Lost everything gambling

[AlwaysJoggin]

I'm good target as I'm implosive and have zero self control and have free time and have nothing going on in life and also have no clear life propose literally nothing interests me.

recently I started online gambling and i went 35k up as a 23 broke college student that's a lot but i couldn't stop i just couldn't control myself i lost the whole thing + couple thousand dollars i had from my own money now i barely have money to eat my brain is gonna explode thinking about all the thinks that money could have helped me and i lost it all due to lack of self awareness and lack of purpose and discipline and a lack of respect to life. for example imagen that money could have helped children in poor countries get a surgery they need to life ect... and I toke it for granted and gambled with it and lost it cuz of greed .

donno I'm at the lowest point in life atm and i need a life purpose, it will be my only chance to get moving forward   

I forgive myself but things are bleak now I'm lost  

thanks for reading everyone. if you have advise how I can find a passion in life let me know or how you found yours.

Edited June 25, 2020 by AlwaysJoggin

[Javfly33]

7 minutes ago, AlwaysJoggin said:

 

I forgive myself but things are bleak now I'm lost  

thanks for reading everyone. if you have advise how I can find a passion in life let me know or how you found yours.

 

That's a good start, notice how different those two paragraphs are from the above ones. 

All are totally understandable, be sure to "pity yourself" long enough, and be ready to start going forward mate.

The fact that you lost 35k, Take it as a " good lesson " (or a good remainder).

Recently I was able to choose between towns around my city to start working, and because I didn't want to ask too much, i got the worst (more distance from my home) located work. The first days I was lamenting intensely of how I have 'fucked things up' yet the latest days I realized is this kind of things that make us be aware of our problems or things that might want to solve.

In your Case, it could be a great "heads up" to you to start doing serious plans about your career or life purpose. 

[KingCrimson]

I am very sorry to hear what you've been going through. I am really punching above my weight here, but for the moment I just want to say to you: Life can be tough. When I was around your age I found myself in a deep hole as well, on the brink of suicide even. I couldn't have imagined ever feeling happy again. I was wrong. Turns out one can turn one's life around. Losing that money sucks, but it is far from the end of the world. You are still young, and you do have the resources and the power within yourself to create a life that is meaningful and filled with joy. It will take some work and time and listening to your heart, but it is so worth it. Try to take what happened as a lesson and don't beat yourself up about it more than you absolutely have to.

If you feel like you could use someone to talk to: There is a user on this forum called Nahm who offers Skype sessions. He's a very loving individual who as far as I am aware has been able to help guide a lot of people out of dire situations. This is his website: https://www.actualityofbeing.com/

Sending lots of love! I believe in you. 

[AlwaysJoggin]

@Javfly33 thank you for sharing i feel the same way well said.

''this kind of things that make us be aware of our problems or things that might want to solve.'''

^

[AlwaysJoggin]

@KingCrimson  it's great to hear and learn from people like you. I will take it as a lesson. thanks for sharing I'll check it out.

 your so lovely. and I also believe in you!

 

[Forestluv]

@AlwaysJoggin I also lost about the same amount gambling. At one point I was up enough to put my gf through graduate school so she could pursue her dream. And the I lost it all and went deep into a hole trying to get back to even. It was one of the lowest bottoms of my life. Yet with time, it taught me some tough lessons and I grew a lot. Expensive lessons though ?.

[AlwaysJoggin]

@Serotoninluv thanks for sharing that.  hope  never return to gambling.  do remember ever though  was winning  still felt empty and then understood what it meant that money doesn't bring happiness. 

 

[Forestluv]

29 minutes ago, AlwaysJoggin said:

@Serotoninluv thanks for sharing that.  hope  never return to gambling.  do remember ever though  was winning  still felt empty and then understood what it meant that money doesn't bring happiness. 

That was also one of my lessons as well. It also gave me a greater appreciation for things that money can’t buy. 

It was the last time I ever gambled. 

[Carl-Richard]

I never got into gambling because I always lose lol

[Roy]

Your life is NOT over @AlwaysJoggin. You are very young and in college at the moment, you have many years ahead of you and if you finish school you'll be able to acquire a good job which will help make you the money back and become stable again!

You made some mistakes, but they don't define you. Take some time to grieve, but realize you've learned a valuable lesson that most people never learn (albeit the hard way); be fucking careful with your money!

Take this as the perfect opportunity to learn everything you can about personal finance, and how to be a safe and conservative with it so something like this never happens again.

These are two resources that should give you a balanced foundation for how to manage your money. Also maybe look into some mental help or psychology resources as there might be a deeper problem that led to you falling into a gambling habit. It's almost always something deeper than just liking the "thrill", consider that.

https://www.youtube.com/user/DaveRamseyShow

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCV6KDgJskWaEckne5aPA0aQ

Subscribe to their channels and list to their advice. It will set you on the right track.

Good luck

[AlwaysJoggin]

@Carl-Richard lmaoo good never do plz.

[AlwaysJoggin]

@Roy thanks for the great advise. agree there are deeper problems too it for me. ama sub ?

[Dan502]

@AlwaysJoggin thinking of you.

 

[Haloman]

Same here. Lost same amount of money gambling. 

Step 1: put your name in blacklist so your personal data is blocked in online or anywhere else in your country ( I think it could be possible in Canada as it is here in Europe)

Step 2: Send refusal to credit institutions if it's possible so they can't give you loans. If it isn't possible then don't give them money back (if you have any borrowed money) until you are in some blacklist so you can't get any loans for gambling in the future.

[Shiva99]

Oh man this brings back some bad memories.

The first time i ever gambled online, i only deposited like 20 euros and got some extra bonusmoney to play with. I was playing on a slot, and after 30-45mins i got up to 1100 euros. I kept playing and reached an amount of 1400 euros. At this point i was totally lost and in a gambling haze. At the same time i was already planning on quitting soon, and what i would buy and do with the money i've had just won. I kept playing, and without realizing it, 4 hours went by. In the end i lost all of it and more. I've had plenty of these moments happening to me, always starting out with only about 20-50 euros, telling myself i would immediately cashout my winnings, but never did. If i would have cashed out all my winnings everytime i gambled online, i would totally be living a different life right now. I think in the end i've put in about 4k in total, but if i would have cashed out my winnings i think i would have been up over 10k. For some reason i grew out of it because i got tired of the same pattern happening over and over again. However for most people this is not a possibility and they need to seek help. Gambling is the real devil, especially if you can't stop yourself from putting in more money if you lose, or cashing out your winnings if you win, without playing more.

Highly advice you to seek out help in real life if you can't quit on your own.

There is also something called Gamcare. Here is the link https://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/?cn-reloaded=1

You can call them for free.

 

Goodluck!

Edited June 26, 2020 by Shiva99

[Leo Gura]

Oooff! That's rough.

[EddieEddie1995]

Fucking gamble. I couldn't stop ot for years! I feel you ! 35k... but, it was never aboit the money.. it is the flow, the anticipation, where all your problems disappear, you are fucking consumed by the machine... you know you need too stop, but you can't! You want to figure out the machine, you have the need to solve it...It is a false sense of life journey (this is what you crave).All this is projected onto the machine, the thrill of gamble. All you want is flow, to figure out your problmes(in that sense, you want to escape them), all you want is love! And you get it! You are addicted to it! Then you blame yourself for it... fucking gambling, almost lost everything because of it... but the lessons I learned! the deeper you get(suffering), the higher you can fly! 

[hyruga]

That's little compared to someone who's 500k in debt.

[EddieEddie1995]

Just now, hyruga said:

That's little compared to someone who's 500k in debt.

This doesn't change anything. The feeling is what matters, the ideas you put around them. The suffering is the same. If a kid looses a toy and you lose your hand, the suffering can be the same. But yes, there is always worse, there is always better. Its relative, it is however you wanna look at it

[meow_meow]

A lot of fellow gamblers here. I can totally relate. I started gambling by the age of 18 and only managed to admint to myself that I'm addicted ~1 year ago, and I'm 27 now, so that's almost 8 years of gambling (~3 from which was 'heavy' gambling)

I've lost a lot of money and I know that goddamn feeling of self-hate when you've lost it all.. and you do it again.. and again.. and again.
It's funny how each time when I lost I told myself - "That's it, this is the last time when I'll gamble" but it was never the last time. Never.

In you'r post you mentioned this:
 

Quote

I'm good target as I'm implosive and have zero self control and have free time and have nothing going on in life and also have no clear life propose literally nothing interests me.

Listen, this may sound harsh but You most likely will gamble again. Not even once but a dozen times. (Even tho I hope not, but that's the reality for most people)

From my experience - all that blocking yourself from casinos, online casinos, switching to other types of gambling wont help.

You'r gambling problem is the tip of the iceberg, the reason why you're doing it is beneath it, and I mean you most likely have some inner work to do, probably shit-tons of work.

Start to study your own psychology, your current problems, how you feel etc. What could be the root issues that you might not even admit to yourself that led to this compulsive behavior?

1. Admin to yourself, truly, that you have a gambling problem / addiction.

2. Stop telling yourself that you are impulsive, have zero-control etc. Swith to positive self talk (Leo has videos on this)
3. Avoid alcohol->gambling.
4. Try to really understand and realise that casinos are only open and running just because people loose money there, how else would they exist?
5. Study the mechanics of slot machines, card games etc - how they work, and how they fuck you in the ass.
6. Remember exactly how bad it felt when you lost your money next time when you will gamble. (Go trough the full memories, with visualisations in your head)

I truly hope you'll sort this out.

Edit: Feel free to PM me If you need my advice on this.

Edited June 26, 2020 by meow_meow