Less is more

[xxxx]

On 8/6/2020 at 8:34 PM, Gesundheit said:

What are you trying to say? Can you be more direct? I prefer blunt communication.

Not so much reading between the lines, as much as it is attention to detail. Nevertheless, I am getting there, slowly, and uhm, zombie walking? (See, I am beginning to understand.)

No?

Okay.

You think you are a soul-less zombie, but then there may be something that you yearn for, right? Otherwise, why would you cry when you listen to that Arabic song? Why have you been crying intermittently (your words, not mine) when you know that nothing matters? You yearn for something that you may have already felt, or something that you have had a slight glimpse of, and you want to feel it in its entirety?

Now, I am purely speculating --- shut it down if it is untrue or harsh --- is it that you have grown so comfortable with who you are as an individual now that you are afraid about what or who you would be without it? Is it so much hatred, as much as it is fear --- fear of who you may turn out to be? You have carved a more-or-less perfect identity for yourself. Is it that, with this identity, you are at least sure of yourself, and are not giving the reigns to the world? You fear losing control, because you know others can't handle your emotions, or that you have seen enough to not have faith in them?

Ah, then again, you would say, "I am just an illusion, on a forum, masquerading as a human; what emotions?" Of course, you are God pretending to hate on God. Nothing new. 

Also,

Just for the sake of inquisitiveness, what is the emotion that you feel when you have an awakening? - "Woah, I am infinite, and...uh, yuck?" Haha!

What is your first memory of an emotion?

God, I hope this did not sound like an interrogation, a counselling session, or hippe -talk - I know they are on your number one murder list (again, your words, not mine)

Some music, in case you do not hate me already!

 

 

Edited December 2, 2020 by xxxx

[Gesundheit]

@xxxx 

I don't like you. You've already made a handful of projections about me just from reading my journal entries. Please don't communicate with me again.

[xxxx]

Noted. 

@Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

@xxxx

Yes, please. And I would recommend that you don't read from my journals anymore. What I write here is not who I actually am, just some highlights of what I find worth talking about for my own purposes, one of which is venting off. So just because I said some offensive stuff here doesn't mean that I am like that all the time. I declare myself innocent from whatever stories you have created in your head about me.

And as for you, just for your future reference, take it or leave it; you've talked a lot but actually said a little, which is something I despise, and a main characteristic of unattractive women. I guess your message was simply that I may be suppressing my feminine side. But to say that, it took you over a 100 words, which is the opposite of blunt/direct, which is another reason to not like you.

And when I said that I am a soulless zombie, I was obviously sarcastic and I meant the opposite. I have already talked a little bit about my love life here, and apparently you've read it. You were supposed to get the sarcasm but you didn't. Another reason to not like you.

Plus, the energy you're giving off feels a little bit familiar to me. It feels like I have been in touch with you before in one or more discussions. I may be deluded here, but if by any chance that was the case, that would be another reason to not like you.

There are a few more things that I wanted to say about this brief but ugly communication that I don't recall currently. I may let you know in the future if anything comes up.

Edited December 2, 2020 by Gesundheit

[xxxx]

Hey!

Now that you have decided not to like me, from this brief communication, there isn’t much I can do, anyway. 

Also, no, we haven’t conversed with each other before. I started posting frequently on this forum 2-3 days ago. 

I replied on this journal not because I wanted to accuse you, but because I was fascinated and intrigued by you. I never meant to say that you lack a feminine side. I have a brother who shares traits similar to yours, and through you, I wanted to understand him better. I misread the fact that this journal is just a space you vent on. My bad, and I take responsibility.

I am a no one, but I feel misunderstood here. Anyway, I don’t want to invade your space, but if you do ever want to know me, you are free to message. I am actually not that bad.

I accept your criticism of me constructively, and shall ponder on where things went wrong in my communication, that made you perceive me in such a way. 

Have a good day! 

@Gesundheit

 

 

Edited December 2, 2020 by xxxx

[Gesundheit]

1 hour ago, xxxx said:

Now that you have decided not to like me, from this brief communication, there isn’t much I can do, anyway.

Yes. Reminds me of another reason to not like you. You think that I can't separate facts from personal affairs. You think that I will dismiss insights for what I think about others.

1 hour ago, xxxx said:

I replied on this journal not because I wanted to accuse you

I don't care why you do whatever you do. Your intentions don't matter to me as much as what you actually say or do. Your intentions don't affect me, they affect you. So far, you've almost exclusively said untrue and unhelpful stuff. Truth is my number one priority and second comes practicality. You provided neither, and so I didn't want to go on with a useless conversation from my pov.

1 hour ago, xxxx said:

I misread the fact that this journal is just a space you vent on.

It's not just that. You misread what I said once again. I journal for several purposes, not just one.

Edited December 2, 2020 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

True spirituality is not-knowing. You know you're making progress by reflecting on how much you think you know about reality.

 

[Gesundheit]

Reading through this and thinking to myself: Why would I care about what women like? At this point, caring for such silly things makes me think that I have self-esteem issues. And that is true. It shouldn't matter at all what other people like, want, or think. That is all delusion and ego games for a broken human that does not love himself fully. To become fully established in self-love/peace of mind and carry it with me all the time, I should not engage in such low consciousness behaviors. Low consciousness being anything unnecessary. High consciousness standards include emotional distancing, like with health standards and Covid-19's distancing. Being engaged in emotions with other people is a fatal mistake. You should never attach your emotions to people, because they are deceitful and evil devils. It's okay to be open about your emotions to others. It is attractive too. But don't ever repeat the same mistake you've been making for the last decade: Emotional Attachment.

[Gesundheit]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Thousand_and_One_Nights

I remember reading the books in Arabic when I was a kid. I didn't finish them all. It was a set made of 4 large books filled by very interesting stories, adventures, and sexual fantasies. The set got destroyed during the war and I never felt drawn to reading again. But I highly recommend it to anyone interested in erotica.

[Gesundheit]

They say strip away falsehood and you'll end up with the truth. I did just that. What I have now is the conditioning. If the conditioning is gone, what will be left?

I want the instrumental/karaoke versions of these two songs:

I have searched the entire web for them and didn't find anything. I even tried apps and sites that remove the vocals, but the results weren't satisfying enough.

[Gesundheit]

Depressing dark nihilism, I experienced earlier today. Similar to the dark night of the soul that I had experienced 5 years ago.

When I look back at my life, all the physical troubles that I went through pale in comparison to the psychological troubles. I've had my share of both kinds but believe it or not, physical suffering is nothing compared to the psychological. Even though it may seem like quite the opposite. When you talk about it; words don't do justice to either of them. When I talk about physical suffering, people think it's terrible, catastrophic, and unbearable, when that would actually be an exaggeration. It isn't really horrible as it sounds. On the other hand, psychological suffering is really, really, really terrible. I can't stress that enough. It's always underestimated, and sometimes it's literal hell, no kidding. Because most people don't experience the most extreme levels of psychological suffering, such as the dark night of the soul, people tend to assume that physical suffering is the worst thing that can happen. Physical suffering is much easier because it's affected by your beliefs about it. You can endure hardships if you have certain beliefs about reality. You can make physical sacrifices. You can even enjoy the pain sometimes. Think about ISIS soldiers and how they live in the worst physical conditions there is as a form of Jihad. They don't feel bad about it. They actually believe that they will be rewarded in the afterlife, and that makes all the suffering disappear. I've been a Muslim and I know how beliefs work.

However, psychological suffering is very different. When your beliefs about reality break apart. When your whole world comes crashing down. When your mind becomes your worst enemy. Even if you have everything and all the money and power in the world, you will not be able to buy your way out of it. The mind won't take bribes. The slave becomes the master. It will torture you. It will humiliate you. It will make you submit against your will. You won't even know what's happening, and you cannot avoid it. For me, it was brutal. On top of all my physical suffering and several years of depression, a hearbreak, a realization of no free will, and an internal conflict between theism and atheism, an existential crisis took place. That was the worst thing I have ever experienced. I don't remember how long it was, but I do remember that I wouldn't wish it to my worst enemies. Endless suffering with no one there to help me out. I would wake up at night and cry sometimes with a terrifying fear of death (there were no lights most of the times due to the electrical damage caused by the war). I would wander in the streets, and look at the moon and the stars and wonder in pain: Why the fuck?! What do you want from me?! Why did you create me if you're gonna torture me?! I was never suicidal, but I wished that I never existed, and sometimes that I would die to get rid of the suffering.

Until I discovered meditation.

(I'm out of words now; when you taste bliss you forget all the suffering, and vice-versa).

[Gesundheit]

LMAO. Why is it so obvious when someone is experiencing a psychedelic comedown?

I have noticed several people on here who were brilliant at certain times, and then they started sucking at another times. Especially now, I see three people who are clearly losing it.

Edited December 3, 2020 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

I am the exact opposite. My handwriting is not artistic at all, but it's easy to comprehend.

[Gesundheit]

One of the best anime scenes of all time ❤️

[Gesundheit]

11 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

@Gesundheit I don't watch anime very often - I forget how weird it can get sometimes.

Haha! That clip is very deep, actually. The show (Hunter x Hunter), is highlighting the importance of loyalty. The scene is talking about the relationship between a good leader (ant king) and his loyal followers (royal guard). They derive their pleasure from sacrificing themselves for their king, and that's what makes them the strongest amongst all species. The larger context is a war between humanity and mutant ants, where the ant king sees himself as a better ruler for the unjust human world, and humans who actually acknowledge the corruption but don't give up on humanity.

I don't watch anime either, or anything really. I'm currently just trying to catch up on the shows I missed out on when I was a kid. I have a year of free time (repeating year at college), so I'm doing that. As a matter of fact, my anime shows count is less than 10. Regardless, that clip is certainly one of the best, imo. I mean it has to be. Everything about it is 10/10.

[Gesundheit]

Worry/anxiety is rational, i.e. indirect, comes from unconscious thought processing.

Fear is a-rational, i.e. direct, without processing the thoughts concerning core identity.

And the whole BS awakening thing is an emotional reaction to the whole BS rationality thing.

[Gesundheit]

I mean, come on! What are the odds?!

[Gesundheit]

I'm experiencing an awakening right now. Too bad I was about to sleep when the domino effect kicked in with only one question from cetus. A cascade of insight is occurring. Might report about it and might not.

[Zigzag Idiot]

On 12/3/2020 at 5:23 PM, Gesundheit said:

LMAO. Why is it so obvious when someone is experiencing a psychedelic comedown?

I have noticed several people on here who were brilliant at certain times, and then they started sucking at another times. Especially now, I see three people who are clearly losing it.

I'm probably a candidate,,,,

Enjoying your Journal!

[Gesundheit]

Infinite intelligence now sounds like a plausible solution.

4 hours ago, Zigzag Idiot said:

I'm probably a candidate,,,,

Sorry, but no ? I don't see you posting often.