I'm terrified of intimacy

[GroovyGuru]

I'm a 21 year old dude. Never had a girlfriend and have absolutely no sexual experience. I'm not a model by any means but still decent looking, 6 foot tall and 170 pounds and in great shape. I honestly think I'm a pretty interesting guy to be fair to myself, I have several friends, I go out and am social, I read a lot, about to start graduate school, work out, do yoga, play tennis, eat healthy etc. I feel that I can probably attract women and I know I have in the past (a couple very attractive ones to my surprise), but for some reason I never put myself out there. Well it's not for "some reason" is it I know exactly why, I lack confidence with the other sex. I am actually quite embarrassed of my complete and utter lack of experience with women and it's even starting to bother me more now because my family and friends are starting to point it out and question it more frequently. 

I simply am just scared of intimacy. I fear that dating at this point, I would feel like a clueless donkey and have no clue what I'm doing and end up screwing it up and making a fool of myself. And I know that it shouldn't be a big deal, I'm young and have my entire life to figure it out but I still can't get over the hump. And trust me I know this is gonna make me sound like a little bitch, but I even fear having sex. Like just thinking about it makes me nervous. How do I get over this? If I don't figure this out soon it's only gonna get much worse for me as I get older.

And I already know I need to just sack up and face my fears. I guess it's just nice typing out my thoughts for a bit. Any responses of any kind would be appreciated. 

[egoeimai]

Facing your fears is hard but will be beneficial to you. Try a relationship or only sex. If both of them is that you fear, try one. Make it easier for you. One step. Find someone to get laid with. Then you'll only have one fear, the intimacy/relationship one which is waaay harder to cope with. Lol yeah at least try one. Sex is easy, you'll see.

[Preety_India]

 

The fear of sex in the beginning is normal because it's something new that you haven't explored yet. 

You'll need to go out there and have a gf. Maybe initially there will be some tension around the topic of sex, but eventually things will settle down and you will be at ease with sexual things. 

You cannot do anything other than dive in. You cannot overcome fear by simply thinking about it. You will have to go out and date. Find someone ghat you get along with and it will be your initial experience. 

Get your first girlfriend. That's the only way.

[Roy]

@GroovyGuru I have been in your exact position. If there is one piece of advice for you it's this. Please stop using your mind and thinking, listening to your brain right now is what's keeping you stuck. You are safe and comfortable right now but like your intuition is telling you, it will eat at you in the future, more and more. You are young and aware of this so this is your chance to get ahead of the curve.

The fear and lack of confidence will completely evaporate the moment you step out there and get some experience. It feels like an impossibility right now, but that's the truth, your mind is just telling you lies right now because it doesn't give a fuck what YOU want as a soul, it just wants to keep you safe and comfortable.

Like you mentioned you're tall, good looking, healthy, interesting, logically what girl wouldn't want you? If you put yourself out there and take some action you'll find it'll actually be easy for you with all those advantages. Any desperation you have will be impossible because you'll have so many options.

So stop thinking, and go take action! I mean don't fucking think about what I'm saying. Just go out there!

Good luck - Roy

[Preety_India]

 

34 minutes ago, Roy said:

your mind is just telling you lies right now because it doesn't give a fuck what YOU want as a soul, it just wants to keep you safe and comfortable.

Haha, I can relate to this. It's so true. Happened to many times, where I felt like my mind was against my soul

 

 

[Leo Gura]

4 hours ago, GroovyGuru said:

I simply am just scared of intimacy.

No. Fear of intimacy is not your problem.

Your problem is a total lack of experience in dating. This is a very different problem, and actually easier to fix.

Step 1: Stop playing victim and making excuses.

Step 2: Watch some pickup videos about how to attract women.

Step 3: GO OUT AND TALK TO GIRLS IN REAL LIFE EVERY WEEK!

Step 4: Enjoy sex.

Everything will auto-correct if you just keep going out regularly.

[electroBeam]

4 hours ago, Preety_India said:

 

Haha, I can relate to this. It's so true. Happened to many times, where I felt like my mind was against my soul

 

 

that's all its boiling down to isnt it? Everything. Waking up process in a nutshell

[Preety_India]

@electroBeam true mate