Less is more

[Gesundheit]

A clear-cut case of a delusional self-biased human who refuses to admit that he is deluded.

Edited November 25, 2020 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

I seriously literally want to murder some people right now.

[Gesundheit]

Can someone be spiritual without being needy? I don't think so. The whole concept of a supreme God is grounded in neediness. God is always god of the gaps. He is there to fill in the blanks. Whatever you lack, by definition, is God.

[Gesundheit]

Two more warning points to go. We'll see.

[Gesundheit]

1 hour ago, Keyhole said:

You should explore that within yourself and come to understand it.  I have a LOT of darkness within me, too.  People that have a lot of darkness within them and become aware of it are more multifaceted.  Plus you have your ability to go meta.  I suck at that, I have to take like an alternate route...  I think one of the ways to do this is to find the Godliness and love within the act, in that, all acts must stem from love, so where is it?  Why does a killer love killing?

I don't know your history, but judging from where you grew up in the world it makes sense that you would end up with these instincts, on top of being male.  Testosterone.  Do you have control issues stemming from being in a helpless situation at one point?  I've read many of your posts and you don't give me the instinct of you being a psychopath - psychopaths simply don't care, they wouldn't care about the well-being of an ex girlfriend or be concerned about their devilry.

I can't diagnose someone, but I would suspect it could be environmental and to do a heart and soul search into these feelings, because you have the opportunity to grow so much from inspecting that.

http://maryshutan.com/darkness-spirit-and-the-feminine/

 

Thanks for your understanding. You're off the list now 

It's something I'm working on, actually. I think I'm healing so these thoughts and emotions are surfacing. I've started experiencing these things a couple of months ago, but I still don't know what to make of them.

[Gesundheit]

6 hours ago, Keyhole said:

@Gesundheit 

Do you think it is biological, environmental/trauma based or a mix?

Honestly, I don't know. My childhood was pretty fucked up, and my teens, and actually up until now. My life has always been traumatic/violent?

Both my parents used to physically, verbally, and psychologically abuse me from a very young age, probably around 5 years old. And then at 12 they had me working with an abusive boss, although only verbally and psychologically, perhaps overworking me counts as physical abuse? I still don't think I've been a child enough. But anyway, at 17 the whole country got into civil war and other political issues. I was very close to death many times. Air strikes and mortar bombs and bombed cars all the time for about 5 years? With many direct violent incidents happening during that time. Once I was alone and got robbed by 3 armed terrorists. Another time I was beaten by an army guy and of course I could not hit back. And there were other incidents that I hadn't even told anyone about.

On the other hand, when I was a kid around 8-9 y.o., I used to hit a kid with down syndrome, I still don't understand why. Maybe because he was weak? And also I always wanted my pet rabbit to be more intelligent and that made me want to hurt him because he was stupid but I was a little bit older at that point and I didn't do anything. He died eventually and I buried him in the nearby park and cried.

I really don't know. It seems very complex even for me to understand. I even feel that I shared a lot here.

Edited November 26, 2020 by Gesundheit

[Gesundheit]

@Keyhole I don't want to sound fake because I don't have the right words to say to you right now. There were many things that I wanted to say to you regarding what you said; I played the replies in my mind last night because I was unable to connect to the internet to tell them to you directly, so now I don't feel like anything I say will sound authentic enough. Basically, I want you to know that I feel very thankful for you, you are non-judgemental and very understanding. Just the fact that people like you exist, was and is curative, and the questions you asked me were very helpful, they reached deeper than the inner child down to the core of my existence. Please take care of yourself. There's not a lot of people like you.

[Gesundheit]

8 hours ago, Keyhole said:

@Gesundheit If it is something that comes up in the future where it is making you feel negative in some way, just let me know.

I, sure, will. It was nice to not be expected to be a grown-up just for once, and at the same time you did not take away from my dignity when you offered help. That's a rare skill that I keep trying to develop myself. It's by all means nurturing. I already feel reconciliation with myself and others.

8 hours ago, Keyhole said:

@Gesundheit 

You can even develop a taste for seeing the divinity within it - but just like with most things, human egos have twisted it up.  At one time man used to race through the wilderness with complete knowledge of the terrain and an understanding of the animals that they would hunt to the point where they could embody the "minds" of them when stalking and chasing. 

Here is an example of such feelings being transmuted into art.

Within pretty much everything, there will be some form of full circle of divinity.

 

Thanks ????

[Gesundheit]

@Keyhole Yup, that would be better 

[Gesundheit]

If the mind is a maze; psychedelics, then, must be trampolines inside the maze. You can jump and take a brief look at the maze from above, but you're still inside of it. The only way out is by hacking your way through the hedgerows or breaking down the walls with a hammer.

Contemplation.

[Gesundheit]

I am devoid of all humanness, and I don't even care.

New features:

• Acute awareness of paradigms. All new information are now filtered and put in a category on the fly.
• Acute awareness of the deceptive and evil nature of humans. What has been seen cannot be unseen.

[Gesundheit]

LMFAO! Is this even real?! ?????

Credit to this video for featuring the song:

Modern Egyptian Muslims reacting to homosexuality.

[Gesundheit]

A comment demonstrating self-bias/blindness/paradigm-lock/emotional attachment.

[Gesundheit]

Boring. I'm so over that long ago. It's like kindergarten.

[Gesundheit]

I'm triggered and really disgusted by the mind. Not my mind, though. My mind is cool and friendly. The minds of others seem like apes learning how to think. It bothers me to see apes talking about things which they do not understand.

I want to breathe. I want to feel.

Break.

Silence.

 

[Gesundheit]

5 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

What are the things that people don't understand that bother you?

Everything. Not just certain topics. Maybe I'm being neurotic here, I don't know. Every word feels like a betrayal of truth, even my words, but I recognize that. I don't think others do though.

8 minutes ago, Keyhole said:

That song is stunningly beautiful btw.

Yep! Don't know many of those though. You have any?

[Gesundheit]

@Keyhole Thanks. I'll contemplate my reactions and maybe post the results here.

Already downloaded the whole list. I'm going for a walk right now. It'll be a great time for some music.

[xxxx]

The Revealing Silence Outro is beautiful.

Your journal is intriguing. 

I have a question, and because you prefer blunt communication, I'll try to put in the most direct way I can:

Have you ever felt deep, ecstatic love towards anyone/anything, where you have just wanted to explode because you are unable to contain the intensity? The kind of love that has made you feel at peace, also? Have you actively sought it? If it comes your way, would you be reluctant or accepting?

Sharing some music to calm you down in case you did not like my question, haha!

.

 

Edited December 1, 2020 by xxxx

[Gesundheit]

Oh, dear God! Just kill me now!

Shocking!!!

It was brief on the mind, but the body is still in shock.

Dead. I'll play. No way.

Just when you think you've transcended your personal story as a human, God proves you wrong. That was misleading.

Won't hurt anymore.

[Gesundheit]

9 hours ago, xxxx said:

I have a question, and because you prefer blunt communication

I do, but how did you know? People are reading me easily nowadays. It's kinda getting interesting.

9 hours ago, xxxx said:

Have you ever felt deep, ecstatic love towards anyone/anything, where you have just wanted to explode because you are unable to contain the intensity? The kind of love that has made you feel at peace, also? Have you actively sought it? If it comes your way, would you be reluctant or accepting?

And we're back to being misunderstood lol.

No, and you know why? Because I'm a soulless zombie that hates humanity and does not feel the love emotion. LMAO.

Seriously though, I don't know about the last question. I probably would be reluctant, for various reasons; including personal and spiritual.