My stage Orange friend

[andyjohnsonman]

I would say I'm stage Green/yellow and he is Orange. My parents have an apartment in Portugal. He wants to stay there. He works in sales and i feel is using stage orange at all costs, me over my friend mentality. My parents would worry about him staying there especially with the Covid situation and as they have a baby. It's annoying that even tho i am aware of his pushing it still got me to ask my parents. If he was more gentle and saw my point of view he wouldn't have got a chance of getting what he wants. I feel this is a deep problem and why selfishness prevails and the stage orange worldview will be around for a while. I can see he is using sales by pushing past rejections, agreeing with any objections and doesn't see the position of my parents, just agrees with it as a way to not need to deal with any objections and can therefore continue with his points:

 

 

 

 

 

Should i be accepting of this or do you think I am you're making excuses for him and his bad behaviour and treatment of me and my boundaries which I have voiced to him and he has ignored? I have another stage green friend who thinks that relationships are give and take. Nice people don't charm, and they certainly don't manipulate and therefore you cant call this person a friend. Interesting to see all this from a spiral point of view rather than a few years ago i'd just be like, "why is my friend being a dick and using sales on me"?

Edited June 27, 2020 by andyjohnsonman

[allislove]

What about saying "no" when you feel like saying "no"? What about being more authentic?

No problem with your friend whatsoever, look deep inside  

[kag101]

Dude, there’s a huge difference between being “orange” and being an inconsiderate asshole. 

Also, being “green” does not imply that you have to be this goody-goody. 

So, I think you should say no to him in a clear and unapologetic way. 

[andyjohnsonman]

Hmm good points. You think I was guilting him? I felt i was just making him aware of what he was doing and that i knew what he was doing. At the same time I feel a hard no isn't always necessary and people should be able to read between the lines. 

[andyjohnsonman]

Yea looking back i think it there was a sneaky bit of moralising in there. I didn't give a yes or no to see how he responded and thinking he might push further which gives me a chance to moralise by saying why are you pushing. Glad you guys helped me see it.

[Hansu]

He is definitely being pushy, which might come unconsciously from his sales background.

Just tell him what is your stance and stick with it. If he still pushes, and it feels like he is just using you, make it clear to him and see how he responds.