Self expression and harmony

[TripleFly]

What the heck is communication all about?

If I try to listen to the other person, then I don't exist and I have no response. I also didn't learn anything.

If I listen to myself while someone is talking to me, I get different reactions 'ok...?' 'You should blah blah...' 

Often people tell me stuff and I draw blank as a response. I then find myself going to my auto-reactions.

 

some examples, so maybe someone can identify my theme and what to do about this: 

When I find myself in the situation that me and another person are speaking at the same time, I would stop myself and even go on to tell the person to 'go on', or 'yes?'. Sometimes I discard what I had to say because it didn't mean as much or that. Then I draw blanks as a response.

 

Some part of me likes to talk and express himself freely, yet, at times, I feel that in a social-situation, group gathering, where the conversation came to end and silence is present. In these situations I am conflicted about expressing myself since I feel that any thoughts of no real value or importance or meaning, would hurt the harmony. 

In a situation where my boundaries are crossed or about to. Where anger is the natural arising aid. I don't know how to express anger without making others feel threatened, without making others feel as if I am trying to control their behavior or as if they have done something wrong. Sometimes I feel unworthy of being angry and that maybe I am exaggerating, but my mind knows that to be just spiritual-ego rubbish to escape feeling anger. Anger wouldn't arise for no reason and can't be handled that way so how can I let go off anger without losing my shit completely. It's probably an art like a skill, and I am not so destructive so I am not really afraid to express it, I just feel confused about anger.

 

Help

[Recursoinominado]

 

 

2

 Advanced issues found

▲

 

 

2 hours ago, TripleFly said:

What the heck is communication all about?

If I try to listen to the other person, then I don't exist and I have no response. I also didn't learn anything.

I guess it depends on your mindset going through conversations.

You can listen to learn about the subject, about the person, to respond etc

I try to learn about the person, the subject and everything else (small and big picture thinking).

When it is small talk, i get myself reacting automatically, with generic responses that fit that situation energetically.

You can also just listen like a mindfulness practice and in this case you can go so meta that you hardly learn anything about the object but you learn about the structure of reality itself.

Sometimes when i read a word, i become aware that letters are just drawings that we attach symbols to and when this happen it can be hard to pay attention to the symbol itself. I got myself a few times starring to a word as common as "house" without making sense of it, finding everything so weird like saw it for the first time. This isn't bad, but it is another level of awareness.

 

 

 

 

2 hours ago, TripleFly said:

Often people tell me stuff and I draw blank as a response. I then find myself going to my auto-reactions.

You are not required to say something every time people direct a word to you. I often just stare people blankly when they finish talking because i don't have anything to say and i don't want to use the usual generic reactions. Usually, people just laugh, with time it became just "me" to do this, it is something that makes me unique, in a good way. 

[TripleFly]

It does have something to do with the mindset... But as of recently I prefer not to stick to any one mindset.

I am not interested in trying to learn anything about the subject nor about the person. If the info comes then it is welcomed but it is certainly not something that truly grabs my attention at all. 

'I didn't learn anything' by that I meant, I didn't come out of the conversation feeling anything real. I used to delve into whatever theme was present, whether there was a mysterious emotion in the air that I've yet to recognize, or if it was a dry intellectual, conceptual, manly talk where I could see the ideas of my mind. But that's no longer the case, I am much more familiar and quicker and direct. It's as if I am witnessing older versions of a reality in which I covered most of the content. I just have nothing to do with this.

 

I have an aversion to witnessing reality like a mindfulness practice. I find it very impractical when I am with others. I think it's like you're trying to avoid or runaway from the immediate experience by trying to be aware of a 'bigger' or 'wider' experience. I prefer to just be present with reality as it is. Not to dismiss or take away from this practice since I've done it myself and it is 100% useful. But I don't think it's for me anymore.

 

Yes  ... The awkward presence that stays when you don't respond, I thought I was at ease with it. It slowly came back some 4 months ago. I used to get the same reactions and I even found myself identifying with that uniqueness. Now there's just so much bullshit between me, my ego, and others. That I just can't get through