I feel like I am outgrowing my friends

[GroovyGuru]

To give some context, there's maybe 6 or 7 people in my group of friends. We are all in our young 20s. There's only one of them that I feel really close with. He's mature, intelligent, and also somewhat on the spiritual journey like myself. I feel we will be friends for life. However the rest I have many issues with. Most of them are conservative, some of them deeply conservative, which already makes many things difficult for me as our values and the way we look at the world can be so radically different sometimes. 

All they literally ever want to do is drink. Nothing besides that. If we hang out, that means booze will be involved. Any time I decide not to drink, not to go out, or drink much less than them, I get called out and made fun of. I don't mind drinking, it's fun here and there, but only here and there. One of the dudes in the group is a massive Trump supporter. He is kind of a bully (to everyone), loves talking shit to people, behind their back, and doing really immature things. He basically acts like a wannabe Trump. Because I supported Bernie and lean towards progressive politics, he constantly calls me a Beta and gay and all that stuff. 

I barely enjoy hanging out with them anymore. I just don't know what I even get out of it. We drink, maybe go out, talk some shit, and that's about it. It's repetitive and boring. I still hang out with them because I still like them and don't want to just sit bored at home every night. Although, I am introverted by nature and do enjoy taking days where I just take it easy and read, exercise, and focus on myself. Should I stop forcing myself to hang out with this crowd and start looking for new friends? I've been hanging out with the same group since highschool but I'm no longer really proud or happy with the friends I have, besides the one exception I mentioned earlier. 

[KingCrimson]

I've been there. Best thing you can do is to simply stop hanging out with them. It's not worth it to waste your time with them. In time, you will attract new people who are on your wave length and that you enjoy spending time with. 

For more in-depth info, see Leo's video on how to deal with toxic people:

 

[Identity]

Sounds to me like you already know the answer to your question.
Moving on from them sounds like the best option from what you say.

Doesn’t mean it will be easy. 
 

For me it has been quite the journey to establish a new balance with my long-term friend group which I am now comfortable with.

My advice would be to act with empathy and honesty to yourself and them. See if you can actually share the things that you feel and think. Expression will naturally start to create a balance with your friends that is more authentic to you.

 

[Hello from Russia]

Dude, who the fuck is conservative in their youth? If you're not a rebel when you're young there is clearly something wrong with you, unless you're super smart, which seems to not be the case with your friends. Just cut them out.

Edited July 2, 2020 by Hello from Russia

[CultivateLove]

@Hello from Russia He probably had to adopt those beliefs at a young age to fit into a close social circle like your family, which can very easily feel like life or death for at a young age because you're so vulnerable. A lot of parents, family members, friends and social circles indoctrinate their people with their beliefs and worldview, either consciously or unconsciously.

Maybe it's not the case here, but it's a normal pattern across all cultures, I wouldn't label anyone "stupid" so quickly just because they have a silly belief or live in an out-dated paradigm, because I realize the same thing could have happened to me.

[egoeimai]

@GroovyGuru don't let them go until you find new. You never know what happens. People change and if you let them go because you don't accept them now, maybe later they're gonna suit you better. But keep searching. ?

[dropthehat]

@Hello from Russia Being conservative these days is rebellious though. Corporations, mainstream media and academia are all extremely left-leaning.

[Carl-Richard]

All my friends from high school smoke weed everyday and just play video games, and when I was asked to rank Jordan Peterson on a scale from 1 to 10, they all gasped out of shock when I gave him a 7, expecting me to give him a solid 10. 

They're basically all in the entry phases of green but mostly stuck on cleaning up their blue and orange, mostly as a result of being drug fiends and getting their life advice and political views from rationalist reaction youtubers.

There is this one dude I haven't talked to in a couple of years that I suspect might be closing in on yellow or even turquoise if he is lucky. If not, then he is most likely still a greenish pseudo-philosopher drug addict (low resolution Terrence McKenna clone) like we both were last time we met.

You can't really change them by arguing your point of view. They have to evolve on their own. It's up to you whether you think they're worth your time or if you should rather find someone else to be around that don't atleast drag you down.

Edited July 2, 2020 by Carl-Richard

[Opo]

@GroovyGuru If you ignore the signs and stay a victim you'll pay the price. 

[kag101]

I've been in this kind of situation before. Here's my advice: distance yourself from them gradually until you stop seeing them altogether. If you do that, they will probably insist that you go out with them, but say no nonetheless. It is simply not worth it.

This action is not easy to do, especially if you're a people-pleaser. However... when we are able to let go of people that no longer resonates with us, it gives room for new people to come into your life.

What do you think about that?

Good luck, you deserve better friends!

 

Edited July 3, 2020 by kag101

[hyruga]

It's your ego telling you that you are better than them.

[GroovyGuru]

@hyruga Yes, often I am aware of that. But does mean I still have to tolerate them? I know it sounds like I'm judging them, but it is what it is. They often engage in low conscious activities and ways of life. It's just what it is.

[Human Mint]

In my own experience it is better to focus your energy on the activities you love (don't fear to do that, is the best you can do) and you will meet people in the way. They will go if you stop hanging with them.

Maybe it is your ego telling you that if you continue hanging with them you will waste time and energy.

If you follow your path they will have an example to do so themselves

 

Edited July 3, 2020 by Human Mint
new idea

[RoerAmit]

I feel the same way my friend.

This is way of the path...

Ask yourself again why are you doing that?

Why are you self actualizing? What this work means to you?

You always have us here in the forum to be there for you

[Espaim]

Stop hanging out with them, gradually.

[hyruga]

11@GroovyGuru I hate to break this to you but the solutions presented here are not necessarily right.

The truth is probably your friends invited you out for drinks and they are also the one holding the group together. They are greater than you just by virtue of the things they did for you.

Your ego is lazy and it also wants to protect you. The easy way out is to retreat and seek consciousness stuff. The emotional difficult thing to do is to talk to them, hold your own conversation with them and continue to be friends.

Of course, if your friends turn really violent or extremely rude, then maybe it's really time to leave them.

 

 

 

[Mada_]

I understand the feeling of not being fulfilled after hanging out with people, even know it was once fun or made sense.

In my experience, cutting out bad relationships is like giving up any habit habit; there will be relapses because you want that escape, so the concept of Homeostasis is one to be aware of in this circumstance.

 

Sometimes I feel like a narcissist for cutting out some friends, but then keeping others for their "good" qualities, it feels like I am using the people I keep in my life for their good qualities. But I don't think that this matters too much as if the people I do keep in my life are bothered by me wanting to hang out with them, it is their choice to stop doing so, and this is fine with me.

 

In conclusion, people who are difficult to be around will not fulfil you, you will lose energy being around them and it will just continue to be a poor use of time. Surround yourself with people who you feel only grow you and people who will make the effort to understand you when you speak to them, people who you would trust to trip sit you, people who you can have dialogue with about your ambitions. 

[Mada_]

Just to clarify, I have been in a very similar situation to what you are describing, and my suggestion is to just cut those people off immediately. You will probably relapse and go back to those people, but this is okay because you know why you don't want to see them and you will eventually cut them off.

 

My friends during high school did not understand me, they all valued fun and excitement, when my values leaned towards health and consciousness. I used to talk shit with "the boys" for hours on end, the whole weekend. Smoking weed occasionally, drinking. 

I stopped drinking and smoking, because I felt that I valued being alert and energetic more than the temporary excitement I experienced, so eventually I stopped altogether. The people I was hanging around did not share such values, and this caused genuine tension is social situations. 

 

Do not listen to people who tell you to give such people "a chance", "time" because they could change. You are in no way obligated to hang around with anyone that you don't want to for literally any reason, this is your life not theirs, you do not owe them shit. I'm sure they have good qualities, but f they stand in the way of your mission, let them go.

PS: sorry for the double post, I just really wanted to make sure I shared the lessons from my own experience because they were really significant in my life.