Addicted to attention/love from women

[luqqzr]

Hey,

I'm psychologically addicted to women, and I've been that since my early teenage years (I'm 22 now).

Pretty often I think about suicide but I am never going to do it because there are a few people that do really love me, and I love them.

Nights are most awful for me, I feel extremely lonely and through the days it doesn't look much better than that. I only feel alive and FULL of energy when I am around attractive women.

Basically, my whole life and mood depends on my relation to women at the particular time. If I had great relations to women throughout the whole time, my life would've been great, but unfortunately that was not really the case.

It frustrates me, makes me really angry that everything depends on women, and that it has never been different... only before the teenage years.

[Zak]

It has a lot to do with how you were raised as a child. Your attachment style with your parents (especially your mom). You have to understand that, your mom may have fked your childhood by not providing the love you needed as a child. That's why you find love in these women here. You are looking for love, hug, validation.

Try to stay away from women, be detached. Do you think you having more women in your life will make you satisfied? Hell to No! Even If you become Dan Bilzarian, you won't find satisfaction. You will never satisfy the lower Self. Have more male friends than female, if u don't have, find them. Go to seminars and stuff.

Me writing this to you is writing to myself. I have exactly the same problem. 

[kagaria]

Your life depends on women? Everything people do revolves around beautiful women. Men try to find good paying jobs and develop social skills to please pretty females. Unattractive girls try to become pretty because they know beauty is a power they lack. Feminine beauty is a powerful thing. Life has always been this way. It’s just how nature has always functioned. If you don't have any desires of total transcendence of the ego like some here, then everything is relatively ok. You're just being honest. 

For the record : Everyone has a star until they die. There are also stars of love, friendship etc. But the biggest star of all is the star of desire.

 

Edited June 29, 2020 by kagaria

[mandyjw]

Creative expression/creative work and sex/romance are closely related in terms of life energy. The way to solve problems in one area is often to focus our thoughts on the other. That's why creative artist sometimes have or talk about muses when they get artist's block. We often make the mistake of focusing on our lack of success in one area, rather than the inspiration and fulfillment that we want in life. The key is to think more generally about it. The easiest way to stop the negative train of thoughts about a specific subject is to change the subject for a time, or get way more general.

How's your creative/work life? Don't think you have to become a famous musician or something, it's the feeling of inspiration that matters, NOT how it looks to other people. Set aside some time to write down a list of things that inspire you and make you happy. Make time for them, focus on them, expand them. You may have somehow accidentally and mistakenly outsourced all your inspiration and joy in life to women. Later you can more easily reexamine your thoughts and beliefs about women. Women don't have any power over you but your thoughts about them do... until you realize those are YOUR thoughts and you have the power to change them. 

Edited June 29, 2020 by mandyjw

[luqqzr]

@Zak Yeah it's true, I've got many male friends but I'm like tired of hanging out with male people, I just feel that I'm missing too much female input in my life, if you know what I mean.

[Zak]

@luqqzr As Dan Bilzarian would say, Chasing Women and Money are like blackhole, you never get satisfied with it.

As I would say, Women are like watching porn videos. Once you watch one video, you would crave another novel vid to get pleasure from. 

Having too much female input will never fulfill the void you have for women. Admit THAT!

I would advice you to start a healthy bf/gf (non-needy) relationship. It's energy saviour, and go ahead waste the rest of energy on your career, self, family or other self improvement aspects.

 

[luqqzr]

@kagaria It doesn't feel like everything is relatively okay, it just feels fucking awful. Ego transcendence is nothing that I am trying to achieve right now, maybe in a few years but not now. I'm still trying to work out how I can be more confident with women, but then again I'm judging myself that I am too dependent on them. It's just a huge dilemma. I don't know what would be better to do in my position, and even if I knew that I had to approach more women, I wouldn't be able to because of my shitty anxiety. I don't know where this anxiety is coming from and how to overcome it, what is blocking me so hard from doing what has to be done. It really feels like it's one big thing that is blocking my whole life and it's just one wall that has to be broken.

[luqqzr]

@Zak I know that ONE healthy relationship would fix everything for now, but I still feel like it would be a distraction from something else. And I can't find out what that shit is.

And somehow I can't seem to attract girlfriend material, my environment involves basically no women at my age that are attractive. Only for let's say a friendship with benefits. It feels like no girl in my area fits to my personality. And even when I find one, she doesn't want me. I'm not sure if I behave differently than I would normally do in those situations. Everywhere I go, I feel like the completely different guy. The one that is outstanding, but somehow in a bad way.

[Zak]

@luqqzr

5 minutes ago, luqqzr said:

@kagaria  I don't know where this anxiety is coming from and how to overcome it, what is blocking me so hard from doing what has to be done.

My philosophy:

If some guy sucks at game, something deep down in him is fked up. Good luck figuring it out and then fixing it.

You can hide this "anxiety" in front of women for a short amount of time, but eventually it will show itself in different ways. Their subconscious sees more than their eyes.

WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!

 SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                       SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!

 

 

[Zak]

@luqqzr

You seem lost and confused my brother.

Women will find you and will come to your Mama's basement that you are living in (metaphorically speaking) and will want you to bang the shit out of them.

All depends on how smoothly and hypnotizing will you blow the flute, so that the snakes will come out of their caves. (Metaphorically speaking)

Edited June 30, 2020 by Zak

[luqqzr]

@mandyjw creative/work life sucks big time, well work life, from other points of view is great, I can finish all the tasks I am given, but yeah I am bored, and I can't do more work because it's too much. So basically I'm bored and stressed and the same time. I like what I'm doing but somehow I don't. Not really sure what to think of my work life.

In my private life I have nothing to do with creativity. The only passion that I have is sports and that only because the progress is visible, I can go over my limits pretty easily and I like doing so. And I've been doing it for a long time already, so I'm pretty good at it. For example at football I quite often am the best in our teams, it gives me some kind of attention/love that I crave. I love having the whole team on my back to bring them to victory. But yeah, I have massive back problems so Gym/Football is not what it used to be. I'm trying to recover but it's extremely difficult.

Please don't tell me to do the life purpose course, I tried it, wasn't able to finish it and for now I'm trying to find other ways to get me to some kind of passion or I don't know. My ONLY goal is to not get bombarded with thoughts over women every second every day. I don't want to conversate about meditating as well, I used to meditate a lot and now I'm trying again, every two days for like 10 minutes is the best I can do currently and that's alright for me.

[luqqzr]

@Zak

21 minutes ago, Zak said:

@luqqzr

My philosophy:

If some guy sucks at game, something deep down in him is fked up. Good luck figuring it out and then fixing it.

You can hide this "anxiety" in front of women for a short amount of time, but eventually it will show itself in different ways. Their subconscious sees more than their eyes.

WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOURSELF FIRST!         WORK ON YOUR SELF FIRST!

 SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                       SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!                     SELF-LOVE IS THE KEY!

 

 

Yep that's what I was doing the last few years. Self improvement and nothing else. Some things got much better, some not. This "women" issue is just one of not too many issues that are still left, but it's like the only issue that I feel I can not control, where I feel like a god damn two year old baby and I can't help it.

[luqqzr]

18 minutes ago, Zak said:

@luqqzr

You seem lost and confused my brother.

Women will find you and will come to your Mama's basement that you are living in (metaphorically speaking) and will want you to bang the shit out of them.

All depends on how smoothly and hypnotizing will you blow the flute, so that the snakes will come out of their caves. (Metaphorically speaking)

Lost and confused hits the nail.

The rest, yeah funny but it killed my confidence just more.

Still thankful though that you're trying to help me. Will never take it for granted.

[Zak]

30 minutes ago, luqqzr said:

@ZakThis "women" issue is just one of not too many issues that are still left.

Belonging and love are our psychological needs and they are more critically important than our biological needs. Because it can make us go sane in amount of no time.

Try increase the number of sources where you get your validations from, so that you could live sane (with no tension).

I totally got you at this point now. If you don't have these validations and sense of belonging, you/me or whoever wouldn't even fking get out of bed.

Work on these NEEDS man. You need love more than anything. Go get it somewhere. Start by getting a girl who has something in between her legs. Stop waiting for some perfect woman to bang.  

 

 

Edited July 1, 2020 by Zak

[luqqzr]

30 minutes ago, Zak said:

Belonging and love are our psychological needs and they are more critically important than our biological needs. Because it can make us go sane in amount of no time.

Try increase the number of sources where you get your validations from, so that you could live sane (with no tension).

I totally got you at this point now. If you don't have these validations and sense of belonging, you/me or whoever wouldn't even fking get out of bed.

Work on these NEEDS man. You need love more than anything. Go get it somewhere. Start by getting a girl who has something in between her legs. Stop waiting for some perfect woman to bang.  

 

 

That's it! The thing still is that I'm not sure if I "need" a girl, I've heard very often that you can find real love only from yourself, you have to look inwards blah blah. As if you just had to meditate and those needs would be gone.

Well, for some people this may have worked, I guess here we are back again with the ego transcendence or let's say spiritual stuff etc. Because I have this in my mind, I'm thinking that I am wasting my time with searching for love in women. I "should" get it from myself only. But I'm not ready for ego transcendence as well and all these thoughts are fucking with my mind. I can't trust myself here, as I said, lost and confused hits the nail, I don't know what's right for me and unfortunately I have never known, so I can't even say what has ever been right at least once. Before I transcend the ego, I want to be in peace with it. My whole life I've been in war with the ego and I still am.

[Zak]

@luqqzr

Ego+lost+confused+lack_of_SelfLove+No_confidence+No_purpose = NO WOMEN

 

NO WOMEN = Ego+lost+confused +lack_of_SelfLove+No_confidence+ No_purpose.

?

Edited July 1, 2020 by Zak

[mandyjw]

13 hours ago, luqqzr said:

@mandyjw creative/work life sucks big time, well work life, from other points of view is great, I can finish all the tasks I am given, but yeah I am bored, and I can't do more work because it's too much. So basically I'm bored and stressed and the same time. I like what I'm doing but somehow I don't. Not really sure what to think of my work life.

In my private life I have nothing to do with creativity. The only passion that I have is sports and that only because the progress is visible, I can go over my limits pretty easily and I like doing so. And I've been doing it for a long time already, so I'm pretty good at it. For example at football I quite often am the best in our teams, it gives me some kind of attention/love that I crave. I love having the whole team on my back to bring them to victory. But yeah, I have massive back problems so Gym/Football is not what it used to be. I'm trying to recover but it's extremely difficult.

Please don't tell me to do the life purpose course, I tried it, wasn't able to finish it and for now I'm trying to find other ways to get me to some kind of passion or I don't know. My ONLY goal is to not get bombarded with thoughts over women every second every day. I don't want to conversate about meditating as well, I used to meditate a lot and now I'm trying again, every two days for like 10 minutes is the best I can do currently and that's alright for me.

Well try to make it fun and inspired, don't turn it into another task that has to happen for any particular outcome. Is there an instrument you want to learn or explore, or drawing, or anything like that? Or make it even easier and just watch some youtube videos on creative subjects? Or look at art websites for inspiration. Even watching music videos can inspire ideas. Absolutely anything can be creative, it's not about the subject it's about how you approach thinking about it.