How To Cure Indecisiveness

[electroBeam]

Hey guys, im a very indecisive person. I have in the past, literally spent weeks deciding on small decisions, like if i should go to a party or not, completely wasting a lot of time.

I do this because I tend to be, as Leo says, a maximiser instead being satisfied.

I feel as though if I make the wrong decision I'm going to miss out on a fantastic opportunity that will change my life, and it can be fustrating because I don't know what the best decision is of course.

 

Anyone can give me some guidance on what steps I should take to delve in and solve this problem.

[Christian]

I think that daily meditation can help you in this case. Because it gives you more awareness. When you have high awareness, you will see the suffering that it causes and simply stop doing it.

Hope this helped you

[Siim Land]

Know that decision making is fatiguing. The paradox of having too many options to choose from will lead to us being paralyzed. It's better to avoid falling into this trap of thinking that there might be something better out there. Most of the time, there isn't. 

Practice speed of implementation. When making small trivial decision, don't waste your time or spend your willpower. Instead, make the first decision that feels right in your gut. Don't look back.

Also start a minimalistic lifestyle. Reduce the amount of decisions you have to make on a daily basis. Get rid of useless clutter in your house, clothes etc. Dedicate to fewer activities but completely dominate them. Aim for quality over quantity in relationships, the food you eat, books you read etc.

Thanks, hopefully it helps.

[Mr Blak]

I have had this issue recently, I think a good question to ask initially is what is the cause of the indecision ... perhaps this could give you insight into how to proceed.  Usually the cause will be related to some unwanted emotion ... for myself I was afraid that I would make the wrong decision, and the bad decision could lead to a 'waste of time' or some kind of regression.  In other words, I would attach some kind of  meaning to a particular outcome, usually negative.  

If you really look into this, this is a projection of your mind, (the ego smog as Bohm states).  You will assess a particular outcome based on predetermined set of expectations.  For example, I will choose to go to Bahamas instead of Cuba ... because I believe that I will have a better, more pleasurable experience.   Outcome: the weather was crap, I got robbed, I fought the whole time with my girlfriend ... i.e. it did not live up to my expectations.  Now I will compare an actual experience to an imagined one that I could of had ... result :  I made a wrong decision. This can now result in not trusting your decisions, being hesitant, indecisive  etc.  (There is a book called Missing Out by Adam Philips that discusses this topic. )

So what can we do ... 

1. Let go of your expectations, attachments or meaning ... realize that there are no right or wrong decisions, have the attitude; I will immerse myself in the experience in the moment, I will deal with what is in front of me 

2. Begin the habit of speed of implementation as Siim mentions, make the decision quickly based on intuition and not logic, and don't ever look back, because you will never know what could have been.  You can develop your intuition, there are techniques that you can use as pointers (yes / no).  

• I now tell myself to 'apply awareness' to a particular situation, I have fully realized through experience that my 'awareness' knows more than I  could ever imagine, immeasurable more that what I can realize in my mind.  Your mind is limited, awareness is not, let the answers come to you. 

3. We are just along for a ride ... realize that as much as we would like to believe, our free will is suspect, and we really can't control anything anyways.  This will take the pressure off, and you can enjoy your experience, what ever will be could have never not been

Points to remember: 

• there are no right or wrong decisions, you will project meaning to the experiences  
• you will have greater awareness to the things you don't experience, to the things you do 
• utilize your intuition, apply awareness to the situation
• we don't really control anything, time to enjoy the ride! 

Hope this helps! 

Aside:  This is a very expansive topic if you want to delve deeper.  This touches upon the concept of free will, intuition, expectations, mindfulness, authentic desire, and fate.  I wrestled with these topics, especially fate, for months ... looking for insights.  Here is a quote that will surfaced recently not sure who said it ... but you will get the point.

What really is, can never not be,
What is not, can never be 

 

 

 

[Ayla]

@electroBeam , my insight into indecisiveness is that it is a stalemate between right and left brain.  

Left brain is responsible with artistic, feminine, emotional side of brain. It also is the residence of your subconscious beliefs. Right brain is the one continuously trying to challenge through "outer input" and new experiences. 

The indecisiveness takes place when your inner (subconscious) beliefs are too powerful to let the new experiences transform them. So your current reality cannot override what you think about it. 

So in practical terms, ask yourself this question: "What would be so wrong if I did (or didn't do) whatever it is you're trying to decide upon". Be VERY aware and self honest with yourself and you will find that you have some classifications of good/bad that might be obsolete. 

Start with small things - like choosing to wear a shirt of a color you don't particularly enjoy, or the flavor of an ice-cream... etc. Your brain will register than nothing "fatal" will happen if you "choose wrongly". 

Also, ultimately, there is no YOU in there who chooses. The choosing just takes place through the firing of known neuronal paths. You aim is to challenge those paths by opening up to the existence of other possible paths. 

 

[mostly harmless]

I have the same challenge.

A few brief hints what you could try to change your way to think about this:

• Don't make decisions. Choose an option instead. 

• Be aware that anyone can only do the best that their current level of awareness and knowledge enables them to do. Quote: 'Life can only be understood in hindsight, but has to be lived forward.' 

• Consider the cost of indecision. If you ponder over a decision choice for one of 2 options over a few months, maybe in that time you could have tried both options? That's not always the case but often. In any case when you consider the stress and the time you spent thinking about your choice, which you could have used for truly constructive thoughts or action, then you'll find the cost is very high.

• When you feel you need more information to make a choice, start going into one direction. It is very likely that with taking action you will quickly develop more insights that help you reevaluate your choice. Then you can continue or change course.

• Trying to make optimal choices means thinking in terms of results. That is as bad as identifying with material achievements. I would recommend you try to consider a different way of thinking. Ask yourself in a situation when you have trouble choosing between several options: What is really important about what I want to achieve here? Is it arriving at the end of a period of work, which is just a brief moment? Or is it the process of getting there? If life was about reaching a goal, what would be the most effective way to live? You would have to get as much stuff as quickly as possible so you can arrive on the finish line ASAP. The finish line would be death. So the goal would be to get everything done so we can die. That's obviously absurd. It is not why we think how we think and act how we act. The premise for our achievement and goal oriented view of what life is about is that we think we will live forever. That's even more absurd, of course. Everybody knows that we have to die. But on some level, we don't believe it. Since almost nobody investigates their reality deeply, humans are not typically conscious about it –and we avoid thinking about death, so this works. Life really is about the process. That takes the weight off making choices. I won't say it doesn't matter at all. On some level it does. But on another level it does not. It's both important and not important. Hopefully none of your options is totally off. As long as all options have the potential to be somewhat fruitful, you don't have to worry too much anyway. You will learn something along the way that will be helpful for any goal you start pursuing afterwards. Also consider the next point:

• If there even was a perfect option for what you should do with your time, then what if you don't know this option, yet? What if you first have to choose one of your 2 options so that you can in the process have the epiphany that there is another option which is more valuable for you? What if you are in some way not ready for the best option? What if the perfect option is not to arrive at some destination as quickly as possible but a path or route of doing different things, going from one thing to the next, while you learn and get a more and more clear idea, of where you ultimately want to go? What if the optimal goal changes depending on where you are in life? What if the optimal goal for right now is exactly what you chose and next year the optimal goal might be something else (which would be the wrong choice now)?

• Lastly: 'Life is easy. But we humans love our detours' (don't remember where this quote is from). You see, a cat or any animal doesn't have a biography. They don't try to create the perfect career or find their soul mate or create a lifestyle. We humans think of ourselves like some major character in a Hollywood movie. Very important. What does it all matter what you did in 80 years? Still do create a life, be strategic, do your research before you make a decision, but also don't take it all too serious. I always think of us as shaved monkeys.    I don't mean to insult anyone. I respect monkeys. Plus it makes it much easier for me to make choices. 

Edited July 27, 2016 by mostly harmless

[MIARIVEL]

@electroBeam You know know it is the best decision until you make a decision. If you end up making a decision you are not happy with then it is a lesson learnt for next time. 

If you are really that indecisive flip a coin and stick to it. Or if your mind is telling you one over the other, then always go with your gut instick.

You can always write down a list of the pro's and con's of choosing one thing over the other. 

[Salaam]

Every choice we make carries with it a loss of opportunity for something else. The more you can be courageous with that risk of loss, but still sensitive to it, the better. There isn't always a "safe" choice, but at the same time, not every choice is irrevocable.

Develop trust in your ability to find the way to work through things, even if the road is far from perfect or clear. Work on flexibility and being able to handle and resolve things on the fly.

Make peace with the fact, that you have no idea how things are going to really turn out until AFTER, you've experienced them.

Wisdom comes AFTER experience.

Edited July 28, 2016 by Salaam

[Bronsoval]

Step 1: Decide to be decicive and commit.   Don't worry about missed opportunities.  Let your yes be yes and your no be no.  That's it!!

[Saarah]

@electroBeam it sounds like perfectionism, trying to make sure you do the best most perfect things for your life, just remember a few things

- these kinds of external things like parties are not going to improve the meaning and quality of your life so there's no point getting worried about missing out on anything 

- how important something is should correlate with how much time you should allow yourself to make a decision over it 

- follow your intuition, no need to over analyse, just simplify 

- there are no shoulds in life, if you tell yourself I have to do this thing because it's so important, no you don't