notes i kept realizing more and more that the kind of information i am accessing is useless to try to capture in words. I also saw much more clearly how "the one that is frustrated" of that is the ego, which is a thought identified with itself.

-"Beingess is useless to the ego". Oneness is useless, even counterproductive, to that which is designed to fragment. My mind was trying really hard to understand " OK... BUT WHAT DOES THIS MEAN TO ME, BOGDAN?" And it was disappointed that it only means that everything is One. No super-powers, this trip won't be a magic solution to anything.

-"Only the ego can be sufficiently satisfied with the sufficient amount of ego death. Only an ego wants a reality more like this, a calmness/trip/ego more like that...". I was being made aware of random things from my unconscious, including my wish for ego death. I started writing seriously, with all caps EGO DEATH in my journal, but just as soon as i wrote that, i saw that only the ego can WANT ego death  and that being just is. The ego was being shown it's obvious BS and it didn't like that. I saw clearly how childish my personality was.

-"Discipline is KEY!" I still struggled to comprehend oneness, and kept trying to understand what does this oneness mean when i'm not on acid. And the only answer that i could come up was that the "work" or Sadana is to grow my balls in order to cultivate more and more presence. I was afraid of the peaceful, transcendental power of discipline.

-"True balance is to be utterly, seriously disciplined, without being so serious". So basically being disciplined but relaxed. I saw how i needed to incorporate and integrate everything i knew.

 

So by this point i started peaking. More like i arrived to the base of the mountain and started going up. This is where the trip really begins.

 

-While with my eyes closed, i started going deeper and deeper, to the point where what i was experiencing was so radical and extraordinary, that when i tried to come back to write in my journal it was like being sucked through a straw. I had to completely let go of this reality to be shown what i needed to see. The last thing i was able to write was: "Oh, how i have to let go of this side to even...".

-Here, similarly to how people describe meeting entities/machine elves, i met these two beings. Except we were one. They were my masculine and feminine. But actually, they were THE Masculine and Feminine. I was experiencing myself as a sort of a child archetype - pure curiosity and innocence, She was represented as a woman, but made out of white light, pure beauty, wisdom and kindness, and He was just the most badass kinda fit, kinda old dude, that sort of looked like Peter Ralston  And he was like my fully mature, fully fledged potential, future self. Raw, infinite power. He also had this most amazing  tracksuit that was this kinda dark red, but not really, it was the most amazing color ever!

-So anyway, they congratulated me for being brave, for coming to them. She was proud of me, but He was sort of giving me a tough love kind of thing, but perfectly balanced, with infinite wisdom and love! Perfect parenting!

-Then she took me by the hand, and said "Let me show you something" (She wanted to teach me what suffering is) and  we flew through the Universe, and she took me to a weird place, where there was a kind of bookshelf - i was experiencing time as a physical dimension - and every single "book" in that library/bookshelf was one of my memories. All of my memories were laid before me, and she proceeded to show me every single "suffering" i ever had! From every awkward moment with a girl, every single time i got angry because i stubbed my toe,to things like the death of my father (i was 12). She would take each of these sufferings, like a string made out of Light and after She showed them to me, She would weave the strings together, making a rope. And basically She kept explaining and showing me that "because of this suffering you then did this, and you learned this, (and she would build up, and up, and up), and because of that you became the type of person that knows the types of things that made you take acid in this manner IN ORDER TO FEEL *THIS*" 

-And She pulled on the finished rope, squeezing pure emotion out of it, and i felt it all at once... i started crying like i never cried in my life. I never saw anything more beautiful, i didn't think that there could be anything THAT beautiful, it was completely overwhelming. There cannot be words deep enough to explain how beautiful what i just saw/experienced was. I don't know for how much i was crying. I described this very briefly, but this took hours in "real life". I basically watched all of my memories being played like on a dvd   i don't really recall how i experienced time there.

 

Now we're halfway towards the peak

 

-After all that happened, is was His turn to show me something.

-We "walked" through the Universe, and he explained and showed me in incredible detail what consciousness is and how awesome it is. He would literally take a piece of reality, of space, like you take frosting from cake, with your finger, and He showed me how it can turn into literally ANYTHING. He continued to show me uncountable unimaginable things that infinity does/is, while we would get bigger and bigger, zooming out of a Mandelbrot set type fractal, where i saw whole concepts like music, manifested in front of me. I literally saw music as a whole, like a fractal jewelry, and i remember looking at it and saying "oooh, and that's music". But it wasn't just a visual thing, it was like was seeing, feeling, hearing, composing, playing and being every possible infinite piece of music at the same time. Such it was for many other concepts, that i don't remember.

-At some point we transcended fractality, where i was shown The Present Moment, how i was it, and how it is infinite. Now, this all seems common knowledge for me, but then it was very significant shocking because it was the first time i actually understood that the Universe was infinite. I pretty much had a materialist paradigm until then, although i was quite open to spirituality even as a child.

-Time was dilating more and more and He proceeded to show me in increasingly ingenious and complex ways what Life is. I was being shown how the Universe is a Perpetuum Mobile, and at one point i recall becoming the seasons, cycling and cycling. Evey second became years and years, which escalated to experiencing lifetimes - birth/death/birth/death/birth/death over and over and over. It was interesting because i recall seeing this death/rebirth through the eyes of animals. I saw lifetimes of birds, specifically, and other animals that i can't remember as specifically.

-Remember i said how what She showed me was the most overwhelmingly, impossibly beautiful thing that i ever saw and that i cried like never before? Well... what He showed me was orders of magnitude more beautiful than that. My physical body was crying so freaking hard, but i wasn't paying attention to it, what He showed me was too overwhelming. I don't even remember what exactly i started crying from. i only remember the significance of it.  my brain kinda had to forget that moment.

-So the insights were getting deeper and deeper, and i approached a sort of black hole. I don't know any other way of how to describe it. As an analogy, He was teaching me how to fight, like a kung fu master, and he had me pinned down, or holding me under water. My experience wasn't of fighting or anything, it was about life/love/death, but he was pushing my limits of what i can handle, but exactly, precisely to where i needed. My physical body was on it's belly, on the bed, contorting and my face was in a pool of saliva  so i was kinda drowning/suffocating in my own saliva. I could stop whenever i wanted, but the hypoxia worked synergistically with the trip, to create an incredible ecstasy. Basically He pushed me as close to death as possible, to the point where i almost fell over. It is my speculation that if i had taken much more than that, i could've (or better said would've) made the conscious choice to suffocate the physical body and pass over into that abyss. 

-At that point i heard Her say to Him "enough... you're killing him." and i was sucked back into human consciousness, and i opened my eyes. 8 hours had passed.

-If i remember correctly i started writing right away, saying things like:

"take all the notes you want, you will never understand. This information can be understood only through Being"

 "you can't be more of this or that because you already are infinite"

"don't take yourself so seriously, keep your role in society but don't be identified with it"

"remember to snap out of the illusion from time to time and you'll be fine"

"just get up and live your life, be creative"

My mind was shook, it felt like it had THE answer, but it couldn't find it. Maybe a bit like a raccoon that dips it's sweet, amazing cotton candy in water and then it disappears  

Basically the human conclusion i got was to keep working to become as conscious as possible.

 

I was in a state of blissful ecstasy, but i became ultra-aware how constantly changing everything is. This was very painful/scary for me at the time, very much anchored in ego. Because if everything including my state of being is constantly changing, then i couldn't find myself anymore. I kept becoming aware of the very different emotions and states of being that consciousness is capable of creating through "personality", and it was scary. Again, i didn't have the base of knowledge of how to interpret all these things correctly. It was like my ego was trying super hard to reconfigure itself, an it kept being deconstructed and reconstructed.

One way thoughts managed to reconfigure false identity was with the objection that "what is saw was TOO beautiful" and i kept reminding myself holy shit, the beauty, Jeeeeeeeesus fucking Christ the beauty   and i would start crying and weeping again and again for hours on end after that. I had to leave the house, to distract myself with something (i was sobering up, this was a about 6 P.M. so about 10 hours had passed, although i still was really high. And i went on a walk through a forest nearby, and i just kept weeping repeatedly, utterly in awe of the beauty and the profundity of what i just witnessed.

 

The next days were pretty blissful, but obviously, what came next was a period of intense integration, that only very recently i feel like it came to fruition (i hope my english makes sense)

 

So anyway, i know this report is already kinda long, so now i will give you my 2 cents on it:

-obviously it wasn't very smart what i did :)) and although i am very grateful for the experience and it was truly awesome, i will always recommend upping your dosage systematically and gradually.

-unconsciously, i was hoping that "this one trip" will solve all of my problems. We all watch Leo's and others' videos, so i don't have to tell you this, but no one thing is gonna fix your problems, because your problems aren't actually what you think. It's all Consciousness, so every single little detail of Reality is Absolutely mind-blowingly intelligent and perfect. Actually, the "problem" or what makes us perceive problems in things is our beliefs about what problems are, which comes from conditioning and separation (lol, the "separatists" from Star Wars XD) and all that.

 

Ok, i'm gonna leave it at that. I have a few more trip reports coming. Love you guys!  

Edited July 4, 2020 by Bogdan
i posted without reviewing first

[Leo Gura]

Awesome! Now that's a trip!

Namaste

[allislove]

So beautifully written, thanks for sharing ?

[Ar_Senses]

OMG, dude! I thought I saw a moon today but now I can see that it’s just one of yours giant balls ?

C.G. Jung will be proud of your experience!

Great Job! Very Inspiring!

[Yog]

Quite a party, ey.
Thank you for your honesty!

I've been peaking heavy balls into archetypal lands on 250ug, lost language and shit, I can only imagine 600.
 

 

Edited July 4, 2020 by Yog

[WHO IS]

Amazing, I can only imagine living it! ? 

[5197denis]

Wow, what a beautiful experience. Thanks for sharing.

[DevOcean]

Incredible. Thankyou for sharing!

[Bogdan]

@Leo Gura Namaste, brother! 

18 hours ago, Ar_Senses said:

OMG, dude! I thought I saw a moon today but now I can see that it’s just one of yours giant balls ?

C.G. Jung will be proud of your experience!

Great Job! Very Inspiring!

LMAO  

[abrakamowse]

Awesome!!! Thanks for sharing your experience !!!! 

[Gneh Onebar]

@Bogdan  Amazing report. Thx for sharing! Did you read Christopher Bache's Book "LSD and the Mind of the Universe" by the way? I can see some interesting similarities between his psychedelics eplorations and your experience.  

[Bogdan]

@Gneh Onebar No, i havent. I'l check it out!