I am unable to fall in love..

[Aquarius]

Hey guys.

I am unable to love anyone else than myself. And by myself I mean my EGO, not the True Self, which is God/Everything Real.

I feel scared that I will be scarred for life again like last time/ first time I fell in love. I still feel deeply for my first lover, but I repress it. 

How do I fall in love "safely"?

[DrewNows]

1 minute ago, Aquarius said:

How do I fall in love "safely"?

Well, it’s easy really, fall in love with ME!!!

Hehe, no I hear you here, but it’s yourself you are unwilling to accept.

Fall in love with what you want, only that. 

notice, what is wanted changes, therefore you must be honest and willing to let go 

[DrewNows]

The ego is your imagination, stop giving it power, if that’s not what you want,

but if it is, allow the function to manifest what you need to grow and move through the fears you resist 

[Roy]

41 minutes ago, Aquarius said:

How do I fall in love "safely"?

The problem is right here, you're approaching it selfishly right from the start @Aquarius. You want to feel totally loved, but don't want to give all your love yourself because you have the need for safety. There is so "safety" in love. If you want it to be genuine and deep you have to approach it without fear, and have the courage to be completely vulnerable.

Stop giving into the illusion that you can protect yourself. There is always a chance you will get hurt. Listening to that voice will only lead you to the negative space you're in right now.

Ignore it and rather focus on how you can give as much love as possible, not what you're getting.

[lmfao]

@Aquarius What's the problem with just loving your ego? Maybe you can formulate things in terms of good ego vs bad ego. 

Another point. You want to be able to love others. (Talk about loving your "true self" might be a bit abstract and ungrounded for you so if it was me I would stick with the "others" thread). Why? Isn't your motivation for loving others, in one way or another, still egoic? 

Despite framing these questions in a rhetorical way, you can see them as prompts and devil advocates rather than presupposing an answer. 

 

[JosephKnecht]

3 hours ago, Aquarius said:

How do I fall in love "safely"?

No fall is safe. To be willing to fall you must give up safety.

If you never fall, you will be locked in a safe forever.  

[Onemanwolfpac]

On 23/06/2020 at 3:04 AM, Aquarius said:

Hey guys.

I am unable to love anyone else than myself. And by myself I mean my EGO, not the True Self, which is God/Everything Real.

I feel scared that I will be scarred for life again like last time/ first time I fell in love. I still feel deeply for my first lover, but I repress it. 

How do I fall in love "safely"?

I could help you out with that ?

Seriously. You mentioned that you dropped a perfect but boring dude. Shocking, monogamy and boring? Gtfo. I thought it was like the movies? Serious not serious. 

Take your pick. Monogamy, marriage, routine = anti seductive. Nothing predicable is sexy. Dr phil date night + missionary once a year is not a good time. 

You put on the damn big girl pants and you pursue the dude who will throw you over his shoulders, kick in your bedroom door, and ring your bell. Not a dead beat. Has a job. More importantly, has balls to really take his shot in this finite life. 

Unpopular opinion but, promiscuity and pair bonding doesn't end well. I mentioned my buddy I refer to as playboy. He's run through hundreds of models and pageant winners. Many who aren't over him and compare every other men to him. He is the one who got away. 

I remember a model and pageant winner chasing him throughout her teens and twenties. She is not a pageant winner anymore. She is not married and very bitter at life. The sandberg advice is what she followed and how did that workout? 

If you want "love" and you are scared, sociopaths should be avoided. I am not that guy to love nor fix. I want fun and thrilled to pursue. I have no interest to settle down or get a dog. This is a unique time to be a bachelor. 

What do you even want? All I want is fun. You sound like my clone about loving yourself. I have never loved anybody more than myself nor do I compromise my ambition nor life purpose. Unconditional love is a sham and a play at cuckoldry. Absolute nonsense. 

@Aquarius

Wants a bf lol so go get it! 

[K VIL]

@Aquarius try loving a pet first, then your real self

it gets easier lol

[Aquarius]

On 6/23/2020 at 8:46 AM, DrewNows said:

The ego is your imagination, stop giving it power

You're right, I discussed this with someone yesterday. The idea of there being an ego is a sham I think.

On 6/23/2020 at 9:21 AM, Roy said:

The problem is right here, you're approaching it selfishly right from the start @Aquarius. You want to feel totally loved, but don't want to give all your love yourself because you have the need for safety. There is so "safety" in love. If you want it to be genuine and deep you have to approach it without fear, and have the courage to be completely vulnerable.

Stop giving into the illusion that you can protect yourself. There is always a chance you will get hurt. Listening to that voice will only lead you to the negative space you're in right now.

Ignore it and rather focus on how you can give as much love as possible, not what you're getting.

Vulnerable. Okay.

On 6/23/2020 at 11:16 AM, lmfao said:

@Aquarius What's the problem with just loving your ego? Maybe you can formulate things in terms of good ego vs bad ego. 

Another point. You want to be able to love others. (Talk about loving your "true self" might be a bit abstract and ungrounded for you so if it was me I would stick with the "others" thread). Why? Isn't your motivation for loving others, in one way or another, still egoic? 

Despite framing these questions in a rhetorical way, you can see them as prompts and devil advocates rather than presupposing an answer. 

 

By self vs true self I meant I love my ego, Aquarius, not the true self, which is god/ everything. I did some work on myself since I posted this thread. I felt empty when I posted it, like I couldn't love someone relationship-wise. I wanted to be alone. Now I'm working more on this, giving up myself to love someone special now... what can happen? Nothing bad I guess.

On 6/23/2020 at 11:53 AM, JosephKnecht said:

No fall is safe. To be willing to fall you must give up safety.

If you never fall, you will be locked in a safe forever.  

On 6/26/2020 at 4:42 AM, Onemanwolfpac said:

I could help you out with that ?

Seriously. You mentioned that you dropped a perfect but boring dude. Shocking, monogamy and boring? Gtfo. I thought it was like the movies? Serious not serious. 

Take your pick. Monogamy, marriage, routine = anti seductive. Nothing predicable is sexy. Dr phil date night + missionary once a year is not a good time. 

You put on the damn big girl pants and you pursue the dude who will throw you over his shoulders, kick in your bedroom door, and ring your bell. Not a dead beat. Has a job. More importantly, has balls to really take his shot in this finite life. 

Unpopular opinion but, promiscuity and pair bonding doesn't end well. I mentioned my buddy I refer to as playboy. He's run through hundreds of models and pageant winners. Many who aren't over him and compare every other men to him. He is the one who got away. 

I remember a model and pageant winner chasing him throughout her teens and twenties. She is not a pageant winner anymore. She is not married and very bitter at life. The sandberg advice is what she followed and how did that workout? 

If you want "love" and you are scared, sociopaths should be avoided. I am not that guy to love nor fix. I want fun and thrilled to pursue. I have no interest to settle down or get a dog. This is a unique time to be a bachelor. 

What do you even want? All I want is fun. You sound like my clone about loving yourself. I have never loved anybody more than myself nor do I compromise my ambition nor life purpose. Unconditional love is a sham and a play at cuckoldry. Absolute nonsense. 

@Aquarius

Wants a bf lol so go get it! 

Yeah I had just exactsame ideas in mind.

idk where you came from but you really hit the point and yes we sound similar in our approach. If I settle for somebody it's going to get very boring

I met someone special but I feel better if we don't put labels and don't force our wants and needs on each other. Just two persons who feel happy when they meet. I might give in after a while and call him my boyfriend. But these initial pursuing behaviors are so nice, I don't wanna give this up. I guess he feels attracted to this exactly, most men are. And I feel attracted to being pursued and him trying to catch my attention

What do you recommend?

On 6/29/2020 at 9:24 AM, K VIL said:

@Aquarius try loving a pet first, then your real self

it gets easier lol

I obviously love other things than myself, I just meant I cannot fall in love romantically. But lately I am proving myself wrong..

And I love all animals not just "pets"  

[Gesundheit]

@Aquarius Your heart will come crawling for that first lover. They have the keys to your heart, and only they can give it life. Take the keys and run away!

And FYI, there's no safe falling in love, that's a myth. You're welcome.

[Nak Khid]

On 6/23/2020 at 1:34 AM, Aquarius said:

I still feel deeply for my first lover, but I repress it. 

 

Why did it end? 

[Onemanwolfpac]

On 30/06/2020 at 4:30 AM, Aquarius said:

Yeah I had just exactsame ideas in mind.

idk where you came from but you really hit the point and yes we sound similar in our approach. If I settle for somebody it's going to get very boring[/QUOTE] 

It means that you must put your work in. Its likely working out 6day a week while doing intermittent fasting or subscribe to body positivity. All great things in life require work. Its why I am against free money and running to the state. There's something to be said about the sacrifice and what it takes to sustain the ideal predicament. Whatever it is to you? 

I met someone special but I feel better if we don't put labels and don't force our wants and needs on each other. Just two persons who feel happy when they meet. I might give in after a while and call him my boyfriend. But these initial pursuing behaviors are so nice, I don't wanna give this up. I guess he feels attracted to this exactly, most men are. And I feel attracted to being pursued and him trying to catch my attention

 

Be warned. When you play a game, there's a winner and a loser. What's the worst that can happen if he is a bf? I like my bachelor status. Its a on going pursuit day or night. So, if a girl pushes away, i pull away. Heads up. 

What do you recommend?

 

@Aquarius there's a desire to fill the gap between strangers and the no pants dance. In the words of Lou Ashby, "life's too fucking boring not to try."

What's the worst that could happen if he was your bf?