What are bad habits?

[4201]

Are they really something that should be fought through repetition? Or perhaps are they just based on some wrong assumption?

In my last trip, I realized how my mom's shame of herself affected me as a kid. When I was 3 she cheated on my dad and I presume looking at me made her feel ashamed of herself, so I learned to be ashamed of myself as well, all the time. As a result I was unable to stand straight in front of people withouth feeling ashamed and I always was trying to overcompensate by dragging people down (show them they should be more ashamed of themselves than I am). @Serotoninluv I'm sorry. I've been such a dick to you as with many others. I believe this is why.

Yet now that I'm aware of that, the habit is gone. At least as far as I experience since then (tripped on saturday) I no longer shame myself. The bad habit has simply melted away by letting go of the assumption that "I should be ashamed/someone should be ashamed". Of course I had to find the assumption and where it was coming from, this wasn't free, but I didn't need to practice not being ashamed. 

I always thought bad habits were long term behaviors. But now to me they more seem like a question of wrong assumptions. So what really are bad habits?

When I try to stop playing video games, it seems like awareness of how I feel is not sufficient. Before that trip, I was constantly shaming myself for playing. It felt terrible but the awareness of those feelings didn't really do anything, because the root addiction was to be ashamed, not to play. Now I still got somewhat of a video game problem, but atleast it doesn't seem to be coming with shame, just slight numbness and lazyness.

I am very excited about fixing my future problems, especially if it's only a matter of finding the wrong assumptions. This makes it an investigation of the self rather than a fight. I'm wondering if your experience of letting go of bad habits is similar.  

Edited June 30, 2020 by 4201

[Forestluv]

That it some deep stuff you are uncovering, Thank you for sharing it with us. It isn’t easy. ♥️ ? 

[VeganAwake]

They are things you have been conditioned to believe are bad.

That doesn't mean there won't be repercussions for these supposed bad habits.... because of course if culture conditions us, there are apparent others that also believe that they are bad.

[loub]

@4201 You truly are onto something here. Perhaps you might be interested in the work of Peter Ralston. What you seem to have become conscious of is what he would call a bottom-line assumption.

In becoming directly conscious of a bottom line assumption, something you hold to be true of yourself, you become conscious of it as it is: an assumption and thus non-essential to your being. Once seen for what it truly is you can drop it entirely even though it may take some time.

It is fascinating to me how assumptions about your self create your reality. You will manipulate others, behaviour and your experience in such a way that they will seemingly confirm their truth. You don't just assume those things to be true, you subsequently live them as true. To see that creative force for what it is can feel like a big chunk of your 'self' falls away. Initially that can be a little upsetting or distressing but with time you will come to appreciate the liberation that really occurs.

Ralston recommends a regular practice of contemplating to awaken the uncognized mind and become free of limiting assumptions as explained in 'The Book of not Knowing'.

[inFlow]

5 hours ago, 4201 said:

so I learned to be ashamed of myself as well

These things happen because our parents actually trade off their bad Karma on ourselves. We are like a sponge, what we feel and see becomes us, become mindful about how much of your parents habits you have yourself.

Do this some time when you have time - observe dogs and their owners. Notice how dogs actually act as their owners. If they are somewhat stupid and unconscious so is the Dog, it's frightful, not conscious etc. And notice when you see a chill person walking with their pet, the Dog is actually chill as well. Now you can understand how some of these imprints from your parents drop down to you. I have a ton of these things from my parents which fucks me up a lot, but being mindful can help fix these things. A lot of gurus talks about this, when parents transfer some bad karma to their children. You have to do some work on yourself to detach from their karmic in-prints on you, so you can become free and uniquely YOU. Kriya yoga helps in these situations, but so does other spiritual practices, such as meditation, but it can take way longer compared to stronger practices.

5 hours ago, 4201 said:

Before that trip, I was constantly shaming myself for playing.

Notice that you had negative self-talk about your habits, this is Stage Blue SD. 

 

5 hours ago, 4201 said:

Now I still got somewhat of a video game problem, but atleast it doesn't seem to be coming with shame, just slight numbness and lazyness.

Now here you are somewhat transitioning from Stage Blue moral thinking to Stage Yellow systemic thinking, you don't shame yourself, but you understand the negative effects that occurs of gaming too much.

If you don't happen to have a good understanding of this model I highly recommend it to watch all the videos, learn it in depth. This will help you to understand how developed you are and where you need to go, what you need to fix. Give it a shot, this model changed me A LOT. When Leo mentioned that it speeds up your consciousness development by x10 times, he wasn't kidding, the model, when learned in-depth can be a massive game changer.

[4201]

Thank you guys for the nice replies

@loub I've been reading this book actually but I'm just at 24%. It's a hard read! In comparison to Eckart Tolle it's very dry, there's no entertaining stories it's straight to the point. Some of his exercises are very hard, like asking what are my beliefs. If only I knew what my beliefs are myself... But yeah I'll keep reading it, it's been very useful so far.

Edited June 30, 2020 by 4201