Caught in thought and pain

[Aratrok]

Hi,

I have a very difficult time meditating. I've tried a lot of different techniques, I've tried Leo's guide, I've tried some Sadhguru techniques, I've done Wim Hof and Dmt-breathing and Love and Gratitude Meditation.

Love and gratitude meditation is only one that somewhat helps.

Wim Hof and Dmt-breathing worked very well until i have overdone it, now all it does is just put me straight to sleep, even a simple Wim Hof round.

For the rest, i have difficulty stepping out of the mind and watching it, like Eckhart Tolle says. It seems like the mind is just watching itself again and i am not actually stepping out but watching the mind with the mind.

Also i have a chronic meningitis which i am currently unable to get rid of and therefore in continuous pain and suffer cognitive impairment.

Another problem i have is, i seem to get into delusional interpretations of people and behavior and it keeps looping and coming up again and reassessing etc.

Has anyone any idea how i could become more grounded and in the moment to get through this suffering easier.

 

Edited July 2, 2020 by Aratrok

[allislove]

Quote

Has anyone any idea how i could become more grounded and in the moment?

By letting go the beliefs which don't serve you.

So, continue meditation (ideally as a first thing in the morning) and other spiritual practices.

Also, why not have a little bit more fun, you can try shrooms microdosing if you are lucky to find them  

[Aratrok]

@dimitri I was thinking about ayahuasca.

[allislove]

@Aratrok whatever speaks to your heart ?

[jimwell]

 

It's a good strategy to focus on healing from your meningitis instead of focusing on spirituality and meditation. Overcoming meningitis is very difficult. It deserves all your energy and time. That will be your form of spirituality. And it will make you grounded. You will significantly grow as a human if you overcome your sin or cross which is meningitis.

Don't rely too much on doctors. Rely more on yourself. Do a serious research about meningitis and broaden your sources. The goal is to have a deep understanding of your condition so you can find or design a cure.

After your sin is conquered, you can then focus on another form of spirituality. The questions What is the deepest I?, What is the deepest existence?, Why is existence structured this way?, Where or what was I before I was born?, Will I go there again after death?, Why do I even die?, What is the point of life if it ends? Why is existence full of suffering and evil? are the guiding light to the deepest spirituality.

I hope you succeed.

 

 

[Aratrok]

@jimwell @jimwell

21 hours ago, jimwell said:

 

It's a good strategy to focus on healing from your meningitis instead of focusing on spirituality and meditation. Overcoming meningitis is very difficult. It deserves all your energy and time. That will be your form of spirituality. And it will make you grounded. You will significantly grow as a human if you overcome your sin or cross which is meningitis.

Don't rely too much on doctors. Rely more on yourself. Do a serious research about meningitis and broaden your sources. The goal is to have a deep understanding of your condition so you can find or design a cure.

After your sin is conquered, you can then focus on another form of spirituality. The questions What is the deepest I?, What is the deepest existence?, Why is existence structured this way?, Where or what was I before I was born?, Will I go there again after death?, Why do I even die?, What is the point of life if it ends? Why is existence full of suffering and evil? are the guiding light to the deepest spirituality.

I hope you succeed.

 

 

@Johnny5that's what i have been trying to do for the last 2 years and medical professionals have shown to be a  hindrance instead.

I already know what type of meningitis i have and what medication i need.

At this point i believe all i need is to become better at interacting with seemingly manipulative and abusive minds by not getting triggered and avoiding their traps or find a way to make enough money despite health problems to be able to afford the medication and a proper treatment.

It's very hard, because this has flipped my life completely by cognitively impairing me.

So i believe becoming grounded and less deluded first would be a step into the right direction into resolving my sin.

And thank you for the wishes.

 

Edit: I accidentally tagged johnny, don't know how to remove it on mobile.

Edited July 4, 2020 by Aratrok

[Aratrok]

@Johnny5

12 hours ago, Johnny5 said:

Helps with what?

 

Being less irritated.

 

12 hours ago, Johnny5 said:

Could be a sign that you just need to take it easy for a while. I don't know, just a possibility.

 

Ye, i have taken a 2 week break but it still puts me back to sleep.

 

12 hours ago, Johnny5 said:

 

https://www.searchwithin.org/direct_going_within.htm

Thanks, I'll read it.

[James123]

On 7/2/2020 at 5:32 AM, Aratrok said:

Has anyone any idea how i could become more grounded and in the moment to get through this suffering easier.

Try to find yourself in the body. Before meditation.

[jimwell]

On 7/4/2020 at 5:44 PM, Aratrok said:

@jimwell @jimwell

@Johnny5that's what i have been trying to do for the last 2 years and medical professionals have shown to be a  hindrance instead.

I already know what type of meningitis i have and what medication i need.

At this point i believe all i need is to become better at interacting with seemingly manipulative and abusive minds by not getting triggered and avoiding their traps or find a way to make enough money despite health problems to be able to afford the medication and a proper treatment.

It's very hard, because this has flipped my life completely by cognitively impairing me.

So i believe becoming grounded and less deluded first would be a step into the right direction into resolving my sin.

And thank you for the wishes.

 

Edit: I accidentally tagged johnny, don't know how to remove it on mobile.

You basically tagged me 3 times. ?? I got confused.

You certainly need to be financially self-sustainable to conquer your sin. It's not just for your medication but for you to spend much of your energy and time conquering your sin and to live without any toxic humans bringing you down. You need to surround yourself with people who support and empower you. If that is not possible, it's better to live alone. Have the courage to cut off toxic relationships. It's very difficult but must be done if you want to be "free".

Have you ever considered the mental-emotional component of meningitis? My sin was extreme, god-like kind of anxiety, depression, agoraphobia, bdd, ptsd, ocd, and I have conquered them by doing intense research, contemplation, introspection, working on the repressed, extreme emotional wounds and anger and by generating strong self-love. I spent my entire 20s fixing my extremely broken self. Though I succeeded, I must say you can never 100% undo your sin. There will always be traces left. I still have some problems with too much hand washing and anger. But if I compare my  current "soul" to my previous "soul", I must say I have conquered my sin.

Having much self-love works like magic. And it certainly enables you to properly interact with toxic humans by setting boundaries and by automatically being less affected by their toxic words and actions. It even enables you to cut off toxic relationships. If you love yourself, you don't need to be loved by others. You can receive and enjoy their love, but you won't need it. It makes you self-sufficient in that very big aspect. My intuition says the "soul" and cells of your body can detect self-love (and self-hate). And that either nourishes or destroys them, especially long term.

I made a post about my journey. It might give you some useful insights.

   

[Aratrok]

On 4.7.2020 at 4:35 PM, James123 said:

Try to find yourself in the body. Before meditation.

@James123 how do you mean that?

[Aratrok]

On 4.7.2020 at 2:05 PM, Johnny5 said:

I don't know the first thing about meningitis so please don't get me wrong... but what you say here could be a blessing in disguise. These things often are. Just take it as a possibility.

Time will tell. Right now it doesn't look like it at all.

Edited July 5, 2020 by Aratrok

[Aratrok]

@jimwell

16 hours ago, jimwell said:

Having much self-love works like magic. And it certainly enables you to properly interact with toxic humans by setting boundaries and by automatically being less affected by their toxic words and actions. It even enables you to cut off toxic relationships. If you love yourself, you don't need to be loved by others. You can receive and enjoy their love, but you won't need it. It makes you self-sufficient in that very big aspect. My intuition says the "soul" and cells of your body can detect self-love (and self-hate). And that either nourishes or destroys them, especially long term.

I made a post about my journey. It might give you some useful insights.

   

@Aratrok I have read your journey, thank you for sharing.

Ye, you have a good point on self-love, but it's hard to enable for me.

I will keep doing it.

[WelcometoReality]

@Aratrok Have you tried eating an inflammatory diet with lots of berries fruit and vegetables for treating the meningitis?

[Amandine]

10 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

@Aratrok Have you tried eating an inflammatory diet?

Never heard anyone advise an inflammatory diet before heehee.  

Don't  mind me, I'm just having fun. 

Edited July 8, 2020 by Amandine

[WaveInTheOcean]

as long as you feel you are caught, you will remain caught

don't try to run away from yourself

don't try at all

no effort is needed

sure what you are going through feels painful, I can only imagine

but is there anything wrong with pain? noooooooooo! <3

dive in brother

all there is needed is awareness/consciousness, courage and honesty. nothing else

observe and do.

Edited July 8, 2020 by WaveInTheOcean

[Aratrok]

3 hours ago, WaveInTheOcean said:

as long as you feel you are caught, you will remain caught

don't try to run away from yourself

don't try at all

no effort is needed

sure what you are going through feels painful, I can only imagine

but is there anything wrong with pain? noooooooooo! <3

dive in brother

all there is needed is awareness/consciousness, courage and honesty. nothing else

observe and do.

@WaveInTheOcean  this really speaks to my heart. 

[Aratrok]

14 hours ago, WelcometoReality said:

@Aratrok Have you tried eating an inflammatory diet with lots of berries fruit and vegetables for treating the meningitis?

@WelcometoReality yes, it reduces the inflammation, but doesn't remove the fungus.

[Call Me Whatever]

@Aratrok

You may be trying too hard in that you're chasing an altered experience in consciousness, as if you're using meditation as a drug. Try to accept what is and just let it be. Let thought appear and unfold without attaching yourself to these forms. 

[Call Me Whatever]

@Aratrok

I'm not a doctor and I'm not giving medical advice so talk to your physician.

That said: Reducing excess in iron in the blood stream, measured as ferritin, may eliminate your fungal problem as fungus feeds on iron. I keep my ferritin level in the low-normal rage and have eliminated fungal problems. 

You can do this through regular blood donation, or if that's not available to you, therapeutic phlebotomy. 

Again, talk to your physician first.

[WelcometoReality]

12 hours ago, Amandine said:

Never heard anyone advise an inflammatory diet before heehee.  

Don't  mind me, I'm just having fun. 

??