I Think Friendships & Romantic Relationships Are Overrated - Am I Wrong?

[Shir]

Hey Everyone! 

I'd REALLY appreciate your thoughts on this topic as this has been a real thought and feeling that I've been processing for quite a while now. I realize everyone is DIFFERENT so this isn't me saying your own personal friendships and or romantic relationships are overrated (obviously!); however, this is me kind of realizing that I think (in general) that friendships and or romantic relationships - seem overrated TO ME.

For reference, I am a very friendly person. I have been so all my life. After the Military, you could say I got the "balls" to be that much more confident in asserting my presence and basically it helped me to be more confident in my friendly interactions in life. And, being a Gemini - you know I am talkative and that communication means the world to me. I need mental stimulation. 

For reference, I have had amazing friendships in my life - I will not deny that or try to be unappreciative about it because truth me told I do appreciate the time and effort that was had with said individuals. However, as time has gone by in my life - every single meaningfull relationships has ended. Of course it hurts, of course it's dissapointing and disheartening. I realize today that friendships that you might have THOUGHT would last a lifetime - are not a given. No matter how much you loved the person, invested in them and wanted things to work out - they still might decide to leave you and worse than that, not bother to tell you they have decided (on their own) to end the friendship.

Obviously, as an adult - after all the pain and what have you, you understand that it's their choice and that you're going to have to respect that. And I do. But when this happens a LOT and every new friendship you make somehow ends no matter what you do - as a woman I honestly have gotten to a point where I am just like "what the hell is the point?" 

Before anyone jumps me and says "yeah this might be a you thing" then they can calm down because MUTUAL friends have had the same expeirence with what I shared about friends ect and so I know this isn't me. And if it were, I trust that people whom are adults have enough balls to say that it was me - since they have not, I won't push someone into it because that's not who I am nor have any interest in being. 

Now, onto romantic relationships - yes yes I get it, it's odd - I'm 28 and have never been in a romantic relationship. When I was younger I REALLY wanted to have one! It is probably one of the basic and fundemental exprierences you can go through as a human being. However as the YEARS have gone by...it literally never happened. No matter how hard I tried to better myself Physically, emotionally ect. And yes, I have been in love before and was in 2 major online relationships that WERE supposed to come to fruitian however they had decided to end things with me. Another time where I was in love before, it was in situation where the person was taken so of course you cannot pursue that. 

At this point in my life I just don't care for romantic relationships anymore. I lost the desire for them entirely, so it seems. I get it, people are in love and it gives them happiness but that being said I am just filled with feelings of "what's the point?" I cannot help but feel they're overrated. Maybe it also has to do with the feeling of never have expriencing unconditional love perhaps? I feel like I was NEVER good enough for anyone to begin with, anyways. 

So at this point, at 28...I don't see the point to friendships anymore nor romantic relationships. It doesn't even excite me anymore. I don't know if I'm being harsh but you get to a point where you don't care to try anymore tbh. What's the point? starting new friendships for them to leave every few months? And, why should I chase men or romantic relationships if they literally do nothing for me? I'd just be on a date, PLAYING a part of being nice when in fact I am bored and they bore me, plus it always seem more like what I CAN DO FOR THEM instead of what we can do for each other as in I am seen like a sex object that needs to fullfill their needs when in fact my needs always seem to much when I want emotional support - fuck that, fuck that all the way I don't care for little boys like that in my life. Maybe it's me needing mental stimulation but everything seems overrated to me right now in term of the friendship & romantic relationship domain. I am STILL a very friendly person becuase that's who I am to the core and it's part of my personality however I don't care anymore about said above. 

Am I wrong to feel they're overrated?

Please let me know as I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Thank you  

[LastThursday]

I have a friend (no it's not me lol) who has been permanently single all the time I've known him. He has even been approached by women at times, but has simply not engaged with them.  He doesn't care for men either. He seems happy enough to me. Although he has a number of close friends, so they do seem important to him.

My point is, who cares? If it doesn't cause you suffering not have certain types of relationship, friends or more sexual ones, then don't worry about it. It's not worth the mental energy thinking about what you could be missing out on, or if there's something wrong with you, or feeling a need to conform. Put your energies into something more productive - like developing yourself.

Personally I need a tactile relationship with someone. The rest of it? At this moment in my life it's a pain in the neck. But I absolutely refuse to pay someone to have my needs serviced... Oh well.

Edited June 23, 2020 by LastThursday

[JessiChell]

@Shir From what I've observed, enlightened people don't believe in romantic relationships or practice them. I spoke to a Reiki master that told me, "leave relationships to our mothers and fathers. Everyone is consumed by their ego, it's almost impossible for a relationship to benefit our higher-selves. It can only benefit our ego."

I'm pretty sure Leo would share a similar sentiment. From what I understand, I don't think they can ever truly be beneficial to us. 

Relationships, for me, filled a hole inside of me. But I had to experience them to figure out I needed to do inner work. So, I'm grateful for the experience. I can't say whether or not I'll become conscious enough to give them up or dating/sex with people entirely, but I would definitely love to. 

My friends and I have always viewed men as, fun "activities." Men take you out, you have fun, you have sex sometimes, but then you should return to self. Don't move in, don't grow attached, don't expect or want exclusivity, etc. 

I feel like we can be friends with men and have a good time, but relationships encourage unhealthy attachments and co-dependency. 

Edited June 23, 2020 by JessiChell

[allislove]

@Shir It will sound like some cheesy shit from Sadhguru...

Everything changes except you.

Of course, friendship may end, the same as living in one place may end, or breath, or whatever... 
That's not the point, point is to enjoy your life, to live your life to the fullest.
If you want to have friendship - go for it.
If you don't want to have friendship - don't.
Find out what you love and do it.

I understand you won't hear me now. I would say the best strategy for you is to become "angry on the world" for now.

20 minutes daily meditation as the first routine in the morning may be life-changing  
 

Edited June 23, 2020 by dimitri

[Shir]

1 hour ago, LastThursday said:

I have a friend (no it's not me lol) who has been permanently single all the time I've known him. He has even been approached by women at times, but has simply not engaged with them.  He doesn't care for men either. He seems happy enough to me. Although he has a number of close friends, so they do seem important to him.

My point is, who cares? If it doesn't cause you suffering not have certain types of relationship, friends or more sexual ones, then don't worry about it. It's not worth the mental energy thinking about what you could be missing out on, or if there's something wrong with you, or feeling a need to conform. Put your energies into something more productive - like developing yourself.

Personally I need a tactile relationship with someone. The rest of it? At this moment in my life it's a pain in the neck. But I absolutely refuse to pay someone to have my needs serviced... Oh well.

@LastThursday Hey There !!! Thank You kindly for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts, I appreciate it

Interesting story about your friend, makes me feel a little better. He does seem content in that way, yes. 

You're right though, who cares right? I dare say it does feel more liberating to have less friends and or to not engage so much in friendships/romantic relationships. Once I thought "fuck it" and stopped engaging in them (especially romantic relationships as in "potentionals") - I felt SO much happier with not having to answer to ANYONE. Just doing me, without having a fuckboy judge me for not "being at the gym every single day" smh. 

I will try putting my energy into something more productive like self development yes! Thank you for the awesome perspective <3 

Lol not to be rude but you deserve better than to pay someone to have your needs serviced. I say this to all men. 

[Shir]

1 hour ago, JessiChell said:

From what I've observed, enlightened people don't believe in romantic relationships or practice them. I spoke to a Reiki master that told me, "leave relationships to our mothers and fathers. Everyone is consumed by their ego, it's almost impossible for a relationship to benefit our higher-selves. It can only benefit our ego."

I'm pretty sure Leo would share a similar sentiment. From what I understand, I don't think they can ever truly be beneficial to us. 

Relationships, for me, filled a hole inside of me. But I had to experience them to figure out I needed to do inner work. So, I'm grateful for the experience. I can't say whether or not I'll become conscious enough to give them up or dating/sex with people entirely, but I would definitely love to. 

My friends and I have always viewed men as, fun "activities." Men take you out, you have fun, you have sex sometimes, but then you should return to self. Don't move in, don't grow attached, don't expect or want exclusivity, etc. 

I feel like we can be friends with men and have a good time, but relationships encourage unhealthy attachments and co-dependency. 

@JessiChell  Hey There !!! Thank You kindly for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts, I appreciate it  

It's really interesting you mentioned that !!! It really DOES seem that more enlightened ppl don't believe in romantic relationships and or practive them. I really resonated to the quote you shared from a Reiki Master - it rings true to me! Thank you for sharing...

I wonder what Leo would say yes - I think that his most recent vids totally embody what you mentioned. 

I'm glad you have some clarity and understanding of yourself in that way in regards to relationships <3 you seem very introspective ! That's awesome. 

"My friends and I have always viewed men as fun "activities" LOL ain't that the truth. For me, unless he's very engaging and interesting I just can't...

That last thing you mentioned ! Whoaaaa...so true. I never want to go into that place again of feeling unhealthy attachments and to be that co-dependent ever again.

[Shir]

54 minutes ago, dimitri said:

 It will sound like some cheesy shit from Sadhguru...

Everything changes except you.

Of course, friendship may end, the same as living in one place may end, or breath, or whatever... 
That's not the point, point is to enjoy your life, to live your life to the fullest.
If you want to have friendship - go for it.
If you don't want to have friendship - don't.
Find out what you love and do it.

I understand you won't hear me now. I would say the best strategy for you is to become "angry on the world" for now.

20 minutes daily meditation as the first routine in the morning may be life-changing  

@dimitri  Hey There !!! Thank You kindly for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts, I appreciate it   

Awee....not cheesy at all!! I totally get you : ) thank you for sharing..

And no worries, I do hear and take to heart every single thing hear. Lol and I am feeling quite angry on the world right now sooo SPOT ON.

I'll try meditation again perhaps - thanks !!

[allislove]

@Shir ?❤️

[Shir]

@dimitri Awee thanks! 

[LastThursday]

@Shir you're welcome. What are friends for, if not to provide loving advice?

30 minutes ago, Shir said:

Lol not to be rude but you deserve better than to pay someone to have your needs serviced. I say this to all men

Too right. It should be free! Hahahaha.

Edited June 23, 2020 by LastThursday

[Shir]

Just now, LastThursday said:

you're welcome. What are friends for, if not to provide loving advice?

@LastThursday Aweee...loved this reply !!!  You're awesome haha. Thank you kindly. Looks like I do need a friend. 

1 minute ago, LastThursday said:

Too right. It should be free! Hahahaha.

Omg not what I intended but that's even funnier !!!  If I was in a long term loving relationship....well he better be getting all my FREE services of his needs met lol. That being said maybe I could get paid and have a lil gift. 

 

[LastThursday]

33 minutes ago, Shir said:

That being said maybe I could get paid and have a lil gift.

Nothing in life is free 

[nistake]

Yup, they're quite overrated due to social conditioning. However, relationships (friendships and romantic ones) can be really rewarding and satisfying. So don't feel any pressure if you don't feel the need to socialize, being alone is perfectly fine, but at the same time, don't cut yourself off from relationships completely. Be open and friendly, because you never know when you bump into someone who'd make a good friend/companion.

[SgtPepper]

They're not overrated or underrated.

There is tremendous joy in experiencing life with someone. 

[Shir]

@nistake

On 6/23/2020 at 6:40 PM, nistake said:

 

Yup, they're quite overrated due to social conditioning. However, relationships (friendships and romantic ones) can be really rewarding and satisfying. So don't feel any pressure if you don't feel the need to socialize, being alone is perfectly fine, but at the same time, don't cut yourself off from relationships completely. Be open and friendly, because you never know when you bump into someone who'd make a good friend/companion.

 

Hey There !!! Thank You kindly for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts, I appreciate it

I totally agree, now that I'm more mature in life it really DOES seem like they're overrated due to social conditioning. 

I would agree that they can be rewarding I guess, yes. I'll try to remember though not to feel any pressure though...thanks for the tip!

I'm just sadly at a place in my life where I don't feel good enough for romantic relationships, for example.

You're right though I totally understand the importance of being friendly and open thank you for the heads up <3

[Shir]

On 6/23/2020 at 6:58 PM, SgtPepper said:

They're not overrated or underrated.

@SgtPepper There is tremendous joy in experiencing life with someone. 

Hey There !!! Thank You kindly for taking the time to reply and share your thoughts, I appreciate it   

I totally respect your perspective. I think that I would like to feel that way. 

[Roy]

On 6/23/2020 at 6:42 AM, Shir said:

And, why should I chase men or romantic relationships if they literally do nothing for me?

Here is part of the issue. The mentality and perspective you're approaching relationships with is selfish. Relationships and love aren't about what YOU are getting. It's about what you can GIVE. If you love someone a lot, you take pride about what you can offer and get excited thinking about what you can do for them. Then if they love you in return you end up receiving the same sorts of things back!

A relationship is an exchange of gifts. It isn't a mechanical transaction, if you're thinking about it like that your orientation isn't what it needs to be. Of course this doesn't mean you shouldn't set standards, or have preferences. It just means you don't dwell so much and get resentful about expectations which may or not get fulfilled.

Also yes, friends and lovers come and go, but nothing lasts forever. People change jobs and move, want to live in other countries, start families and don't have time for friends anymore, and eventually we all die. Life is permanent, perpetual change. Embrace this and find enjoyment in the present moment.

Your issue is you're worried too much about the future, and about getting things set up and secured for you. Which of course is an illusion and unrealistic. It's not a place to live to be chasing circumstances endlessly.

Reconnect with the present moment @Shir and you will find what you've said in this thread isn't true.

Hope this helps - Roy

 

Edited June 26, 2020 by Roy